Monday, March 18, 2024

Emily Post on Finger Bowl Doilies

Originally, the word “doily” referred to as small napkin or decorative “piece of linen.” The word doily, also originally “doyley” was first used in 1711. Over the decades, doily has come to mean a small, lacy, decorative mat or crocheted piece of lace for finger bowls or desserts to be placed on. – “ Finger-bowls and doylies are brought in on the dessert-plates. Each person at once removes the bowl and doyley to make ready for whatever is to be put on the plate.” – From the Etiquette of Gilded Age Dinners and Service

Don't Dirty a Doily

Dear Mrs. Post: When the finger bowl is brought to the table on the dessert plate, on which is a lace doily, how does one remove the finger bowl to the table, and where is it put? Is the doily removed with it, or is dessert put on the doily?

Answer: The doily should be lifted off with the finger bowl and both put down at your place wherever there is room. On no account put anything eatable on top of a lace doily.

Emily Post, in “Good Taste Today,” 1937 


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, March 17, 2024

American Manners in 1981

State dinners had become so large by Ronald Reagan's presidency that none of the china could accommodate the number of guests. First Lady Nancy Reagan ordered 4,370 pieces of Lenox china, enough place settings of 19 pieces for 220 people. This was nearly twice as many placesettings as other recent services. The Reagans wanted a design that would display a strong presence for the subtly colored State Dining Room, now painted white. Nancy Reagan worked closely with Lenox designers to create a pattern with bands in a striking scarlet red, which was her favorite color. The pattern was bordered on each side with etched gold, which created a sparkling contrast with the soft ivory china. The presidential seal was in raised gold in the center, partially overlaying the red border. On pieces such as the service and dessert plates, fine gold crosshatching overlays the red. The Reagans were often criticized for the $209,508 cost, but the china was not funded by taxpayers. It was paid for by the J.P. Knapp Foundation.


The Social Graces Come Back Into Style

The Ronald Reagan family, setting a new lifestyle in the White House, also is turning America around on its social graces. You could call the process Nancy's national finishing school. Minding your Ps and Qs went into limbo in the revolutionary 1960s, remained there through the informal days of the Carter administration, but now is resurging under the Reagan influence, says one social arbiter who has written 12 etiquette books. What next? White gloves again, perhaps even hats, tea dances instead of disco, organdy replacing denim, and the waltz instead of the Texas two-step Marjabelle Stewart, who has made a successful career of teaching etiquette to everyone from 5-year-olds to executives on the way up. said the Reagans perhaps without being aware of their influence are casting an aura of elegance that is contagious. “They entertain graciously,” she said “They have the same attitudes, the same manners This is the most comfortable the White House has ever been ... all the Reagans did was move from one home to another. 

“The Reagans are truly representative Americans. They're so low key. They didnt have to have a new house. We had an aura when the Kennedys were in the White House. But Jackie brought a definitely European flavor. She leaned more to entertaining the French and British.” Mrs. Stewart, in a telephone interview from her home in Kewanne, Illinois, cited other factors reviving old-fashioned good manners and taste. “The royal wedding (of Prince Charles and Lady Diana) has had a big effect,” she said. “Think of how many Americans got up at weird hours to watch it on television. I'm in the Moline, Illinois, area and that meant getting up six hours early. Just how much that ultra-formal wedding will have in establishing more formality at weddings of other couples remains to be seen, when the peak marrying season arrives in the spring and summer. Especially with that 26 foot long train of Princess Diana’s,” she said. 

“It also remains to be seen how many young women will take to hats.” The Princess of Wales was hatted for her departure on the honeymoon and has worn chapeaux at almost every public appearance since. But then Britain's royal women have had an addiction to hats for generations. Mrs. Stewart said “renewed stress on formal education also was having an effect upward mobility, I call it,” she said. “You have a happy feeling that you're on your way. There is the communications influence. More people read, see and hear about everyday courtesies…Were buying etiquette books because we need them, not because we're putting on,” she said

Mrs. Stewart became an etiquette authority from running a finishing school in Silver Spring. Md. Robert Luce, a publisher, had a daughter in the school and suggested that Mrs. Stewart put some thoughts into a book. From this grew another idea: Why not offer etiquette classes through department stores? The White Gloves & Party Manners business was established in the 1960s. At one time, she had 400 franchises in leading stores around the nation. In the 70s she fell on hard times but says today, "I kept teaching in the Southern belt. They'd die before they give up their manners. –
 From and article by Gay Pauley, UPI Senior Editor:  1981


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, March 16, 2024

Restaurant Dining Service Etiquette

There are three simple rules of etiquette when dining out: get fed, stay as clean as you can and attract no attention.We at Etiquipedia have found that one’s attitude in a restaurant can also affect the service you receive. A smile with an upbeat attitude and good manners can be a winning combination toward having a good time when out dining.

There are a wealth of etiquette books and guides for the dining hour, each seeming to outdo the other in exactness. There are three simple rules of etiquette when dining out: get fed, stay as clean as you can and attract no attention. It is not nearly as important to know which foods Amy Vanderbilt allows to be eaten with the fingers, or which fork to use when confronted by a row of beautifully polished silver, as it is to eat with a minimum of fuss. Remember, the idea is to enjoy the meal, so relax!

Rules for dining etiquette got their start before the 16th century with the development of a tool called a fork. "The fork placed a barrier between fingers and food." wrote Raymond Sokolov, a historian interested in food and its preparation, in an article for the August, 1978, Natural History magazine. But from the creation of the fork and the spread of its use through Europe and the New World. Up until that time, people ate with their hands from a common dish.

Checklist for Service

Restaurants get ahead by offering something unique and better than their competition. Second only to appealing food is good service, say most customers. And good service will establish a good will that will give the restaurant operator's business momentum.
Next time you want to rate a restaurant before taking guests with you check the following:
  1. Does the waiter or waitress treat all customers alike, regulars and strangers? You should, as a customer, always be made to feel important.
  2. Can the food servers remember who ordered what or must you juggle plates back and forth after they have left?
  3. Is the restaurant noisy with clattering dishes or sounds from the kitchen? Is there soothing background music?
  4. Are buffets attractively presented and kept stocked during the entire meal?
  5. Is there a minimum of foot traffic by your table?
  6. Is the waiter or waitress easy to hail when needed? Do they hang around the table while you are eating? Do you feel rushed?
  7. Can you read the menu easily? Must you speak fluent French to read it?
  8. Are there fresh flowers on the table? A fresh tablecloth? Clean silverware?
  9. Do you feel comfortable and welcomed? Are you seated within a reasonable amount of time? Are you seated immediately when you make a reservation?
  10. Is the meal presented attractively? Is it nutritious? Does the main course arrive before you've finished your salad or soup?
  11. Are you badgered by the cocktail waitress?
  12. How is the lighting? Can you see your dinner partner?
  13. Does the waiter or waitress take care of the paying of the bill smoothly with a minimum of fuss?
Your answers will determine whether you will make a return visit and any good restaurant operator knows it. If you have a complaint, voice it quietly but firmly to the management and expect a reasonable response. – From The Salinas Californian, 1979



🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, March 15, 2024

Courtesy and Neighborly Love

Henry Drummond was a Scottish writer, lecturer, biologist and evangelist who died in 1897 at the age of 45 ––Public domain image of Henry Drummond



LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR

Courtesy- this is love in society, love in relation to etiquette. 

"Love doth not behave itself unseemly" 

Politeness has been defined as love in trifles. Courtesy is said to be love in little things. And the one secret of politeness is to love.

Love cannot behave itself unseemly. Courtesy is the love of your fellow man. —Henry Drummond in Winters Express, September 1914


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Finger Bowl and Flower Etiquette

“It is always proper to use finger bowls, but it is not always done, and a hostess commits no breach in etiquette in not doing so, unless fruit has beer served.” — Madame Merri, 1912
Please answer in your columns whether it is always proper to use finger bowls at a dinner or luncheon. If so, should each guest be served with an individual bowl, or should one be passed around to each? Is it proper for a hostess to wear flowers?-M. E. P.

It is always proper to use finger bowls, but it is not always done, and a hostess commits no breach in etiquette in not doing so, unless fruit has beer served. One should be provided for each guest, put on a plate which has a finger bowl doily upon it. A hostess may wear flowers if she is fortunate enough to have them. — By Madame Merri, 1912


🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Etiquette for the Maldives

The picturesque and relaxing island nation of the Maldives. Before eating the delicious local and fresh foods, please wash your hands in a basin provided before you start your meal and after if you have eaten food with your hands.
The Maldives is an archipelagic country in South Asia, a string of atolls scattered across the Indian Ocean and officially called the Republic of Maldives. The word "Maldives" means "the islands of Male"; incidentally, Maldives's capital is Male. Male is pronounced as Malé with the infliction oné. The name Maldives comes from the Sanskrit word "maladvipa", meaning "garland of islands", which is absolutely true. The islands are strewn across the ocean like sparkling aquamarine stones.

History reveals that the first settlers arrived in the Maldives around the 5th century BCE, likely from Sri Lanka, South India and East Africa. It is said that from the 12th century Buddhism was practiced until Arab traders brought Islam and now worshiped till today. The In the 16th century, the Portuguese briefly established themselves then it became a British protectorate then in 1965 on behalf of the Sultan, Prime Minister Ibrahim Nasir Rannabandeyri Kilegefan, assisted in gaining independence.

Arriving at the airport, you are greeted with a relaxed atmosphere from officials; once finished, bags are scanned, and many are greeted with a surprise request to relinquish their duty-free alcohol products and given a slip to pick up on departure. For many foreigners, this is a 'welcome' learning experience to the country's culture. Once you are out of the customs, you are met by the magical sight of taxi planes and boats bobbing up and down on a perfect blue-green sea. Malé and Hullamalé are connected by a bridge with red double-decker buses slowly making their way over and back.

While being escorted to your hotel of choice, you will see women and children dressed in Western, Indian and/or niqab, hijab, chador to dupatta. You may find that your hotel hosts are from places such as Bangladesh, India and local Maldivian at the helm. Maldives is certainly relaxed everywhere you go; the people are tolerant and understanding of those coming to their shores to discover island paradise. The main beach area dress code for Westerns is modest dressing leaving bikinis, bathers and “Cardi B” style outfits in the suitcase for your island resort getaway.

Food is a mixture of Arabic, Southern Indian, Sri Lankan and Western. I have personally tried traditional Maldivian food at a restaurant recommended by a local and heartily recommend the cuisine. You will find that locals love to patronise cafes and restaurants and sit for hours talking to friends and family. Lots of laughter and talking fills the space making for a happy environment.

Before eating the delicious local and fresh foods, please wash your hands in a basin provided before you start your meal and after if you have eaten food with your hands. On the local menu, you will find flavorful dishes such as garudhiya which is a fragrant fish soup, masihuni made for breakfast, shredded smoked tuna, grated coconut, lemon and chilli, eaten with roshi (roti bread) to sweet or handulu bondibai, rice pudding eaten during Eid. Most of these foods are commonly eaten by right-hand roti or rice. These carbohydrates are used as a carrier for the main meals and are well mixed together with the hands.

If you love bacon in the mornings with your eggs, due to the country being an Islamic republic, pork will not be found. Instead, you will offered chicken and beef alternatives. Resorts away from the main islands will sell alcoholic beverages.

Maldivian culture adheres to the Islamic principles of the family unit, and tight-knit bonds within extended families further reinforce this respect. You will be met with locals and hired help with poker faces; it is a South Asian tendency not to smile; however, when you break the ice when asking for directions or advice, you will be met with kindness. Etiquette is that speaking to locals on the street, woman to woman and man to man is better.

If you are fortunate enough to be invited to a Maldivian household, don’t forget to remove your shoes and greet your hosts. Women will greet verbally rather than shake hands, whereas men will use the hand-to-heart sign, and the general greeting is “As-Salaam-Alaikum" and "Wa-Alaikum-Salaam" which means “May peace be upon you." Before you arrive, purchase fruit or a gift you brought from your home country. To break the ice and get a conversation started, inquire about how the family is doing. When you see children, ask their names and ages to show interest and avoid patting them on the head. If you have accidentally bumped into someone, apologise quickly. When eating, you may be invited to sit down on the floor. If that is the case, keep the soles of your feet facing the wall, as it is considered unclean.

I hope these tips help your stay, or next stay, in the Marvelous Maldives, relaxing and fun.



For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.



 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

Etiquipedia Q and A Correspondence

To satisfy an anxious appetite if the dinner is taking too long. Not for very formal meals, however.

At Etiquipedia, we often get asked questions via Twitter and Instagram. Every so often, we will post one of our favorite questions we have received on social media, along with the answer. The following was a great question from last month:

Question: I teach etiquette to children, adults and corporate. It’s my passion and I feel I am contributing to society. I have had a question for a long time and perhaps you can help:

Is the bread plate ever optional? I have been learning different things and although I grew up with an English grandmother, that part is not clear yet.

I appreciate it very much. You are really the one knowledgeable person on etiquette who I can fully trust.

Answer: The bread plate is always optional. In many countries and cultures, there is no bread plate. And in the United States, if it’s a formal dinner, bread plates should not be part of the place settings at all.

Bread or a “dinner roll” was something that was placed at the table for each guest when early ovens and stoves, which had replaced open fire cooking, were still very unpredictable and unreliable.

You can imagine how difficult it would be to have a large group of people for dinner, if your cook could not manage timing everything properly with a stove or oven, which was unreliable.

A bread or roll would help satisfy the appetite briefly, while the dinner was being finished. It was a very common problem as stoves and ovens were being slowly introduced into people’s homes.
 
A formal dinner served in a grand home, meant that the kitchen was most likely outfitted with the newest and most modern of kitchen “appliances.” Several people would be on hand to assist the chef or cook in creating the meal. The first wood-burning stove in the White House, for example, was installed in 1801 by Thomas Jefferson. It replaced an open fire for cooking.

By the gilded age, a very formal dinner in such a grand home would not require bread plates, though those with old money, probably still did include a roll in the napkin at their formal tables, simply out of tradition. It was included in most Etiquette books as being correct, but there was no bread plate mentioned. Most people with “old money” placed their bread on the tablecloth to the left of the plate, after removing it from the napkin.

A bread, or a roll became common place at place settings in homes and in restaurants. For a brief while, there were matching bread plates and butter plates, or “butter pats,” being manufactured and sold. Those were most often used in restaurants, however, and more middle-class homes. In the more modest homes, bread was still a large part of the meal, as it was inexpensive to make, and again helped stave off an impatient appetite.

Bread plates were a bit of a novelty over in Europe and England, as bread was usually set on the table. Queen Victoria popularized having a loaf of bread at the table with a large knife for cutting. Side plates are commonly used in England, but they are for a variety of foods. Crescent plates are British in origin, though they were not created for bread.

Crescent plates were created for salads originally. And that is how Queen Elizabeth II used hers at her coronation luncheon. The salad was served above her luncheon plate. Smaller versions became popular here in the United States for a time, and people were using crescent plates here for bread, or they were most often using them as “bone” plates; plates for depositing bones, shrimp tails, etc…

As stoves and ovens became much more reliable during the early part of the 20th century, it was determined that bread was no longer a necessity at a formal meal. Thus, there was no real need for a bread plate, especially at the dinner table.

Henceforth a dinner roll was no longer required at a formal dinner, as courses were expected to be served on time. That has made bread plates unwanted at formal place settings, and optional at informal dinners.

I think it’s completely up to the host or hostess, whether or not they wish to have a bread plate at their place settings. At large family dinners, because my Italian side of the family expects bread at the table, I’ll go ahead and place bread plates out.

If I’m giving a nine course formal etiquette dinner seminar, I have the bread plates, too. But those are for instructional purposes only, as I’m giving instructions on how to eat a roll and butter properly. I do give a history of bread at the table, however, and let guests know that this would not be the norm at a formal multi-course dinner.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, March 11, 2024

Etiquette of Mauritius or “Mini India”

Though it is referred to as “Mini India” by those who have visited this island nation in the Indian Ocean, it is actually an African nation. In fact, it is said to be consistently ranked as the most peaceful of all African nations. – “I thoroughly enjoyed holidaying in Mauritius. I was awed by its beautiful green forests, animal life, cultural diversity and variety of food offered. People are relaxed and happy to talk with you and its vast clean beaches and temperate climate.”  ~Elizabeth Soos

Why “Mini India?”

The Republic of Mauritius is an island nation situated in the Indian Ocean, approximately 2,000 kilometres off the southeastern coast of East Africa, east of Madagascar. Its territory comprises the main island, Rodrigues, Agaléga, and St. Brandon. Until I travelled to Mauritius, I did know that it wasn't home to any indigenous population but a huge colony of now extinct Dodo birds and tortoises. (Apparently, they were a slow moving bird that could be caught and eaten easily). Its journey began with Arab sailors who discovered it around 975 CE, followed by Dutch colonists named it after Prince Maurice of Nassau in the 16th century.

Old world superpowers of the time encouraged colonisation and migration and have shaped the diverse population of Mauritius today. French, English and Dutch brought labourers from Indian and African labourers. Indo-Mauritians form the majority today, followed by significant Creole, Sino-Mauritian, and Franco-Mauritian communities. From the captivating sounds of Sega music, a blend of African and European influences, to the colourful Hindu temples and French colonial architecture, the island showcases a beautiful fusion of traditions.

Mauritians are renowned for their warmth and hospitality. Their welcoming spirit and the island's natural beauty make it a top tourist destination. Due to varying social norms influenced by cultural and religious backgrounds, each community defines respectful behaviour according to its standards.

Hosts typically offer food and drink like biscuits and tea, and it's considered polite for guests to try everything served, making the host feel honoured for their labours. While guests aren't expected to bring gifts, a small item from your country of origin, fruit or cake will be pleasing. Sunday afternoons often see people visiting each other, and it’s a time to relax on the beach or next to the water with a BBQ with freshly caught fish, vegetable dishes and a bottle of local beer or rum. When eating foods, whether Indian, Creole, or Asian, a fork, spoon, and knife are used, as well as hands and chopsticks.

I found that food is Indian based without the spice or heat you would find in India or Sri Lanka. Street food sellers will offer a few varieties of fast food, from noodles to rolled roti veg snacks to deep friend pakoras and samosas. On the island of Rodrigues, you will find Creole-based foods from fresh seafood, crab soup, pork chops to rice, maize, cornmeal to fresh green papaya salad with a side of rum that has been steeped with local ingredients such as chili, oranges, ginger, cinnamon, cumquat and homegrown vanilla.

You will find that there are many religions on the island. Therefore, many households will have different religo-cultural traditions, and food will be served accordingly. The Hindu population will avoid eating beef; therefore, gifts should not be leather; Muslims will avoid eating pork and gifting anything created in pigskin or offer alcohol, and Catholics abstain from eating fish on a Friday.
I felt honoured to have known more about a drink that has been drunk worldwide over the centuries. It has broadened my knowledge base as an etiquette instructor, as more and more people have questions about the tea process these days.

One of the points of interest on my holiday to-do list was to visit the famous Bois Cheri Tea Factory. This plantation produces tonnes of Mauritian-grown tea distributed throughout the island and worldwide. There, I learned about the green and black tea process. It was a tremendous insight, and I felt honoured to have known more about a drink that has been drunk worldwide over the centuries and helped me as an etiquette instructor. There is so much to do in Mauritius, and I hope if you have the opportunity to visit there, that you have a wonderful time.


For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.


 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia