For example: Pasta dishes, highly popular and tasty, are difficult to get from the plate to the mouth without tremendous dexterity. Regarding spaghetti, fettuccine, linguine and other long strands of pasta, these are the rules I give my clients:
While dining with family members one day, the person hosting the luncheon said very matter of factly, “I think you’ll all enjoy the chicken salad. We should all have that,” just as we opened our menus. Knowing she lives on a limited income and that price, not flavor, was the issue, I quickly checked the price of the chicken salad versus that of the Caesar salad. The Caesar salad was a dollar less. I said, “I had chicken yesterday for lunch, but the Caesar salad looks good.” She scanned her menu, looked relieved and said, “Yes, you should have that instead!”
- If you are given a large spoon to twirl the pasta into, keep the spoon down close to the dish, so sauce does not splatter on your clothes or other diners.
- Hold the spoon at an angle in one hand and with your fork in the other, pull a few strands into the bowl of the spoon and “twirl” the fork until the strands grow into a neat little bundle to transfer to your mouth.
- If you don't feel comfortable using this American-Italian style with a spoon as a helper, or aren't given one, you should attempt to twirl the pasta without it. In proper dining, you are allowed to “cut” the pasta with the side of your fork, but never with a knife.
- If you still are not comfortable with the entire procedure, do what I do and order ravioli, rigatoni or other pastas that are shaped into tubes or pillows. Long strands of noodles, covered with sauce, don't really mix well when doing business.
While dining with family members one day, the person hosting the luncheon said very matter of factly, “I think you’ll all enjoy the chicken salad. We should all have that,” just as we opened our menus. Knowing she lives on a limited income and that price, not flavor, was the issue, I quickly checked the price of the chicken salad versus that of the Caesar salad. The Caesar salad was a dollar less. I said, “I had chicken yesterday for lunch, but the Caesar salad looks good.” She scanned her menu, looked relieved and said, “Yes, you should have that instead!”
In another instance, the escargot that was ordered for me couldn’t be turned down in the social situation I was in. I was relieved to see that the snails were so small, I realized I could swallow them without chewing them first, which is what I did. I popped them in my mouth, pretended to chew them, and drank lots of water! I have come to enjoy escargot a great deal now, and serve them on a regular basis, but at the time the thought of eating snails made me sick.. which leads me to Tip #13.
13. Bodily functions, recent operations, accidents on the highway, or anything else that might cause someone to lose his or her appetite, are subjects that are “off limits” when dining. Just because you don't feel queasy at the sound of something, doesn't mean everyone else shares your cast-iron stomach.
14. There are only three places for your napkin to be when dining out:
15. Refrain from using toothpicks at the table. They are common in Europe, and offered at many restaurants in the U.S., however, rinsing bowls used to be too. Unfamiliar with mouth rinsing bowls? These were bowls of water that were brought to the table to rinse the mouth. Gargling wasn't acceptable, but after rinsing your mouth out, you had to spit the water back into the bowl and place it back on the table. Thankfully, these bowls fell out of popularity by the mid-1800s, and I wish toothpicks would do the same. If you have to pick your teeth, wait until you are alone and in private.
16. Don't gawk or laugh at other diners, or interrupt other diners that you might be acquainted with, in an effort to do some after-hours “networking,” or to get caught up on business. You could be intruding on a well-deserved evening out, lovebirds with nothing else on their minds but each other, or worse yet, a “Let’s-call-the-whole-thing-off” dinner. Some people feel safer surrounded by others when making changes in relationships, as it gives the whole thing of feeling of non-intimacy. You never know what you might be intruding on. A polite “Hello” is the only conversation you should get engaged in, unless you’re encouraged to stick around. Even then, don’t wear out your welcome.
17. Back to those lovebirds... If you want your sweetie to have a taste of your meal, the correct way to do it is this: have him or her pass the utensil from his or her plate. Use this to select a bite-size piece and carefully pass it back. It is never polite for someone to use his or her utensil to fish pieces of food out of someone else’s plate.
18. Food or utensils accidentally dropped to the floor should be retrieved by your waiter, waitress or a busboy. Ask politely for a replacement. It is too easy to up-end a table while trying to retrieve something for oneself.
19. Obey dress codes. Don't assume your sense of style is above what the management feels is in good taste. If the desire is to have the restaurant represented by a certain type of clothing, and you disagree but love the food, order the food to be taken out.
20. If you have a problem with other diners being too loud, obnoxious or unruly, take your problem to the manager or whoever is in charge. Don't attempt to settle the matter yourself. Consider the restaurant as you would a private home. Good restaurants have the savvy and the staff that will treat you as a guest, and they will look out for you. The words “host” and “hostess” weren't used originally in dining establishments simply for lack of better words.
Contributor, and Site Editor, Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years
13. Bodily functions, recent operations, accidents on the highway, or anything else that might cause someone to lose his or her appetite, are subjects that are “off limits” when dining. Just because you don't feel queasy at the sound of something, doesn't mean everyone else shares your cast-iron stomach.
14. There are only three places for your napkin to be when dining out:
- On your lap while you are seated.
- On the seat of your chair when you are temporarily away from the table (in the restroom, for example).
- On the table, to the left of where your plate was originally.
15. Refrain from using toothpicks at the table. They are common in Europe, and offered at many restaurants in the U.S., however, rinsing bowls used to be too. Unfamiliar with mouth rinsing bowls? These were bowls of water that were brought to the table to rinse the mouth. Gargling wasn't acceptable, but after rinsing your mouth out, you had to spit the water back into the bowl and place it back on the table. Thankfully, these bowls fell out of popularity by the mid-1800s, and I wish toothpicks would do the same. If you have to pick your teeth, wait until you are alone and in private.
16. Don't gawk or laugh at other diners, or interrupt other diners that you might be acquainted with, in an effort to do some after-hours “networking,” or to get caught up on business. You could be intruding on a well-deserved evening out, lovebirds with nothing else on their minds but each other, or worse yet, a “Let’s-call-the-whole-thing-off” dinner. Some people feel safer surrounded by others when making changes in relationships, as it gives the whole thing of feeling of non-intimacy. You never know what you might be intruding on. A polite “Hello” is the only conversation you should get engaged in, unless you’re encouraged to stick around. Even then, don’t wear out your welcome.
17. Back to those lovebirds... If you want your sweetie to have a taste of your meal, the correct way to do it is this: have him or her pass the utensil from his or her plate. Use this to select a bite-size piece and carefully pass it back. It is never polite for someone to use his or her utensil to fish pieces of food out of someone else’s plate.
18. Food or utensils accidentally dropped to the floor should be retrieved by your waiter, waitress or a busboy. Ask politely for a replacement. It is too easy to up-end a table while trying to retrieve something for oneself.
19. Obey dress codes. Don't assume your sense of style is above what the management feels is in good taste. If the desire is to have the restaurant represented by a certain type of clothing, and you disagree but love the food, order the food to be taken out.
20. If you have a problem with other diners being too loud, obnoxious or unruly, take your problem to the manager or whoever is in charge. Don't attempt to settle the matter yourself. Consider the restaurant as you would a private home. Good restaurants have the savvy and the staff that will treat you as a guest, and they will look out for you. The words “host” and “hostess” weren't used originally in dining establishments simply for lack of better words.
Contributor, and Site Editor, Maura Graber has been teaching etiquette to children, teens and adults, and training new etiquette instructors, since 1990, as founder and director of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. She is also a writer, has been featured in countless newspapers, magazines and television shows and was an on-air contributor to PBS in Southern California for 15 years
Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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