An Interview with Nancy Hoogenboom

If you are familiar with the @daily.etiquette Instagram feed, then you’ve probably seen Nancy Hoogenboom’s colorful and fun posts, filled with fascinators, flowers and fun! Nancy was one of our two “Blue Ribbon” winners from the Etiquette Community for our 1st Annual Etiquipedia Place Setting Competition. 

🍽 🍽 🍽 🍽 

Nancy Hoogenboom is the founder and CEO of Daily Etiquette, a Southern California School of Etiquette and Protocol. In addition to being a certified etiquette trainer, she is a speaker, author, consultant, and coach. According to her website, “Nancy makes etiquette relevant for today’s society in social media, personal interaction, and social and professional settings. By bringing the basics of etiquette into the day to day activities of our lives, Nancy is able to show new insights in communication with those in our lives.”

Congratulations, Nancy!

Nancy’s place setting is ‘all dressed up and ready to celebrate’ something, by all appearances and the colors used in many of the elements.

As Nancy did not provide a menu for us, we had to guess what she might be serving at this festive place setting. Nancy’s setting looks as if it jumped off the pages of a website or holiday catalog, with the metallic gold welcoming the guest with a festive, visual splash. This could be done with glossy silver, copper, brass or bronze elements and still retain the celebratory feeling this evokes (If another element were to be used, I would recommend an ivory, or the palest grey, table cloth, place mat or runner when using silver or bronze elements – and more of a bright white for copper or brass.) The “Thankful” written across the bread plate makes me immediately think of the Autumn and Winter holiday season. 

If it is for a holiday dinner, it is done very subtly, without the use of any whimsical holiday decor or tchotchkes. The kumquats in the water are a subtle nod to winter months and blend seamlessly with the color scheme. That is not easy, as those decorative items, if poorly chosen, can lessen the overall look of one’s holiday table. If you’re having just family and good friends, all of those items you’ve saved over the years –the ones that your children or grandchildren made in school– can be wonderful and make your table homey, as well as attractive. If you’re going for a much more formal and upscale look, leave the kids’ art projects off of the dining table.

This setting has a teaspoon, which is automatically considered superfluous, unless there is a course which would require a teaspoon. However, a bowl is the first dish that will be used. Not being a soup spoon, in any size or shape, it would have to be for some sort of food that would require a large round bowl, but not a spoon with a large round bowl.

A few etiquette notes on Nancy’s setting: 

Specificity on what will be served, and when, is always helpful when imagining how well a place setting suits a menu. This setting has a teaspoon, which is automatically considered superfluous, unless there is a course which would require a teaspoon. However, a bowl is the first dish that will be used. Not being a soup spoon, in any size or shape, it would have to be for some sort of food that would require a large round bowl, but not a spoon with a large round bowl. It’s possible her set did not have the proper spoon for the bowl or vice versa, or the dish requires the teaspoon, as a helper, for the salad-sized fork. I just had to guess. Which brings me to the bowl…

Regular readers of mine of the @Etiquipedia Instagram feed, know that one of my biggest pet peeves is a dish or utensil, of any kind, placed atop the napkin. Dishes or utensils do not belong atop napkins for the simple reason that one’s guests should be able to sit, lift their napkins, place them in their laps and begin dining. They should not have to sit, lift up whatever sits atop the napkins with one hand, then hold them or figure out where to place them, while with the other hand, remove their napkins and try to gracefully lay them across their laps, all before beginning to dine. Guests should never have to re-lay a table, but that’s what they’re forced to do when napkins are “artistically” placed beneath flatware and dishes. 

I forgave this faux pas, as 1.We had no menu. 2.We were given no “story” regarding how this meal would be served. And 3.I have seen it work before; once at a holiday dinner with a hearty stew in a bowl served buffet/style for the first course only, while guests watched a holiday lights boat show prior to the seated dinner, and again at a buffet bridal luncheon, when the crudités / amuse bouche plates were atop the napkins. People milled around chatting, partaking of the first course, while napkins were moved to the chairs, prior to everyone being seated for the luncheon. 

Again, those were the only two times I can remember that it worked. Most times, this does not work and many people, especially in the case of plates atop napkins, wind up not removing the napkins, and resort to just wiping their fingers on these napkins sticking out from underneath plates or utensils, which tend to resemble untucked shirts.

The fabric of the napkin is not technically proper for a dinner napkin, though I cannot be certain just by seeing it as it sits under the bowl. It may be the gold fabric on one side and a damask on the reverse. An argument can also be made though, for the need for such a napkin, adding to the festive look of a holiday table – and we have seen designers use lamé in competitive settings of the early 1900’s.

The napkin is not technically proper for a dinner napkin, though I cannot be certain just by seeing it as it sits under the bowl. Could it be gold fabric on one side and a damask on the reverse?

I was pleased to see the butter spreader placed on the “bread plate” correctly. Too many hosts and hostesses have taken to placing these spreaders in a vertical manner (à la caterers or cruise lines), which is incorrect. Historically, any knife should face toward the diner or his / her plate. Blades of knives should never point toward anyone else at the table. 

I overlooked the fact that the bread plate is more of a salad size. In fact, I didn’t even notice that the plate was too big until I saw the photo from a different angle. After judging, I was shown the settings with who had created them in the photos. That was when the size of the plate for bread really jumped out at me. It’s a tad smaller than the dinner plate. It’s funny, but little details like this separate the beautiful, correct and functional place settings from the rare, perfect place settings.

An optical illusion… Placemats are not meant to go atop tablecloths or table runners. The fact that this placemat looks more like a decorative trivet, works in its favor and it shows lots of the table covering. That makes this a natural fit for the table. It actually helps the table look sparse and uncluttered.  

Other little details which are not technically correct but allowable in my eyes? 

• The salt and pepper are too close to the glassware for my comfort, however the table elements are sparse enough that they dont seem too out of place. Ideally they should be somewhere in the upper to mid-left third of the place setting. (Directly to the right of the bread plate, above the left rim of the dinner plate or in the mid point, horizontally and vertically from the next place setting to the left, to be shared with the person sitting next to you.)

• This table appears to have a lot of room though, and it’s a visual trick… an optical illusion… that is giving this a roomier appearance. The “placemat” is part of this illusion. Placemats are not meant to go atop tablecloths or table runners. The fact that this placemat looks more like a decorative trivet, works in its favor and it shows lots of the table covering. That makes this a natural fit for the table. It actually helps the table look sparse and uncluttered. 

• There are only two glasses at the place setting, adding to an uncluttered look. Again, not having a menu leaves me to guess that the glasses are correct. I have to give the benefit of doubt. 

•  And lastly, the candle wicks have not been burnt. If you are in the category of numerous armchair judges who are horrified at the untouched wicks, it has been a good hundred and fifty years since it was considered a social crime to show off your wealth by the gauche display of unburnt wicks on candles in one’s homes. I have never marked points off for non-burnt wicks. That being said, I think wicks which have been burnt down a bit, giving the candles just a slight dip and hint of melted wax on top, have a very pleasing aesthetic look to them. They just look a bit nicer when burnt, but are no longer an etiquette issue if not.

4 Questions for Nancy

1. Have you always enjoyed a properly set table? Or, if not, was table setting something you learned to enjoy through your social life and/or business, later on in life?

I have always enjoyed a creative place setting since I can remember, the laughter that filled the room as we sat and enjoyed friendship and food around the table. I have fond memories of my mom having the most elegant tea parties for families and friends as we sat and enjoyed savory tea sandwiches, scones with cream and jam, fruit tarts, mini-cakes and delightful conversations.

As I began to educate myself about etiquette and modern manners, the reason’s behind “The Art of The Place Setting” was extremely interesting and intriguing. As a Certified Etiquette and Modern Manners Trainer and Coach, I now have the pleasure to teach others the beautiful “Art of The Table Settings.”

2. How did you choose the various elements you used in your setting and why?
I choose the various elements for my table setting form our home. I enjoy using items I have already in my home and garden, from crystal wine glasses and china we were given as wedding gifts 39 years ago to modern place table setting pieces including greenery and flowers from our garden. I enjoy mixing vintage and modern pieces to make a unique and inviting table setting.

3. How, if at all, did Covid related social restrictions affect your choice of setting? Were you ready to celebrate? Feeling in the mood to do something different? Etc…
The pandemic has been a challenge in many ways, as far as the meal, finding unique food items at our local stores was not as assessable. I was inspired by a wedding menu we attended and made it my own.

4. Do you plan on entering again next year?
I’m excited for the next International Place Setting Competition, I already have exciting ideas for what I am planning. Such a joy to see all the talented place settings entered, I’m inspired seeing and reading about each participant’s story.

Thank you Maura Graber of etiquipedia.blogspot.com @Etiquipedia and Elizabeth Soos, professor at the Auersmont School of Etiquette in Australia @auersmont_schooofetiquette for hosting The First Annual Etiquipedia International Place Setting Competition. I was honored to participate and delighted to see all the incredible ancient to modern place settings.

Thank you again for Maura and Elizabeth, this has been delightful competition!

Elizabeth Soos and I would both like to congratulate Nancy on her wonderfully festive Blue Ribbon winning place setting. We are looking forward to see what Nancy comes up with for next year’s competition, without the constraints that Covid-19 brought us!

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia