How to Handle a Date with a Lush

When your date overdoes it on his alcohol consumption, to the point that you are steaming and seething at the table, you still have an obligation to be polite and mind your table manners while in public. (Take those elbows off the table) You are not required, however, to be a doormat or put your life in peril by accepting a ride home with him driving!

An Etiquipedia Q & A

As the Etiquipedia Site Editor I get many questions from readers. Here is a recent question from one disappointed young woman:

Q. I hope you have etiquette advice that can help me. I’m a fairly successful young woman. I pride myself on my figure and have worked hard to be a nicely dressed and pleasant date. I have had a few long term relationships, but have not found anyone yet I would like to really form a stronger and longer bond with until recently. A guy I know from my job (not a co-worker) asked me out to a very nice restaurant that I have long wanted to eat at. The date was really great until he started drinking before our dinner arrived. He must’ve had 3 or 4 drinks while I was still sipping my one glass of wine. I was trying to be a pleasant date despite his boozing throughout the meal, but I became embarrassed by his behavior and without him realizing it, called for an Uber to take me home. Did I handle this properly? My friends all tell me I over reacted and was rude. Was I? What should I do if this happens again?

A. Sadly, I understand and can empathize with your predicament, as I found myself on a few similar dates many years ago when I was single. Did you overreact? No. Especially if your date was very noticeably drunk. He was out on a date with his drink of choice, not with you. If he offers an apology, it’s your obligation to accept the apology politely, but think twice before accepting a second date. 

Now, regarding your Cinderella vanishing act… Were you rude? Yes. You get points for trying to make the most of a crummy situation, but to not in some way let your date know that you were seeking alternate transportation home was a faux pas. Whether or not he would have remembered you told him is immaterial. But, it was a social obligation on your part only to notify him. It was not, however, an obligation to ride home in a car being driven by someone drunk. 

If there is ever a next time, perhaps you can tip a restaurant employee on your way out, and ask him or her to inform your date of your sudden exit. It is the polite thing to do and your behavior cannot then be called into question.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia