Server Theatrics? Or Better Service?

Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners) is one of my favorite writers of etiquette. Witty and knowledgeable, her answers are pure gold and sometimes hilariously funny. But Etiquipedia wonders if she was ever employed in the restaurant industry. If she had been, perhaps this answer wouldn’t have been nearly as interesting, nor as funny. Having been a manager many years ago, in a very popular Newport Beach restaurant, Etiquipedia knows that kneeling down to a table was not a common servers’ trick to get a higher tip back in the day. It was, oftentimes, to hear the patrons’ orders more clearly. When a server is standing in a very noisy establishment, possibly with their ears a few feet from customers’ voices, it’s very difficult to hear the food orders being placed. Even when it was quiet in the restaurant, many diners have a bad habit of looking down at their menus while reading from them and placing their orders. Kneeling down was one way to put the servers’ ears closer to the customers’ voices. This is something I have taught in my youth advanced classes for 36 years: Look up and directly at servers’ faces when ordering from them. Timid voices of young people often don’t carry in loud restaurant settings. Those voices don’t reach the servers’ ears.”

Kneeling shouldn't earn waiter extra tip according to Miss Manners… 

Etiquipedia however wonders, should it?

Dear Miss Manners: I have noticed some very strange behavior in several nice restaurants. “Servers” (no longer called waiters) getting down on their knees or squatting to take my order. These servers are young, but still! My friend asked one why, and he replied that he was tired. I asked another, and he replied that he didn't like to exhibit physical dominance over customers. It is all rather startling. Is this a new custom in the making?

Gentle Reader: New? Miss Manners assures you that this is an Elizabethan custom. Those who served the Lord of the castle and his most honored guests, did so from a kneeling position. They were called “servers” or “sewers.”

You have probably wandered into an Elizabethan restaurant, or posibly a time warp. Do the servers kiss your napkin, as well as taste your food, to make sure that it is not poisoned? You might test Miss Manners’ theory by calling “Sewer!” to see if one responds, or by throwing the bones on the floor to see if this is the approved way of busing one’s plate.

No, wait. If this posture has to do with the new claim that people tip more to servers who hover below them, rather than above them, Miss Manners’ tests would probably not be a good idea. Neither, in that case, would be increased tipping, which would only encourage this silliness. —By Miss Manners, Press Democrat, 1996

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia