Etiquette: Solver of Sticky Social Dilemmas

Drinking can pose problems if you are a hostess, you must refuse to serve more liquor to an inebriated guest, Post said. “You are then responsible for seeing that a drunken guest arrives home safely by asking a good friend to escort this guest home,” Post said, adding that you also might drive the guest home yourself, or call and pay for a cab. – From “Emily Post On Etiquette” 

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Etiquette was invented to solve those sticky social dilemmas… 

Life is full of sticky social situations but there's no need to become unglued, because etiquette was invented to solve these problems. The traditional way to solve social dilemmas has been to ask Emily Post, who first published her book “Etiquette” in 1922. In the current issue of Redbook, Elizabeth Post, a granddaughter of the original Emily, answers some of today’s etiquette quandaries in an excerpt from her book, “Emily Post On Etiquette.” 

• Proper party manners often pose problems. What happens, for instance, if you are invited to a cocktail party the same weekend a cousin is visiting. Can you ask your hostess if your cousin may attend? “No. Decline the invitation and explain your reason to the hostess,” Post advised. “She then has the option to say, ‘I'm sorry you can’t come, we’ll miss you,’ or, if she feels your cousin’s presence won’t make a difference in her planning, she may say, ‘Do bring him. I’d love to meet your cousin.”’

• Hostesses may have a problem dealing with the guest whose babysitter has defected and asks to bring her baby to an adults-only cocktail party. “An adults-only party is just that, and you need not feel you are being rude by telling your guest you would love for her to come, but the party is for adults and you do not have accommodations for an infant,” Post wrote. 

• Then there’s the dinner at which you are offered a dish you don’t like. Among friends. Post said, you can just say, “No, thank you.” Otherwise it is good manners to take and eat at least a little of every dish offered, except in cases of allergy or special diet. 

• Smokers sometimes are uncertain about when and where they can light up. “If a smoker is visiting a house for the first time, or is with people he or she doesn’t know well, or is in close quarters with friends, the smoker should always ask, ‘Do you mind if I smoke?’ If someone does mind, don’t smoke,” Post said. 

• Drinking can pose problems if you are a hostess, you must refuse to serve more liquor to an inebriated guest. Post said. “You are then responsible for seeing that a drunken guest arrives home safely by asking a good friend to escort this guest home,” Post said, adding that you also might drive the guest home yourself, or call and pay for a cab. 

• If you are the one who drinks too much at a party and are insulting, rude or disruptive, you must call and apologize. If you simply left the party early, without embarrassing yourself or anyone else, you need apologize only for early departure. 

• It’s a wise guest who knows when to call it a night “Try to be sensitive to, and aware of, the people around you,” Post wrote “Most hostesses are reluctant to speed the departure of guests, even when they are ready to end a party.” Look for signs of tiredness, then make your move to break up the party. But remember, etiquette dictates you not eat and run. You should remain at least one hour after dinner. 

• For the hostess who wants to let the guests know it’s time to go home, Post advises closing the bar, offering a last nightcap and making a show of putting the liquor away. A hostess may also yawn and look at her watch. – AP Features, 1988

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia