Etiquette and the Class of 2000

We have a generation coming up now that does not know the first thing about why we have manners in our society…

Is etiquette lost on a generation of teens? 

So Prince William has a little crush on Britney Spears. Brilliant. So Britney might actually hook up with the future king of England. Awesome. So let's imagine Wills and Brit on their first dinner date. Gross. If Spears has the manners of the generation she sings and swivels to, then we're all in trouble. Just consider the meeting between the pop teen queen and the Etonian-mannered future monarch. One can vividly imagine Britney showing up to dinner in bare midriff, high-fiving Prince Charles, requesting her Dover sole be super-sized, reapplying lip gloss between courses and asking for a shot of Jaegermeister for the road.

To be fair, Spears might have the private comportment of Audrey Hepburn and the manners of Emily Post (befitting her Southern roots). But as a teen, Spears is the poster girl for a generation weaned on MTV, Jerry Springer, Adam Sandler, the Internet and mall food. A generation that has all but forgotten to address adults with respect, write thank-you notes for gifts received, greet people with a handshake and say “please” and “thank you.” It may be harsh to saddle the entire teen population with a bad-manners rap, but one needs only to see and hear the Class of 2000 to know it is a generation moving even further away – dangerously so –from decency, respect and basic rules of social conduct.

“We have a generation coming up now that does not know the first thing about why we have manners in our society,” said Noe, who answers etiquette questions for the Web site Etiquette Hell. “It's not the children’s fault. It’s the parents’. They think their children have common sense and know right from wrong. But does that child know a thank-you card needs to be written when a gift is received? Or that you hug your Aunt Gracie even though you can’t stand her perfume? That kind of training begins at home. It’s polite. It endears us to one another.”

Noe, who lives in Dallas and says she was “raised with a Bible in one hand and Emily Post in the other,” believes that today’s ill-mannered teens are a product of a generation that didn't place importance on manners. “What I'm seeing more and more of in children is actually a fallout of the free- wheeling ‘60s, the ‘Me’ generation; do it if it feels good,” she said. “They basically threw Emily Post out the window.” Noe isn’t the only etiquette expert to point a finger – rude as that may be at parents for the lack of teen manners we see today. “The parents of today aren’t confident teachers of social skills,” said Joan K. Hopper, an etiquette and protocol consultant in West Hartford, Conn., who teaches children and adults how to manage social situations.

It was rude teen behavior that helped get Hopper into the etiquette business. She remembers about six years ago when she and her husband, while dining at a New Haven, Conn.. restaurant, saw a group of well- dressed teens celebrating their prom. “All of a sudden, I noticed what deplorable manners they had at the table. All their physical beauty, at that point, was completely wiped out.” Hopper, who has taught etiquette the past five years, says parents need to emphasize manners just as much as grades and extracurricular activities such as sports and music. Even more important is resurrecting the family dinner table.

“The biggest travesty of this generation is that families don't dine together,” she said. “Dining together not only fosters good table manners but good social skills. There’s an awareness of others that comes from sitting down together.” Author and etiquette expert Judith Re agrees. “The role models we used to have years ago no longer exist,” said Re, who teaches etiquette at the Judith Re Academie in Fairfield, Conn. “We no longer have the mother or father at home with the child. We don't have the family meal. Many of the social savvy tools we have were learned at the dinner table. Now it’s islands and stools.”

While Re believes teens are not taught social graces, she also believes their generation is getting a bad rap. “I listen to some of these parents and they say, ‘Oh, they’re a teen-ager, what do you expect?’ And I think to myself, they might be a teen-ager, but they’re also a human being. A human being that age still needs to be taught. A parent, or society in general, should never stop teaching simply because someone has reached their teen-age years. Teen-agers are our future.” Re has great hope in reversing the tide of ill-mannered teens. “I absolutely have hope,” she said. “But it’s going to be a bit harder for them because of the structure of the state we're in now.”

That state is one in which the impersonal Internet rules; where “please” and “thank you” may be deemed superfluous; where manners aren’t seen as tools to get ahead and negotiate a successful life. And nothing could be more wrong, said Peter Post, co-author of “The Etiquette Advantage in Business: Personal Skills for Professional Success.” “It's not enough to have the job skills you have to have the inter personal skills, too.” said Post, the great-grandson of Emily Post. “What etiquette does for us is produce an opportunity to have better interpersonal relationships. The problem is that most people don’t have the confidence in their ability to make correct choices. So they get stuck; they get nervous, apprehensive and antsy.”

Post said we’re seeing a generation of young businesspeople now who are suffering for ignoring manners. The young business barons-to-be may know all about economics, but when they sit down to the dinner table with the president of the company they don’t know what to do, he said. “Etiquette is a way to become comfortable with that,” he said. But Peter Post, like his etiquette advice peers, believes the tide is shifting. Society, he says, is recognizing a need for better manners in teens.

“People are perceiving that there does seem to be an increased amount of rudeness and uncivil behavior in teens today. I don't have the numbers. I’m not interested in that,” he said. “But I am interested in people caring about it. They are concerned with it and want to do something about it. Without that desire to do something about it, nothing can be done.” “I do see a great hope,” said Hopper, adding that some schools are addressing the issue of manners and etiquette training. “The awareness has come back. There is a societal awareness. The other way just didn’t work. Consideration for human kindness really does work.” – Commentary By Greg Morago, for The Hartford Courant, 2000

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Business Manners of 1901

It never costs anything to be polite, yet it is often worth a fortune.

1. Be cheerful, and show proper civility to all with whom you transact business.

2. There are many who have failed in business because they never learned to respect the feelings or opinions of others.

3. Kindness of manners is the best capital to invest in a business, and will bear a higher rate of interest than any other investment.

4. Be accomplished, polite, refined, civil, affable, well-behaved and well-mannered, and you will never lose by it.

5. Manners make the business man, and give him the art of entertaining and pleasing all with whom he has business relations.

6. If you wish to change a man's views in reference to some business transaction or other negotiations, respect his opinions, and he will be respectful and listen to your arguments.

7. There are a thousand easy, engaging little ways, which we may put on in dealing with others, without running any risk of over-doing it. — From “The Busy Man’s Friend”, 1901

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Ancestral Appetites

The records preserved of the ancestor’s feats of the fork (and the finger) are woefully thin, but now and again one of these very human documents in the form of a menu is unearthed and tells its own story.

Table Fetes of Some Famous Feeders of Bygone Days

A generation holding critical views on a man's intelligent, or unwise, choice of parents is not likely to indulge in ancestor worship. But there are at least one or two things in which our ancestors were truly greater than we of the present day can ever aspire to be. Take them, for instance, at table. If ancient books on table etiquette are to be taken seriously, and there is no reason why they should not be, the ancestor was in the habit of gnawing bones, a la chien, and of disposing of them by the simple means of throwing them under the table or over his shoulder. 

He worked hard with his hands in the dishes, when a succulent but slippery morsel refused to come to him by means of knife and fork. He used his table napkin for unspeakable purposes and his fork in utter forgetfulness as comb or toothbrush. In one sense, therefore, he did not know how to eat. Meanwhile, in another, he was truly great for the quantities of food which he caused to disappear at a single meal were nothing short of' marvelous. The records preserved of the ancestor’s feats of the fork (and the finger) are woefully thin, but now and again one of these very human documents in the form of a menu is unearthed and tells its own story. 

Such is the following list of dishes served in 1334 to a worthy citizen of Valencia on the occasion of his taking unto himself a wife. Across the space of close upon the six centuries the cranes and lampreys, the peacocks and boar’s head of the feast made fine display. This is the order in which the fourteenth century wedding breakfast was served: 

MENU

Roast crane, venison, lamprey

Peacock, pheasant, guinea fowl, osprey, snipe, pike 

Baked pomegranates, burnt almonds, vegetables, 

Fish

Eel pie and toast

Galantine of sprats and cheese cakes. 

Peacock, crane, pheasant

Crayfish, boar's head and savouries

Figs, medlars and wafers

WINES 

Saint Jangon, Branne, Burgundy and Hock

The Italians also were famous feeders and seem to have distinguished themselves in particular during the early days of the Renaissance. The Bourbons valiantly followed suit, one of the most distinguished successes being scored by Louis XIV., of whom an eyewitness wrote: “I often saw him eat four plates of soup, a whole pheasant, a guinea fowl, a large dish of salad, several slices of mutton with garlic sauce, two large slices of ham, a dish of cake and dessert.” The threats of his physicians finally reduced his majesty to such meager fare as two plates of pigeon broth and three roast fowls. 

According to Arenberg, the great King was later in life subject to attacks of indigestion. The little suppers in the reign of the next Louis, though on a slightly less gigantic scale, are still sufficiently impressive. The Marquise d’Artenay, for instance, put before her guests after they came from the theater and before they went on to a dance this collation: 

Pigeon soup, with lentils and carrots

Chicken broth

Patties of fowl, veal, capon, pheasants, guinea fowl 

Sweetbread and roast poulets 

Baked starlings, wood pigeons, wild duck and snipe

Cakes

Sweets

Fruit

It seems a pity no record is preserved of what happened at the dance following this supper party. – San Luis Daily Telegram, 1907

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette in Home Decorating of 1983

Welcome the polite society. Sociologists say it's a reaction to the “take me as I am” ‘60's and the “me-ism” of the ‘70s. But, whatever the cause, the aim is definitely to please. The same gracious mood is guiding a new trend in home decorating. Friendly rooms ones that extend a polite welcome are replacing the self-centered environs of the high-tech age.

It’s Nice to be Nice

All of a sudden it’s nice to be nice. After a long spell of putting No. 1 first, thinking of others seems to have a novel attraction. What's the tip- off? Everyone’s emerging interest in etiquette.

All across the country, ex-“me generation” mothers are sending their toddlers to manners classes. Harvard Business School students are attending seminars on gracious entertaining. Updated etiquette books are selling like crazy. And, in the White House, propriety is politic.

Welcome the polite society. Sociologists say it's a reaction to the “take me as I am” ‘60's and the “me-ism” of the ‘70s. But, whatever the cause, the aim is definitely to please. The same gracious mood is guiding a new trend in home decorating. Friendly rooms ones that extend a polite welcome are replacing the self-centered environs of the high-tech age.

“Warm colors, a relaxed mix of furnishings, intimate scale and lots of cushy, comfortable upholstery are the hallmarks of the new decorating etiquette,” Mary Jane Johnson, a design consultant to Riverside Furniture Corp., says. “These polite rooms are the essence of all-American graciousness. And, unlike the so-called civilized rooms of yesteryear, these polite rooms put people at ease, engage their interest and emanate warmth.”

Although decorating dogmas went out with engraved calling cards, today's new courteous decors do share a standard code of behavior. Here are just some of the dictates:

An intimate scale creates a relaxed atmosphere. An 8-by-10-foot area is a good size for conversation groupings. In a larger room, Ms. Johnson recommends designing a small library of music nook to create a cozy ambiance.

Warm colors compliment guests; sunny shades make people happy. Peaches, pinks and reds are the nicest colors for flattering guests. A yellow room always picks up the spirits. Riverside designers chose a medley of thoughtful colors like peach, pale green and blue for a guest room decorated with nostalgic turn-of-the-century furnishings. The result was a high-spirited room that offered a warm welcome.

Interesting accessories break the ice. Aside from making a room truly personal, handmade accessories, collections, flowers, books and art give people something to talk about. They are the niceties of decorating —the white gloves and pearls.

A mix of styles and patterns sets a friendly tone. There's nothing stiff about these polite rooms. On the contrary, a warm blend of old and new and an artful combination of patterns and prints helps keep rooms from being too rigid, too formal, too cold. —Desert Sun, January 1983

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Collegiate Etiquette Advice for 1940

“Out in the sun once more! Try to walk gracefully, balancing your head on your shoulders, one foot in front of the other, and your back straight. Relax, and enjoy your surroundings…” — Okay, this might be a little too relaxed! Lounging on the grass might be better left for when classes are completely over!

There you go! Head down, books straggling out from beneath your arm, and your shoe laces untied, as you hurry across the campus at an ungainly gallop. You arrive in the classroom and plunk yourself down in the nearest chair, heave a sigh of relief and look around you.

You admire the grace and poise of the few of your classmates who manage to walk across the lawn without looking like the leaning tower of Pisa. You envy their powers of equilibrium, but you sigh and shake your head. Such gracefulness is not for you, besides, you never have time. Some day you are going to take a day off, learn how to walk and become a second Heddy Lamarr, but until you can afford that day off you will continue to blunder along somehow.

Why The Hurry?

Why not do something about it? You don't have to imitate the posture of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, just because you have a few (?) books to carry. Classes never begin on the hour, and even so, it is better to arrive just on time, than to rush in ahead of time with that expression of terror, mingled hope and fear, we note upon your visage.

In the first place, why not, when the bells have rung, and the instructor reluctantly bids you adieu, quietly collect your books, and leave the room slowly. Hold yourself back, if necessary, and be sure to keep your head up. Remember, you are not Hawkshaw on a case, which necessitates you running along with your nose on the ground.

Now, that you're safely out of the room, walk slowly down the hall (not too slowly) and notice how many people you miss, with whom you usually collide. 

You're On The Campus Now!

Out in the sun once more! Try to walk gracefully, balancing your head on your shoulders, one foot in front of the other, and your back straight. Relax, and enjoy your surroundings as you walk along. 

Notice your fellow students, which is a pleasure you miss when you are hurrying along watching the grass. When you enter your next class, pause first at the door, size up the room and the chairs, then go in and sit down. When you rush blindly in, it is several seconds before your eyes. adjust themselves, and you lose every semblance of poise.

Remember! You're a College student, and not the Man with the Hoe. You may feel like him (just before finals) but what you need is Poise! — Sally’s Social Slants for the Oak Leaf, 1940

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Zoom Etiquette for Polished Manners

Be aware of your hands and fidgeting, as excessive fidgeting can convey nervousness even over the camera. Hands should be off the table or placed neatly in your lap, allowing for good posture.

Mastering Professionalism in the Virtual World

Will Reeve, son of the late Christopher Reeve, better known as the original Superman, is a reporter for ABC News, Good Morning America, and World News Tonight. He gained worldwide notoriety when he was captured during a live segment wearing only a suit jacket and shirt… he was wearing no pants!

While filming a live report remotely, he accidentally filmed himself revealing his bare legs. The unfortunate moment went viral and highlighted the ‘work-from-home’ arrangement that touches millions of workers. While working from home may sound more comfortable, the challenges pertain to keeping up with the professional image without compromising credibility. Here are some pointers to getting it right.

Facing the Camera

Our body language plays a crucial role simply because our entire upper image is on the screen. Try to fix your camera slightly away from the face; the other person should see a face-to-chest. Be aware of your hands and fidgeting, as excessive fidgeting can convey nervousness even over the camera. Hands should be off the table or placed neatly in your lap, allowing for good posture.

Voice Modulation and Communication

Dr Albert Mehrabian's three Vs of communication—verbal, vocal, and visual—are necessary for clear, face-to-face online communication. Crisp and eloquent communication is essential in creating rapport and, most importantly, if you want to be understood quickly. Whilst videoconferencing it is crucial to convey emotion, emphasis and sincerity though your body language and tone of voice.

Attire and Grooming

Visual credibility has a direct impact on human psychology. While you may not need a three-piece suit for every virtual professional meeting, dressing in a lackadaisical manner is not an option for one seeking a credible image. Looking professional over video conferencing and in day-to-day business virtual meetings will enhance your authority.

Background Disturbance

It's challenging when you are in an important meeting or a job interview over videoconferencing and a child starts crying or the dog barks. While we cannot always control the outside world, preparation is key to success. Choose an area that is the quietest in the house or apartment. If people and pets are in the house, pre-warn them, tell them the length of time you need for silence, and escort them to an area where they will be happy and quiet.

Our newest contributor is Konkana Bakshi. She is a renowned business and social etiquette consultant, author, and former Femina Miss India. She has represented India in prestigious international beauty pageants, including Miss Elegance World 2008, Chinese Miss World 2007, and Miss India 2009. Her extensive travels and education at European finishing schools highlighted a significant gap in India's awareness of professional etiquette, social graces, and personal grooming—skills deeply ingrained in cultures like the United Kingdom and France. Recognizing the need for a tailored approach to etiquette training, Konkana founded Savoir Faire Academie in 2013.As an author, she shares her expertise through her book “The Art of Savoir Faire: The Guide to Social and Professional Grace,” which offers readers valuable insights into mastering etiquette, elegance, and confidence in social and professional settings.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

15th C. Napkin Etiquette Changes

The classic painting “Last Supper” from 1464-1467 AD, by Dieric Bouts depicts the use of napkins on the dinner table.

 

The 1400’s saw Big Changes for the Table Napkin

Curiously enough, that article now considered almost indispensable, the table napkin, was first used only by children and was adopted by elder members of the family about the middle of the fifteenth century. 

In etiquette books of an earlier date than this, among other sage pieces of advice for children, are instructions about wiping their fingers and lips with their napkins. It seems that the tablecloth was long enough to reach the floor and served the grown people in place of napkins.  

When they did begin to use napkins, they placed them first on the shoulder, then on the left arm and finally tied them about the neck. – Times Gazette, 1902

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

 

Hat Etiquette of 1940

Custom has changed the etiquette of tipping your hat to every lady you chance to meet. This is impractical, as you would soon wear your hat out. Nevertheless, the hat should be tipped when you meet a lady of your acquaintance, and should be taken off when in the theater, lobby of a hotel, church or an elevator.

Why must the men take off their hats?

And wave them shoulder-high, while the women smugly keep theirs on, when the flag is passing by? Why, in these days of “equal rights,” should this fact be always true? Men's hats come off when they meet the girls, why don't girls doff theirs, too?!?

The reason is that hats may be hats, but etiquette still differentiates between the customs of men and women. In other words, it is never necessary for women to tip their hats, while it is often the rule for a gentleman. 

The controversy arises as to whether the hat should be raised when a patriotic song, ether than the national anthem, is played. No, it is not necessary. The hat should be lifted only when the flag is passing or when “The Star-Spangled Banner” is played.

Custom has changed the etiquette of tipping your hat to every lady you chance to meet. This is impractical, as you would soon wear your hat out. Nevertheless, the hat should be tipped when you meet a lady of your acquaintance, and should be taken off when in the theater, lobby of a hotel, church or an elevator.

When you tip your hat to a lady, it need not be taken completely off, merely raised slightly. When the flag goes by the hat should be taken off and held over the heart. Of course, in public buildings, as the theater, it is a matter of convenience to take it off and hold it in your hand.

This bit of etiquette may seem very elementary to collegiates, but due to the fact hats are seldom worn on the campus, it is a good idea to check up on what to do when you do wear a hat.

Ladies need never remove their hats in public places, but it is a good idea to let the people in the show behind you see some of the picture instead of your New York creation.

So if you wear a reproduction of the leaning tower of Pisa or a similar style, remember we are all behind you! – Sally’s Social Slants in the Oak Leaf, 1940

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Real Estate Sale’s Etiquette

He may be your best friend, but he’s awfully ‘judgey’ of strangers and having him under foot will not help sell your home! – “Keeping pets out-doors avoids distractions during showings.” 

According to Experts, Follow “Sellers’ Etiquette” 

It will help speed sale of a home

Selling a home is a serious and sometimes complex undertaking. It involves some rules of etiquette as well as obligations. Although your Realtor is responsible for providing a motivated, financially qualified purchaser, some important decisions rest with you, the property owner.

There is no rulebook of selling etiquette, yet the marketing process moves along more smoothly when certain accommodations are made. For example, owners who maintain their home in near-perfect order on a daily basis ensure that buyers, due to poor condition, will not reject their home.

Access to the home on short notice makes a difference to highly motivated purchasers who must make a fast decision. Keeping pets out-doors avoids distractions during showings. Prospects also prefer to see homes without the owners present. Ask your Realtor how to offer a “buyer-friendly” home.

Property owners should also consider two other obligations. First, honor your commitment to sell by considering all offers seriously, no matter how unsuitable they may seem at first glance. Ask your Realtor to explain both the positives and negatives of every offer.

Finally, give a prompt answer to all offers. Do the math, decide what is acceptable, and know your selling limits before you receive any offers. This allows you to make a more objective assessment when offers are received and avoids losing an acceptable offer because of indecision. – From The Placer County Association of Realtors for the Press Tribune, 2003

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Introduction Etiquette: A Refresher

Speak names clearly. Drop a hint if you want people to talk.

 

A 2nd Debut Article from 2021

1. Always introduce a man to a woman. 

2. When introducing two men or two women, always introduce the younger to the older. 

3. Say “May I present?” Or “I should like you to know.” 

4. Always use proper titles such as Miss, Mr., Mrs., Captain, Doctor, Judge.

5. Shake hands like a man with a man. With a woman, only if she first offers her hand.

6. Always stand up to be introduced, or to make introductions.

7. Look squarely at the person you are meeting. Let your glance be firm but friendly.

8. Say “How do you do” after being introduced. Never say “Pleased to meetcha.”

9. Speak names clearly. Drop a hint if you want people to talk.

10. Catch the name if you can. Ask for it if you didn't. — From “Manners for Moderns”, 1938

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Customs of Ethiopia

When I travelled to Ethiopia, I found that the country had returned to normality after the images televised back in 1983. My friend and I were warmly welcomed  and well-treated by the Ethiopian people. I found Ethiopians to be a very elegant people. I also found them to be quite tall! Both Western clothing and traditional Ethiopian clothing are worn by Ethiopians. They take pride in their appearance.

Growing up, my introduction to Ethiopia was of war and famine. Pictures of starving Ethiopians sitting under branchless trees flashed on the TV screens in 1983. Two years later on 13th July 1985, the mega star-studded, music-based fundraising event, Live Aid, blasted over the media. Ethiopia wouldn’t make the travel magazines’ top 10 dream destinations for quite a while.

Fast-forward 30 years and a trip to East Africa which I was invited to join. I couldn't say no. Africa fascinates me to this day. The carrier I flew was Ethiopian Airlines, which was an experience to remember! I've never had to catch my food tray before, and there was absolutely no turbulence. I'm not sure why the attendants were in such a hurry.

How to Greet Ethiopians
Never rush or hurry your greeting. Ethiopians are a hospitable people, with a warm and caring culture, so they are curious about those visiting their country for the first time. You are expected to stand, perform your greeting, acknowledge the other person, and talk for a short while. It is polite to take an interest in those you meet. Inquire about a person’s health, their children, their family or their work.

Age and Status in Greetings

A long-standing ancient culture, Ethiopians expect that age and status matter. The elderly, or someone of higher status, is greeted first, and with great respect, such as taking their hands to kiss them, or the greeter could bow and lower their head and say ‘Indemin not’. The eldest in a group is also the first to take food from a communal dish, while the youngest are the last to help themselves. 

The younger generation may use light handshaking and eye contact upon meeting and greeting someone new. Close friends may kiss and hug upon seeing each other up to four or more times and have a very extended embrace. 

Physical touch may differ between religious associations and ethnic groups. While some Muslims may physically touch during greetings, others may greet verbally only.

How to Start a Conversation with an Ethiopian
Ethiopia has approximately 90 or more different languages, Amharic being the official language. Therefore, greetings are expected to be courteous, even if speakers do not share the same language. ‘Salam’ is the most widely used informal greeting, similar to saying hello. ‘Tena yistilin’ is a respectful, formal greeting, translating to “May God give you health”. When asking “How are you?”, the phrase changes depending on the gender of the person you're addressing, with ‘Indemin nih?’ for men and ‘Indemin nish?’ for women.

Ethiopian Pride
Ethiopians love talking about their nation’s role in human history. Topics include the Queen of Sheba, who features in the Bible, ‘Lucy,’ a non-hominin ape, their most famous beverage—coffee—and the ancient churches which are carved in mountains. These topics and more will lead to spirited conversations with locals.

We walked the streets and toured around Addis Ababa, a well-planned city with wide, dusty roads.

Ethiopia Today
When I travelled to Ethiopia, I found that the country had returned to normality after the shocking images of 1983. My friend and I were warmly welcomed  and well-treated by the Ethiopian people. We walked the streets and toured around Addis Ababa, a well-planned city with wide, dusty roads. 

Unfortunately, on my trip I merely was able to touch the surface of the Ethiopian culture. There was so much more that I wanted to know and understand. I hope to return some day in the future.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Enforcing Etiquette in Portugal

Throughout time men wore cosmetics. These were worn for a variety of reasons by men of different cultures. Above, a powdered wig and cosmetics wearing Macaroni. why “Macaroni”?? Because, According to Miriam Webster dictionary, “macaroni was, at the time, a new and rather exotic food in England, the name was meant to demonstrate how stylish the club's members were. The members were themselves called macaronis, and eventually macaroni became synonymous with dandy and fop.”

—  “The Macaroni” by Philip Dawe, public domain image from Wikipedia

Etiquette for Cosmetics in Public

From Lisbon, Portugal - It is decidedly not proper etiquette to apply powder and lipstick in public here in Lisbon, at least not for men. For the Lisbon police, in an effort to prevent the men of Lisbon from becoming effeminate, and to clean up the city, have been ordered to arrest all men indulging in paint, powder, or other cosmetics while in public. Lisbon women are not affected by the edict of the police department. — The Rim of the Lime Light, May 1927

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Cruise Line Dining

   Above, perusing and photographing a very small portion of the midnight buffet – It became obvious on the cruises I have taken that the majority of passengers take cruises simply for the food. The midnight buffets are extraordinary, and the menus are now offering a more lighter fare for the diet and the fitness conscious.

When it to comes offering fun to vacationers, while also educating them on how to be polite at the same time, the cruise lines have the market cornered. For example, they tell you when to tip, how much to tip, and will strongly suggest what they consider to be appropriate attire.

About the only thing on the ships not explained are the confusing table settings. But, in all fairness, the cruise ships, in an effort to accommodate the many nationalities and customs of their employees and guests, have had to come up with unique ways of serving foods, clearing dishes and utensils, and keeping thousands of people happy.

Not an easy trick. The last cruise I took was on a ship booked to capacity. Over 1,800 people were on board. The meals, routinely scheduled with an “early” and “late” seating for breakfast, lunch and dinner, were served to over 900 guests in the dining rooms, with every guest fully expecting his or her dish to be served at the proper temperature and tasting fabulous.

Our head waiter was from Italy, our waiter from India, and our assistant waiter was from Jamaica. Each was responsible for several tables.

I noticed how often they were asked questions, and I even quizzed them myself for more clarification after the meals were finished. 

The following is what you should know about cruise ship dining:

“In this business, hospitality is essential.” was the word from our waiter. “On the ships we have to sometimes compromise between the cultures.

“Where in the United States foods are served from the left and plates are removed from the right, and the opposite holds for the European countries, we have found it easier and more efficient to serve and remove from the right... Everything.”

Our assistant waiter was constantly removing unused utensils from the place settings that should, or could, have been used to that point in the meal. Always polite, he answered the same question over and over again as to why he did this. “Because you will not need these any longer,” he would say with a huge grin, not wanting to: (1) point out that the diner had used the wrong fork for a particular course (which is exactly what I had done), or (2) get into lengthy table setting instructions unless the diner asked for them (which I also did!)

The table settings can be confusing! While according to the dining room director of Norwegian Cruise Lines their table settings are more traditional European than other cruise ships, they still attempt to fit the needs of their guests

“We only have two knives at the setting on the right of the plate. We deal with a lot of Europeans who tend to use more knives than Americans. We will replace them as needed throughout the meal.”

With regard to typical place settings, the dessert fork and spoon are placed above the plate Both Norwegian Cruise Lines and Royal Caribbean, however, put two spoons above the plate and one fork The extra spoon is for coffee, and the Royal Caribbean fork is for the appetizer.

This came as quite a shock to me. With three dinner-size forks to the left of the plate and one smallish fork (in between the size of a salad fork and a cocktail fork) above the plate, I figured the setting complemented the menu rather well.

Some of the appetizers were quite large, and I don't oppose to eating salads with a larger fork than I am accustomed to. European flatware is generally larger than its American counterparts.

“If you remove other silver from the table that I've not ordered the course for, why haven't you ever removed the fork from above the plate if its intended purpose is the appetizer?” I asked after being told I didn't know the setting as well as I had thought. I had never seen the appetizer or cocktail fork placed there and assumed it was for dessert.

Prior to the dessert course, if I'd only ordered the entree and used one fork to the left of the plate, the other two beside it were whisked away.

The only answer that seemed to make sense was given to me by the dining room manager, who said: “We make it your choice. If you use it for an appetizer, that's fine. If you save it for dessert, that's okay also. We leave it up to the guests and don't say anything unless they ask.”

As previously stated, Norwegian Cruise Lines ships are more traditional and set from the far left of the plate a cocktail fork, a salad fork and a dinner fork; from the far right a soup spoon, and moving toward the plate is a knife that is sized so that it can be used for a salad or an appetizer, then replaced if needed for another course, and then the dinner knife. 

The bread plate and butter spreader are also placed differently on Royal Caribbean. Theirs is placed to the left of the forks, with the blade of the spreader facing the diner to the left of the setting, in an "aggressive" manner while Norwegian's plates are above the forks with the blade facing the diner it is intended for in a “nonaggressive” manner. But, in all fairness, every time I dine out I see confusion as to whose bread is whose, so this may be Royal Caribbean’s way of leaving it up to the diners as to who eats from where.

It became obvious on the cruises I have taken that the majority of passengers take cruises simply for the food. The midnight buffets are extraordinary, and the menus are even now offering lighter fare for the diet and fitness conscious. If you’ve got a cruise booked in your future, I wish you a bon voyage. — By Maura J. Graber, for Inland Empire Magazine, July 1994

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Ball and Music Etiquette

At fashionable private balls in New York houses, an orchestra of stringed instruments, or one of the famous Hungarian bands, discourses sweet music for the entire evening from behind a screen of palms and tropical plants. – Photo: Alison Cohen Rosa/Courtesy of HBO via X / Twitter

It is no longer the fashion to have a formal opening, a “Grand March,” or anything of that sort for balls given in private houses or even in halls or assembly rooms, except in the case of a few functions given by clubs and military organizations. The dancing begins as soon as half a dozen or so couples have arrived. 

Naturally, the bigger the ball the larger the orchestra engaged to play for the festivities. At fashionable private balls in New York houses, an orchestra of stringed instruments, or one of the famous Hungarian bands, discourses sweet music for the entire evening from behind a screen of palms and tropical plants. For a smaller dance an orchestra of three or four pieces is all that is necessary, while for informal affairs and small country dances the piano alone can be made to suffice. 

The waltz and the two-step, varied by an occasional set of lancers and the cotillion, sometimes called the german, are about all the dances that society cares to indulge in at present. When the cotillion is danced it usually begins directly after supper, unless the entire evening is to be devoted to it. – Copyright, 1905, by A. S. Barnes & Co.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and the Romance Factor

Music. Dance. Poetry. Perfume. Sexy lingerie. Chocolate. Etc... We have been bombarded with gift suggestions for your Valentine. So we’ve rated several gifts from “1” (barely romantic) to “10” (awash in romance).

1. Perfume. You have a great chance of finding one that you love, s/he hates - making perfume one of the most potentially dangerous gifts. But find one that puts you both in a romantic mood, and you've hit the jackpot.

2. Poetry. Besides being romantic, it’s cheap – Free at your public library!

3. Overnight stay in a luxury hotel suite. The most fantastic fantasy packages can be found. Your price and pocketbook are your only limitations.

4. Private music. Singing Telegrams can deliver a singing telegram to your Valentine - upbeat, sentimental, or whatever, over the phone or in person. (Updating this to 2025, they can be delivered online, as well.)

5. Music. Centuries of love songs can be on the agenda.

6. Dancing. Valentine’s Day is a popular time for dances with romantic themes.Can't get him to go? “She drags him in for the first lesson - after that, he drags her in,” said Emily, of the John and Emily Ross Dance Studio.

7. Chocolate. It’s smooth, sensual, melts at body temperature, and generally needs no introduction. Careful, though — a third of women are dieting at any given moment.

8. Lingerie. This is pretty romantic once you get it home, but a man in the lingerie department is great material for a humor columnist. If you don’t know her size by number, go for “one size fits all,” like stockings decorated with hearts or a red negligee. Decide what you want before you go in, march right up to the clerk, and ask for it. It’s her job not to laugh.


9. Diamonds. The Romans thought diamonds were splinters of fallen stars, Greeks thought they were tears of the gods, their inner fire analogous to love's passion. Can’t get much more romantic than that. Before you spring, cultivate the acquaintance of a jeweler you feel you can trust.

10. A kiss. Ah, one of those best things in life that are free. A kiss can be discreet and friendly, or amorous and fervent. - From an article by S. Boynton for the Press Democrat, 1993

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Humor and a U.S. President

Official etiquette forbids divulgence of Presidential conversations, but a friend of a friend of a prominent inmate of the White House says that a little bird told him that Mark Twain's name came up in some connection… — Public domain image of Colonel George Harvey

There are those who would have given no small sum to have been within hearing distance while President Wilson and Colonel George Harvey were conversing in the White House. Mutual friends used to say that it was as good as a play to watch the flashes that sprang from a crossing of those two keenest of minds over a luncheon table.

Official etiquette forbids divulgence of Presidential conversations, but a friend of a friend of a prominent inmate of the White House says that a little bird told him that Mark Twain's name came up in some connection, and Colonel Harvey remarked casually that there still live persons who had never heard of the great humorist. The President found this almost incredible.

“Oh, yes,” the Colonel continued. “Only yesterday, here in Washington, I met such a one. He was an office-seeker. He declared positively he had never heard Tom Sawyer. No, he had never heard of him either.” 

“Nor Huck Finn?” 

“No, never.” 

“Nor Pudd’nhead Wilson?” 

“Oh, Lord yes,” he ejaculated, “I voted for him."

And the President's roar of delight did not diminish in the least when the Colonel continued softly. “And,” he added, wistfully, “that's all the good it done me.” — Chico Record, 1914

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Diplomatic Etiquette And Rank

Until two years ago, when Great Britain raised her representative to the rank of ambassador, and France, Italy and Germany quickly followed, the dean of the corps was always the minister who had seen the longest term of service here. and the dean now is the English ambassador, Sir Julian Pauncefote. –Public domain image of Sir Julian Pauncefote

The Question of Rank as Settled in the Early Days of the Republic

Thirty nations are represented at Washington by four ambassadors and twenty-six ministers, each of whom has anywhere from one to sixteen secretaries and attaches to carry on the necessary business. So far as work is concerned, the duties of the foreign representative are not onerous, and are largely social, says the New York Tribune. He sends dispatches to his own government and occasionally addresses communications to the secretary of state. 

Whether these commuications be on matters of international interest or are simply a request to be allowed to land a few cases of wine, household effects, or a trunk full of finery for his wife, they are known as "notes." He is not permitted to transact any business with any officer of the government except through the secretary of state or other high officers of that department, and it would be a great breach of etiquette for him to address the president personally upon any official matter. The code of diplomatic etiquette is strictly followed.

The foreign representative makes the first call upon the members of the cabinet, but is called upon by the senators. The only members of congress officially recognized are the members of the house committee on foreign affairs, in whose good graces he naturally likes to keep. A private citizen calling without an introduction at any of the legations promptly receives a card in return, and the latest addition to the corps makes the first call upon the resident members. None of the wives of the diplomats holds public receptions, except Mme. Romero, who began the custom some dozen years ago, when Washington was not so large as it is to-day, and has never discontinued it, but even her house is open but four times a season to the general public.

The foreign representative makes the first call upon the members of the cabinet, but is called upon by the senators. The only members of congress officially recognized are the members of the house committee on foreign affairs, in whose good graces he naturally likes to keep. A private citizen calling without an introduction at any of the legations promptly receives a card in return, and the latest addition to the corps makes the first call upon the resident members. None of the wives of the diplomats holds public receptions, except Mme. Romero, who began the custom some dozen years ago, when Washington was not so large as it is to-day, and has never discontinued it, but even her house is open but four times a season to the general public.

Until two years ago, when Great Britain raised her representative to the rank of ambassador, and France, Italy and Germany quickly followed, the dean of the corps was always the minister who had seen the longest term of service here. and the dean now is the English ambassador, Sir Julian Pauncefote. As dean he takes the lead at all official functions; foreign ministers call upon him first, and in matters in which the whole corps is interested he is consulted first. When the ambassador first appeared in Washington society there was a good deal of surmising about the matter of precedence at dinners, and for some time it was a much-discussed question, but it has settled itself without much difficulty, and nothing is ever heard about it now. 

In the early days of the republic the question of etiquette became of sufficient importance for the secretary of state, Mr. Adams, to address a letter upon the subject to the president, but it was never settled. Years of precedent have, however, given a certain fixity to the etiquette. here, which is much more rigid than is generally supposed by those who have not lived in Washington long enough to know. Auburn Journal, March 1895

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Numbered Teaspoons

Teapot spouts sometimes got choked up. so the long handle of the spoon with a pierced bowl (the rare ‘mote spoon’) that succeeded the silver strainer was thrust down the spout to disperse the leaves. ~

🫖 🫖 🫖 🫖 🫖 🫖 🫖 

What have we here? A Georgian Era tea bowl and tea cup. – The tea bowl and tea cup are based on early Chinese tea cups and bowls with no handles, however it is a bit larger. This Georgian Era cup is shown with 2 period mote spoons and Georgian tea tongs, to better show the size.

 – Image from “What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...”

In the early days of tea drinking, when the brew was rare and costly, numbered spoons were used. It was not etiquette for a guest to ask for a second cup until all the company had finished the first. The numbered spoons therefore insured each getting his own cup back again. As a sign to the hostess that no more tea was wanted, the spoon was placed in the cup.

Even when etiquette was a fetish, teapot spouts sometimes got choked up. so the long handle of the spoon with a pierced bowl that succeeded the silver strainer was thrust down the spout to disperse the leaves. “Etiquette,” remarks Arthur Hayden in “Chats on Old Silver,” “forbade the hostess to blow down the spout.” — San Luis Obispo Daily Telegram, October 1915

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia