The 1980’s Reagan Etiquette Era

“During the Reagan years, we found a new interest in the trappings of the gentrified class that went beyond clothing. Charm schools boomed like they did in the '50s and early '60s, and the use of the fish fork was the most popular subject,” said the owner of a charm and modeling school in California.

The End of the Reagan fashion era

The Reagan years were an era of formality, and we dressed for success, as well as for dinner. The tuxedo celebrated its 100th anniversary in the '80s, and black-tie invitations became the norm. Not only did men rush out to rent their tuxedos, but plenty pur- chased them. And instead of basic black or the brighter colors of the Carter years, they suited up in higher-profile styles, richer fabrics and the new designer tuxedos.

Men began pampering themselves, too. Even non-managerial types began trying facials, skin bronzers and tinted moisturizers. They shaved their mustaches, slicked their longish hair back and seriously considered plastic surgery for a more youthful edge on the career market.

The man in the White House may have been the oldest president in history, but he was also among the most stylish. His constituents took notice.

Meanwhile, women embraced the '80s by getting color-charted, made over at posh salons, mani- cured with silk and acrylic fingernails, dressed by personal shoppers and turned into management material by image consultants. They lifted weights, ran and cycled themselves into better bodies and kept healthy with supermarket salad bars, Lean Cuisine and tofu.

They wore pink and gray sweats to jog in and wore man-tailored suits with quarterback-sized shoulder pads (known as power pads) to the office. They carried brief-cases, wore Rolex watches (or knock-offs) and had a closetful of navy blue dress-for-success pumps. And they doused themselves with sexy, aggressive new scents such as Giorgio, Obsession and Poison.

Nancy Reagan made fashion fashionable again as she bought and borrowed numerous designer dresses (Adolfo, Bill Blass, James Galanos, Oscar de la Renta, Geoffrey Beene and David Hayes) to show off her dainty size 4 figure. As her reign came to a close, Nancy got a lot of bad press over those gowns, especially when Time magazine reported that she didn't always claim them to the IRS - or return them to the designers when the party was over. Even TV talk-show host Johnny Carson stirred the fire with. "It's 10 p.m., Adolfo. Do you know where your dress is?"

Nasty, below-the-designer-belt blows aside, Nancy set a standard for the ladies-who-lunch with her red Adolfo knits accented with bows at the throat. In turn, the Council of Fashion Designers of America tipped its collective hat to her this year by honoring her with its Lifetime Achievement Award for outstanding contributions to American fashion.

"Women came by the hundreds to Adolfo shows at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills during the Reagan administration," says Saks' fashion director Patricia Fox. "It's not that they said, 'I want a dress like Nancy Reagan," she says, but the first lady's choice gave a subliminal fashion message.

"Let's do lunch" became a favorite phrase used when waving goodbye. When they ate lunch or went to brunch (which became an almost religious ritual during the '80s), men wore elegant country gentleman-styled brown suits favored by Reagan or the new black-and-white tweedy jackets over vegetable-dyed shirts worn sans tie, a look created by Italian designer Giorgio Armani.

And women, if they weren't wearing the Nancy uniform with pearls, opted for bright-colored silk dresses popularized by designer Liz Claiborne or the mens-wear-for-women separates with crests on the breast pocket."

Eager for the new Republican sophistication, women shopped till they dropped, buying into the newly coined phrase, "It's not who you are, but what you wear that matters." In the '80s, image became everything.

"During the Reagan years, we found a new interest in the trappings of the gentrified class that went beyond clothing. Charm schools boomed like they did in the '50s and early '60s, and the use of the fish fork was the most popular subject," said an owner of a charm and modeling school in California.

Enrollment in etiquette classes has tripled in recent years, says Marshall, who adds students often are 30 to 50 years old and include socially prominent husbands, wives of corporate executives and a lot of real estate people who want to look as polished as the property they're selling.

In the middle of the Reagan era we also located and labeled a new generation. It was the era of the yuppies, an acronym for young urban professional people.

Ex-preppies, the yuppies might be loosely defined as those under 40 who make more than $40,000 annually. They were a product of the overall economic success of the '80s, and they indulged themselves with everything a credit card and 24-hour banking could afford. They drove BMWs, Mercedes and Saabs to work and '57 Chevy convertibles and Jeeps on the weekend.

Anything yuppies liked became trendy. Getting married and having children was in again, and the yuppie puppies (children) were dressed in designer fashions just like Mom's and Dad's.

Elegant dining became fashionable. The first lady bought new china, and so did we. But hers was a custom design bordered in red and gold, with a raised gold Presidential seal in the center. Made by Lenox, it caused a brouhaha at $48 a cup. Along with a renewed interest in dinnerware was a return to crystal, especially champagne flutes, which were deemed more elegant than the old bowl-shaped models. 

With our champagne, which was from California instead of France, we ate croissants, caviar and chocolate mousse cake. When not putting on the ritz by dining out at private clubs and elegant restaurants, we grazed at chic eateries, sampling pizza made of goat cheese and broccoli, frozen yogurt topped with candy sprinkles and ice cream bars dipped in high-fat Swiss chocolate.

In a nostalgic mood, we ate meat loaf and mashed potatoes at new '50s diners, wore swing skirts and miniskirts and ended the era with '40s trousers for day and night.

But the Reagan years were also an era of health-consciousness. We stopped smoking and, to borrow Nancy's phrase, just said no to about every vice. We got our first mammograms and drug-screening tests, started drinking expensive bottled water and became aware of those nasty sulfites in wine.

In the name of beauty, we baked in tanning booths (until it became chic to be a paleface), suffered painful collagen injections and fat liposuctioning, then covered our faces with the magic creams that contained collagen, live proteins and Retin-A.

The baby-boomers turned 40 during the Reagan years and started writing about it, as if it had never happened to anyone else. It became an era of telling and - writing all, especially by aging movie stars such as Shirley MacLaine, Elizabeth Taylor, Debbie Reynolds, David Niven and Bette Davis.

Aerobics, jogging and walking were in, and each had their own ensemble. Reebok high-tops were the sports shoe of the decade, and we pedaled on exercise cycles that gave computer printouts of our mileage and minutes.

Staying home, called cocooning, became a way to escape the freeway madness and office politics, and we rushed out to neighborhood video stores and 24-hour-vending machines to rent movies for our VCRs.

Trying to relive the good old days of Ozzie and Harriet, a la Ronnie and Nancy, we snuggled in our Lanz flannel nighties, ate popcorn and Mrs. Field's chocolate chip cookies and did our banking on a home computer.

In retrospect, the Reagan years were all about class distinction and formality. We learned how to dress thin and rich and how to give a gala. In an era of self-enlightenment, we learned a new appreciation for art deco, Russia and Coco Chanel.

The downside during this administration was an emphasis on things superficial. We often judged people by their trendy trappings. not their personal worth. We practiced pretense and thumbed our nose at Midwestern values. We loved sushi, even if we hated it, and discussed designer labels like they really mattered.

And that's the way it was.– From Copley News Service

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Airing Dirty Laundry

Whose “truth” holds the actual facts when someone trashing the in-laws while airing the dirtiest of laundry, exclaims proudly that it is “her truth” or “his truth?” Airing dirty laundry has practically become an international sport. It was so prevalent at the Paris Olympics last month, some of those airing it should have been given medals!

These days, popular social media sites are more full of dirty laundry than your local dry cleaner and laundromat combined. Wouldn’t it be great if A thru Z-list celebs had their own White House-type press secretaries to deflect questions and tell us all to disregard which dirty laundry we read on social media and the more salacious of news’ sites? And then, of course, tell us which we “should” believe? 

And whose “truth” holds the actual facts when someone trashing the in-laws while airing the dirtiest of laundry, exclaims proudly that it is “her truth” or “his truth?” Airing dirty laundry has practically become an international sport. It was so prevalent at the Paris Olympics last month, some of those airing it should have been given medals! But then again, they should have also been ashamed of themselves.

Unfortunately, scurrilous examples could have used a crackerjack press secretary for actions, reactions and events which ended up in the media as meaty clickbait and videos or reels of gossip-mongering. Examples include the duo nicknamed the “Temu Royals” on social media. They never stop airing dirty laundry, and thankfully it is not reciprocated by the other side of the bubbles. How about the hours spent discussing the inevitable split of those two once referred to as ‘Bennifer”? Or the laundry bubbles bursting onto the scene in the aftermath of the P. Diddy arrest?  Or the tamer soiled laundry of the late-Matthew Perry, who wrote in his tell-all autobiography about a long ago make out session with a then married Valerie Bertinelli, aka Mrs. Eddie Van Halen? 

The Language Council of Singapore described the idiom ‘airing of dirty laundry’ as “ a metaphor, stemming from the embarrassment one would feel if others saw the clothes, sheets and towels that needed washing. In addition, if the owner did not feel embarrassed, the witnesses would be. This works the same way for humiliating or extremely private family secrets that should not be talked about in front of others.”

We can use the centuries-old metaphor for the aforementioned modern examples that have played out on television and social media. Do we need to know about what the ‘nanny’ said? Do we want to know your thoughts about a particular boyfriend that your ex is dating or revealing intimate details in a book? My next question is hopefully a thought-provoking one…what does this say about you?

Perhaps it was a need to make money for the writer and publisher alike; leaking these details helps you in the legal case that will be made in the non-distant future, or it just ‘feels good’ to express emotion? Maybe! For those that don’t have a PR team at our disposal, we can use these tips before putting things on social media:

• 1. Think before reacting to a situation, tell a close and trusted friend or family member. 
• 2. What are the consequences (before, during and after) on airing my or someone else’s laundry? 
• 3. Do I need to make a press release for the purpose of providing general information for an official public statement?

One of the best examples to date is how the House of Grimaldi, otherwise known as the royal family of Monaco, dealing with the absence of Charlene, Princess of Monaco, from royal duties and life for a short period from the beginning of 2022. A quick and brief statement gave general insight but did not mar the monarchy's reputation. Bravo, and well done.

We all can channel Sarah Huckabee Sanders, former political spokesperson, first in a long line of press secretaries for the Trump administration and the governor-elect of Arkansas. She battled the White House Press Corps and supposed “dirty laundry” being brought into the White House Press Corps room like a knight wielding his sword, or even a high-tech laundromat at which the dirty laundry is scooped up and cleaned without a trace, playing down the constant barrage of political mishaps with obsequious comments deflecting from what was really happening. – By Elizabeth Soos

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thoughts on the Post WWII World

“Russia has never regarded itself, nor been regarded, as European, and the Balkans have been the bare fringe of Europe. ‘Europe’ has comprised the lands which spoke Latin or German and their derivatives; which had parliamentary government, capitalistic business, and mechanized industries, and which continued the common culture inherited from Rome…” – 1935 Public domain image of speaker and university lecturer, Chester Rowell

CHESTER ROWELL'S COMMENT

IS Europe slipping? European thinkers at least say so. Kayserling ponderously predicted the downfall of Occidental civilization. Andre Siegfried says that Europe, henceforward, will no longer be the center of the world, in culture, wealth or power. And Emil Ludwig– exiled from a Germany, whose ruler is too stupid to realize how German was the service he rendered to Germany, in making the great Germans of the past live again– is telling us that Europe is about to destroy itself, unless America assumes the leadership of a new League of Peace, in place of the League which he thinks has failed,

BY “Europe” these critics mean – as do most Americans – Western Europe. Russia has never regarded itself, nor been regarded, as European, and the Balkans have been the bare fringe of Europe. “Europe” has comprised the lands which spoke Latin or German and their derivatives; which had parliamentary government, capitalistic business, and mechanized industries, and which continued the common culture inherited from Rome.

AMERICA, until now, has been an outpost of that Europe – and may, if these prophets are correct, become its successor. But Europe was the center. It colonized the other continents, and continued its cultural leadership of the two Americas and its imperialistic domination of all the rest. North America was European in race – except the little that was African – and was all European in language and civilization.

Civilization also, so far as it was “Occidental,” became European. Even Japan was “modern” to the exact extent to which it was consciously European. All these lands were ruled by parliaments, elected by the people; they all had systems of laws based on either the Pandects of Justinian or the common law of England; they all had factories and mercantile corporations and farms which sold their crops for money; they all, except Japan, professed Christianity (and rarely practiced it), wore the same clothes, spoke a Germanic or Romance language (or English, which is both), ate much the same food, with knives and forks, from dishes, at a table, and had nearly the same manners and customs.

NOW, say the Cassandras of all this is ending. Europe is ceasing even to be European. When Hegel classified history by the generalization that in the ancient Orient one man was free, in Greece and Rome some men were free, while in modern Europe, all men were free, he thereby relegated to the Oriental category what all Europe beyond the Rhine has since become. The Europe of free thought and research, and of the objective evaluation of history; of respect for the intellect and discipline of the passions; of the tolerance of opposition and of conflicting opinions; of the development and application of science for the uses of man; of the magnification of art and literature as the revelation of man; of economic, political and cultural individualism, and of the glorification of the free personality as the supreme end of the State – that Europe is gone, except on its Western fringe, and is precarious there.

INDUSTRIALLY and politically, too, Europe is no longer the center. It no longer feeds the markets of the world, and has broken itself into hostile fragments which refuse to trade even with each other. The British Empire has ceased to be an empire; the black, the brown and the yellow men no longer recognize the innate right of the white man to rule and exploit them; the center even of learning is migrating to America, and America, not Europe, is now the capital-furnishing creditor of the world. If Occidental civilization maintains its supremacy at all, it will be because it finds a new center in America. So, at least, say the Europeans.

FINALLY, they say, Europe is about to destroy itself by war. When that happened before, it ushered in five hundred years of fanaticism and disorder, and another five hundred of a brighter but still mediaeval feudalism, before the modern world emerged. If it happens now, they predict, that it may mean, instead, the substitution of Bolshevik tyranny and compulsory proletarianism for the freedom of thought, of life and of opportunity which it had taken Europe two and a half thousands years to develop. If that happens in Europe, they say, how long can America survive as an isolated heir to the institutions of Greece and Rome, of the rough freedom of the German forests and of the beginnings of representative government in the Anglo-Saxon Witenagemod, of the revival of the Rennaissance, and of the vast industrialism of modern times? Or shall we go down, too, in the common collapse?

SO speak the voices of gloom. But so they ever spoke, when civi- lization did not fall, but merely moved. So spoke Greece, when its culture moved to Rome; so Italy and Spain when France became the center, and so France when leadership passed to Britain. So, finally, spoke France and Britain, with the voice of cannon, when Germany menaced their supremacy, and enlisted the whole world in their cause. If now, the center of wealth and power first, and of culture a generation or two later, shall pass to America, it will be only what has always happened. If that is all, the West will merely have moved westward, to the dismay, but not to the ruin, of the East it left behind. If America thus survives the threatened disaster of Europe, that will be progress. If, instead, it shares the common ruin – our civilization will have gone the way of Nineveh, and of Tyre.– From The Oakland Tribune, 1935

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

CB Radio Etiquette

30 Million Americans Discovered CBs 

in the Mid-1970’s

It's no secret that a great many ham radio amateurs - “hams" - take a dim view of CB radio. Some of their resentment is understandable. After all, hams must pass a rigid exam to qualify for a station license. CBers need do no more than pay $4 and fill out an application form containing little more than name and address. But most of the bitterness is unwarranted.

Amateur radio enthusiasts can build and operate sophisticated, high-powered rigs capable of reaching around the world. CB is for short-range personal or business communication. There's a definite limit to how much hardware can be added to a CB rig and remain legal.

I was once a ham, and very proud of it. Why did I drop out? Ham radio is a time-consuming hobby. You don't turn on an amateur receiver in the family room and just copy the mail. It requires total involvement and minute attention not because it's that complicated, simply because it's a very demanding hobby.

I also discovered CB radio. For me and obviously for millions of other Americans CB is more practical. Because of the limited range that comes from the maximum 4-watts of power, CR tends to be a lot closer to home than amateur radio. As I write this, a base station on Channel 15 just broke for volunteers to aid in the search for a missing 7-year-old girl. The air is filled with CBers who are grabbing flashlights and heading into the night to help.

I can travel anywhere in America and, by turning on my CB radio, instantly know of road and weather conditions ahead. Certainly, we CBers could learn a lot about airwave courtesy from the hams. But they've been around since radio communications first began. We're just now finding our niche

There are an estimated 30.000,000 CBers in America. crowded onto one tiny band of frequencies. Converse ly, there are only about 250,000 hams who have nearly 10 times the airwave room. I'd like to see how they'd function under similar circumstances. Has the Federal Communications Commission made CB too easy? That's a question many responsible CB users are asking as they try to cope with the growing congestion and misuse of available channels.

For $4 and nothing more anyone over the age of 18 can become a legal CBer. With the interim licensing program, the greenest novice can go on the air immediately, bypassing the several-week license delay that was intended to keep neiphytes silent while they waited for their Class D ticket. Most spent at least some of this time listening and learning. I'm not necessarily for tighter CB licensing restrictions. But there is a clear need for a better understanding of the CB rules and procedures. This might be handled a couple of ways.

First, the FCC permanent application form could be expanded to include a brief multiple-choice test covering such basic things as what is and is not a 10-33 emergency, the proper use of Channel 9, the misuse of linear amplifiers, over modulation, and the requirements of Part 95 of the FCC's rules. The FCC may argue that such a procedure will overtax its undermanned, under- financed agency, but a computerized program could solve this quite handily.

What's important about such a test is that it would force new applicants to familiarize themselves with the rules of the air. CBers are by law required to read and possess a current copy of Part 95 of the FCC code. Having applicants take a brief examination would indicate that they at least read some of the lengthy FCC rules hopefully the important ones affect limited air time.

Furthermore, CB clubs and organizations ought to get involved in cleaning up the channels by sponsoring training classes and seminars aimed at inspiring proper airwave etiquette. Radio amateur hams have done this admirably for years. That's one of the big reasons hams so ably police their own bands. The seminars and classes they sponsor instill a solid respect for the airwave rights of others. CBers could do well to follow suit.

Q & A

CBers from across the country have a lot of questions that have been filling up our mailbag. Here's a sampling of the letters we've been getting that might be of general interest:

Q: Which state has the most CBers and which state has the least? - T.H., Denver, Colo.

A: Texas has the most, with 256,968 licensed Class D operators as of the first of the year. Other big CB states include California, with 167,828, Ohio, 167,158, Pennsylvania, 153,476, and Illinois, 139,732. The state with the fewest CBers is Vermont, with 4,730. — By Mike Wendland for Gannett News Service, 1976

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Early Telephone Etiquette of Costa Rica

The Costa Rican gentleman or lady never answers the telephone — that duty is left to a servant… “All calls are made by asking the operator for the other subscriber. Consequently, putting through a call is sometimes long process —something like diplomatic negotiations.

Costa Rica Is World Leader In ‘Phone Etiquette

CHICAGO, Jan. 3.-Costa Rica is setting the telephone etiquette of the world, according to Frank м. Kenney of the International Western Electric Company, just back after a visit of seven months to San Jose. He says the Costa Rican gentleman or lady never answers the telephone — that duty is left to a servant.

“Costa Rica has absolutely no use for telephone numbers,” said Mr. Kenney. “All calls are made by asking the operator for the other subscriber. Consequently, putting through a call is sometimes long process —something like diplomatic negotiations, particularly if the servant happens to be out of sorts or the telephone operator is not up on all the social registers of the community.”

Virtually all telephone calls in Costa Rica are put through between three and five in the afternoon and very few at night. The Costa Rica business day begins at seven. Eight in the morning is late. Then at 10:30 the shops close for breakfast, to reopen again at 12:30.

Last January fire destroyed the exchange at San Jose and put all the lines out of commission. Mr. Kenney superintended the rebuilding of the entire communication system of the city. — Associated Press ,1924

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Etiquette in “Fine Manners”

Squabs should not be gnawed from the fingers - they, must be dismembered with a fork on the plate. – Lobby card for the 1926 film Fine Manners.

“Don't Gnaw Squab From the Fingers,” Advice in Gloria Swanson's Latest Picture

Under the head of “etiquette,” on a poster advertising Gloria Swanson's latest Paramount starring production, “Fine Manners,” which starts showing at the Victoria Theatre next Sunday, the following has been observed:

• Peas should not be eaten with a knife-sword swallowers are de trop in good society.
• Don't drink from a finger bowl - someone may have used it before you.
• Squabs should not be gnawed from the fingers - they, must be dismembered with a fork on the plate.
• Asparagus should be gently nibbled from the fingers.
• Don't tuck a napkin under your pearl necklace– you might break the string and lose your beads.
• If you get a spot on the tablecloth, cover it with your glass.

All of which gives one. some slight idea of the laughs in store for the movie goers, who see Gloria as a little burlesque chorus girl taking a course in “Fine Manners.” Eugene O’Brien plays opposite the star. – San Pedro News Pilot, 1926

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Napkin and Etiquette History

In etiquette books of an earlier date than this, among other sage pieces of advice for children, are instructions about wiping their fingers and lips with their napkins.

The Table Napkin

Curiously enough, that article now considered almost indispensable, the table napkin, was first used only by children and was adopted by elder members of the family about the middle of the fifteenth century. In etiquette books of an earlier date than this, among other sage pieces of advice for children, are instructions about wiping their fingers and lips with their napkins.

It seems that the tablecloth was long enough to reach the floor and served the grown people in place of napkins. When they did begin to use napkins, they placed them first on the shoulder, then on the left arm and finally tied them about the neck. – Chico Record, 1902

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Agony Aunt Greeting Etiquette

Some women are so naturally effervescent and affectionate that they have difficulty in restraining their enthusiasm when they meet a woman friend whom they have not seen for a long time.

Dear Miss Markel- I have a woman friend who always kisses me, even if our meeting takes place on the street. Isn't this considered bad taste? – Mrs. J.

Answer- Some women are so naturally effervescent and affectionate that they have difficulty in restraining their enthusiasm when they meet a woman friend whom they have not seen for a long time. The enthusiasm should not carry one to the extent of kissing in public places or at parties. While we should not restrain our natural vivacity upon meeting dear friends, we should curb the public kissing habit – which is greatly overdone, and frequently nothing more than form of affection. 


Dear Miss Markel - How long should the wedding party remain in the receiving line?- K. 

Answer - Until all of the guests have had time to greet the bride and groom. Then they go to the dining room, into which the bride and groom lead the way, followed by the best man and maids-of-honor, the bridesmaids and ushers coming last. - By Francine Markel, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Birthday Parties

Expensive table favors for the guests were common at gilded age dinner parties, but evidently bringing gifts to birthday parties was not. – “Parents, husbands, wives, sisters and brothers give birthday presents frequently, but they are not expected from strangers.” 

We were asked a few days since if it was customary for persons attending a birthday party to take with them a present. We will here state for the benefit of those ignorant of birthday etiquette that we have attended many natal day gatherings in the Eastern states and on this Coast; we have read many works on etiquette and usages, and also many glowing reports of birthday parties, and we have never heard of such a custom. 

Parents, husbands, wives, sisters and brothers give birthday presents frequently, but they are not expected from strangers. Those inviting guests are generally satisfied if the party passes off pleasantly and each and everyone who attends can say, when it is over: “Well, I enjoyed myself, and had a pleasant time.” – Merced County Sun, 1884

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early Hollywood Etiquette Humor

When he meets people, he always clicks his heels and bows from the waist and I’ve always thought he was one of the most cultured gentlemen I ever saw. 

Well, I’m gradually beginnin’ to absorb some of this Hollywood etiquette.There’s one parlor “lion” that I’ve kinda taken as a model. When it comes to parlor manners around the ladies, he is a dandy. When he meets people, he always clicks his heels and bows from the waist and I’ve always thought he was one of the most cultured gentlemen I ever saw. I’ve been on quite a few parties with him and every time a lady walks in the room where he’s sittin’ he jumps to his feet and stands until she sits down. The other day I was ridin’ on a bus and this gentleman comes in with a lady I never saw before. There wasn’t any vacant seat so I jumped up but the actor beat her to the seat. I turned to him and says “I beg your pardon, brother, I meant that seat for the lady!” He says “Oh, that’s all right, old fella, that’s my wife!” – By Bob Burns, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Gilded Age Word on the Street

A Question of Street Etiquette… Offer her your arm, young man, every time, and never under any circumstances commit the familiarity and offense by forsaking hers.

“The question is often put to me,” says a lady whose opinion in matters of etiquette is wholly competent, “whether it is permissible to take a young lady’s arm in acting as her escort on a promenade after nightfall. Unhesitatingly and peremptorily, no. Not after nightfall, nor by daylight, nor at any other time. 

An invalid may lean upon a young woman's arm; a grandfather, if he is infirm, may avail himself of a familiar support, and a Broadway policeman seems to have acquired the right to propel his charges in petticoats across that thoroughfare by a grasp upon the arm, but these are the only male persons so privileged. 

For an acquaintance, a friend, or one who aspires to a still nearer place, to take the arm of a young woman when walking with her on a public highway is inexcusable. You may be sure nothing will so quickly offend her good taste, although she may lack the social skill to resent and avoid it. And the spectacle in itself is most unpleasing. 

To see a young woman pushed along, a little in front of her escort, by his clutch upon her arm is neither suitable nor picturesque. It reverses all preconceived ideas of gallantry. The fair should lean upon the brave. Virile strength ought ever to support feminine frailness. Offer her your arm, young man, every time, and never under any circumstances commit the familiarity and offense by forsaking hers.– New York Sun, 1888

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Gilded Age White House Entertaining

Lucy Webb Hayes was a popular hostess in Washington D.C. ; “Mrs. Hayes, on one of her tours with her husband, was asked if she did not get tired of seeing so many people and going so much, and she replied: ‘Oh, no; I never get tired of having a good time.’”—  Laura Carter Holloway — She never tired of “having a good time”? One can only imagine how a U.S. First Lady would be excoriated in the press today if she were to give us such an answer! 

Etiquette and Protocol

At these affairs, a balance between men and women was maintained. Upon arrival, guests gathered in the East Room where the gentleman received an envelope containing the name of his dinner partner. At 7:00 P.M., the President and First Lady appeared. They led a double procession from the Red Parlor into the dining room.

 

During Hayes’ term in office, state dinners were served a la Russe - in the Russian style of bringing prepared plates and bowls from a separate serving area. No food or serving dishes appeared on the table to detract from the elaborate centerpieces, candlesticks, etc. Because Lucy was fond of fresh flowers, bouquets from the White House Conservatory were prominent on the tables. Each guest chose between two offerings for each course. The multi-course dinners could last up to three hours. Following dinner, Lucy was fond of leading guests into the conservatory.

Dinner with the Hayes Family

The Hayeses entertained close to 400 guests at formal and informal dinners during their four years at the White House. Cabinet members, politicians - friend and foe alike - intellectuals, literary figures, and military officers were frequent guests. Fellow Ohioans, Congressmen William McKinley and James A Garfield, were the Hayeses most frequent guests. Future president William McKinley, Hayes’ close friend and Civil War comrade, attended dinner 17 times while Garfield enjoyed dinner at the White House eleven times

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Even though the First Lady had the social obligations of her "office," she had no hired staff. Lucy Webb Hayes invited nieces, cousins, and the daughters of friends to stay at the White House. The young ladies assisted as hostesses, attending state dinners, Lucy’s Tuesday evening levees, and Saturday receptions. Everyone benefited from the arrangement: Lucy had help with her entertaining, and the young ladies enjoyed Washington society. The letters of Lucy Scott West, penned during her stay at the White House, offer a rare, first-hand glimpse into White House social events during the Hayes Administration.—From The Rutherford B. Hayes Presidential Center

 

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Authentic Chinese Etiquette in Film

Filming of Pearl S. Buck’s Chinese drama, “The Good Earth,” ... Every day the watchful eye of General Theodore Tu, lent to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer as technical expert by the Chinese government, follows the shooting.

Hollywood Film Shop Etiquette

HOLLYWOOD, June 9. If censor Will Hays were Chinese,
he would say "M'hi Gum Jo!" (You can't do that!)

Motion picture directors, attempting to sneak in a risque scene here and there, have heard the edict with painful regularity. Now they are hearing it in Chinese… “Mhi Gum Jo!”

Filming of Pearl S. Buck's Chinese drama. “The Good Earth,” caused it. Every day the watchful eye of General Theodore Tu, lent to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer as technical expert by the Chinese government, follows the shooting.

For instance, if Louise Rainer sought the inside walk beside Paul Muni as Postians decree, General Tu would admonish her with “M'hi Gum Jo!” “Get behind him,” he would say. “A Chinese wife walks dutifully and respectfully behind her lord and master.”

Upon meeting a friend, Muni must shake hands with himself- not the friend. “Chinese do that because it's more sanitary,"” said the general. Every action is bound by rigorous Chinese etiquette. Walter Connolly, as Muni's uncle, learned this when he wished him a Happy New Year in a scene. He bowed politely.

“M'hi Gum Jo!” The older man couldn't bow to the younger. The “Patterns of Filial Piety” specify that the younger man must bow.

Other rules require children to address parents with honorable prefixes. Also an 8-year-old boy must be sedate, and set an example of dignity for a brother only two years his junior.

Even Lo, the water buffalo, came in for technical advice, A Chinese person wouldn't call the animal by his name, Tu said. He must be addressed as “friend.” – By Alexander Kahn, 1936

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette of Hollywood Films

Never ask another actor what he is doing unless you know he is working. It is embarrassing for him to admit that he is “between pictures.” – Public domain image of Golden Globe winner, Mervyn LeRoy, the man who promoted etiquette for the blossoming film industry in Hollywood.

 

A GUIDE TO FILM LIFE

HOLLYWOOD, March 18 (AP)- A treatise on the etiquette of the movies is being prepared by Mervyn LeRoy, scenario writer with Colleen Moore. 

Here are some of the rules he lays down: 

• Never ask another actor what he is doing unless you know he is working. It is embarrassing for him to admit that he is “between pictures.”
• Never ask an actor about his wife, nor an actress about her husband, unless you have read the morning paper.
• Directors do not visit sets on which other directors are at work.
• Three picture people, on parting, will go separate ways, in order that two will not be left to talk about the other. – San Pedro Daily Mail, 1927

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Offices and Artichokes

Experience will teach you that those careful about these discretions are those who gain the promotions; that the careless ones mysteriously and suddenly lose their jobs.

The secretary who is cautious will never allow herself to participate in office criticism that may lose her place for her. Moreover, as long as one's livelihood is dependent upon an organization’s money, one should-in conversation at least-be loyal to its officers. Even when away from the office you should not discuss your employer's business. Experience will teach you that those careful about these discretions are those who gain the promotions; that the careless ones mysteriously and suddenly lose their jobs.

Reader's Question Answered

Dear Miss Markel- How should artichoke be eaten? D. D. Answer- With the fingers. Each leaf should be pulled off sepa- rately and held with the fingers while the edible end is dipped into the sauce. When all the leaves have been eaten the heart should be eaten with a fork after the thorny part has been scraped off with a knife. —Copyright, 1939

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

A Book Browser’s Take on Emily Post

The modern ideal of hospitality… from the 1937 printing of Emily Post’s Blue Book of Etiquette – Friendliness, rather than formality, is expressed in every detail of this enchanting picture.

“The Browser” Talks of Books

LAUGH AT Mrs. Emily Post and her etiquette book if you want, but the Browser from now on is on her side of the car tracks. He has just given an hour of his invaluable time to hopping and skipping around in her massive tome, “The Blue Book of Social Usage,” and he is a changed man. If he ever sniffed at Mrs. Post he was a blundering idiot and did not know that the basis of her philosophy of etiquette is always tact, taste, consideration, convenience and courtesy Her “good form” is not conspicuous waste of gesture but a streamlined remodeling of conduct to suit the requirements of 1937. And the Browser approves, and he knows very few members of the human species who would not profit from rambling through the 877 pages of Mrs. Post's “Etiquette.”

The Browser doesn't go to opera, so he isn't interested in knowing what to do with an opera hat that he doesn't own. Neither does he dance, so he skips the chapter on dancing. He was raised among artichokes, so her little paragraph on how to eat them is wasted on him. But many of the other tips and commands she gives would be very useful to him, and they would keep other people from recognizing him for the savage that he essentially is.

She’s no fuss budget. Mrs. Post tells you not to put your elbows on the table in a private home, but at a small table in a restaurant she does not forbid it. She does not tell young women they mustn’t smoke; but she does say that it is not yet good form for them to smoke on the street. She gives advice on office manners; she teaches the young man how to avoid boorishness; she supplies tips on how to keep the conversational ball rolling, and after turning over the pages of her book the Browser understands why 25 large printings of it have been sold since 1922. No snob gets any comfort out of Emily Post. – By Marshall Marlin, 1937

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and “Grille” Flatware

What is “Grille” Flatware? 

Also known as “Vogue” or “Viande” Flatware, the following is the story of this briefly popular style of utensils…

“Longer handles are a logical development.” — Detroit Architect, Eliel Saarinen, one of nine architects invited by the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City to design thirteen room settings for The Architect and the Industrial Arts, its eleventh exhibition of contemporary American design. The organizers requested that all furnishings and accessories for a room be included, and they stipulated that no object to be displayed could already be in production.

– Copyrighted text and images from the upcoming book by Etiquipedia© site editor, Maura J. Graber, “More What Have We Here?: Yesteryear’s Etiquette, Tools and Dining Utensils from the 16th to Mid-20th Centuries”

Tea Time Magazine recommended its use at a Tea Table back in December of 2022, “The grille or viande style was popular through the 1950s. This knife design has a shorter blade and a longer handle and is usually the size of a luncheon knife, approximately 8½ inches, which makes it attractive on the tea table. ” Etiquipedia disagrees with this advice, and believes that “Youth” or “Pudding”/ “Dessert” sized flatware is much more appropriate, if one does not own “Tea” sized flatware. In fact, many Youth sized pieces were listed as Tea sized flatware and were interchangeable. (Note the mismatched cocktail fork above: Mixing patterns effectively can only work when patterns are from the same era or are similar in design, and the patina is nearly identical. They will then blend seamlessly to pull a complete period look together at one’s table.)

Above, a grille-size knife… I was amused when one well known company suggested that grille sized flatware was invented for eating “delicacies from the grille.” The same company also surmised that the knives were “used for carving and serving food directly from the grill.” Perhaps this type of flatware did become popular at some point with outdoor grillers, but I have yet to find any evidence of this trend. Nor can I find any suggestion of this in advertising of the period. From a practical standpoint, knowing these feature fairly dull-edged knife blades, I cannot imagine using them for “carving” anything from the grille, unless we are discussing hamburgers. 

The Style Made its Debut in 1929

In 1929, House Beautiful Magazine interviewed Eliel Saarinen, the Finnish architect who immigrated to the U.S., on the Metropolitan Museum’s exhibit he participated in.

“Table knives,” says Eliel Saarinen, the Detroit architect who showed a dining-room at the Metropolitan Museum exhibit, have been constructed on the wrong principle. “The blades have been much longer than necessary, while the handles have been much too short, so that the user, when cutting, has always been obliged to brace his finger well down on the blade, which has obvious disadvantages.”

Mr. Saarinen has designed some new knives which are quite as attractive as they are practical, and one wonders why we have so long clung to the old irrational and conventional kind. This search for the logical and simple is leading us away from some of our outdated habits.” — House Beautiful, May 1929

More on the briefly popular Grille Flatware

This settings above feature the style flatware known as, “Grille”, “Viande” and “Vogue.” The knife is about 2/3 handle and 1/3 blade, as opposed to the normal 1/2 handle with 1/2 blade. The handle of the fork is nearly 3/4 of the fork with the bowl and tines 1/4. This “modern” style of flatware was introduced first to the public in 1927. 

According to a 2003 article by William P. Hood of Magazine Antiques, “The story begins in 1927 or 1928, when nine architects were invited by the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City to design thirteen room settings for The Architect and the Industrial Arts, its eleventh exhibition of contemporary American design. The organizers requested that all furnishings and accessories for a room be included, and they stipulated that no object to be displayed could already be in production.

The new flatware designed was sleek with patterns reminiscent of the skyscrapers dotting the skylines of modern cities. Several different American flatware companies produced the knives, forks and spoons. “The dinner knife executed by International Silver, for example, was 9 1/4 inches long, with its handle measuring about 6 inches. The handle of its dinner fork was about average (approximately 5 inches), but the functional end was shorter than usual, to match the abbreviated knife blade. The idea for the new style of table knife came from the perception that it is uncomfortable for the extended index finger to press against the narrow back (or ‘top’) of the blade when one cuts with a conventional knife.”

By 1930, the new style of flatware was available to the public, but its popularity only lasted about 25 to 30 years. The flatware shown in the setting above is the 1940 “Treasure” pattern, by Wm. Rogers. The dishes are early 1940’s “Desert Rose” Franciscan ware. — Maura J. Graber, 2023

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Decor Advice 1940

Like your prayers, their locale should be your sanctum sanctorum - your boudoir, bedroom or private den to which also confine photographs and other portraits of your family. 

Good Taste

The picture on its walls will either make or mar your living room. If its general motif is to be gay or modern, do not adorn it with religious pictures. Like your prayers, their locale should be your sanctum sanctorum - your boudoir, bedroom or private den to which also confine photographs and other portraits of your family. 

For modernistic rooms, select modernistic pictures. For pictures with simple subjects - farm landscapes, peasants, etc… - select only simple frames. Court scenes or pictures of royalty in regal regalia look best in elaborate frames.

Where walls are light, pictures should be light and vice versa. Tall, narrow pictures and wide horizontal spaces require broad pictures. Hang the picture dominating your room so that its center of interest is at the level of your eye, if you are of average height.

Readers’ Questions Answered

Dear Miss Markel: As a recent bride, I am wondering how I should sign “thank you” notes and other letters John and Mary Smith or Mary and John Smith; also how should I sign my name- Mrs. Mary Smith or Mrs. John Smith?-M. S.


Answer- “Thank you” notes for wedding gifts should be signed by the bride, but in the body of the letter some reference should be made to the groom, thus: “John and I are simply thrilled with the lovely candlesticks you sent us.” When you sign your joint signatures, “Mary and John” is better. Your signature should be Mary Smith, omitting “Mrs.” You should, however, be addressed “Mrs. John Smith” and not “Mrs. Mary.”– Francine Markel, 1940

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia