Table Manners of Children

Depiction of children in a class learning to set the table in the late 1800’s— “Children should be taught early to use their napkins properly, to lay them on the table without folding, to handle forks nicely, to use their knives rarely, never to mix food into great mouthfuls, to use a bit of bread in the left hand, to eat soup without “gurgling,” to drink without noise, to leave their plates tidy with knife and fork lying parallel to each other, to not leave the spoon in the tea cup, to spill none of the contents of the cup into the saucer, and hundreds of other small but important habits.”

Importance of Early Training in the Matter of Eating

The young person is to be sincerely pitied who has had no careful mother, nurse, or governess to attend to this in childhood—that golden time when learning is so easy. Men and women are judged by trifles. After a rugged backwoodsman has hewn his way to a high place in the councils of the country, or, perhaps, saved it in our hour of peril, one may well forgive him if he forgets the right way to shake hands, or doff his hat, or enter into a drawing-room. But even he will be unforgiven if his table manners are untidy or offensive. Just here the most amiable of men, Thackeray, drew a sharp line. “Oh” he sighs, “If only the dear American girls would not strip the corn of their white teeth!” and again: “How can I breakfast with five women eating with their knives! I could have stood one — but five, all at once!”

In the old times immense importance was given to the etiquette of the table, made more necessary then than now, because the service à la Russe was not in fashion, and any moment any man might be called upon to carve a roast or joint. Then, too, the easy meal was a perilous affair, to be safely consummated only by the expert. The young man of Revolutionary days was a martyr to the “handed” tea; for tea cups, buttered muffins, slices of Sally Lunn, and chipped beef or shaved ham – these all, and more, had to be taken care of upon his trembling knee. Now and then a plate would crash upon the polished floor and fill the blushing swain with confusion. 

Once, when a stranger had won the heart of the tiniest little maid of her family, and when her spirit had been sorely tried at hearing her sable nurse express doubt as to whether he was a gentleman, leaning on her father‘s knee and looking earnestly into his face she asked: “Papa, is Mr. Dawson a gentleman?” “Wait, Blossom, until I see him follow the hounds,” replied the Squire. “But Mammy Grace says she’ll know as soon as he eats an egg,” said the fairy. Sure enough, he broke a section from the shell at breakfast the next morning, and ate all the contents with a spoon from the shell itself. That settled it. He was a gentleman.

Children should be taught early to use their napkins properly, to lay them on the table without folding, to handle forks nicely, to use their knives rarely, never to mix food into great mouthfuls, to use a bit of bread in the left hand, to eat soup without “gurgling,” to drink without noise, to leave their plates tidy with knife and fork lying parallel to each other, to not leave the spoon in the tea cup, to spill none of the contents of the cup into the saucer, and hundreds of other small but important habits.—Mrs. Roger A. Pryor in The Delineator, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia