Defining Edwardian Etiquette

Ask yourself the question. “What is it that binds society together?” and we get the answer, “the unwritten laws of etiquette.” What would we be without them? Where would be the check on rudeness and bad manners, and those people of whom unfortunately there are plenty, who are only polite because they are obliged to be so? Obliged? And by what? By these social laws, that we call, for want of a better name, “etiquette.” Without such an unwritten law they would behave as rudely and as disagreeably as their elemental impulses dictated.

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From the Social Mirror

The Standard dictionary defines etiquette as “the formalities or usage required by the customs of polite society or professional intercourse; the conventional ceremonial of polite society” and we have accepted such a definition without question until we read the following words of a well known writer, recently written upon the “Sins of Etiquette.”

“Etiquette is the foolish and insincere science of ceremony. From a mere conventional form, it has degenerated into tyranny.” Later when alluding to social life, she says: “Etiquette has the appetite and talons of an eagle, and civilized mankind is its prey.” 

Such radical assertions cause us to stop and think just what etiquette is, what it really means to us as an individual and as members of cosmos society. We cannot help but wonder just what society would be like in all its ranks, and just what sort of manners would be prevalent amongst its various members, if the restraining influence of etiquette were removed and everyone could do exactly as he or she saw fit; If, in fact, every person was a law unto himself or herself in all daily matters that have to do with social life. 

Ask yourself the question. “What is it that binds society together?” and we get the answer, “the unwritten laws of etiquette.” What would we be without them? Where would be the check on rudeness and bad manners, and those people of whom unfortunately there are plenty, who are only polite because they are obliged to be so? Obliged? And by what? By these social laws, that we call, for want of a better name, “etiquette.” Without such an unwritten law they would behave as rudely and as disagreeably as their elemental impulses dictated. 

These social laws or “etiquette” as we term them, have not been made at any given period nor laid down by any one person, class or people, but have grown into their present form, bit by bit as the necessity arose for their use and as time and custom required. We look them over closely and find that scarcely one of them as practiced today can really be called useless, foolish or unnecessary. Like so many other things, the laws of etiquette should be used and not abused; but, of course, this is what many people seem to forget. 

There are some who are absurdly formal, even among old friends, but theirs is the fault, not the social laws which they have followed too strictly. Laws of etiquette have not been made so hard or fast that they cannot be relaxed when among our friends, with whom too much ceremony is foolish. Etiquette is made up of social obligations that none of us can deliberately neglect without risk of being considered discourteous, and I doubt if there are many of us who agree with the quoted writer’s definition of meaning of the term “etiquette.” — The Humboldt Times, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia©️ Etiquette Encyclopedia