Europe’s Noble Ragamuffins

After several days of reading about the merchandising of the House of Windsor, where only those claiming the moniker “Sussex” were hanging around with their wallets open, it was refreshing to read how many Americans have always viewed such Noble Ragamuffins. It’s also a good reminder that forks have only been common at America’s tables since the 1830’s to 1840’s. ~According to a quick Google search, I was able to glean this information on Fishbladder’s book: Based on an 1893 edition of the Eldora Enterprise, the “Handbook of Indoor Etiquette” was a fictional or satirical, yet influential, manual credited to the “immortal professor Fishbladder.” It served as a guide for high society in Chicago, emphasizing refined manners such as eating peas with a fork, promoting dull-finished jewelry, and encouraging quiet elegance in style to combat uncouth elements.- From newspaper archives .com

We are not giving ourselves any uneasiness about the visit of the Infanta Eulalie to Chicago. All this talk about our inability to keep up our end of the rules of etiquette is simply so much fiction calculated to belittle our cultured society. Chicago has not been idle the last four years. 

Ever since the immortal Professor A. J. Fishbladder came into the midst of us and taught us how to eat peas with a fork we have been able to hold our own against the rest of creation. There was a time when some uncouth elements in our society denounced Fishbladder as a charlatan. All these persecutions did Fishbladder suffer with the patient, unprotesting meekness of a medieval Christian martyr, and now, lo and behold, the harvest has come, and we glory in the fruition of his teachings.

It is to Fishbladder that we are largely indebted for our ability to toady, miscellaneously and abjectly, to the vast and unassorted lot of foreign titled nincompoops and knaves that is being spawned upon this country at this time. So long as the Fishbladder "Handbook of Indoor Etiquette" holds out its saving grace we need have no fear for Chicago's culture, and we can confidently view the swelling influx of Europe's noble ragamuffins. -Chicago Record. 1895

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Medieval Times Dining Madness

Even the noble families in England in the Middle Ages shared common plates and cups, used fingers instead of forks, licked their plates, wiped their teeth on the tablecloth… 

OLD CUSTOMS SEEM CURIOUS

Common Plates and Cups Were Once Shared 

and 

Diners Fought for the Biggest Share of Portions

Noble families in England in the Middle Ages shared common plates and cups, used fingers instead of forks, licked their plates, wiped their teeth on the tablecloth, and scrambled for the largest portion, says the Detroit News. Books on etiquette issued in the Fifteenth century pointed out that these things were not good manners. The art of cooking in the Middle Ages flourished, however, cooks excelling at artistic and rich confectionery.

Dancing in medieval times was true to its name. Dancers really moved with nimbleness and agility instead of slowly posturing round the room in the manner of modern dancers. The noble and his family and servants lived and slept in the great hall of the castle, with next to no privacy. A better state of things evolved gradually, more rooms being added and more windows put in, insuring greater seclusion for the lord and his family. — The Banner, 1923

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Diplomats and Uniforms

Mr. Sanford resigned on a point of etiquette. He had adopted the “Marcy uniform” — that is, a plain dress for State occasions…

 ⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

“Did the U.S. Ever Require Diplomatic Uniforms? Before the Department of State formally established uniforms in 1817, American diplomats often designed their own. That year, the State Department prescribed an official ‘civilian suit’ modeled after what U.S. delegates wore to the Conference of Ghent in 1814, which ended the War of 1812. Even then, uniforms were mostly reserved for ceremonial occasions, and the practice quickly fell out of favor. By 1853, Secretary of State William L. Marcy issued a circular recommending that U.S. diplomats simply wear ‘the simple dress of an American citizen’ (U.S. Department of State, 2003). Still, many foreign governments preferred a standardized diplomatic uniform for formal events, which left American diplomats to decide for themselves. That flexibility made the U.S. stand out in the 19th century—and it continues to set the tone today, as uniforms remain common in many other diplomatic corps around the world” — From a terrific article by Victoria Monroy on LinkedIn.

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

Above — Wearing the official Belgian diplomatic uniform, Baron Henri Beyens photographed in 2011. Courtesy of Wikipedia

A Question of Dress

Mr. Sandford, for a long time Secretary of Legation at Paris, has resigned, and Mr. Pratt, of Ohio, is to have the place. Mr. Sanford resigned on a point of etiquette. He had adopted the Marcy uniform — that is, a plain dress for State occasions — and Mr. Mason had determined that the Legation should adhere to the court dress heretofore worn, and the difficulty being in itself irreconcilable, Mr. Sandford resigned. Our foreign missions must be important when dress is the principal subject of discussion and dissension.—The San Joaquin Republican, 1854

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Frugality Encouraged

“And let me furthermore mention two ways which eat out the annual income in a more sure and telling way than the corruption of moth and rust; extravagance in dress on the part of women, and tobacco on the part of men. Nothing can be said on these subjects that has not already been said, but I often think that the one sex winks at the extravagances of the other, on the principle that those who live in glass houses should not throw stones, and vice versa.” — Above, a Gilded Age, ornate sterling check-cutter by George Shiebler. Before checks were perforated, they came in large sheets, usually 3 at a time. Check cutters on desks became very helpful to businessmen. Oftentimes, they came in backs were marked with inches, meaning they doubled as rulers. From the Etiquipedia private collection.

How to Reduce Household Expenses

To the Editor of the New-York Times:Having read an article under this head in today's (Jan. 19) TIMES, I am anxious to state some other methods whereby to lessen the extravagances of living. In the first place, the wasteful ways of housekeepers and servants might be avoided, for as we learned in our first efforts at ‘Tis willful waste makes woeful want.” A large proportion of our people throw away what is left from one meal to another, from one day to an other, from one season to another; or if not at the moment willfully thrown away, the fragments are left so unprotected from dust and insects as to be utterly worthless when called for.

The same waste extends through out many households, from waste of food and clothing, to a careless treatment of all the articles required in housekeeping, so that what should last any family a lifetime needs to be replenished every year. The best carpets are swept with the street brooms, the lace and damask are left unprotected from dust, the little articles of vertu are knocked about by ruthless hands, the soft blankets, which every one must know are apt to be ruined in washing, are thrown upon the floor; the metal-ware is left wet, and the wooden-ware is left dry; the oil-cloths and painted wood-work are everlastingly scoured with soap, though this latter device for throwing money into the fire is supposed to be owing to a secret understanding with the house-painters.

I might prolong these enumerations, as it is not only when china breaks that the housekeeper feels undone, but I will pass to the remedy. Let every one understand what are the real needs of a household, put their own shoulder to the wheel as an assistant before ever dreaming of directing others; learn by actual experience the very best way of doing every kind of house-work, and at once some progress is made toward improving the state of affairs. Where every one is in a phlegmatic state of content, what need of change? 

It is a dissatisfaction with the present way that paves a new way. And let me furthermore mention two ways which eat out the annual income in a more sure and telling way than the corruption of moth and rust; extravagance in dress on the part of women, and tobacco on the part of men. Nothing can be said on these subjects that has not already been said, but I often think that the one sex winks at the extravagances of the other, on the principle that those who live in glass houses should not throw stones, and vice versa. 

It is not the taxation alone which makes it so difficult to live. Rents are somewhat reduced, bread and milk are less in price, meat is very much cheaper, butter is cheaper than during the war, tea and coffee are twenty percent, all cotton and worsted goods are cheaper, all cotton cheaper. Shoes would be cheaper if people would be content to cover the foot, but it the shoemaker must furnish enough extra leather to cover the leg also, should we wonder if he charges extra? Almost every shoe-store offers of good shoes of an old style at a low price.

I do not ask that our people should make dawdies of themselves, but that they should throw the blame at the right place-not at the country, not at the Government, but at that little altar of laziness and vanity in their own breasts. As to the tobacco drain, let any one notice the prices affixed to the cigars in the cases at the stores, then remark the number of those consumed in one day by the individual, and remember that in the year there are 365 days; let him notice these straws, and he will see why his money blows away, and why he has nothing to lay up against a rainy day.

I very much fear that when some of the weightier taxes are removed, our people will feel they have means to soar into still greater extravagance than ever. Ours is a soaring nation, its wings never having been clipped by such limitations as rule England and Germany, and it is only that rare quality, common sense, which can teach us to soar in the right direction. – A “Reader” in the New York Times, January 21, 1872

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia © Etiquette Encyclopedia

Art and Etiquette of Afternoon Tea

Finally, on the top part of the stand, the third tier, small pastries are served, also typically English, which bring this moment of conviviality to a close.

The British Afternoon Tea Ceremony

Around the world, the ritual of tea is known as one of the most cherished and meaningful moments to enjoy a good infusion, alone or in company. It is well known that this precious beverage spread from China to all of Europe precisely from Great Britain, becoming a fundamental part of English life. However, not everyone knows that there are very specific rules that should be followed.

First of all, you need to choose a good loose-leaf tea and steep it in boiling water — depending on the type of infusion chosen — for three to six minutes. For each guest, the teapot should contain one teaspoon of loose-leaf tea, plus one extra “for the pot.” Separately, of course, there will be the sugar bowl and milk jug. And what about lemon? The English almost never use lemon, substituting it with milk. Do you know why? Not for a reason that’s fundamentally about taste, but for a logistical one to solve a serious problem: at one time, English teacups couldn’t withstand the heat of the tea and would break. To get around this problem, the English started putting the milk in the cup first to cool down the hot tea that would be poured in right after. 

Naturally, after 1700, with the founding of historic companies like Wedgwood, Spode, Minton, etc…, the materials used were able to keep cups from cracking under heat thanks to the use of kaolin, effectively leading to the birth of porcelain and bone china. Afternoon tea, thanks to Anna Maria Russell, Duchess of Bedford, people began to accompany the drink with both sweet and savory bites. It’s no coincidence that a three-tiered plate is served with very specific foods: on the first tier, the lowest one, sandwiches made with white and brown bread are served, filled with chicken, eggs, salmon, etc…

On the second tier, buns sometimes studded with raisins called scones are served; they are split in half by hand, never with a knife, and filled with clotted cream and strawberry jam. In reality, there’s a historic dispute between Devonshire, which says you should put the clotted cream on first and then the jam, and Cornish, which says you should spread the jam first and then the clotted cream. The latter is a sort of butter-cream similar to mascarpone that is really hard to find in many countries.

Above, a patent for a gilded age “Sandwich Plate” by Haviland. The “sandwich set” with plate and cup has a very wide saucer to hold biscuits, scones, finger sandwiches or pastries.

Finally, on the top part of the stand, the third tier, small pastries are served, also typically English, which bring this moment of conviviality to a close. Many hotels around the world recreate this ritual, adding the option to serve Prosecco or champagne. The most interesting thing, though, is seeing what tools have been invented to fill the table with dishware and surprise the guests. Among the cups, for example, there’s the “mustache cup,” which has ceramic or porcelain ledges to keep mustaches from getting dirty, or the “luncheon set” or “sandwich set,” which have a very wide saucer to hold biscuits, scones, finger sandwiches or pastries. 

Other interesting items are new utensils like the lemon fork with spread out or “splayed” tines for picking up lemon slices, the jam spoon with a chiseled edge, the bird-shaped lemon squeezer, the sugar cube tongs, and strainers of various shapes and materials. In short, it’s a ritual that becomes an experience and can be compared to the beauty of the Japanese, Chinese, French, New Zealand, or Italian tea ceremony.

Other interesting items are new utensils like the lemon fork with spread out or “splayed” tines for picking up lemon slices, the jam spoon with a chiseled edge, the bird-shaped lemon squeezer, the sugar cube tongs, and strainers of various shapes and materials.

Petra Carsetti was born into a gastronomic minded family… true lovers of excellent foods and wines. From an early age she showed a great passion for the table, which she later developed by working in important, well-known Italian restaurants. Since 2005, she has written many books on food and wine, along with guides to Italian restaurants, specializing also in galateo and etiquette at the Accademia Italiana Galateo and ANCEP (the Association of Ceremonialists for Public Institute). She teaches etiquette in schools to adults and children, is a consultant for various political and economic authorities, and she has a weekly column in a historic newspaper. She also writes for various other newspapers, is a frequent television guest. Very active on Instagram @galateopetra_carsetti, Petra is happily married to well-known wine and food aficionado, journalist and author, Carlo Cambi and together they have one daughter. Her books Galatime and Galatime II are full of etiquette and entertaining advice.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Victorian Handshaking Etiquette

A gentleman cannot take a lady's hand unless she offers it, and an American authority on etiquette reminds him that be must not “pinch or retain it.” A young lady must not offer hers first, or shake that given her, unless she is the gentleman’s friend.

Hand shaking is British. The lounger in society, in his glass of fashion, enumerates its various styles as indicative of character. These are aggressive, supercilious, sympathetic, emotional, but none of these are required by etiquette. Still, to shake, or, rather, to take or give a hand in mere conventional greeting, is a cultivated art of society. 

A gentleman cannot take a lady's hand unless she offers it, and an American authority on etiquette reminds him that be must not “pinch or retain it.” A young lady must not offer hers first, or shake that given her, unless she is the gentleman’s friend. A lady should always rise to give her hand, and in her own house she should always offer it in greeting, to strangers and friends alike. — Los Angeles Herald, 1883

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Blame it on Empress’ Etiquette

Was it a question of etiquette? Or more that the Spanish-born Empress did not want to suffer the same fate as Marie Antoinette had a century earlier? After the news of the defeat at Sedan and the capture of Napoleon III was made public, in September of 1870, Empress Eugénie did not rally the guards or people of Paris to maintain the Imperial throne due to the immediate collapse of political support and the risk of massive bloodshed. Her advisors, courtiers, and the government ministers had largely deserted her and/or urged her to flee as the city once again turned toward revolution. — Above, a painting of Empress Eugenie surrounded by her Dames du Palais, circa 1855. Her six ladies-in-waiting (later increased to twelve), or dames du palais, were mainly chosen from among her acquaintances prior to her marriage.

A Question of Etiquette?

It has repeatedly been asked as to why the empress, after the news of Sedan was made public, did not present herself to the guards and the people of Paris, and call upon them to rally around her and her son, and to maintain for the latter the imperial throne. The cause of this singular abstention has been made public. It was because no suitable riding habit could be found for her in which to show herself on horseback to the troops and the populace.

There was only one to be found at the Tuileries in the hurry and confusion of that terrible crisis. It was one made for the hunting parties at Compeigne, and was in the Louis XV style, composed of green velvet embroidered with gold, and necessitating a cocked hat for completion of the costume. It was too theatrical. It would not do, and so the gallant appeal to the public was given up, and with it the last hope for the preservation of the empire. -Paris Correspondent Philadelphia Telegraph, 1891

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Washington Society Attends Corean Tea

Stunning, Gilded Age private ballroom in 1890s Washington D.C.

The Corean Minister and Mrs. Ye Cha Yun gave a tea from 4 to 7 o'clock this afternoon which was largely attended by society. The parlors of the location were decorated with growing plants and smilax. Mrs. Ye received her guests in a native gown of light blue brocade with a waist of yellow, trimmed in garnet velvet. Her English is now quite perfect, and there was not the slightest hesitation in starting or sustaining conversation with the many who approached her desirous of that pleasure. 

Minister Ye remained by his wife’s side during the earlier portion of the afternoon, as the company increased he mingled with the guests, escorting friends now and then to the dining room where the receiving party, in pretty light gowns, dispensed with the refreshments.

In the first parlor Mrs. Sevellon Brown assisted in receiving. In the adjoining room Miss Thompson poured tea, and in the dining room Miss Moore served coffee frappé. Miss Cuthbert served bouillon, and Miss Beatrice Farquhar presided at a large bowl of punch. The other young ladies were Miss Riggs and Miss Thompson of Philadelphia. — New York Times, 1892

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Toasting Etiquette and Origins

“The Loyal Toast” by James Gillray, 1798 ~ A salute given to the head of state of the country in which a formal gathering is being given, whether or not the particular head of state is present. A matter of protocol at military and state occasions, and a display of patriotism when at civilian events.

“TOAST” IN A CUP…

Origin of the Use of the Word for After-Dinner Speeches

The word “toast” used for describing the proposal of a health in an after-dinner speech dates back to the medieval times, when the loving-cup was still regarded as an indispensable feature of every banquet. The cup would be filled to the brim with wine or mead, in the center of which would be placed a piece of toasted bread. After putting his lips thereto the host would pass the cup to the guest of honor, seated on his right hand, and the latter would in turn pass it on to his right-hand neighbor. In this manner the cup would circulate around the table, each one present taking a sip while drinking toward his right-hand neighbor, until finally the cup would come back to the host, who would drain what remained and swallow the piece of toast in honor of all the friends assembled at his table.

History teaches that the ancient Greeks, the the Romans, the Assyrians and the Egyptians were in the habit of drinking one another's health at dinner. Indeed, at Athens the etiquette concerning what may be described as the liquid courtesies of this kind was very strict and elaborate, being known by the name of “Philothe” participants in the repast were in the habit of drinking to one another until they could carry no more, and then they would pour out the remainder of the wine on the altar of any pagan deity that might happen to be handy. At Rome the same custom prevailed. Post-prandial oratory, however, was severely condemned as out of place, and while the Greeks contented themselves with exclaiming, as they put the cup of wine to their lips, “I salute you; be happy,” the Romans restricted themselves to the exclamation: “Propino,” which is the Latin for “I drink your health.” — San Jose Mercury News, 1989

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

History and Etiquette of Cutlery

The European rule is to keep the tines down, unless it is the only cutlery you are using, in which case you can scoop with them up. Americans are happy to scoop up at any time.

Who invented cutlery?

Forks — The word fork comes from the Latin “furca” or “pitchfork.” It consists of the prongs, which are called “tines,” and the handle, known as the “shaft.” The European rule is to keep the tines down, unless it is the only cutlery you are using, in which case you can scoop with them up. Americans are happy to scoop up at any time. The fork was invented because some things when cooked are too hot to hold. Ancient Egyptians used large forks for cooking, as did the Greeks, and there were bone forks found in Chinese burial sites from more than 4,000 years ago. Frankly, forks are now a pest in museums.

Knives — There was a time when everyone carried their own knife. It was sharp and pointed and for centuries hosts tried to stop guests picking their teeth with it after a meal. The dinner knife, a much less threatening implement with a rounded tip, is said to have been invented on May 13, 1637 by the First Minister of France, Cardinal Richelieu. You'd think he had better things to do, but apparently one night at a dinner he saw a guest picking his teeth with a sharp knife and had had enough. He ordered all his knives ground down and rounded off to stop such disgusting behaviour. In 1669 King Louis XIV made it illegal for French cutlers to forge pointed dinner knives.

Spoons — “A camel does not drink from a spoon.” ~ Persian Proverb. That is so true yet you rarely see it written down. The spoon has been around since Paleolithic times. Before some genius invented the spoon there is no doubt people used shells to scoop food if it was too hot to touch. The word spoon comes from Old Norse “sponn,” meaning “chip” or “splinter” so some probably used a bit of wood. After that you find the ancient Egyptians using spoons, the usual catalogue of Greeks and Romans, Indians and Muslims etc... Everyone thought the spoon was a cracking idea. — From “Peas and Queues: The Minefield of Modern Manners,” by Sandi Toksvig

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Spanish Court Etiquette was “Medieval”

The little stranger is a girl, and therefore a disappointment, and also, if it survives, a sure source of difficulties, political and otherwise.  —Public domain image of María de las Mercedes,

Princess of Asturias

THE SPANISH BABY

Queen Christina has a baby, and Spain is shaken to its foundations. The little stranger is a girl, and therefore a disappointment, and also, if it survives, a sure source of difficulties, political and otherwise. Its birth was a very solemn and ceremonious affair, and the mother must have been wretchedly uncomfortable amid all the fetish Spanish court etiquette holds to be necessary on such occasions. 

The affair is chiefly interesting because it gives the civilized world an opportunity of witnessing an example of the follies and mummeries which hedged about royalty everywhere a few years ago, but which have almost disappeared from all countries but Spain, which is the most nearly medieval of any pretending to civilization. It is very doubtful whether the Spanish Infante will live to exercise any important influence upon human affairs, for the disposition of mankind to be governed by divine right is rapidly vanishing, and the growth of the democratic spirit menaces the most presumptuous and archaic institutions. 

Meantime there is nothing unrepublican in the expression of a hope that the young mother may come safely out of her trouble, and that the baby may take kindly to its Andalusian foster-mothers, of whom, we believe, there are at least three in waiting. — Sacramento Daily Union, 1880

 

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Table Knives in the Middle Ages

The wealthy nobles and clergy carried theirs in handsome sheaths of tooled and decorated leather. Poorer people simply stuck their knives into their belts or a stocking…

 

Innkeepers didn't provide table knives for their guests in the Middle Ages, and most hosts didn't either. So people took their knives with them when they traveled. The wealthy nobles and clergy carried theirs in handsome sheaths of tooled and decorated leather. Poorer people simply stuck their knives into their belts or a stocking.

In the homes of well-to-do Christians, knives with different-colored handles were used to help celebrate certain religious holidays. For example, knives with black handles made of ebony were brought out during Lent as a symbol of Christ's suffering. Then on Easter, knives with white handles made of ivory symbolized His resurrection.– From James Cross Giblin’s book, “From Hand to Mouth”, 1987

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Serving an Edwardian Tea

The basket-tray (“curate”) consists of a tripod to which three hoops are fastened one above another, and some distance apart; into each of the hoops is set a plate holding the articles to be served. The framework is of mahogany, bamboo, or other light wood, and the whole is carried about the room by a handle at the top.

For carrying out the hospitality expressed in this custom, a nest of tea-tables and a “curate” or English basket-tray are of great convenience. These articles are very light and sometimes exceptionally pretty; the tables are often of highly polished mahogany and inlaid with pearl. The basket-tray (“curate”) consists of a tripod to which three hoops are fastened one above another, and some distance apart; into each of the hoops is set a plate holding the articles to be served. The framework is of mahogany, bamboo, or other light wood, and the whole is carried about the room by a handle at the top.

The other accessories to afternoon tea are:

1. Tea cloths for the tables.

2. Small fringed napkins for the guests.

3. Doilies for the bread and cake trays or baskets.

4. A small tray covered with a doily for the waitress.

5. A tray holding two or three small tea cups and saucers, teaspoons of small size, small sugar bowl with sugar and tongs, small cream pitcher of cream, and a pretty dish holding thin slices of lemon.

6. A teapot of fresh-made tea, or a tea-pot of boiling water, a tea caddy with tea, spoon for the caddy, a silver tea ball or a china percolater, and a teakettle filled with fresh boiling water.

7. A bouillon urn.

8. Bouillon cups.

9. Bouillon spoons.

Shortly after three o'clock the ever prompt waitress has the tea-tray with its glistening china and silver and the basket-tray of edibles in readiness; the teakettle is singing over the low-turned jet of the gas range and the waitress herself is in immaculate trim from the tiny cap on her neatly brushed hair to the soft-soled shoes on her feet.

She may or may not answer the bell and admit such callers as come; this depends upon the number of employees.

After the hostess has greeted one or more guests, the waitress sets a pot of tea to brew, noiselessly brings in one of the larger tables from the “nest,” and sets it in an inconspicuous place in the drawing-room. Upon this she disposes such articles as will crowd the table of her mistress. Here also she sets the bouillon urn, with cups and spoons, when bouillon is provided. The outer and handsomest table of the nest she now sets before the hostess, spreads a cloth over it, and brings in the tea-tray to set down upon it. She now returns for the pot of tea, which was set to brew, and her tray. 

After a cup of tea is poured, she passes it on her tray, with two or three napkins beside the cup, to the one for whom it is prepared, then brings in the basket-tray of edibles, and passes this and other cups of tea or bouillon as desired. In the meantime she keeps a sharp lookout and removes cups or replenishes them with tea as is needed. Or, she passes cream and sugar or slices of lemon, takes out the spent teapot, and brings in a fresh supply of tea or slices of lemon, etc… 

All this sounds arduous, but in reality, in houses where the maids are limited in number the callers of an afternoon are not numerically strong, and a sister, daughter, or friend of the hostess is usually present to help out. — From “A Guide for Edwardian Servants,” by Janet McKenzie Hill,” 1908

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Etiquette for London Season

There are few of the British castles or country seats that are not able to house from forty to one hundred guests, with a separate apartment for each, and equal accommodations in the servants’ hall for guests’ servants. The service in all respects does not materially differ from that in our best-class, semi-private hotels; save that each occupant of the castle has the exclusive attention of his or her own servant, in addition to the general service of the castle, always on call at any hour of the day or night… Every gentleman brings his valet and every lady her maid, and often her own footman, unless an express request to the contrary has been made in the invitations. The visiting valet is assigned a room in the servants’ hall, and ladies’ maids are provided with separate rooms, usually en suite with their mistresses’ apartments.

LONDON’S SEASON

Round of Gaieties of the English Nobility

👑 ⚜️ 👑 ⚜️ 👑 ⚜️ 👑 ⚜️ 👑

THE GRAND DINNER PARTIES

🍽️ 🍽️ 🍽️ 🍽️ 🍽️ 🍽️ 🍽️ 🍽️

The Season Ends by Aristocracy Seeking the Spas of the Continent

LONDON, June 22.- English literature, or rather that portion comprised in English fiction, has certainly done injustice to British nobility in at least one respect. It has totally misinformed all of us who are plebian, and rather like remaining so, as to the every-day life of the British aristocracy.

Nobody loves this class. Nobody believes in its hereditary rights and privileges, save those clergy who hold “livings” under them and the other lackeys that serve them. Nobody has any manly sympathy whatever with its semi-regal pretensions and prerogatives. Nobody has the slightest confidence that a century hence any such class will continue to exist in Great Britain. And yet every one of us, notwithstanding our flouting and scoffing, has the keenest interest in glimpses of its members’ daily lives. 

Your British Lord really believes in himself. That is worth something to character, and builds up on the lines of equable living and true dignity with anybody. Your American lordero knows he is an accident, a pretender, an irritating social misfit. The former’s real pleasures are found in relaxation from social duties which centuries of custom have rendered obligatory. The latter’s pleasures are solely attainable through the arrogant and offensive insistence of endless recognition of his money power. The one is a splendid nation’s permanent excrescence. The other is another splendid nation’s first growth of fungus. Both are interesting studies. But the British Noble has rather the advantage from a scenic standpoint, because speaking in uncouth simile, he is the most ancient, best acknowledged, and the most picturesque bump on the national log.

Many of the British Nobility occupy their establishments the year round. These would scorn to do else. Their ethics are exclusively evolved from their fondest dreams to which they cling, that they are feudal lords. For such to reside in town would be to descend to the utter debasement of burghers. With a great majority the London season largely controls their residence and its period at castle, seat or hall, and elsewhere. The “season” is controlled by Parliament, the annual closing of which practically depends on sport. 

The aristocratic fashionable world is formed and its movements controlled almost exclusively by those connected with the Houses of the Lords and Commons; these comprising largely the nobility. In other words, the intangible, awful formulated thing known as the great fashionable world contering in London, is after all simply the country nobility and aristocracy congregated for a brief season in London. London does not make this fashionable world. Those of the country make it in London. Their town-houses, for the entree to which fashionable toadies will resort to inconceivable humiliations, are the merest temporary lodging-houses of hated city life. This exclusive class, not far exceeding a thousand heads of houses, practically own and derive the revenues from the entire landed possessions of Great Britain.

In the main, British castle life begins with the grouse shooting season in August, and lasts until the following May. With those “in the world” the period is much reduced. Many forsake the estates in February for the “first swim” in the metropolis. There is a delightful though quiet social period in London preceding Easter. But just immediately before Easter, Parliament adjourns, when back come the Lords and Ladies; or a trip to the Continent is taken. After Easter the full London tide sets in. The Park is thronged; Rotten Row is filled with magnificent horsewomen and gallants; luncheons, dinners, and balls are innumerable; and the Queen’s drawing-rooms command the Nobility’s presence. Then comes Whitsuntide, when Parliament again takes a short recess, and London is again deserted by the aristocracy. But all the Nobility of England, Scotland and Ireland that make any pretensions whatever to correct form are back in London by the latter part of May.

From this time late dinners and later balls follow in bewildering succession. The stifling air of Parliament and court is continually breathed. Fashionable events and affairs, originated by the aristocracy and to which the aristocracy are truly slaves, compel the limit of physical and financial endurance. Derby Day, for which Parliament always adjourns, is followed by commencement at Eaton, and these by the great cricket matches between Lords and Commons, Rugby, Harrow and Eaton, and Cambridge and Oxford. Then come the wonderful garden parties of Cheswick, the two great breakfasts of the Prince of Wales, and the distinguished parties by Earls, Dukes and Duchesses, followed by Ascot week, and the court balls and great balls and banquets of foreign embassies, with the splendid afternoon teas by the Queen in the gardens of Buckingham Palace; until the military fêtes and the last fête champêtre at Wimbledon have arrived; and the “done” and jaded aristocracy seek the the spas of the continent in atonement for their sins. The “season” is at an end. The guns of the titled sportsmen commence ringing in the north and the home-life at the castles of Britain begins.

Usually a large portion of the family plate, some pictures, and much bric-a-brac have done duty at the town house, during the “season.” Every other moveable article of value has been left at the castle under the housekeeper’s direct charge, and the general charge of the steward, agent or executor of the estate, who resides nearby. The housekeeper, and possibly a half-dozen under-servants have remained at the castle on “broad-wages,” that is, reduced wages, and a certain weekly allowance with which to provide their own food. They lead no life of ease under these circumstances. Every habitable portion of the place is inspected, dusted and aired daily. Every floor is waxed once each week. At stated intervals every piece of furniture is uncovered and attended to, the books in the library opened, dusted and aired, and the plate and cutlery kept in constant readiness for immediate use. For, while the probabilities are that milord and milady will remain absent during the entire season, they may return at any moment.

After arrival, two or more weeks are devoted to absolute rest and quiet family reunion. This period is the children’s heaven of the year. If they are young, and the governess and the tutor (often the village curate) have had them in hand during their parents’ absence in London, it is a season of genuine jollity and love-making between old and young. If they are along in years, the daughters are returned from the fashionable school where they are being “formed,” and the sons, covered over with foot-ball and cricket scars, dash down from Eaton and Harrow; and as simple and jolly a time all around is had at this castle home, as may ever be found in the well-ordered homes of our own country.

But directly this is over. Milord and lady are slaves to a social system which demands nearly every moment of their lives. The remaining seven months of home life is a ceaseless round of entertainment of titled and other guests. The selections of these guests is of course occasionally with a view to, and in the anticipation of, pleasure to be obtained from congenial society. As a rule it is merely in repayment of similar entertainment received in London and in all parts of the world, from the Shetland Islands to British India. Whether guests are invited for a day, a week, or a month, the invitations are for a period absolutely limited in duration, and no social law of the British aristocracy is more inviolate than this.

The etiquette of a reception of guests is most simple. Indeed there is less formality shown in the actual relation of host to guest in a British Nobleman's home than will be at any time confronted in the house of a Hoboken brewer or a Kansas City merchant in hogs. The first coachman, with the family close carriage, if rainy, and with the wagonette, if in fine weather, brings the titled guests from the station, traps following after with the luggage; and the groom with another carriage, attends to the guests’ servants. Milord’s valet and milady’s maid meet the arriving guests at the castle entrance and conduct them at once to the drawing-room, where the host and hostess receive and welcome them; but they are not delayed in being shown to their apartments. Meantime the housekeeper is attending to the guests’ servants. 

Every gentleman brings his valet and every lady her maid, and often her own footman, unless an express request to the contrary has been made in the invitations. The visiting valet is assigned a room in the servants’ hall, and ladies’ maids are provided with separate rooms, usually en suite with their mistresses’ apartments. There are few of the British castles or country seats that are not able to house from forty to one hundred guests, with a separate apartment for each, and equal accommodations in the servants’ hall for guests’ servants. The service in all respects does not materially differ from that in our best-class, semi-private hotels; save that each occupant of the castle has the exclusive attention of his or her own servant, in addition to the general service of the castle, always on call at any hour of the day or night.

Whatever number of guests may be found at any one time at these great establishments and except on special occasions they will not exceed a dozen or twenty – in provision for the cuisine, in complete staffs of servants, and in the number of servants employed, they are at all times, during the occupancy of milord and milady, or either, as well prepared for the entertainment of the highest as the least number. That is one of the penalties of being a Nobleman. But to illustrate details of the ordinary regime, we will suppose that a dozen or score of guests are already gathered at the castle and the invitations read for “a week.”

The usual hours for meals are: breakfast at 9 to 10; luncheon at 2; tea at 5; dinner at 8; and supper at from 11 o'clock until midnight. Whether guests have arrived before luncheon or before dinner, etiquette requires that all shall gather in the drawing-room for introductions. This is absolutely the first and last of formality among these tired people during their sojourn. Whatever the difference in rank, none whatever is thereafter recognized. The story-books do not put it in this way, but the fact remains. 

It is the unwritten and inviolable law of such occasions that, while mere distinction in rank, in form of address, is adhered to, for the time being the offensive distinction of precedence is wholly abolished. Socially and ethically while you are his Lordship’s guest you are neither his superior nor inferior. Otherwise you would not be there. Not only is this true, but there can be only two possible oссаsions for extreme dressing. Those are at dinner, where of late years everything savoring of full dress has been tabooed, and in the event of a ball being given to which neighboring Nobility are invited.

There is probably no other place in the world where a guest for a week is so much the master of his or her own inclinations. Etiquette and form make no demands whatever upon you. You are as free to follow your own whims, either for rest or activity, as though quartered in a glen-side cabin. Remain up all night, sleep all day, never appear at a meal save the first luncheon or dinner, and there is none to wonder, question or criticize. The entire motif of the hospitality of the British Nobility is, in short, the dignified but complete indulgence of the guest in rational activities, simple pleasures or complete rest. There are many sources of amusement There is certain to be one or more grand “meets,” where the ladies join in the exciting hunt across country to the music of the yelping hounds. Often the occupants of near castles join in these. Then there will be return sport of like nature, and delicious “hunt breakfasts” are given. 

For the gentlemen exclusively, there will perhaps be a “pheasant shoot” on the grounds, or the more sportsmanlike pleasure of grouse-shooting on the moors. The ladies often join in fishing parties to some distant stream, where lunch is served in the open wood beside some spring. Even when there is no riding after the hounds, the pleasant roads and lanes swarm with merry cavalcades of horsewomen and men, distant bits of scenery, castle ruins or historic abbeys being thus visited. The drives the finest in the world, and most brilliant intercourse is had between castle and castle. 

Within and without the great establishment itself there is always provision for almost every imaginable sport. Billiards and ten-pins are as great favorites with ladies as with gentlemen. There is always a superb cricket field. Frequently football matches are gotten up between the lordly old boys. The tennis-courts are nowhere excelled. Nearly every castle demesne has its well-stocked streams of trout and its reaches of natural or artificial lakes for sailing and rowing. But in every feature of all this high-class life at the British nobleman’s home, there is an utter absence of theatric show, so insufferable in the American Lord’s home. 

As before stated, save at dinner and at balls, you will find lordly frames almost exclusively hung with old clothes. Whatever is comfortable is in form. The baggy pajama for room-lounging; the ancient slipper, cap and jacket for the lawn, the lake and the tennis-court; the loosest and most ancient of toggery for the breakfast-table, and, among real noblemen, the most faded, spotted and ragged old pink jackets, for the “meet;” are the rule rather than the exception, despite those whose pens cannot but run riot in portrayal of British high life. 

The truth is that, despite the immense establishments, the great retinues, and the enormous general outlay as penance to rank and station, the real home-life of the British nobility is an accusative contrast, in all essentials to comfort and sterling entertainment, to the hot-house home life and grotesque social writhings of many of our own people of equal wealth. – Edgar L. Wakeman, Special Correspondence of the Mercury, 1891

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age America Visited England

Gilded Age socialite, J.J.VanAlen was married to Emily Astor, daughter of William Backhouse Astor Jr, and Caroline Astor. Her parents were not happy about Emily’s choice so they eloped. Emily died 5 years into the marriage, after giving birth to 4 children. — Public domain image of J.J. Van Alen.

AMERICAN GUESTS OF TITLED FOLK

Every season the colony of Americans in London is liberaly increased by a goodly crowd of wealthy free-born citizens, who go over to enjoy the gayeties of Mayfair and visit their titled relatives and friends. This spring the exodus from New York is larger than ever, and there is hardly a Marchioness or Duchess, Countess, or even a Princess, who wild not entertain Americans this year. Of course, the two Duchesses of Marlborough, her grace of Manchester, the Countesses of Craven and Essex and almost a score more are Americans themselves by birth, but for all that there are many Americans who, on the strength of their own charms and good looks, are on the visiting lists of titled folk, to whom they are not related by blood or nationality.

Miss Louise and Miss Nancie Morgan, for example, who have been presented at court, are very much in demand at the country places of Scotch nobility, and are much admired and entertained by the Marchioness of Lorne. Miss Louise was asked to serve as a maid of honor at the vice regal court held at Holyrood. Mrs. Frederic Tams visits Lily, Duchess of Marlborough, and Mrs. Benedict, when she is in England, is one invariably of the Duke of Newcastle's house parties. Between Easter and the opening of the Newport season J. J. Van Alen is one of the ever increasing body of wealthy Americans who open houses in London and entertain and are entertained. by wearers of strawberry leaf coronets.

Since the marriage of his daughter, William K. Vanderbilt has the Prince of Wales frequently and Mr. Vanderbilt is one of the few Americans whom the prince heartily likes and who has received hospitalities at Sandringham. The Clintons of New York have been heartily welcomed by the Duke of Norfolk. The Countess of Castle-Jane has done more than any other woman from the United States to introduce pretty American girls into the aristocratic circles of Parisian society and under her chaperonage, Miss Addie Montgomery made a second debut and sensation this spring in Paris, while Mrs. Cecil Baring, who was until last autumn the beautiful Miss Churchill of New York, has been stopping with her husband in the palace of the Prince of Monaco, an ardent admirer of the wit as well as the good looks of Uncle Sam's daughters. — Los Angeles Herald, 1899

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Gilded Age Newport

 Long before the season opens all the dates are taken, invitations sent out and gayeties planned. Newcomers settling at Newport, provided with the finest introductions, may desire to give handsome entertainments, but they will find themselves sadly disappointed.

NEW YORK'S CLOSE ARISTOCRACY

It is, of a truth, easier for a camel to go through the needle's eye than for a newcomer to get into New York society on one season's introduction. New York's society is conducted very much on the lines of a popular theater. Long before the season opens all the dates are taken, invitations sent out and gayeties planned. Newcomers settling at Newport, provided with the finest introductions, may desire to give handsome entertainments, but they will find themselves sadly disappointed. This will be from no ill-will or lack of hospitable inclinations on the part of the leaders of Newport, but simply because they have no vacant chair at their dinners nor a leftover card from their balls to offer new friends.

Of course, if there is a death or illness in a family a vacancy is created, and then one of the outsiders is called in to fill the place. But if you wish to get well into the New York swim you must, particularly if you are a hostess, take time by the forelock and begin in August to plan the next winter's campaign. As to impromptu entertainments and informal affairs, they are almost unknown in exclusive society, and if you want to know whence comes this new etiquette you will learn that it is an adoption of another English custom. — Los Angeles Herald, Number 233, 21 May 1899

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of  The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

A Black Ball of Gilded Age Newport Society

Could this “The Gilded Age” proposal have been any more romantic? Etiquipedia thinks not… HBO’s “The Gilded Age” has highlighted black society of the late 1800’s over the three seasons which have already aired. The season three finale ended with the beautifully crafted, Cinderella-storyline between the characters Peggy Scott and Dr. William Kirkland. Etiquipedia is looking forward to season 4 for more of this couple!

Though the San Francisco Call newspaper had reported on July 28, 1890, that “As Ward McAllister is to have charge of the Newport ball in honor of Prince George of Wales it will stand Prince George in hand to brush up on his social etiquette. Mr. McAllister is particular about these things.” no such ball for the Prince reportedly had taken place that year. The only ball in North America which Prince George of Wales attended was in Canada.

In Newport Rhode Island that season, however, there was one notable Black Society Ball in September of 1890. It was the Grand Bouquet Social hosted by Boyer Lodge, No. 1, of Newport. It was held on Thursday evening, September 4, 1890, at Odd Fellows Hall, and the guests were the crème de la crème of Black Newport Society.

Prominent Newport Society Leader, Dr. M. Alonzo Van Horne 

image from Gilded Age Newport in Color .com

Van Horne was born in Newport in 1871 and graduated from Rogers High School and Bryant Business College in 1889.

Etiquette for a Gilded Age Ball:

If a gentleman has been dancing with a young lady with whom he has previous acquaintance, a short promenade before leaving her with her party is not out of place and is quite agreeable after a dance, but a girl should not assume that it is to follow a dance with a stranger. He may have other engagements or contemplate bestowing his attentions elsewhere. In any event, his acquaintance with her should be conducted in the presence of the elder lady who accompanies her. This is only respectful to both ladies.

Well-bred young men outnumber the thoughtless and ill-bred; consequently a lady receives all the attention necessary to make such an occasion enjoyable, even if she be not a reigning belle or has only a limited acquaintance. Gentlemen who accompany ladies to balls endeavor to be near them when supper is announced, so as to attend them to the supper-room; but if they are not, they must look for them and see they are being properly cared for, before offering their services to others.

If a gentleman has no prior claims upon his attention at this time, he should offer his arm to the lady with whom he has been talking or dancing, always recognizing first the superior claim of an elderly lady to consideration. The mother or chaperon takes his arm and the younger lady walks beside her. It is not the best form for two ladies to each take an arm. A lady is not free to decline this attention, even though she may have expected it from another.

Gentlemen should be careful to see that ladies are provided for before they attend to their own wants, and any gentleman may extend such formal attentions as offering to escort to the supper-room ladies who may be unattended, to bring them ices, find seats for them or to escort them to their carriages, and in all this his warrant is his willingness to conform to the requirements of good breeding and compliment his hostess. He need not be deterred from showing such trifling attentions, nor need ladies decline them, because a formal introduction has not taken place.— From Eliza Lavin’s, “Good Manners,” 1888

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia