Gilded Age 400 Code of Floral Etiquette

The fashion in flowers varies less with the season than can be said of almost anything else. In the vegetable line, for example, there are certain vegetables obtainable only in certain seasons. Fish and game are also governed by the time of year, but all kinds of flowers can be bought at all seasons, and as those that are offered for sale are nearly always hot-house grown the price of flowers does not vary from winter to summer nearly as much as one would suppose who is not in the habit of buying. Thus a certain code of floral laws, or what may be called a code of floral etiquette exists which is followed all the year round without regard to season. 

What the Leading Florist of the Four Hundred Says–

Roses are the Favorites–

Beautiful Presents for Debutantes, Wives and Girls in Their ’Teens

Correspondence of The Mercury– The most beautiful flowers in the world are grown in New York. California has a greater abundance of blooms, and Paris and London have each their specialties. But New York excels them all in the greatest beauty of the greater number of flowers. In New York, even in the coldest weather, it is not unusual to find violets whose outspread petals would extend over the size of a silver dollar, and American beauty roses are frequently seen as large as a big orange. 

The fashion in flowers varies less with the season than can be said of almost anything else. In the vegetable line, for example, there are certain vegetables obtainable only in certain seasons. Fish and game are also governed by the time of year, but all kinds of flowers can be bought at all seasons, and as those that are offered for sale are nearly always hot-house grown the price of flowers does not vary from winter to summer nearly as much as one would suppose who is not in the habit of buying. Thus a certain code of floral laws, or what may be called a code of floral etiquette exists which is followed all the year round without regard to season. 

For the debutante the favorite bouquet is made all of orchids—white orchids being the preferred ones. The size for a debutante's bouquet is about fourteen inches across and is made in conventional bouquet fashion. The cost is about $12.00. B ut, of course, a beautiful and popular young girl receives many bouquets, so there is always a struggle for something a little novel and sufficiently original that it can not be duplicated. Many varieties of the orchid bouquet, therefore, must be found. A young man who is, as you would say, “rather sweet” upon a young woman, and who wants to send her something which will catch her eye and please her, will say to his florist: “Can you send Miss A. a handsome bouquet, which shall be a little—or —different from er -anything else, don’t you know?” Then his florist will suggest a bouquet all of very rare white orchids, with white lilies on one side. When it is done, the young man drops in to see it, and perhaps he orders finishing touches, which bring the bill up to $50.00 for this one bouquet. 

The matron who sends a bouquet to a debutante, chooses colored orchids. They may be pink or purple or variegated, but the entire bouquet is after the conventional order. The debutante, if she is at all popular, has half a hundred bouquets, but you may be sure that she has her eye upon one which she fancies more than any of the others, and by and by she will pick it up and carry it for the rest of the evening to the exclusion of the others. It is always the bouquet of white orchids and white lilies which is chosen. 

To pass to a more sombre subject and to another use to which these same flowers are devoted, for funerals, the palm is the accepted odering, although a much greater latitude is allowed at funerals than formerly. At Jay Gould's funeral there was a greater variety than at any social gathering of the season. Mrs. August Belmont had, likewise, many exquisite floral pieces. The Rothschilds are in the habit of cabling over orders for floral pieces, and, indeed, it is not unusual to receive half a dozen cable orders for any large New York event, especially a funeral. While the palm is the accepted tribute for a funeral, there is a floral piece known as the “mat,” which is as good form as anything that can be sent. 

This consists of many great bunches of flowers just as they are brought out of the vases of cool room. They are dropped in armfuls and are fastened to the mat foundation wherever they happen to lie, so that the whole is an exquisitely beautiful bit of extravagance, which, when floral beauty is considered, well repays tbe buyer. 

When a man orders a bouquet for his wife or a box of flowers it is considered the prettiest idea for him to select violets, as these have clinging associations of poetry, love, constancy and all the things that ought to belong to married life. A woman in ordering flowers for her husband will ask that something be sent suitable for a buttonniere. This varies a little with the season but is sure to be a chrysanthemum as long as chrysanthemums last. 

Flowers for old people and for young girls are nearly always cut roses. They seem to appeal especially to these two classes. Old people choose them because they are sweet smelling, and because old people do not take as kindly to fashionable floral innovations as young society people do. Girls in their “teens” like cut roses because they are poetical, and because illusions to growing maidenhood are usually couched in terms portraying the opening of the rose. It is rather a new idea with the season, almost a fad in fact, to send pots of growing plants to young men in place of birthday or New Year's gifts. Indeed, the pot ot growing plants forms in itself a gift worthy of being sent to any one. 

Rubber plants and all kinds of hardy foliage plants are selected because they are easier to care for than a majority of plants. For home entertainments, where a very good effect is desired in small space, it is the most fashionable idea to cover one side of the wall entirely with flowers of only one variety, and if possible to introduce light behind them. This has been done repeatedly at Mrs. Whitney’s annual balls, and the result has been good that the idea has become an established one and is a fashion in itself. For the coming out of the debutante or for a wedding or a christening the effect should be bright—particularly bright—as is the case if pink carnations, yellow chrysanthemums or bright roses are used. But for ordinary social gatherings it is prettier to subdue the tone somewhat and trim with ivy, or if it be in winter, with mistletoe and holly. 

A few weeks ago I massed holly on one side ot a ballroom and the effect was so beautiful that all the guests were talking about it. The idea was afterward repeated at the Patriarchs’ Ball, but was done too sparingly and was, therefore, not a success. A great deal of money is necessary for anything of this kind, though it may be said that the people who order such work done are so rich that the $2000. or $3000. necessary for such adornment seems nothing at all. For a christening, lilies are almost always chosen. In the spring, it is lilies ot the valley. In the fall, callas are used and later come the Easter lilies. Just a touch of color is introduced in the way of a gaily colored ribbon or a bright basket, so that it shall be plainly evident that the flowers are intended for a happy occasion and not for a funeral. 

In sending flowers to an invalid it is considered the best form —and best form is sure to be the truest politeness to send something which shall seem to be of special interest to the invalid. Not two dozen roses all exactly alike, nor twenty lilies, nor fifty violets, but dashes of many different kinds of flowers. It is good taste to put in the invalid’s box a very white and very rare orchid, some mignonette, an extraordinary rose and so on, until a really fine collection is obtained. 

In the way of standing orders queer things prevail. A young man who has just become engaged will order two dozen roses sent daily to his betrothed. A young man whose sweetheart is going upon a journey will request that we keep track of her movements and will make us promise to see that she receives a box of carnations or some flower that will keep on a journey, two or three times a week as long as she is upon her tour. Standing orders for actresses are usually for big flowers that can be used with good effect upon the stage. 

In trimming state-rooms for those about to depart on European steamers it is the latest idea to use vases and ornamental pots and jars as far as possible, because those can be preserved during the trip after the flowers are cast overboard. A mass of smilax or ivy drawn across one side of a state-room like a portiere and then “stuffed" out of the porthole, gives a beautifully artistic effect which is the “fad” with outgoing tourists, lots of picturesque roses and bouquets of sentimental forget-me-nots are the flowers suitable for the occasion. With regard to a floral alphabet there is little absolutely set down in rules. The law varies with the woman. 

A young girl will take a fancy for lilies of the valley. She wears them on all occasions, has them painted upon her fan and embroidered upon her gown. To her they mean everything pure and lovely. They constitute her “alphabet of love,” so to speak. And, of course, her admirers know her taste and choose the tiny white flowers to bear their unspoken messages. As a rule, however, the heart of the society maiden is touched by mammon, so that flowers which represent money represent also love. As a pert little maiden remarked in front of one of my windows: “Carnations and love will do for some girls: but I have educated my best boy up to orchids.”

Many orders are left which the etiquette of my business will not permit me to fulfill. For an example, take the case of a man who dropped in here last week and left a ten-dollar bill upon my counter. “You may send Miss B., of No. 1000 Fifth avenue, a box of pansies. And—er —well—never mind the card, you know. Just send them anonymously.” Now Miss H’s mother is one of our patrons and Miss H. herself is a school girl of fifteen. So I delayed fulfilling the order until her father happened in one day, and then I told him about the man who wished me to send his daughter flowers. “Do not send them!” he thundered. “Flowers to my daughter! At her age! Impossible! Preposterous!” I did not send Miss H. the flowers, and when her elderly admirer happens in again he will be the richer by a ten-dollar bill. As a rule, though, floral orders are for the expression of pure, dignified sentiment. And into no other business does so little of the immoral ever creep.” – Charles Thorley, 1893

Etiquette. Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia