Etiquette, Discretion and Preservation

“That to eat with a knife is considered a crime against society, though no discoverable reason exists for the opinion. Ethically, a knife is as good as a fork. Essentially, no less polite. Possibly not. But less safe...The danger of cutting the mouth with a knife is reason enough for its general disfavor. A mere ancestral discretion and self-preservation may be at the root of all manners.” — A rare, hand-crafted, early to mid-19th century, “pea knife.” This blunt and rounded-blade knife, has a steel “bar” attached, so that peas and other foods would not fall off of the other side of the blade, when lifting one’s foods from the plate to the mouth.

In San Francisco, one still feels rather foolish when the Floods’ butler announces Mrs. Buchanan Broadway, just as they do on the stage. One remembers fearful attempts at easy grace of stage guests announced. It is necessary to avoid their elaborations. To remain natural and unaffected. One must seem to have been announced before. If one knows an academic interest in manners, the ceremony is interesting. To become absurd at informal affairs, where, for no other reason in the world than to amuse the footman, one is announced for an intimate call. It’s a question of discrimination. When to and when not to announce.

There was the case of Mrs. Blank, who didn’t know whether one of the guests at her bridge tea last week was really a guest, or a thief in disguise. She was perfectly strange. Entered alone and greeted the hostess, to give no hint of her identity. Mrs. Blank was dismayed. Until it was found she was just “Mrs. D.,” known only, it happened, through cards “left.” A circumstance retold to prove a point. The reason and right of announcing guests on occasions. A footman to properly repeat, “Mrs. D,” would have placed her at once for Mrs. Blank. It was some situation of the sort, no doubt, that first suggested the custom. Manners are sometimes less mad than they seem. Even the custom of shaking hands high under the chin was traced to a royal rheumatism or some aristocratic affection in England.

All of which is provoked by a recent arraignment of manners. In an essay of ridicule, Mr. Francis Rolt-Wheeler, Ph.D., has written of their insignificance and general senselessness at length. He declares there is nothing morally binding in etiquette. That to eat with a knife is considered a crime against society, though no discoverable reason exists for the opinion. Ethically, a knife is as good as a fork. Essentially, no less polite. Possibly not. But less safe. Mr. Francis Rolt-Wheeler, Ph.D., must admit it is that. The danger of cutting the mouth with a knife is reason enough for its general disfavor. A mere ancestral discretion and self-preservation may be at the root of all manners. — The Smart Set, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia