Etiquette and Mistaken Notions

“The Englishman traveled to the town where his victim’s widowed mother lived, and at the end of a two hours’ conversation, he convinced her of his sincere regret and his wish to serve her. She admitted that her son had not died through his fault, but through the mistaken notions of honor current among the youth of Germany.”  What a shame that the Englishman could not exhibit self-discipline and keep his criticism and thoughts to himself. A young fool’s life could have been saved until he could at least grown up a bit and learned from his mistakes.    
“The Code Of Honor—A Duel In The Bois De Boulogne, Near Paris,” wood engraving after Godefroy Durand, Harper's Weekly, 1875, Public Domain... For more on the etiquette of duels, click here

A Young Fool’s Duel 

and an Etiquette Critic’s Remorse

At Heidelberg an English friend once dined at the table d’hôte, and being seated right opposite a young man who wore the badge of a “corps” across his breast, he could not help noticing the extraordinary manner in which the young man took his meal. At first he admired him for the skillful manner in which he managed his knife, which incessantly passed from his plate to his mouth, heavily laden as it was with green peas. But when the student, having finished his meat, took up his gravy with the knife, the Englishman began to feel his blood boil within him. 

Pudding with apple-sauce followed, and the student operated with his dessert knife just as he had done with the larger knife. But the Englishman could control himself no longer. In a hoarse whisper, he addressed his vis-a-vis, saying: “You will cut your mouth open if you don’t leave off eating gravy with your knife.” The student looked up and answered: “What is that to you? I can cut my mouth open to my ears, for all you have a right to interfere.” “Oh nonsense,” said the Englishman, coolly; “you can’t expect a decent person to let you butcher yourself at dinner!” “Oh, but I can, though, and you shall see! Dummer Junge!” With that the student rose and left the room. 

‘Dummer Junge!’ (meaning ‘stupid fellow’) signifies as much as a challenge. When the student’s seconds came to arrange details with the Englishman he was terribly surprised at the serious consequences of what he had deemed a most natural remark. He offered to apologize, and begged them to remember that he knew nothing of German customs and had believed himself in the right But the seconds declared their friend would accept no apology, and they even hinted that the Englishman had probably been told that his opponent was a first-rate fencer, the pride of Heidelberg. 

Of course when matters took this turn, the Englishman spoke in a very different tone, and everything was arranged for a duel with pistols, he being no fencer. He spent a dreadful night, because he was told that the young student was in such a foaming rage that his only desire was to see his opponent lie dead on the ground. The Englishman did all in his power to have the matter arranged, but be did not succeed, and on his way to the trysting-place he said to his seconds: “It is a dreadful shame that I should have to kill this young man because he does not know the proper use of his knife and fork. Still it would be just as unfair to let him kill me.” 

The Englishman intended firing in the air if he had the second shot, but chance was averse to him. He had the right to shoot first —the aim was deadly; the young Teuton fell without a groan. Next day the Englishman traveled to the town where his victim’s widowed mother lived, and at the end of a two hours’ conversation, he convinced her of his sincere regret and his wish to serve her. She admitted that her son had not died through his fault, but through the mistaken notions of honor current among the youth of Germany.— Vienna Correspondent, London Times, 1883

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia