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| It’s your wedding, “but etiquette does not have rules for the more personal aspects of one’s appearance… Please try to remember that you want your brother to be part of your wedding because you love him, not for his looks.” |
DEAR MISS MANNERS - My wedding will be quiet, elegant and
simple, and I would like my brother to be in the wedding party. But he is a professional musician, with spiked and shaved hair, and would be a sight to behold at our formal service.
He says he can’t and won’t change his hair; it’s part of his professional business. I love my brother, but his appearance would be such a strange sight, really ruining the image I would like. Please advise.
GENTLE READER - You probably didn't expect a defense of wearing spiked hair to candlelight weddings, did you? The rule of etiquette extends to setting the general standard of dress for a social occasion, and if he demanded to wear whatever his stage costume is (Miss Manners would prefer not to imagine that), you would be within your rights to insist that he wear dress proper to a member of the wedding party.
But etiquette does not have rules for the more personal aspects of one's appearance. For instance, you could not reasonably require all your bridesmaids to adopt the same hairstyle, even though you are having them dress alike. Please try to remember that you want your brother to be part of your wedding because you love him, not for his looks. – Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, 1987
He says he can’t and won’t change his hair; it’s part of his professional business. I love my brother, but his appearance would be such a strange sight, really ruining the image I would like. Please advise.
GENTLE READER - You probably didn't expect a defense of wearing spiked hair to candlelight weddings, did you? The rule of etiquette extends to setting the general standard of dress for a social occasion, and if he demanded to wear whatever his stage costume is (Miss Manners would prefer not to imagine that), you would be within your rights to insist that he wear dress proper to a member of the wedding party.
But etiquette does not have rules for the more personal aspects of one's appearance. For instance, you could not reasonably require all your bridesmaids to adopt the same hairstyle, even though you are having them dress alike. Please try to remember that you want your brother to be part of your wedding because you love him, not for his looks. – Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, 1987
🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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