Etiquette of Regency Era Soirées and Parties

 

By the time Elizabeth Celnart wrote her book on etiquette in the early 1830's, table manners and dining etiquette were beginning to resemble much of what is acceptable etiquette now. Men’s hat’s were to be removed in a lady’s presence and at the table. — “In the 17th and early 18th centuries, etiquette forbade a man to uncover his head at meal times, except when a toast was being given. This painting, ‘Cavaliers and Ladies at Table,’ is by the Dutch artist Dirk Hals.” Patricia Easterbrook Roberts

I will now give a few words of advice to guests; puerile it may be, but which it is well to listen to, and observe. It is ridiculous to make a display of your napkin; to attach it with pins upon your bosom, or to pass it through your buttonhole; to use a fork in eating soup; to ask for meat instead of beef; for poultry instead of saying chicken, or turkey; to turn up your cuffs while carving; to take bread, even when it is within your reach, instead of calling upon the servant; to cut with a knife your bread, which should be broken by your hand; and to pour your coffee into the saucer to cool.

Guests of the house of a distinguished personage are accompanied each by his own servant, who takes his place behind his chair. They should not address him during the entertainment, still less reprimand him. Before placing themselves at the table, they ought to direct him to serve the other guests also, and to retire as soon as the table is cleared, because the domestics of the house ought to eat by themselves.

During the first course, each one helps himself at his pleasure to whatever he drinks; but, in the second course, when the master of the house passes round choice wine, it would be uncivil to refuse it. We are not obliged, however, to accept a second glass.

When at the end of the second course, the cloth is removed, the guests may assist in turning off that part of it which is before them, and contribute to the arrangement of the dessert plates which happen to be near, but without attempting to alter the disposition of them. From the time that the dessert appears on the table, the duties of the master of the house diminish, as do also his rights.

If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person, politeness requires him to save them all trouble of pouring out for themselves to drink, of procuring anything to eat, and of obtaining whatever they are in want of at the table. He ought to be eager to offer them what he thinks to be most to their taste.

It would be impolite to monopolize a conversation which ought to be general. If the company is large, we should converse with our neighbors, raising the voice only enough to make ourselves understood.

Custom allows ladies at the end of an entertainment to dip their fingers into a glass of water, and to wipe them with their napkin; it allows them also to rinse the mouth, using their plate for this purpose; but, in my opinion, custom sanctions it in vain.

It is for the mistress of the house to give the signal to leave the table; all the guests then rise, and, offering their arms to the ladies, wait upon them to the drawing-room, where coffee and liqueurs are prepared. We do not take coffee at the table, except at unceremonious dinners. In leaving the table, the master of the house ought to go last. Politeness requires us to remain at least an hour in the drawing-room after dinner; and, if we can dispose of an entire evening, it would be well to devote it to the person who has entertained us.

We should not leave the table before the end of the entertainment, unless from urgent necessity. If it is a married lady, she requests some one to accompany her; if a young lady, she goes with her mother.

The question whether it is proper, or not, to sing at table, depends now upon the ton of the master of the house. We do not sing at the houses of people of fashion and the high classes of society; but we may do it at the social tables of citizens. In this case, we may repeat what has been said and proved a thousand times how ridiculous it is to be urged when we know how to sing, or to insist upon hearing a person sing who has an invincible timidity.

After dinner, we converse, have music, or more frequently, prepare the tables for games. In the course of the soirée, the mistress of the house sends round upon a waiter eau sucrée or refreshing syrups. During the week which follows the entertainment, each guest owes a visit to the person who has invited them. We usually converse at this time, of the dinner, of the pleasure we have enjoyed, and of the persons whom we met there. This visit has received the cant name of the visite de digestion. — Elisabeth Celnart, 1833

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia