Taking Advantage of Hospitality

Nisei is referring to a person in the United States or Canada born, to a Japanese immigrant. Evidently back in the 1930s, some Nisei born in the US, felt quite comfortable taking a handful of cigarettes from a hostess’s or host’s cigarette box, to put in their pockets for later, as opposed to just taking one at a time, much to the chagrin of their immigrant parents… 

“We have gone to social affairs where hostesses have had cigarette boxes lying around with cigarettes therein. And we have seen some Nisei open these boxes and help themselves to it without asking the hostess, or even having received her invitation to do the same. Of course, we know that the cigarettes are there for the benefit of the guests; but we hardly think that it is good etiquette for the guests to help themselves to it, when the hostess has not said, ‘Please help yourselves.’” – It was common for hosts and hostesses to have boxes of cigarettes, usually highly decorative, in their homes for guests. Like with bowls of candy, however, Etiquette dictated that one should wait until offered a cigarette before taking one, and only one, at a time. Good manners would keep most people from grabbing several at one time to stick in their pockets! – 

Above, An early 20th C. Art Deco Glass Cigarette Box and Lid by Cambridge Glass Co. As Etiquipedia does not smoke, hers is used to hold cotton swabs on her vanity tray.

In “I’m Telling You, DEIRDRE!” 

A Breach of Nisei Etiquette

While we are on the subject of Nisei manners and such, another thing comes to our mind which we cannot help mentioning. Most likely many of our young Nisei friends have noticed the common sin which we are about to mention, as well some of our hostess friends.

We have gone to social affairs where hostesses have had cigarette boxes lying around with cigarettes therein. And we have seen some Nisei open these boxes and help themselves to it without asking the hostess, or even having received her invitation to do the same. Of course, we know that the cigarettes are there for the benefit of the guests; but we hardly think that it is good etiquette for the guests to help themselves to it, when the hostess has not said, “Please help yourselves.”

Another thing which is a more glaring faux pas that we have seen some Nisei boys commit, is that one of grabbing a handful of these cigarettes and pocketing them. We are sure the hostess or host may not be stingy but it is hardly good form for the guests to “chisel” in this manner. At least, it does not look very nice to an observer on the side. 

Our readers may have seen at some time or another, a similar breach of etiquette committed with candies and other such refreshments. Our Issei elders and hosts have often commented on this to us, and we do happen to know that they are very displeased at such actions on the part of the Nisei. 

One Issei man told us that he has actually seen college students and so-called college graduates doing these things as well as the younger high school “kids.” Even if our young people are not really bad people, the Issei are very likely to judge us by these actions, and of course the impressions that we leave behind are hardly favorable.

Often we do these things because we are careless and thoughtless rather than intentional or downright rudeness. About the only thing which we can do to remedy the situation with our young people is to point out some of our shortcomings can check up on themselves. — The New World Sun, 1938

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia