Gilded Age Ball Etiquette

Above, a gilded age, gilt and sterling macaroni server. Macaroni, served in a variety of ways– both hot and cold– was a popular dish served at gilded age tables, just as it is today.—
“An elaborate supper for a ball or party includes both hot and cold dishes and nothing which the market furnishes is deemed too elaborate. Game birds of the smaller species are served cold, the larger birds hot; boned fowl is especially liked, and salads in variety and profusion are considered essential; rich patties of various sorts and truffled and scolloped dishes in variety reinforce the list, while cake, ices, flowers, fruit and candelabra ad to the beauty of the feast. Champagne is a favorite beverage, but a discreet hostess, who is entertaining young men with whose tastes and habits she unacquainted, is very careful about the beverages she offers.” – Eliza Lavin

A lady who gives a large ball usually requests a few friends whose acquaintance is large to assist her in receiving, and these relieve her of much solicitude by assuming the responsibility of seeing that diffident young men and women are not “walled,” as their more sprightly associates term it. Men introduce other men to the ladies of their own families and also to any other ladies whose permission they may receive. 

A gentleman, who desires to present a friend, politely asks a young girl’s chaperon if he may introduce Mr. Blank, provided it will be agreeable to Miss Blank. On receiving permission, he brings his friend up and presents him to the chaperon first and then to the young lady, and Mr. Blank returns the young lady to the chaperon soon after the dance. If a gentleman has been dancing with a young lady with whom he has previous acquaintance, a short promenade before leaving her with her party is not out of place and is quite agreeable after a dance, but a girl should not assume that it is to follow a dance with a stranger. He may have other engagements or contemplate bestowing his attentions elsewhere. In any event, his acquaintance with her should be conducted in the presence of the elder lady who accompanies her. This is only respectful to both ladies.

Well-bred young men outnumber the thoughtless and ill-bred; consequently a lady receives all the attention necessary to make such an occasion enjoyable, even if she be not a reigning belle or has only a limited acquaintance. Gentlemen who accompany ladies to balls endeavor to be near them when supper is announced, so as to attend them to the supper-room; but if they are not, they must look for them and see they are being properly cared for, before offering their services to others. 

If a gentleman has no prior claims upon his attention at this time, he should offer his arm to the lady with whom he has been talking or dancing, always recognizing first the superior claim of an elderly lady to consideration. The mother or chaperon takes his arm and the younger lady walks beside her. It is not the best form for two ladies to each take an arm. A lady is not free to decline this attention, even though she may have expected it from another.

Gentlemen should be careful to see that ladies are provided for before they attend to their own wants, and any gentleman may extend such formal attentions as offering to escort to the supper-room ladies who may be unattended, to bring them ices, find seats for them or to escort them to their carriages, and in all this his warrant is his willingness to conform to the requirements of good breeding and compliment his hostess. He need not be deterred from showing such trifling attentions, nor need ladies decline them, because a formal introduction has not taken place.— From Eliza Lavin’s, “Good Manners,” 1888

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