Etiquette and Noisy Neighbors

To keep neighbors tolerant of your noise requirements, alert them to special events you are planning. If it’s a party and they fit in, invite them. If your apartment building has a community room available for parties, use it. Not only will you avoid noise complaints, but your own digs still will be neat when it’s all over. If your children must practice clamorous musical instruments or hold jam sessions with friends, have them talk to neighbors about the time of day these people would least hate to hear it. It will teach the kids consideration, and their display of concern is bound to elicit neighborly goodwill.

Today’s Compact Living

Own noise is okay; others’ definitely not!

The truth about noise is that most of us can stand only our own. And we are more tolerant of the rumpus friends and acquaintances make than that of strangers. Noise can create a barrier to neighborly relations between apartment dwellers, but it needn't be insurmountable, Nor does avoiding it mean you must operate in a funereal hush. Mutual accommodation is the best way to balance differing needs for vitality and serenity, because in the long run it is the only thing that works. If you have to complain regularly to the manager or landlord about neighbors' ruckuses, or to the police, or if you have to get a court order to keep the peace, chances are you will be in for a long feud rather than a good night’s sleep. No number of calls to police in one small New England city, for example, halted the honking horns of night visitors to the suspected marijuana dealer next door, nor quieted the yelps of his watchdogs, which greeted guests and kept a retired couple sleepless and exhausted. They plan to move from their ground-floor apartment. Had the young entrepreneur lived in their building, they might have appealed to the manager or landlord for help. But often, if there is no local code which protects tenants’ rights to peace and quiet, or unless your locality has an anti-noise ordinance, there can be little relief until the malefactor’s lease expires. 

If you’ve talked to your neighbor about his noise nuisance in a reasonable fashion, and he’s a stinker and persists, there often is little more you can do, except maybe devise a creative way to get even, A Pittsburgh friend who works nights sleeps poorly during the day because his upstairs neighbor has a dog that barks incessantly at every hallway squeak. Maliciously, on a night off, he strolled past the dog-owner’s door once every hour and scratched it lightly. The tenant heard nothing, but the dog did, and he carried on 10 minutes at a time. It was a delicious pay-back but, my friend admitted, an unpleasant way to live and no real solution. To keep neighbors tolerant of your noise requirements, alert them to special events you are planning. If it’s a party and they fit in, invite them. Tone down the decibels after midnight and schedule the bulk of your festive commotion for weekends when people are more likely to be able to afford lost sleep. If your apartment building has a community room available for parties, use it. Not only will you avoid noise complaints, but your own digs still will be neat when it’s all over. If your children must practice clamorous musical instruments or hold jam sessions with friends, have them talk to neighbors about the time of day these people would least hate to hear it. It will teach the kids consideration, and their display of concern is bound to elicit neighborly goodwill.

One thoughtful tenant asked her neighbor whether the loud jazz she loved to immerse herself in over weekend breakfasts caused him grief. Her neighbor enjoyed its muted distance, but appreciated even more her consideration in asking. If street noises bother you, hang drapes rather than wood or metal blinds; and if you don’t want to cover the fine wood of your floors with noise-absorbing carpet, shed your clunky shoes when you are at home to spare downstairs neighbors the staccato dissonance of your tread. Family quarrels are as disturbing to neighbors as to participants. Sometimes banging a knife handle against a radiator or a broom handle against the ceiling or floor is enough to alert the combatants to your discomfort and to distract them from their fervor. And you should stay at a safe distance, too. If your baby is fussy, better to comfort it than let it cry. If a child screams endlessly, you could be suspected of neglect or abuse, and neighbors complaining to authorities could bring police or welfare department investigators to your door. To keep bedroom sounds at a low level, keep caster cups under bedframe wheels, a rug on the floor, and if possible, the bed against a wall which doesn’t abut a wall you share with a neighbor. 

One of the most obnoxious forms of din for apartment residents is that created, most often in small cities, by people who toot to pick up friends rather than park and ring their bell. Responding to a honk is allowing yourself, as well as your neighbors, to be treated ungraciously. Be polite to your friends and expect good manners from them, too. Finally, if police do come to your door in response to a neighbor's complaint, be courteous. Remember they have learned from bitter experience that house calls to keep the peace can be fatal to the peacemaker, so it’s no more fun for them to be at your place than it is for you to have them there. – By Eileen Foley, Special to The Desert Sun, 1980

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia