Etiquette and a Royal Alpine Hostess

The Italian Alps (above) – “The Queen was overtaken by a severe snowstorm, which obliged her and her few attendants to take refuge in a hut belonging to the Alpine Club, which was soon full of climbers of all nationalities, who, when they knew who she was, at once offered to leave the humble quarters entirely at her disposal. “On no account,” exclaimed the Queen, “the hut must do for all. I am the hostess, and we will spend the night as comfortably as we can.”

Margherita on the Mountains –  Italy’s Queen’s Prowess as an Alpine Climber

Queen Margherita, the delicate woman of fashion, the somewhat indolent beauty of the Quirinal, where the strict and severe etiquette of the House of Savoy surrounds her as with a cloak, has left Rome, and has arrived at Gressoney, in the midst of the Alps, where a metamorphosis takes place and the admired Sovereign becomes an Alpine climber in the real meaning of the word. She dresses in the peasant costume with short skirt, good stout boots and Tyrolese hat, and, alpenstock in hand, does her climbing either on foot or riding a favorite donkey. 

During a famous ascent in 1888 of the Peak of the Giant, 12,4000 feet above the level of the sea, the Queen was overtaken by a severe snowstorm, which obliged her and her few attendants to take refuge in a hut belonging to the Alpine Club, which was soon full of climbers of all nationalities, who, when they knew who she was, at once offered to leave the humble quarters entirely at her disposal. “On no account,” exclaimed the Queen, “the hut must do for all. I am the hostess, and we will spend the night as comfortably as we can.” After this, the Italian Alpine Club presented their Sovereign with a magnificent diploma, of which she is very proud, and replaced the hut with a refuge to which they gave the name of “Regina Margherita.”

The Italian Sovereign during her stay at Gressoney stops at the villa of the Barons de Peccoz. In the Peccoz family, the duty of accompanying the Princes of the House of Savoy in their Alpine climbs seems almost hereditary. The late Baron, who in his youth accompaned the Duke of Genoa and Prince Thomas, father and brother of the Queen, in all their mountain excursions, was the faithful guide of Queen Margherita, until in the summer of 1895, when, while ascending a mountain at her side, he suddenly fell at her feet and died in a few moments. Now his sons have taken his place. The sturdy mountaineers of this part of the Alps tramp many miles to see her, and when she enters any of their villages, they receive her with flowers and enthusiastic manifestations of devotion—her climbing powers, added to her kindness and personal attractions making her come next to the Madonna in their hearts. One might ask. where Margherita feels more a sovereign – in the Quirinal, or on the Alps? — Rome correspondence Pall Mall Gazette, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Royal Etiquette for Diana

Diana of Wales took to the dance floor with actor John Travolta, in the White House during a 1980’s visit to the U.S. – Born and bred as “Lady Diana,” she was well versed in the finer ponts of etiquette and briefly attended a Swiss finishing school. However, learning etiquette for a royal life, would naturally take some time. It is said that someone will be working with the new Duchess of Sussex,who only last week married the late Diana’s son, Prince Harry, over a six month period to help her learn the royal ropes.

Lady Diana Briefed on Etiquette 

LONDON (AP) 

Lady Diana Spencer, who will marry Prince Charles after her 20th birthday this summer, got her first lesson in royal etiquette Wednesday over breakfast with Queen Mother Elizabeth, the Prince's grandmother. Lady Diana moved into Clarence House, the official London residence of the 80-year-old queen mother, after Buckingham Palace announced the royal wedding plans Tuesday.

The Queen Mother, one of Britain's most popular royal figures, went through the adjustment of palace life 58 years ago, when as Lady Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, she married the Prince who became King George VI. A wedding date has not been announced, but the couple said Tuesday, it will probably be in late July. Lady Diana's birthday is July 1st. – San Bernardino Sun, 1981

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Roots of Diplomacy

The “Amarna Letters” (or tablets) are the clay tablet-form letters of the pharaohs Amenhotep III and Akhenaten, with some letters from Tutankhamen’s reign. The correspondents were mostly Great Kings of Syria-Palestine, as well as Egyptian vassals, but letters also came from the Egyptian rulers. 

The Amarna correspondence is a set of mostly diplomatic letters, on topics like exchanges of gifts, disputes, requests for resources, and marriage. From internal evidence, the earliest possible date for this correspondence is the final decade of the reign of Amenhotep III, who ruled from 1388 to 1351 BC (or 1391 to 1353 BC), possibly as early as this King's 30th regnal year; the latest date any of these letters were written is the desertion of the city of Amarna, commonly believed to have happened in the second year of the reign of Tutankhamun later in the same century in 1332 BC.

Why do diplomats give each other gifts? At the U.S. Department of State , diplomatic gifts come in all shapes and sizes from woven straw baskets to precious gems. In ancient civilizations on every continent, dignitaries and leaders exchanged gifts to welcome, honor and cultivate beneficial diplomatic relationships. Many of the gifts shown here (and in the U.S. Diplomacy Center’s collection) embody symbols of esteem and welcome for our Secretaries of State while traveling abroad or receiving visitors. Gift exchanges take place in the ceremonial climate of toasts, banquets, speeches and formal greetings. A gift of state often captures the essence of a nation, chosen for its ability to exhibit pride in a unique culture and people. Gifts of state may showcase traditions of fine or folk arts, crafts or craftsmanship. They may display wealth in precious stones or metals, fine textiles and apparel. Gifts may draw from a rich heritage of antiques and antiquities or an expressive storehouse of cultural icons. This way the gift becomes more than a mere formality, but a reminder of the special alliance between the gift giver and receiver.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Royal Dinner Party Etiquette

Sir Henry Frederick Ponsonby, was a British soldier and royal court official who served as Queen Victoria's Private Secretary.

Royal Dinner Parties in England of 1889

The royal dinner parties of England are the most formal and studied in the world. To beginners, they become a frightful ordeal, and they rarely at the end can tell what the meal consisted of; to old stagers they are a frightful bore. The novices are expected to arrive early so as to be posted by Sir Henry Ponsonby in court etiquette. The Queen usually receives her guests for afternoon tea in her own sitting room, and remains a short time with them chatting on light subjects; then they are permitted to wander over the castle or stay in their rooms till dinner time, which is at 9:00. She says a few words to each guest as she enters the dining room, and then leads the way to the table. 

It always seems so discourteous for no one to step up and offer the old lady his arm, but it would require an equal in rank to do so, and she enters and leaves the room alone. There is very little conversation at the table. Each guest is asked one question by the Queen and can make one reply. The pauses between are dreadful, and the mechanical parceling out of questions and answers makes it seem as if the Queen were putting a Bible class through its catechism. Each one waits for his turn to come next, and in the embarrassment the “answers” are often of the most stupid kind.—New York Star

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and a Mixed-Race Queen

Portrait of Queen Charlotte, the wife of King George III, from the National Galleries of Scotland – King George III and wife Charlotte, England’s mixed-race Queen, had 15 children, 13 of whom survived to adulthood. During her first years as Queen, the former German Princess, Charlotte had some difficulty in adapting to the life of the British royal court. A strained relationship with her mother-in-law, Princess Augusta, didn’t help matters. Augusta made it difficult for Charlotte to establish social contacts by insisting on rigid royal court etiquette. She also initially appointed many of Charlotte's staff, and several were suspected of reporting on Charlotte's behavior, to her mother in-law. When Charlotte turned to her German companions for solace, she was criticized for “keeping favorites.” Regarding Queen Charlotte’s partial African ancestry, a Buckingham Palace spokesperson, David Buck, was quoted by the Boston Globe as saying, “It is a matter of history, and frankly, we've got far more important things to talk about.” Indeed!

Royal Courtships Which Lacked Real Romance

The romantic wooing of the King of Spain reminds one how rarely the element of romance has been associated with royal marriages. What could have been more brutally inconsiderate than the arrangements for the marriage of Queen Charlotte, wife of King George III? This Princess, just 17, was selected as consort for the King of England. Her life at Mecklenburg, writes Lady Violet Greville, had hitherto been of the simplest. She dressed “en robe de chambre” every day except Sunday, when she put on her best gown and drove out in a coach and six. The Ambassador sent to demand her hand having arrived, she was told nothing of his mission, merely that she was to dine downstairs that night for the first time. “Mind what you say, ‘et ne faites pas l’enfant’,” was the warning of her eldest brother. After dinner, at which she was naturally very shy, she beheld the saloon illuminated, a table and two cushions prepared for a wedding. Some kind of ceremony then took place; she was embraced by her family, and presented by the Ambassador with a beautiful parure of diamonds, including the little Crown of diamonds which so often appears in her portraits. She was pressed for an immediate departure, but pleaded for the respite of a week, in order to take leave of everybody. During this time she ran about visiting the poor and the little garden of medical herbs, fruit and flowers which she cultivated herself for the benefit of the poor. She afterward introduced the same practice at Kew and Richmond.

The poor little bride suffered a terrible crossing to Harwich, the Royal yacht being nearly driven on the coast of Norway. The Duchesses of Ancaster and Hamilton, sent to conduct the Princess to England, were both much indisposed, but Charlotte herself remained quite well and cheered the company by singing Luther's hymns to her harpischord in her cabin with the door open. Arriving in London at about 3 o'clock, having traveled since 12, she was met by the King in the garden of St. James’ Palace. Attempting to kneel, she was caught by the enthusiastic Monarch, who embraced her kindly and nearly carried her upstairs. That very evening the wedding ceremony took place. Horace Walpole writes of the new Queen: “She looks very sensible, cheerful and is remarkably, genteel” (that favorite epithet of the period). “Her tiara of diamonds was very pretty, her stomacher sumptuous, her violet velvet mantle and ermine so heavy that her clothes were dragged almost down to her waist.” The wedding over and supper not being ready, the Queen sat down and obligingly played and sang to her harpsichord. The royal party never separated till between 3 and 4 in the morning, no slight trial for a bride of 17 who had employed the few moments she passed in her room after her arrival in trying on her wedding gown and the rest of her trousseau. When first she caught sight of the Palace she became very nervous, and, being told that she was to be married that evening, she, in fact, fainted in the carriage. The Duchess of Hamilton, one of the beautiful Miss Gunnings, smiling at her fears, Charlotte said: “You may laugh— you have been married twice — but to me it is no joke.” It is pleasant to think that after being so highly tried, Charlotte's married life proved perfectly happy. 

Very different was the arrival of Catherine of Braganza, who, when first seen by Charles II, was laid up with a cough and a little fever in bed. He was not favorably impressed by his new Consort and remarked as much to his attendants. Elizabeth Farnese, who married the King of Spain, son of Louis XIV of France, as his second wife, celebrated her arrival in Spain by quarreling with, and summarily dismissing the lady in waiting sent to receive her, the famous Princess des Ursins, who had ruled the late Queen, and by whom she herself had been chosen successor. Elizabeth's future life was passed in slavish attendance on her husband that she might secure her influence over him and prevent any state affairs being transacted without her knowledge. Twenty minutes only of the day and night was she permitted to be alone. Elizabeth was an ardent sportswoman and followed the King even at the chase; the rest of her existence was passed in a routine of arduous etiquette and monotony. 

George IV's reception of his bride, Caroline of Brunswick, is well known— how the blue-eyed, bouncing, buxom girl was implored by Lord Malmesbury to be very particular about her talk and her toilet; how the Prince pretended to be overcome at their first meeting and called for a dram of brandy, and how the Princess afterward declared that he was drunk on her wedding night. Not much chance of happiness there! Until quite recently very, little liberty was accorded to Princesses. Queen Charlotte, even after her marriage, was for several years in thraldom to the dowager Princess of Wales and denied all diversion and pleasures. She told Miss Burney that even her jewels had ceased to dazzle and interest her. “Believe me,” she said, “it is the pleasure of a week, a fortnight, at most, and then returns no more.” One of her greatest griefs, and one which caused her bitter tears, was the determination of her mother-in-law that Charlotte should wear her jewels when she received the sacrament for the first time after she became Queen. She had promised her own mother never to do this— it was an act of humility which had been strictly inculcated on her; and it proceeded from the game devotional impulse which caused King George to take off his Crown when he knelt at the altar during the Coronation. 

The courtship of Queen Victoria brings us into a pleasanter atmosphere. On Prince Albert’s first visit to England she liked and appreciated him at once, and his tastes agreed with hers. “Every grace had been showered by nature on this charming boy,” says Baron Stockman of him at this time. The Baron judged him critically, calmly and impartially until he finally became his most attached and devoted friend and adviser. Queen Victoria and her cousin met at first unconscious of the object of their acquaintance, and when the desired impression had been produced, the young Prince, like a second Sir Galahad, was sent away to travel and fit himself by study and careful education for his great position. On his return to England the Queen writes: “Albert's beauty is most striking, and he is most amiable and unaffected — in short, fascinating.” 

The young couple were genuinely in love, and the Queen informed Lord Melbourne that the conquest of her heart was complete. So serious, so dignified, so studious and so excellent a young man would infuse an element of poetry and deep feeling into his love making; but by the rules of etiquette the proposal itself had to come from the young Queen, whose maidenly modesty was somewhat embarrassed at the prospect. She summoned him to her boudoir, where he found her alone. After some desultory talk due to her shyness, she suddenly said: “Could you forsake your country for me?” The Prince answered by clasping her in his arms. In such simple fashion did a young Sovereign, woo and win the husband of her choice. – Los Angeles Herald, 1906

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

White House Etiquette of Precedence

The U.S.’s only foreign-born Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger served (1973-77) under Presidents Nixon and Ford. After 4 influential years as special adviser on national security affairs, when he became Secretary of State, Kissinger pioneered the art of “Shuttle Diplomacy,” traveling hundreds of thousands of miles, in search of peace. Of his wife, Nancy, on their Middle East trip, 1974’s People magazine said, “Throughout the mission she behaved as if her role as tireless, inquisitive, unfailingly courteous tourist could actually help the peace negotiations. She visited the souk or old market in Damascus, chatted with an Israeli soldier wounded in the Yom Kippur War, and conversed in animated, fluent French with a Franciscan archeologist at the site of the Capernaum synagogue on the Sea of Galilee, where Jesus began his teachings. As the protracted diplomatic maneuvering neared its close, Nancy Kissinger drew the kind of accolade missing in U.S. diplomacy since the Kennedy years. “More people here,” Premier Golda Meir said in her farewell toast, “now talk about Nancy than Doc.”

More Etiquette of Washington DC Circles

Custom does not require that the wife of the President of the United States should return official calls. Exception is made in the case of visiting Royalty. The wives of the foreign Ambassadors should make the first calls upon the wife of the Vice President, as should the wives of the cabinet officials. At functions given by officials of foreign governments at Washington, the wife of the Secretary of State takes precedence over the wives of the foreign Ambassadors.– Los Angeles Herald, 1898

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Royal vs Papal Etiquette

The Duke and Duchess of Connaught with Princess Patricia and Prince Arthur.

Papal Prince Did Not Meet Duke

Cardinal Farley Had His Own Opinion as to Questions of Etiquette

Special Dispatch to The Call

New York, Jan. 26.—The Duke of Connaught left New York tonight without having met Cardinal Farley, one of the new princes of the Catholic church. The Cardinal was invited to two of the festivities given in the Duke’s honor on his five days’ visit, but declined the invitations. A third invitation was not extended to him when inquiries established the fact that he would not accept.

Questions of etiquette were made the basis of the declinations on the Cardinal’s behalf. The question of etiquette was involved in the custom of submitting to Royalty, the names of all prospective guests.

As an American citizen and as a spiritual prince, it was thought that Cardinal Farley's presence should not be made subject to the approval or disapproval of an English temporal prince. – San Francisco Call, 1912

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Old Japanese Proposal Etiquette

A 19th C. Japanese Bride arrives at the home of the groom’s parents – Instead of serenades by moonlight and other delicate ways of making an impression, it is etiquette for the Japanese lover to approach the dwelling of his lady, bearing some choice plant in his hand. This takes place at a time when he is fully assured that both mother and daughter are at home, and I need scarely say that neither of them is at all conscious that the young man is taking such a liberty with the flower pot outside of their window. 

A Graceful Sweethearting Custom

In houses wherein reside one or more daughters of a marriageable age, an empty flower pot of an ornamental character is encircled by a ring and suspended from the window or veranda by three light chains. Now, the Juliets of Japan are, of course, attractive, and their Romeos as anxious as those of other lands. But instead of serenades by moonlight and other delicate ways of making an impression, it is etiquette for the Japanese lover to approach the dwelling of his lady, bearing some choice plant in his hand. This takes place at a time when he is fully assured that both mother and daughter are at home, and I need scarely say that neither of them is at all conscious that the young man is taking such a liberty with the flower pot outside of their window. It is believed that a young lover so engaged, has never been seen by his lady, or her mamma, in this act of sacrilege. 

At any rate, my friend tells me that during his long residence in Japan, he never heard of one being interfered with in any way. The fact is, this act of placing a pretty plant into the empty flower pot is equivalent to a proposal to the young lady who dwells within, and the eastern fashion is, as I think, a delicate and most harmless way of proposing to a lady. The youthful gardener, having settled his plant to his mind retires, and the lady is free to act as she pleases. If he is the right man, she takes every care of his gift, waters it, tends it carefully with her own hands, that all the world can see. In a word, the donor is an accepted suitor. But if he is not a favorite, or the parents object, the poor plant is torn from the vase, and the next morning lies limp and withered on the veranda or on the path below.—Home Journal, 1886

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Politely Accepting Compliments

 Don’t do that. Do this instead.

While most of us like hearing compliments, not many of us feel comfortable receiving them... This article is part of Hilary Robinson’s “Don’t do that. Do this instead series.”

Compliments are lovely. We all like to hear nice things about ourselves, don’t we?

While most of us like hearing compliments, not many of us feel comfortable receiving them.

Justify a compliment: DON’T DO THAT

Instead of being left with a sense of accomplishment when someone pays us a compliment we find ourselves slightly embarrassed; we stumble for words, look at our feet and probably mutter something self-deprecating.

Often the conversations go something like this:

‘Job well done!’ …‘Oh, I was just doing my job.’

‘You look gorgeous!’ …‘Oh, I, um…in this old thing?’

‘Great presentation.’ …‘Oh, anyone could have done that.’

Not only does this leave us feeling slightly embarrassed but it also leaves the person giving the compliment feeling awkward and takes away from their good intentions. When we make excuses and try to rationalize the compliment we run the risk of turning it into a much bigger ‘event’ than the other person intended.

DO THIS INSTEAD: Say ‘thank you’

There is, however, a lovely, simple and gracious way to deal with the situation: say ‘thank you’. That’s all you have to do. You don’t have to expound, you don’t have to justify why, you just need to say thank you.

‘Job well done!’ …‘Thank you.’

‘You look gorgeous!’ …‘Thank you.’

‘Great presentation.’ …‘Thank you.’

Keep in mind that people don’t have to say anything; so when they pay you a compliment, pay them the compliment of accepting it graciously.

Skeptical?

You’re now asking yourself if it’s really that easy, aren’t you? Well, I gave this advice to my lovely friend Karen, and here’s what she told someone else about our conversation…and in doing so, she paid me a compliment (thank you, Karen):

“I once mentioned to Hilary that I found it very difficult to accept compliments. Every time anyone said something positive to me, about me I found myself denying it, justifying myself or making a joke. Which inevitably ruined the intent of the comment and sometimes made things awkward. Hilary looked at me and said, ‘All you have to do is say thank you’. Simple, obvious, brilliant. I trusted Hilary and tried it out, it works. In one sentence she solved what was becoming a regular stumbling block in my professional and personal interactions.”

An especially big thank you to my mum, who taught it to me in the first place.

Use these two simple words and you will be thought of as gracious, polished and professional.

Hilary Robinson is the Senior Trainer and Owner of Polished Professionals in Toronto, Polished Professionals Canada. With her background, spent running events for Prime Ministers, CEOs and academics (in the UK and Canada), one might think that she’s all about following the rules. However, she prefers to train people to understand their parameters, what it means to follow them, what advantages there are in knowing how and when to bend them, and the value in using good manners to put others at ease. With 20 years working worldwide in events and communications, Hilary believes manners and courtesy are not only powerful communication tools but the foundations on which self-confidence and success grow.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

British Royal Wedding Etiquette

A point of royal protocol... The formal consent document, signed by Queen Elizabeth II for Meghan Markle to marry Prince Harry, was unveiled to the public last Saturday. Unlike the consent document for Prince William and Kate Middleton, it did not refer to Meghan as “our trusty and well-beloved.” According to a spokesperson for Buckingham Palace, Kate Middleton was referred to by this term as she was a British citizen. “Trusty and well-beloved” is customarily used only for citizens of the “UK and Commonwealth Realms.” 

Royal weddings are full of protocol but how are guests expected to behave on the big day?

For any ordinary wedding-goer, the prospect of attending a royal wedding and meeting royalty, especially the Queen, is a daunting one. What is the correct form in such a situation?

Curtsy

Don't overdo it. Debrett's “New Guide to Etiquette and Modern Manners” says the sweeping curtsy and long, low bow “can be the subject of some amusement within royal circles.” Instead, ladies are expected to make a brief bob with the weight on the front foot, and gentlemen should opt for a small nod, and look down briefly. Do the same when the royal leaves the room.

Touching

Younger members of the royal family will probably have a less formal attitude to introductions, however it is best to refrain from informalities. While it is fine to accept a handshake from the Queen, officials discourage any other form of touching. Former Australian prime minister, Paul Keating, was famously branded the Lizard of Oz in 1992 when he was photographed placing his arm on the Queen's back. However, in 2009, the Queen herself touched US First Lady Michelle Obama on her back during a reception at Buckingham Palace - a gesture which was returned. A palace spokesperson referred to it as “a mutual and spontaneous display of affection and appreciation.”

Photos

At state banquets, guests are not allowed to take photos. A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace said that at all royal events the use of personal cameras is discouraged. The event will, in any case, be covered by a professional photographer. – Sources BBC, Debrett’s and Daily Mail 2011 - 2018

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

19th C. French Etiquette Customs

"Bad table manners, my dear Gigi, have broken up more households than infidelity." ~ Aunt Alicia instructing Gigi on how to properly eat ortolan.

The etiquette in the best old families of France as regards young girls is very strict, says a foreign correspondent, and at 17 they begin to be seen at their mothers' “at homes,” but at 18 only they make their debut in society, beginning with the opera, Lenten receptions, and what are now generally called “bals blancs.” 

The French girl never has any cards of her own; when she is what they call in England “out” her name is written below her mother's. The letters addressed to her are always delivered first to her parent's hands, who passes them to her opened or unopened, as she thinks fit. 

She wears no jewels beyond one row of pearls around her neck. She rides early before the fashionable hour at the Bois, escorted by her father; her brother may take her out driving, and she is even permitted now to take the reins, a liberty which ten years ago would have stamped her as outrageously fast. French girls of almost any rank, including the bourgeoisie, never walk out alone. They marry young, presumably before 20. —  Marin Journal, 1887

Etiquette Enthusiast,Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Of Etiquette, Bolsheviks and Satire

The Bolshevik, by Boris Kustodiev

 – Bolsheviks, or Reds, came to power in Russia during the October Revolution phase of the Russian Revolution of 1917 and founded the Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic. The Bolsheviks, founded by Vladimir Lenin and Alexander Bogdanov, were by 1905 a major organization consisting primarily of workers under a democratic internal hierarchy governed by the principle of democratic centralism, who considered themselves the leaders of the revolutionary working class of Russia. Their beliefs and practices were often referred to as Bolshevism.

Silent screen star May Allison, star of  1919’s “Uplifters, the Free,” played Hortense Troutt. In the film, Hortense attends a "Bull-Shevik" lecture and is won over to the Bolshevik cause. The next day she quits her stenographer’s job working for a capitalist. She finds the woman who gave the lecture and offers her services. The woman promptly puts her new comrade to work as a maid. The work, without pay, of course, becomes harder by the day, and in what short amounts of spare time she has, she is expected to type speeches. Romanced by an older "Bull-Shevik," Hortense has to give him $49.00 to buy a suit in which he can marry her. But a new convert happens along. The new convert is the son of Hortense's former boss. In love with Hortense, he’s been looking for her ever since she quit her job. When Hortense finds that her old "Bull-Shevik" suitor is married already, Hortense dumps both him and the unpaid job as a maid. She becomes a convert to the cause for capitalism and her new, honest suitor. 

Here’s Etiquittesky of the Bolshevisky; Savvy, Folksky!

After participating in a Bohemian banquet in her Bolshevehicle, “Free,” May Allison decided to issue some hints on etiquette gratis to all Bolsheviks: 

• Soup should be seen and not heard. 
• Ladies will not flick cigarette ashes in the butter. 
• Gentlemen will wring their beards after the soup course. 
• If the roast is not done to your taste it is mean to throw it at the hostess. 
• Never slice bread; Bolsheviks are whole loafers. 
• It is not considered au fait to eat spaghetti with a knife when proper implements are provided. You will find them on your right hand—four fingers and a thumb. - Los Angeles Herald, 1919

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette for Meeting the Pope

The Pope, or Supreme Pontiff, is the Bishop of Rome. He is the ex officio the leader of the Catholic Church.

• The Pope is never introduced. He literally is a man who needs no introduction. (You, of course, ought to be introduced by somebody.)
• When you speak to him, you address him as Your Holiness. (If you happen to find yourself in a sea of high-level Catholic clergy and are wondering what to call everyone, Cardinals are Your Eminence, and Bishops and Archbishops are Your Excellency.)
• As for his symbolic fisherman's ring, which some kneel and kiss as a sign of respect: If you're not Catholic, there's no expectation whatsoever that you kiss the ring. And even if you are Catholic, it's not required: Vice President Biden dispensed with the practice two years ago, giving the Pope a handshake instead.
• That's totally acceptable — especially with Pope Francis, who tends not to stand on ceremony. He has a habit of embracing people, bowing to them — or, when Cardinals bend to kiss his ring, bending to kiss theirs back. – Source NPR, 2015

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Papal Wardrobe

Heavenly Bodies — Fashion and the Catholic Imagination... Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi, president of the Pontifical Council, had been wanting for some time for the dicastery to focus on the relationship between fashion, art and faith, and agreed to collaborate with an exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art because of the Met’s significance to culture and the potential global outreach, but officials were unaware of the widely criticized gala that took place last Monday night. “We wanted to be involved and those behind it had good intentions,” a Vatican official told the Register. The Met Gala “crossed a line and was openly, brazenly disrespectful,” wrote Piers Morgan, Catholic talk show host. Pop singer Rihanna dressed up as a provocative, sequinned pope and actress Jennifer Lopez wore a jewel-encrusted multi-coloured cross. The Met Gala is the annual curtain-raising event for its Summer exhibit. The Vatican has loaned 40 priceless items which serve as the “cornerstone” of the display, including “papal robes and accessories from the Sistine Chapel sacristy, many of which have never been seen outside the Vatican.”  – National Catholic Register Blogger Edward Pentin

A Wonderful Wardrobe

“The most costly wardrobe in the world is to be found at Rome, and belongs to the Pope,” says M. A. P. Each day etiquette compels him to wear different garments, and as nearly all of them are ornamented with rich and rare gems, no millionaire could hope to purchase them, even if a value could be placed on them. The Pope's little skull caps are of the finest and most beautiful of silk, while his slippers of embroidered velvet are gorgeous to look at, being works of art. His gloves, made of white wool, are still more costly, embroidered as they are, with fine pearls in the shape of a cross. A special flock of fifty sheep are kept, from which all the Papal woolen garments are manufactured. The surplices are of the most valuable and beautiful lace, while one long cape, the cappa magna, which is rarely worn, hangs straight from the shoulders, and literally gleams from top to bottom with gold and precious stones. The rings, too, which the Pope wears are priceless, containing, as they do, many stones of matchless quality. – Los Angeles Herald, 1910

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Differing Etiquette and Continents

Europeans hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right and, when food is cut, it is carried to the mouth by the left hand. The knife is always in use, not only for cutting, but also for pushing and for dabbing gravy onto the potatoes and other such useful functions. There are some differences between the English and the Continentals, for though both keep forks in the left hand, the English keep the tines turned over and pile food onto the back of the fork. Beginning with meat as a platform, they may smooth on potatoes into which they press peas and then transport the whole mouthful at once.

Why are American manners different?

Because most American customs and rules of etiquette are drawn from those of Europe, any that differ are of special interest. How did the differences come about and what do they represent, if anything? I have always wondered, for example, why Americans who greet one another by kissing do so with a single kiss on one cheek, while Europeans always buss both cheeks, and sometimes do so twice, for a total of four kisses. Are we less affectionate than Europeans, or merely busier and so anxious to cut our kissing time in half? Similarly and equally inexplicably, Americans differ from Europeans in their use of the knife and fork. 

Europeans hold the fork in the left hand and the knife in the right and, when food is cut, it is carried to the mouth by the left hand. The knife is always in use, not only for cutting, but also for pushing and for dabbing gravy onto the potatoes and other such useful functions. There are some differences between the English and the Continentals, for though both keep forks in the left hand, the English keep the tines turned over and pile food onto the back of the fork. Beginning with meat as a platform, they may smooth on potatoes into which they press peas and then transport the whole mouthful at once. Other Europeans turn the tines over after cutting and push food onto the fork with a knife. But for many years American etiquette dictated that the fork must be switched to the right hand after the food is cut, and that the knife should rest on the edge of the plate. During actual eating, the left hand was supposed to lie idle on the lap. 

This cumbersome and awkward switching of hands continues today even though it was declared out of date as far back as 1948 in “Vogue’s Book of Etiquette,” written by Millicent Fenwick, who was then an associate editor of Vogue and is now the United States representative to the United Nations Food and Agricultural Organization in Rome. After describing the old rule, Mrs. Fenwick wrote, “Today, it is reversed so commonly that the left-handed method is almost preferred to the other. Both are perfectly good usage, but it is now axiomatic that whenever food is cut with a knife, the left hand can quite naturally carry it up to the mouth.” Even though the European method is smoother and more efficient, as any time-motion study would prove, most Americans persist in this “zig-zag” method, as it is described in “The New Emily Post’s Etiquette” by Elizabeth L. Post. The author suggests that Americans are reluctant to follow the European method because they feel it would be “putting on airs to adopt a foreign way of eating.” Mrs. Post advises, “I can see nothing wrong in adopting a custom that seems more practical than your own.” 

Letitia Baldrige, who revised “The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette,” also considers the Continental style more “sensible.” In preparing this book, which was published in 1978, Miss Baldrige tried in vain to discover how the zig-zag method developed in the United States. “I even called the Library of Congress but they could not come up with anything,” she said. “English nannies,” she continued, “always teach children to pile food up on the back of the fork because that is the quickest way to get the meal over with. Also, the food tastes delicious that way.” (Miss Baldrige also said she had been told that double kissing was meant to bless both sides of the brain.) 

Perhaps in the early days of our country, the change in rules was a populist protest against royalists. Or, as a European friend suggested, onehanded eating may be a holdover from frontier days, when it was necessary to keep one hand at the ready for self defense. Left-handed Americans have, perhaps, the best of both worlds. Those I know hold the fork in the right hand, cut with the knife in the left hand and eat without changing hands. – By Mimi Sheraton, N.Y. Times News Service, 1983

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber,is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for a Hawaiian Feast

You must not ask for a knife or fork, or you will be guilty of a decided breach of etiquette. Your true Hawaiian disdains the use of eating implements. You may be assured that you will never have a meal that will rival this in deliciousness or that is more wholesome.

Hawaii... Where a Banquet is Served on the Ground

A visitor to Hawaii should make it a point to attend a real native feast. It is an experience well worth while, for the Hawaiian food is delicious, and if served in true native fashion, the feast is a fascinating ceremonial for the uninitiated guest. The banquet is held in a shady mango grove. A deep hole in the ground is lined with stones which are heated red hot. This is the oven, and the food to be cooked in it is placed in a broad, tough leaf called a ti leaf. The meat is cut into small pieces and twisted in the leaf, the long stem forming a handle. The little parcels are then placed in the oven, covered with water and earth, and left to cook for a number of hours. 

When the food is cooked, it is spread on the grass on a covering of fragrant ferns. Instead of a serviette, a ti leaf is placed at each plate and flowers are scattered all over the spot, and are at each place. A number of polished calabashes are filled with poi, without which no Hawaiian meal is complete. Poi is a kind of porridge made from the root of the taro. It is of a pinkish gray color and is rather sour. After each guest is presented with a garland of leaves which he is expected to wear, he sits upon the ground. The smoking meat tied up in the ti leaf is then brought in, and is eaten with the fingers. 

You must not ask for a knife or fork, or you will be guilty of a decided breach of etiquette. Your true Hawaiian disdains the use of eating implements. At each place is a little dish filled with chopped cocoanut and seawater to be used as a relish with the meat. Young onions, sweet potatoes and salted shrimps are also served, and for dessert you will have melons, mangoes and water lemons. You may be assured that you will never have a meal that will rival this in deliciousness or that is more wholesome. – San Bernardino Sun, 1926

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette in Victorian Babyland

“Anti-kissing societies grow and multiply in the land, and for this the babes have the greatest reason to be thankful. It is at last a breach of etiquette to offer a babe the unpleasant compliment of a kiss, unless you are his very near relative. In that case, you are still permitted to kiss the little unfortunate, but if you are thoughtful and wise you will at least refrain from encroaching upon the child's comfort and endangering his health by kissing him upon the mouth.” – 1895

In Babyland

A pretty fancy that is quite new is to choose a flower for the baby and embroider a single tiny blossom upon each article of the layette. A forget-me-not, a violet, a pink daisy or a buttercup may be embroidered with wash silks in the natural color of the flower; and the ivory brushes, the powder boxes and other articles that can not be embroidered have the flower inlaid or painted upon it.

Of course, every well regulated baby of to-day has a book in which the story of its life is recorded, and which ought to be the source of much pleasure in later years. A book of this sort is a charming present, and it may be plain and strong or as elaborate as may be. One made to order for a favorite babe in this city is of white leather, like a bride's book. The corners are of silver and the book is fastened with a silver clasp. Another, dainty fashion is to fold a parchment cover on the baby's book and paint upon it a spray of apple blossoms, or of the baby's own flower in water color. 

Inside, upon the blank pages, must be written the little stories of the baby's comings and goings, his illnesses and accidents, his first cunning lispings and all his young achievements. Those clever people who succeed with a camera at home will be sure to paste upon the pages of the book at least one new photograph each month. Baby in the bath, baby in the hammock, his first steps, all the story of his development may be told in pictures and be a joy forever to his mother at the very least. Later Mr. Baby ought to be able to take up the work himself; and if any one of us possessed a library of the scraps of literature we have meant to save, the pictures that have gone astray and all the flotsam and jetsam that should have been gathered into volumes, we should be rich in lore. 

Safety pins are to be had in gold and silver, and tiny ones for the backs of dresses are fastened together with slender gold chains. Little gold studs are strung together in groups of three in the same fashion and with all these and the pretty bib pins to choose from, it is not necessary to give the babies such absurd presents as bracelets and useless finger-rings. A writer in the Bazar says that the fact is now generally recognized that many children are born with some visual defect which can only be remedied by the use of glasses, and she adds that it is now no uncommon sight to see toddlers in Greenaway gowns with these useful articles upon their little faces. Doubtless by this means some trifling defect is often remedied, and by relieving the strain the eyes are saved from irretrievable injury. 

Anti-kissing societies grow and multiply in the land, and for this the babes have the greatest reason to be thankful. It is at last a breach of etiquette to offer a babe the unpleasant compliment of a kiss, unless you are his very near relative. In that case, you are still permitted to kiss the little unfortunate, but if you are thoughtful and wise you will at least refrain from encroaching upon the child's comfort and endangering his health by kissing him upon the mouth. – San Francisco Call, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Polite Drivers

While gallantry is expected of all gentlemen, on the highway women drivers lose the identity of their sex and simply become “another driver.” Courteous drivers show full consideration for the safety and convenience of all “other drivers.” In fact, split second decisions do not allow sufficient time to make a distinction nor does safety justify it.

Gentlemen Of The Highway 

A gentleman of the highway can be anyone. The kind of vehicle a person drives is not important, whether new or old, high priced or low priced, commercial or private. How a person drives is the important factor. Emily Post's Motor Manners, the blue-booklet of traffic etiquette published by the National Highway Users Conference, Inc., states that while gallantry is expected of all gentlemen, on the highway women drivers lose the identity of their sex and simply become “another driver.” Courteous drivers show full consideration for the safety and convenience of all “other drivers.” In fact, split second decisions do not allow sufficient time to make a distinction nor does safety justify it. Only a pseudo-gentleman will make a show of chivalry to women drivers and then tangle bumpers in a bluffing match with a man driver. 

The realm of gentlemen of the highway also includes the pedestrian. Responsible drivers realize that since they control the power to inflict injury, special precautions must be taken by them to avoid a casualty. Drivers with experience know that non-driving pedestrians do not realize how difficult it is to spot a pedestrian, to stop a car immediately or to dodge suddenly in traffic. In addition, not all pedestrians a driver encounters can command the full capacity of their faculties. Considerate drivers know that the person on foot may be, for example, bewildered, sick, crippled, deaf, blind or intoxicated. 

Experienced drivers know that children cannot always be held responsible for their actions. Lack of consideration for children in the street can result in manslaughter. All careful and polite motorists keep on the lookout for pre-school age youngsters who may dart into the street. Mannerly drivers will always slow down and proceed with caution in school zones. Every civil motorist will co-operate with school boy patrolmen as they go about their serious business of protecting their schoolmates. It should shame many grown-ups that school children frequently are their peers in pedestrian courtesy and manners. - Santa Cruz Sentinel, 1951

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Gloves at Tea

If one lady goes to call upon another a short afternoon visit, not one where she is staying at tea, she would not think it necessary to take off her gloves just for the purpose of shaking hands. The impulse of a younger woman coming up to a tea-table where her older hostess is pouring out teas, is to unglove before touching her hand.

Q.  Is it proper for a lady to remove her gloves before shaking hands with any one? Also what about the gentleman in this case? This is a little bet I read your paper and will see your answer when you find it convenient to reply. – “H.G.”

A.  Just regard it from the simple, common sense point of view and you can easily see that it is a question of circumstances. If one lady meets another lady walking, it would be entirely unnecessary for them both to unglove before shaking hands. If one lady goes to call upon another a short afternoon visit, not one where she is staying at tea, she would not think it necessary to take off her gloves just for the purpose of shaking hands. The impulse of a younger woman coming up to a tea-table where her older hostess is pouring out teas, is to unglove before touching her hand. 

The idea behind this is not to take with your gloved hand, the hand of your elder that is bare and busy among eatables. But no particular rule would be broken if you came in just to say a few words, meaning to depart without eating or drinking, and did not take off your glove. Women would not take off a glove to shake hands with men. Men always should, if possible, when shaking hands with women. I don't mean, again, that gloved hand may not meet gloved hand in the street, but that a man takes his glove off to touch a woman's bare hand on entering her house. 

Questions about gloves are asked often in these days, because many women are new to the wearing of evening gloves. When gloves are worn with evening dress they are not taken off at all except when eating. Then they are to be taken off entirely. They always look awkward when tucked in at the wrist. – San Bernardino Sun, 1931

Etiquette Enthusiast Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia