Profiles in Etiquette – Carolyn Shelton

Miss Shelton said she had been criticized by people who believed she was teaching black children to be “white.” But manners and the self-confidence they bring are universal, she said. “I decided to start with young kids... to prepare them in terms of what to expect in White corporate America, and that while saying ‘Excuse me,’ ‘Thank you,’ ‘Please’ is proper, it does not make you white,” she said. “Everybody should be taught manners.” –Carolyn Shelton, pictured above, surrounded by a group of children from the Cabrini Green public housing project in Chicago in 1984. She demonstrated the proper technique in spoon usage. “Manners and etiquette should have nothing to do with your economic background, and that is the key,” said Ms. Shelton at the time. – Image, AP Laserphoto

Read about the woman who taught manners to kids in Chicago projects...

CHICAGO (AP) It is lunchtime at a community center in the heart of one of America’s poorest urban neighborhoods, and Carolyn Shelton is teaching 50 youngsters how to tell a soup spoon from a teaspoon and how to cut a steak properly. Although the spoons are plastic and the “steak’’ is luncheon meat, the manners are pure Emily Post. But there is more than etiquette to the message. “I came out of a housing development just like this in Houston, Texas,” Miss Shelton, 36, a self-improvement consultant, tells the youngsters from the Cabrini Green public housing project. “Miss Shelton cares. I’m like your big sister.” Hands wave wildly when she asks for volunteers to demonstrate the proper way to eat soup. The girl chosen for the task plops her elbow on the table. “Is she doing it right?” Miss Shelton asks. “No!” the youngsters respond in unison. “The only weapon you young people have is your education and your mind,” Miss Shelton tells them. “You will not get a job break dancing. You have to know how to walk, talk, feel good about yourself .” 

Every week, Miss Shelton takes time out from her consulting jobs to bring guidance to underprivileged children and teens she says desperately need role models. “Manners and etiquette should have nothing to do with your economic background, and that is the key,” she said in an interview. “You don’t have to be raised in a white house to know how to say ‘Excuse me,’ ‘Thank you,’ ‘Please ’ Your parents don't have to be Ph.D.’s to teach young kids the basics in manners.” Miss Shelton, who in 1969 became one of the first black flight attendants hired by a major airline, started nearly a decade ago teaching social skills without pay to a few girls in the Houston housing project where she grew up. Since then, she has been hired to instruct groups ranging from black professionals to McDonald’s restaurant employees and the Texas A&M University football team. Her consulting business. To The Best Of You Inc., was a part-time effort until February, when she left her Continental Airlines job. 

She teaches youngsters to speak clearly when saying their names during introductions, to sit properly and, if they are girls, not to wear curlers in public. For professionals, her advice includes tips on choosing a wine, dressing for interviews and traveling abroad. Miss Shelton said she has been criticized by people who believe she is teaching black children to be “white.” But manners and the self-confidence they bring are universal, she said. “I decided to start with young kids... to prepare them in terms of what to expect in White corporate America, and that while saying ‘Excuse me,’ ‘Thank you,’ ‘Please’ is proper, it does not make you white,” she said. “Everybody should be taught manners. “I want to have these kids walk out of Cabrini or walk out of any housing project in the country, and not be identified as a project child, just as a young person trying to get a job.” she said. – By Melissa Johnson, Associated Press Writer, 1984

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