Serving a Gilded Age Dinner

To have the service and attendance good, remember to have thoroughly trained waiters, to have a waiter to every two guests, to place a card with the name of the guest upon it beside each plate at a ceremonious dinner, to use menu cards for public dinners, to place one to every two persons, to have a cover for each person accompanied by two large knives, a small silver knife and fork for fish, three large forks, a tablespoon for soup, a small oyster fork for eating raw oysters, a goblet for water and, where wine is used, to have glasses for claret, hock, champagne, sherry, etc., placed around the water goblet; to place the knives and oyster fork on the right and the other forks on the left of the plate. Place a napkin, folded in some simple form, on the left side of each plate, place the glasses on the right of each plate, place extra and very delicate wine glasses, one for sherry or madeira and the others for claret or burgundy, on table with the dessert. Put the more ordinary wines on the table first, and the choicest brands with the dessert; put an individual salt-cellar beside each plate.

Table Etiquette

How to Decorate, Place Dishes and Serve a Ceremonious Dinner

The correct thing at a dinner party is to have the waiter enter the drawing room and announce in a low tone that “dinner is served,” and to light the dining room with white candles or lamps. Have part of the light come from above the table or from side brackets or branches on the wall and have colored shades for the candles on the table. Have the tablecloth of plain white of very fine quality and ironed with perfect smoothness. 

Arrange the decorations of the table high enough for the guests to be able to see under or low enough for them to see over and use flowers of delicate and agreeable perfume or have a handsome dish of fruit alone for a centerpiece. Place carafes of cut or engraved glass at each corner of the table, and for a large dinner, in the center also. Remember that plain dishes well prepared are better liked by everyone, than elaborate dishes made without the requisite skill, and to give things that are good of their kind and that go together harmoniously. 

To have the service and attendance good, remember to have thoroughly trained waiters, to have a waiter to every two guests, to place a card with the name of the guest upon it beside each plate at a ceremonious dinner, to use menu cards for public dinners, to place one to every two persons, to have a cover for each person accompanied by two large knives, a small silver knife and fork for fish, three large forks, a tablespoon for soup, a small oyster fork for eating raw oysters, a goblet for water and, where wine is used, to have glasses for claret, hock, champagne, sherry, etc., placed around the water goblet; to place the knives and oyster fork on the right and the other forks on the left of the plate. Place a napkin, folded in some simple form, on the left side of each plate, place the glasses on the right of each plate, place extra and very delicate wine glasses, one for sherry or madeira and the others for claret or burgundy, on table with the dessert. Put the more ordinary wines on the table first, and the choicest brands with the dessert; put an individual salt-cellar beside each plate. 

Begin the dinner with raw oysters, or in summer, small raw clams on the half shell, served on the regulation oyster plates, with a piece of lemon in the center. Serve one or two soups simultaneously after the oysters, a white and a clear soup. Serve fish after soup and then entrées, which are served in the first course after the fish. Then serve the roast after the entrées, then the roman punch (which is an entremet, or dish coming after the roast in the second course), then the game and salad. Serve salad either with the game or as a separate course, accompanied by cheese and bread and butter. Have the bread cut very thin. Serve some vegetables, as asparagus, sweet corn or macaroni, as courses by themselves. Serve the ices and sweet dishes after the salad and cheese, then the fruit, then the bonbons. Serve after dinner coffee, which should be strong and black. – Boston Globe, 1900

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Bedouin Desert Dining Etiquette

After dinner, a huge fire of corncobs, or sticks and camel dung, is lighted in the tent, about which we gather and enjoy the after dinner cup of coffee and a smoke, and, should we be in the mood, talk. The Arabs have one excellent point of etiquette. Talk for talk’s sake is not expected. Ever ready for a yarn, they eagerly respond should you wish to converse, but the luxury of silence is not denied if one’s mood be thoughtful. 

Life in the Desert –

The Arabs are Abstemious and said to Enjoy the Luxury of Silence

“In the Desert With the Bedouin” is the title of an article in The Century, written and illustrated by the English artist, R. Talbot Kelly. Mr. Kelly says in his article: 

Desert life induces habits of abstemiousness. Rising with the sun, a dish of cumis, or mare's milk, and a small cup of black coffee are the only refreshments generally partaken of. The day is spent following one’s pursuits, and, with the exception of an occasional cup of coffee aud some very light “snack, ” one has no meal of any kind till after sundown. One quickly becomes accustomed to long fasting and abstinence from any form of drink, and the simple dinner at night is more keenly enjoyed in consequence. 

Though plain, the food is excellently cooked, and usually consists of a huge tray of rice, over which is poured a dish of semna, or liquid butter. Round the tray are pigeons stuffed with nuts and spices, and the pyramid of rice is surmounted by a lamb or kid, frequently cooked whole. Boiled beans, and perhaps a few fresh herbs, appear occasionally, which, with the usual flat loaves and a large dish of ris-bil-laban, or boiled rice pudding, complete the meal. Salt is seldom seen—a distinct privation—except on the first day of your visit, and drinking water is often scarce. 

After dinner, a huge fire of corncobs, or sticks and camel dung, is lighted in the tent, about which we gather and enjoy the after dinner cup of coffee and a smoke, and, should we be in the mood, talk. The Arabs have one excellent point of etiquette. Talk for talk’s sake is not expected. Ever ready for a yarn, they eagerly respond should you wish to converse, but the luxury of silence is not denied if one’s mood be thoughtful. 

The idea of a fire in one’s tent may strike some of my readers as a superfluity, but the nights are often intensely cold, and after bathing in the sun all day, with the thermometer at 90 to 100 degrees in the shade, the sudden fall of temperature to little above freezing point is very trying, and, in spite of fire, blankets and a thick ulster, I have frequently been obliged to go outside and run about in order to restore circulation to my half frozen extremities. –Humbolt Times, 1897

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Dinner with a Sleeping Prince

 Luitpold Karl Joseph Wilhelm Ludwig, Prince Regent of Bavaria. He was the regency ruler from 1886 to 1912, due to the incapacity of his nephews, King Ludwig II (for 3 days) and King Otto (for 26 years.) –

 Public domain image, of Prinzregent Luitpold (or Prince Leopold) 

He Served a Fine Dinner 

This Prince Enjoyed It, and the Famished Guests Politely Smiled

Prince Leopold, the late-Regent of Bavaria, was extremely hospitable, receiving many guests and keeping open house, to which came in turn officers, scientists, artists, manufacturers —all the best society in Munich. Himself, the wielder of an excellent knife and fork, he took the pleasures of the table seriously and desired that all his guests should do the same.

Some weeks before his last illness he fell asleep at a dinner party immediately after the first course. His guests were restrained by respect for etiquette from waking him, but continued their conversation in low tones. The servants did not dare to continue serving the dinner. The Prince continued to sleep and soon began to snore. The guests continued their conversation in somewhat louder tones, but the Prince slept for two hours, during which time, no one left his place The guests sat famished in the same room with a marvelously appointed dinner. 

At length, Prince Leopold awoke. He gave a hurried glance round the table and saw only a number of well-mannered guests, successfully pretending to have noticed nothing. Persuaded that his doze had passed completely unobserved, he said. “Now let us go and take coffee.” The guests rose accordingly and proceeded to the drawing room. They were served with coffee, liqueurs and cigars. The Prince, thoroughly refreshed by his sleep, indulged in a great deal of excellent conversation which lasted till midnight. The party then broke up. and the guests departed, famished with hunger, with an official smile upon their lips. – Blue Lake Advocate, 1913

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Etiquette and a Dinner with the Queen

In her youth, Victoria was reprimanded for her tendency to eat too much and to gobble. There was no privacy for a Queen in waiting and the grisly realities of 19th-century digestive problems were agonised over by everyone – including Victoria’s mother, her uncle Leopold and Lord Melbourne, the prime minister. The young Victoria herself fretted over her weight – at her very slimmest, she was just over seven stone. After Albert’s death, she became a trenchant if joyless eater, ploughing through course after course, still gobbling. The weight piled on. A politician forced to endure a meal with the old Queen wrote that it was a dismal experience: “I personally never heard her say anything at dinner which I remembered the next day. Her manners were not affable; she spoke very little at meals, and she ate fast and very seldom laughed.” Her physician Sir James Reid left detailed notes on the weary regularity of the Queen’s problems with flatulence, bowel irritation and stomach upsets. – The Guardian on Annie Gray’s Book on Queen Victoria, 2017

Regarded from a gastronomic point of view, it appears that there is nothing particularly, desirable in dining with the Queen, although it is a privilege much coveted by ambitious men. A distinguished divine, who occasionally preaches at Windsor, and dines and sleeps there afterward, said the other day that the dinner was a remarkably unsatisfactory affair to a hungry man. It is not etiquette to continue eating of any particular course after the Queen has partaken of it to her satisfaction; and as Her Majesty eats very little the courses are harried over. 

After dinner there is hardly time to take even one glass of wine before coffee is brought in. The Queen does not put her cup on tbe table, but sips a little as the servant holds it on the salver. Then Her Majesty rises, and of course the guests all rise and stand back from the table. The Queen the makes the round of the room, stopping to talk a few minutes to any one of the guests whom she may delight to honor, and then goes out, leaving the guests to amuse themselves as they like for the evening. – Hour, 1880

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Wedding Etiquette Advice of 1917

Among members of certain churches weddings conventionally always take place in church. That is a matter of church ruling, not of etiquette, however. 

What Readers Ask…

Q. ‘‘Is it more correct to be married in church or in one’s own house? I live in an apartment without an elevator, and, though I think it is nicer to be married at home, I don't know how it would seem to ask the guests to walk up two flights of stairs.” 

A.  “Whether you are married in Church or at home, is largely a matter of personal taste. Among members of certain churches weddings conventionally always take place in church. That is a matter of church ruling, not of etiquette, however. Your guests will not mind the stairs, I am sure. If it is your home, it is the best possible place—outside of a church—where you could be married.” – By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1917

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After Dinner Coffee Etiquette

The custom of serving coffee in the drawing room or living room after dinner is one that we have borrowed from France, and it is such a simple ceremony to perform that it is sure to become more usual among us. At ceremonious dinners it is still customary among some persons for the men to remain at the table after the women have withdrawn. 

After Dinner Coffee in Favor

“Coffee, which makes the politican wise, And see through all things with his half-shut eyes.” – Pope

The custom of serving coffee in the drawing room or living room after dinner is one that we have borrowed from France, and it is such a simple ceremony to perform that it is sure to become more usual among us. At ceremonious dinners it is still customary among some persons for the men to remain at the table after the women have withdrawn. Then coffee is served in the drawing room to the women, and to the men—usually with cigars and liquors —in the dining room. Now it is quite plain to see that this custom is not one that will ever be adopted in this country in any great number of families. 

Where men neither smoke nor drink liquor it would be absurd. Moreover, many women dislike the custom, as it seems to imply that the men of the party will enjoy talking better when they are not present. At any rate, it would never be popular at the small family dinner. However, the custom of serving coffee in the drawing room is one that could be adopted in every household. Where one man is kept it is a convenience, as lingering at the table is then not a temptation and the servant does not have to wait till after coffee has been drunk leisurely before clearing the table. 

Even in the household where no servant is kept, it has its advantages. One clever housewife I know, who dexterously puts the dinner dishes away in a large, closed tin box, to be washed in the morning, so she may enjoy after dinner leisurely with her husband. She hastily cleans the table and with the assistance of her little daughter, starts the coffee immediately after the family has risen from the table, and then, within five minutes, is ready for coffee in the drawing room, with as much appearance of leisure as the woman who has five servants. 

The coffee service on a tray should be placed on a convenient table, where the mistress of the house should pour it. Then a servant, or preferably in small establishments, a daughter of the house, should hand around the cups. She should take one cup and saucer in the left hand and the sugar the the right. Most persons do not use cream in after dinner coffee—in fact, it is not the conventional thing to do—so it is not part of the usual after dinner coffee service. 

Where it is served, a little combination sugar and cream set may be passed, or the sugar dish and cream pitcher placed on a tray may be held in the right hand it is customary to take the coffee slowly, though it should never be scooped up. The spoon is to use merely to stir the sugar and then to test the coffee —to see whether it is of the right temperature for drinking. – By Mary Marshall Duffee in the Morning Union, 1917

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Royal Dining Etiquette History

When meals began to be served à la Russe, every guest was served with the same menu. The table should have been less cluttered, but flowers, lighting, decorations and expanded place settings with new items - such as fish knives and forks - soon filled the gaps.

Traditionally… even the grandest of banquets had been laid out on the table so that the guests could help themselves. Over the course of the eighteenth century, the layout had become an art form in its own right. It necessitated at least two tablecloths, both of which were laid on the table at the beginning of the meal. The cook would have planned how the dishes were to be displayed, balancing foods of different types with their colour and form both to achieve an attractive table layout and to offer each guest a variety of dishes. 

Of course, not everything by any means would be within reach of each guest. The options were for the guest to ask for a dish to be passed or to content him or herself with the dishes to hand. At a royal dinner, inhibitions were certainly greater than in a less formal situation. yet the variety of food on one's plate depended on cultivating a rapport with one's fellow diner, otherwise the meal might be very frugal indeed.

As one course ended, the dishes were removed and replaced by those for the next course. Until about the end of George IV's reign, sweet dishes were still included in the first and second courses. Large joints of meat would be carved at a sideboard and brought to the table. After the first two courses the top tablecloth was removed and the dessert, arranged with artistry, served on the clean cloth. Sculptures in sugar and ice fitted perfectly into this mode of service, known as service à la française, and fruit was often displayed in a silver epergne or in pierced and patterned silver bowls or trays.

One can immediately see the advantages and pitfalls of such a manner of serving. In its favour, the food is seen as being plentiful and beautifully presented; in theory guests can help themselves to whatever and however much they want; and it encourages conversation among guests. But there is little room on the table for anything but food; you may very much want a dish but not have access to it; and since all the food for each course has to be served at the same time, hot dishes are likely to be eaten lukewarm.

From the mid-nineteenth century, service à la russe was gradually adopted in large establishments, including the court, and it is still in general use today. – From “At the King’s Table,” by Susanne Groom

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Georgian Vulgarity vs Table Manners

“Eating quick, or very slow, at meals, is characteristic of the vulgar; the first infers poverty, that you have not had a good meal for some time; the last, if abroad [dining out], that you dislike your entertainment: if at home [and eating slowly], that you are rude enough to set before your friends what you cannot eat yourself.”

Table manners were of importance to the higher classes, although the poorest were more concerned with survival than etiquette. In a book on manners, the Reverend John Trusler warned how to avoid appearing low class or impolite: “Eating quick, or very slow, at meals, is characteristic of the vulgar; the first infers poverty, that you have not had a good meal for some time; the last, if abroad [dining out], that you dislike your entertainment: if at home [and eating slowly], that you are rude enough to set before your friends what you cannot eat yourself.”

Some hosts did offer food that we would now discard, and just before Christmas 1778 Woodforde unashamedly set before his guests a dinner that included part of a ham, the major part of which ham was entirely eaten out by the flies getting into it. Even so, his guests also stayed for supper, and “We were exceeding merry all the night.”– From, “Jane Austen’s England,” by Roy and Leslie Adkins

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“Bread and Butter” Letter Etiquette

The young woman in the picture opposite is being elaborately entertained at a house party – the very first she has ever attended. To send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter is just a trifling duty – yet to neglect to do so would be a gross insult to the hostess and she would be justified in dropping the offender from her social list.

Men and women who find themselves suddenly thrust into unexpected circles – sometimes men and women who find themselves, through some unexpected circumstance, well on the road toward social leadership – make little blunders that condemn them in the eyes of their new acquaintances and lose for them the very opportunity they had found. Among these is the unusual, but very possible, blunder of neglecting to send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter after having been entertained at a house party at her home.

The bread-and-butter letter is simply a form of courtesy one of the special letters which social intercourse demands. It is simply a short, cordial note of appreciation sent to the hostess upon return from a week-end or house party, expressing appreciation of the hospitality received, and informing her of safe arrival.

The young woman in the picture opposite is being elaborately entertained at a house party – the very first she has ever attended. To send the hostess a bread-and-butter letter is just a trifling duty – yet to neglect to do so would be a gross insult to the hostess and she would be justified in dropping the offender from her social list. – From Lillian Eichler’s “Etiquette Problems in Pictures,” 1922

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1950’s School Dance Etiquette

Might as well teach them early that when they take a girl to a party they have to look out for her.– 1950’s school dance. 

 – Image source Etiquipedia personal library.

Teach Early Social Etiquette

“Do I dance with Janie all the time?” asked a junior high schooler getting ready to go to his first dance. His mother explained he must dance the first and last dances with the girl he was taking to the party and a few others in between. But she assured him he could dance with other girls, too, just so he was sure Janie had someone to dance with. Might as well teach them early that when they take a girl to a party they have to look out for her. – San Bernardino Sun, 1953

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More Gilded Age Champagne Etiquette

“Champagne should not be left in a refrigerator for several hours before being served, as it takes away its freshness.” –Champagne saucers were used in the Gilded Age, not champagne flutes or tulip glasses that one finds today. The champagne stirrers were used by women to pop the bubbles in the champagne, though champagne saucers, with their wide-mouthed bowls, were very helpful in that effort on their own. Either way, it wasn’t considered ladylike to burp or belch, so champagne was avoided by many women, as a rule.

It is often a mistake to frappé, for it takes both flavor and body from the wine, and none but a very rich, fruity wine should ever be frappéd. My theory is that for ordinary cooling of wine, it is not necessary to use salt, unless you are in a hurry. The salt intensifies the cold and makes it act more quickly. You get a speedier result. 

I should simply use above formula, omitting the salt. Champagne should not be left in a refrigerator for several hours before being served, as it takes away its freshness. In serving it, for one who likes it cold, the wine should be cooled sufficiently to form a bead on the outside of the glass into which it is poured. It is pretty, an the perfection of condition. – From “Society As I Have Found It,” by Ward McAllister

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Etiquette: A Teaspoon is for Tea

Why, indeed, is a teaspoon put on the dinner table, if not to be used? The answer is that it simply does not belong there. It is a very common error to place the teaspoon next to the knife, presumably to use in eating the dessert. Place settings are even advertised in that arrangement. But it is wrong.  – Common, Mid-20th Century cutlery and flatware for the home. Teaspoons are only for tea and/or coffee. They are generally not for foods being served, so they do not belong at the dinner table. They are allowable at breakfasts or informal lunches.

DEAR MISS MANNERS -What are the etiquette rules regarding the use of a regular teaspoon? My husband persists in using his spoon to eat vegetables such as corn and peas. He also sometimes uses his spoon for mashed potatoes and stew (not soup). I feel this is improper, but he maintains the spoon is on the table to be used. If the use of the spoon is improper, I would like to know before our sons start copying Dad! 

GENTLE READER - Unbeknownst to you, and probably also to himself, your husband is gently making a satirical point about the way you set the table. Why, indeed, is a teaspoon put on the dinner table, if not to be used? The answer is that it simply does not belong there. It is a very common error to place the teaspoon next to the knife, presumably to use in eating the dessert. Place settings are even advertised in that arrangement. But it is wrong. Dessert is correctly eaten with a larger oval spoon and-or a small fork. You will recognize this spoon, because you use it for soup. At least, Miss Manners hopes you use it for soup. 

That statement about your husband worries her. The teaspoon is used for –surprise!– tea. Unless you have the most formal service, the dessert spoon is placed above the plate, parallel to the edge of the table, with its handle toward the knife and its bowl toward the fork; a dessert fork is placed beteen the plate and that spoon, facing in the opposite direction. Try this, and please let Miss Manners know if your husband persists in using that spoon for his mashed potatoes. She will have a stern talk with him. – By Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners, 1983

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Gilded Age Introductions of Foreigners and Politicians

In introducing a foreigner, it is proper to present him as “Mr. Leslie, from England;” “Mr. La Rue from France.” 
Likewise when presenting an American who has recently returned after traveling in distant lands, make him known as “Mr. Dunlap, lately from France,” or “Mr. Meadows, recently from Italy.”

In introducing parties, be careful to pronounce each name distinctly, as there is nothing more awkward than to have one's name miscalled.

• In introducing a foreigner, it is proper to present him as “Mr. Leslie, from England;” “Mr. La Rue from France.” 
• Likewise when presenting an American who has recently returned after traveling in distant lands, make him known as “Mr. Dunlap, lately from France,” or “Mr. Meadows, recently from Italy.”

It is very easy to make these slight specifications, and they at once afford an opening for conversation between the two strangers, for nothing will be more natural than to ask “the recently arrived” something about his voyage, or the places he has seen during his travels.

• When presenting a governor, designate the State he governs as, “Governor Fenton of New York.” 
• In introducing a member of Congress, mention the State to which he belongs, as “Mr. Sherman of Ohio,” or “Mr. Banks of Massachusetts.” 
• Do not forget that Congress includes the two legislative bodies.— Martine’s Handbook, 1870 

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Gilded Age Visiting Etiquette

Using both hands, while his hat rests gracefully– A gentleman should never take the principal place in the room, nor, on the other hand, sit at an inconvenient distance from the lady of the house. He must hold his hat gracefully, not put it on a chair or table, or, if he wants to use both hands, must place it on the floor close to his chair. 
-Photo source, Pinterest

In good society, a visitor, unless he is a complete stranger, does not wait to be invited to sit down, but takes a seat at once easily. A gentleman should never take the principal place in the room, nor, on the other hand, sit at an inconvenient distance from the lady of the house. He must hold his hat gracefully, not put it on a chair or table, or, if he wants to use both hands, must place it on the floor close to his chair. 

A well-bred lady, who is receiving two or three visitors at a time, pays equal attention to all, and attempts, as much as possible, to generalize the conversation, turning to all in succession. The last arrival, however, receives a little more attention at first than the others, and the latter, to spare her embarrassment, should leave as soon as convenient. 

People who out-sit two or three parties of visitors, unless they have some particular motive for doing so, come under the denomination of “bores.” A “bore” is a person who does not know when you have had enough of his or her company. – Martine’s Handbook, 1870

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Good Taste in Gilded Age Dress

“Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness, is all that is necessary—that is the fabled Cetus of Venus which gave beauty to its wearer.”

Mrs. Manners, the highest authority we can possibly quote in such matters, has the following hints to girls, which we can not deny ourselves the pleasure of copying, though they may seem, in part, a repetition of remarks already made: 

“Good taste is indispensable in dress, but that, united to neatness, is all that is necessary—that is the fabled cestus of Venus which gave beauty to its wearer. Good taste involves suitable fabrics—a neat and becoming ‘fitting’ to her figure—colors suited to her complexion, and a simple and unaffected manner of wearing one's clothes. A worsted dress in a warm day, or a white one in a cold day, or a light, thin one in a windy day, are all in bad taste. Very fine or very delicate dresses worn in the street, or very highly ornamented clothes worn to church or to shop in, are in bad taste. Very long dresses worn in muddy or dusty weather, even if long dresses are the fashion, are still in bad taste. 

“Deep and bright-colored gloves are always in bad taste; very few persons are careful enough in selecting gloves. Light shoes and dark dresses, white stockings and dark dresses, dark stockings and light dresses, are not indicative of good taste. A girl with neatly and properly dressed feet, with neat, well-fitting gloves, smoothly arranged hair, and a clean, well-made dress, who walks well, and speaks well, and, above all, acts politely and kindly, is a lady, and no wealth is required here. Fine clothes and fine airs are abashed before such propriety and good taste. Thus the poorest may be so attired as to appear as lady-like as the wealthiest; nothing is more vulgar than the idea that money makes a lady, or that fine clothes can do it.”– Samuel R. Wells's How to Behave: The Pocket Manual of Good Manners and Model Behavior, 1870

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Etiquette of a Gilded Age French Table

A carafe is placed between each place: on one side a carafe of water, on the other, a carafe of table wine. Before each place are four glasses: a water glass, a Bordeaux glass, a Madeira glass and a Champagne glass. They can be placed a straight line or in a square, whichever pleases you more. Put the tallest first.

The illustration (above) gives an approximate disposition for a table set for 20 places at the moment the guests arrive.

A carafe is placed between each place: on one side a carafe of water, on the other, a carafe of table wine. Before each place are four glasses: a water glass, a Bordeaux glass, a Madeira glass and a Champagne glass. They can be placed a straight line or in a square, whichever pleases you more. Put the tallest first.

Small double salts are distributed so that each guest has one within reach.

At n°1, in the centre and at either end of the table, baskets of flowers.

At one of the n°2, placed in turn, the fish, tête de veau en tortue, etc., which will be replaced by a roast, and later, at dessert by a compote, or a raised fruit plate; at the other n°2 a pâté or a ham or display of shells which is not touched during the first service and which is replaced, at dessert, also by a compote, or a raised fruit plate.

At nº3, the entrées, - fish, red meat, poultry, game, replaced by the entremets, - 2 egg or vegetable entremets and to be 2 sweet entremets, - and at dessert by the compotes or raised fruit plates.

At n°4, fruit compotes.

At nº5, compotes or plates with petits fours or confectionery.

At n°6, sugar bowls, one for granulated sugar, the other for sugar cubes.

At n°7, crystal compotes for jams, fruit conserves or fruits in eau-de-vie; and later the cheeses beneath their crystal covers.

At nº8, dessert plates, walnuts, almonds, dried figs, raisins, chestnuts, etc.

At n°9, lamps.

At nºs 10, candlesticks.

At n°11, eight hors-d'œuvres.

If one owns dish warmers they are to be placed beneath the dishes which should be eaten hot. They should also be placed under other plates for the sake of symmetry; but these should not be lit.

Émile Dumont 'La Bonne Cuisine française', Paris, 1873

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1880’s French Tables and Dining

During the course of the meal, the servants should be attentive that nothing is missing from the table; they should always be ready to offer bread, water or wine or any other complement that the guests might desire. They should change the plates for each course; as for the knife and fork, they too, should be changed for each course, if possible. In any event, they must be replaced after the fish course. It is absolutely necessary.
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In French gastronomy, cuisine bourgeoise is the home cooking of affluent city dwellers, as distinguished from elaborate restaurant cooking, haute cuisine, and from the cooking of the regions, the peasantry, and the urban poor. The cuisine bourgeoise has been documented since the 17th century: Nicolas de Bonnefons, Le Jardinier françois and Les delices de la campagne; François Menon, Cuisinière bourgeoise; and Louis Eustache Audot, Cuisinière de la campagne et de la ville.

French Cuisine Bourgeoise Table Service of 1888

The dining room, the table. – 

The day of the dinner, the dining room should be appropriately readied early in the day. In winter, it should be heated well before the meal begins but the temperature should not exceed 15° C (or 59° F). In the evening, the windows should be closed and the lamps or chandeliers lit. The floor should be covered with a carpet, at least where the guests are seated.

In summer these precautions are unnecessary as it is preferable to dine in an airy location.

The day of the dinner, the table must be covered in advance. The tablecloth must be very large and spotlessly white; the central part of it, covered by one or several table linens. 

The place settings of each guest should be arranged symmetrically, a small bread roll placed beneath the folds of each white napkin which is folded simply. 

Each place setting should have a and spoon to the right, a fork to the left. 

Glasses, arranged by height, are placed to the right and slightly above the table setting in a diagonal line.

For formal, black-tie dinners, where guest are numerous, pitchers of water and table wine are placed between each guest so that water and wine is readily accessible; but at informal dinners of 6 to 8 people, for example, 2 jugs of water and 2 carafes of table wine should be sufficient.

How the guests should be seated. – 

At a prestigious dinner, the mistress of the house is seated at the centre of one end of the table, the master of the house at the other, so that they face each other across the length of the table.

At formal dinners, the name of each guest appears on a placecard at each set ting. At informal dinners, it is the mistress of the house who decides where each guest should sit.

For men, the place of honor is at the right side of the mistress of the house; for ladies, it is at the right side of the master of the house. The left side of each is also valued but is of less importantance. Following these indications, the mistress of the house should be seated between two men and the master of the house between two women. 

After these four places of privilege have been designated, the other guests may take their place, assuring as much as possible that each lady is seated in between two men.

The meal.–

During the meal, the host and the mistress of the house should assure above all the punctuality of the service; but without affectation or noise. Neither one nor the other should leave their seat under any pretext. All must be organized so that their intervention is not necessary. This rule applies as well to the host or hostess during the meal. 

At informal dinners where the head of the family is carving, a carving knife and fork at the side of his place setting.

As soon as the guests are seated, the soup is served in soup plates; but neither the soup nor the soup plates should be on the table; they are in-waiting on the sideboard. They should only be presented to the guests when they are filled or refilled. 

Each dinner course is either presented to the guests or placed in front of the head of the family so that he may distribute them. 

If the courses are individual or easy to serve, they are presented; if not, they are placed on the table to be distributed or carved. 

At informal dinners, where fine wines are not in abundance, full glasses are not served. It is the responsability of the host to serve his guests and then circulate the bottles; but the servants should be careful that each glass is filled with the appropriate wine.

During the course of the meal, the servants should be attentive that nothing is missing from the table; they should always be ready to offer bread, water or wine or any other complement that the guests might desire.

They should change the plates for each course; as for the knife and fork, they too, should be changed for each course, if possible. In any event, they must be replaced after the fish course. It is absolutely necessary.

The service should be accomplished in silence, without hurrying, without raised voices.

When a servant offers something to a guest, whether it be a knife, glass or any other object, it should de presented on a tray and not by hand. The bread should be offered from the bread basket. If the servant offers wine to the guests, he should name each wine he offers or pours.

For dinners served ‘plat à plat’, the service should not abide any interruption, the courses follow one after the other until the entremets; at which point, the servants take away the plates, the place settings, the salt cellars, the bread and all available bottles; the table is then brushed of crumbs.

They give the guests, plates, dessert spoons and knives. The dessert is then placed on the table, in a planned and studied symmetrical order. As soon as the guests have begun the dessert, it is suggested that the servants leave the guests to themselves. If needed, the mistress of the house can summon them.

Coffee is served after the dessert. At formal dinners, coffee is never served on the same table as the meal, but for informal meals, it is often preferred, following the dessert.

In this case, the table should again be readied, that is, plates and knives taken away and the table brushed again of crumbs.

The dessert. – 

The dinner's dessert should be of particuler interest to the mistress of the house, as it is likely to be of great importance to a number of her guests.

The dessert consists of cheese, fresh or dry fruits, fruits-in-liqueur, jellies or jams, petits fours, biscuits, macaroons, sweetmeats and finally, ice-cream.

The fruit, cheese, petit fours or biscuits are arranged on plates or compotes; the jams are served in their original jars or in crystal jam pots; the same is true of fruits-in-liqueur. The sweetmeats are arranged on a plate or on porcelain or metal stands.

Very often, a cleverly arranged basket of fruit occupies the centre of the table. When the dessert arrives it is displayed around this centrepiece. The ice-creams are then presented.

The wines. – 

Regardless of the importance of the dinner, carafes of red and white table wine must always be on the table. As for the quantity of the wine, it is in keeping with the importance of the dinner. 

In any event, in a bourgeoise home, this aspect of the service is of particular interest to the host. Thanks to his diligence, the wines are served not only with the specific courses for which they are destined, but also at the optimal temperature which will bring out their best qualities.

If the red wines have formed a residue, they should be decanted, that is, poured into another decanter without agitating the residue at the bottom of the bottle. But, white wine is not decanted; only those being clear and limpid are to be served. 

As for the ideal serving temperature of each wine, it varies according to the nature of the wine. In general, all white wine should be served cooled, even in ice. 

Bordeaux wines should be served at 15° C  (or 59° F), but that does not mean they should be warmed artificially; taking them from the cellar 4 to 5 hours before serving should suffice, and resting them in the dining room or even in the kitchen until the wine has attained the desired temperature. 

Burgundy wines should be drunk more or less fresh; according to the season.

In summer, they are kept cooled, in winter, they are served at 7 to 8° C; a little less warm than Bordeaux wines.

Champagne should be well-chilled at all times, that is to say iced; a wine of this sort that is not chilled is never pleasant and cannot be appreciated. Dessert liqueurs should always be served cooled.

The order of serving wines. –

After the soup, guests are given a glass of Madeira or Marsala. After the fish and oysters, white wine is served: Chablis, Sauterne, Moselle, etc.

With meat, one serves what is called ‘les grands ordinaires’: Burgundy or Bordeaux; but Burgundy is preferable. Bordeaux is better for entrées and large roasts¹; but with roasts, nothing prevents one from serving a Burgundy wine de grand cru, and with vegetables, a fine Bordeaux. After the vegetables and until dessert, Champagne is served.

(1) There are many people who think that one cannot drink Bordeaux after Burgundy. As concerns wine tasting, I would agree with them; but as one eats different dishes at the table, the bouquet of the wine one has just drunk does not stay in the mouth to the extent that it would ruin the bouquet of the wine to follow.

Coffee. – 

If coffee is served at the same table as the meal, it is usually the mistress of the house who pours and serves it to the guests, at the same time as various liqueurs but that is only possible at informal dinners with a limited numbers of guests.

From Urbain Dubois Nouvelle Cuisine Bourgeoise, Paris, 1888

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette: Solver of Sticky Social Dilemmas

Drinking can pose problems if you are a hostess, you must refuse to serve more liquor to an inebriated guest, Post said. “You are then responsible for seeing that a drunken guest arrives home safely by asking a good friend to escort this guest home,” Post said, adding that you also might drive the guest home yourself, or call and pay for a cab. – From “Emily Post On Etiquette” 

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Etiquette was invented to solve those sticky social dilemmas… 

Life is full of sticky social situations but there's no need to become unglued, because etiquette was invented to solve these problems. The traditional way to solve social dilemmas has been to ask Emily Post, who first published her book “Etiquette” in 1922. In the current issue of Redbook, Elizabeth Post, a granddaughter of the original Emily, answers some of today’s etiquette quandaries in an excerpt from her book, “Emily Post On Etiquette.” 

• Proper party manners often pose problems. What happens, for instance, if you are invited to a cocktail party the same weekend a cousin is visiting. Can you ask your hostess if your cousin may attend? “No. Decline the invitation and explain your reason to the hostess,” Post advised. “She then has the option to say, ‘I'm sorry you can’t come, we’ll miss you,’ or, if she feels your cousin’s presence won’t make a difference in her planning, she may say, ‘Do bring him. I’d love to meet your cousin.”’

• Hostesses may have a problem dealing with the guest whose babysitter has defected and asks to bring her baby to an adults-only cocktail party. “An adults-only party is just that, and you need not feel you are being rude by telling your guest you would love for her to come, but the party is for adults and you do not have accommodations for an infant,” Post wrote. 

• Then there’s the dinner at which you are offered a dish you don’t like. Among friends. Post said, you can just say, “No, thank you.” Otherwise it is good manners to take and eat at least a little of every dish offered, except in cases of allergy or special diet. 

• Smokers sometimes are uncertain about when and where they can light up. “If a smoker is visiting a house for the first time, or is with people he or she doesn’t know well, or is in close quarters with friends, the smoker should always ask, ‘Do you mind if I smoke?’ If someone does mind, don’t smoke,” Post said. 

• Drinking can pose problems if you are a hostess, you must refuse to serve more liquor to an inebriated guest. Post said. “You are then responsible for seeing that a drunken guest arrives home safely by asking a good friend to escort this guest home,” Post said, adding that you also might drive the guest home yourself, or call and pay for a cab. 

• If you are the one who drinks too much at a party and are insulting, rude or disruptive, you must call and apologize. If you simply left the party early, without embarrassing yourself or anyone else, you need apologize only for early departure. 

• It’s a wise guest who knows when to call it a night “Try to be sensitive to, and aware of, the people around you,” Post wrote “Most hostesses are reluctant to speed the departure of guests, even when they are ready to end a party.” Look for signs of tiredness, then make your move to break up the party. But remember, etiquette dictates you not eat and run. You should remain at least one hour after dinner. 

• For the hostess who wants to let the guests know it’s time to go home, Post advises closing the bar, offering a last nightcap and making a show of putting the liquor away. A hostess may also yawn and look at her watch. – AP Features, 1988

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Correspondence Ink Etiquette

The Romans used both black and red ink, because we find Pompeian inkstands with double receptacles. Nero, that uncommon brute, when he composed verses, wrote his lines in gold. – Depiction of Nero
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Occasionally, the schoolboy, meddling with the sacredness of his father's writing table, finds the bottle of red ink, and indites a letter in brilliant carmine. Then his elders explain to him what a horrible crime he has perpetrated. The next unconservative urchin who does that may nonplus his parents by informing them that the Roman Emperors who were deities disdained commonplace black ink, and signed only in red. The Romans used both black and red ink, because we find Pompeian inkstands with double receptacles. Nero, that uncommon brute, when he composed verses, wrote his lines in gold.– The New York Times, 1897

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Dining Etiquette and the French Family

Have dinner together! Dining communally with other family members has benefits. – “France is one of the last places to resist the solitude that modern society has come to create. As a rule the French continue to eat their meals at the table and at regular times. On average an hour is dedicated to the preparation of these home-cooked meals. More than any other nation, the French continue to dine among friends, either in their homes or at restaurants, if finances allow. This preservation of habits has most benefited their health. There is less obesity than in any other European country, and the rate of heart disease is the lowest in the western world.” – Jacques Attali, 2007

Dînons ensemble! 

The French must continue to eat their meals together at the table, the ultimate place for communal living.

A study published on the 10th of May by INSEE, (l'Institut national de la statistique et des études économiques), which went relatively unnoticed, revealed that the French are the last people in the western world who continue to regularly eat their meals at the table as a family. Elsewhere, the traditional meal has long since disappeared. In the United States, Germany, Great Britain and Japan, people eat lunch and dinner separately following the confines of their daily schedule. The more people are qualified, the younger they are, the later they dine. However, we are not necessarily speaking of actual meals: everybody snacks, alone, at all times of the day and evening.


France is one of the last places to resist the solitude that modern society has come to create. As a rule the French continue to eat their meals at the table and at regular times. On average an hour is dedicated to the preparation of these home-cooked meals. More than any other nation, the French continue to dine among friends, either in their homes or at restaurants, if finances allow. This preservation of habits has most benefited their health. There is less obesity than in any other European country, and the rate of heart disease is the lowest in the western world.


Even in France, dining collectively at the table, this ultimate expression of communal life, is often only an illusion. During the meal the women serve and clear away the food, while the men watch television. After the meal, household chores remain the work of women, whereas the men spend the bulk of the evening in front of the small screen. In France as elsewhere, the duration of meals becomes shorter as conversation becomes rarer.


In all civilizations, the essence of social construction occurs through attitudes towards food, as meals provide one of the main opportunities for sharing and communication. In modern French society, nothing will be more important than to protect these rare moments; to give meaning to those who have lost it and to create conditions for equality of the sexes with consideration of the tasks required. The length and manner of the meals will have to be contemplated as political, in the best sense of the word.

 By Jacques Attali,

Professor, writer, governmental advisor, 2007, Preface for “French Silver Cutlery of the XIXth Century”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Champagne Etiquette

“What!” said he, “drink a champagne of 1880. Why, it is too absurd!” I told him it was that or nothing, for we were far behind them in England, drinking new champagnes and having no old ones. The idea is prevalent that champagne will not keep in this climate. After a few years, one will always order his supply from abroad yearly, keeping his champagne at his London wine merchant’s or at the vineyard.

Brut Champagne – Another Revolution in treatment of this Wine – It must be Old to be good –‘74 Champagne worth $8 a bottle in Paris– How to frappé Champagne

THE fashionable world here have accepted the Brût champagne, and avoid all other kinds; ladies even more than men. But another revolution is to occur in this country in the next five years in the treat ment of this wine. We will soon follow the example of our English brethren and never drink it until it is from eight to ten years old.

A year or two ago one the most fashionable men in London asked me to assist him in ordering a dinner at Delmonico's. When we came to ordering the wines, he exclaimed against the champagne. “What!” said he, “drink a champagne of 1880. Why, it is too absurd!” I told him it was that or nothing, for we were far behind them in England, drinking new champagnes and having no old ones.

The idea is prevalent that champagne will not keep in this climate. After a few years, one will always order his supply from abroad yearly, keeping his champagne at his London wine merchant’s or at the vineyard. To evidence the improvement in champagne by age, I can only cite that the champagne of 1874 has sold in London at auction for $7 a bottle, and now in Paris and London you pay $8 a bottle for a '74 wine at a restaurant, and $6 for an 1880 wine; at the vineyard itself $45 a dozen, and hard to obtain at this price. If you once drink one of these old champagnes you will never again drink a fresh wine. In England, they now drink no Madeira; it is never served. At their dinners they pride themselves on giving 1874 champagne. If they can give this wine, with a Golden Sherry and a fine glass of Port, they are satisfied.

It will be well to remember that champagnes are now known to connoisseurs by their vintage. Wines of some vintages do not keep at all. In keeping champagnes, keep only, or order kept for you, the champagnes of the best vintages. Of course, there is much risk in keeping any champagne; but what all strive for, is to possess something that no one else has; that is not purchasable, I mean, in any quantity, and this now is 1874 champagne.

To properly frappé champagne, put in the pail small pieces of ice, then a layer of rock salt, alternating these layers until the tub is full. Put the bottle in the tub; be careful to keep the neck of the bottle free from the ice, for the quantity of wine in the neck of the bottle being small, it would be acted upon by the ice first. If possible, turn the bottle every five minutes. In twenty-five minutes from the time it is put in the tub, it should be in perfect condition, and should be served immediately. What I mean by perfect condition is, that when the wine is poured from the bottle, it should contain little flakes of ice; that is a real frappé. — From “Society As I Have Found It” by Ward McAllister

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia