Whatever Happened to Manners?

Manners ... should we be more old school? — Perhaps nowhere is more prone to the evidence of gross bad manners than on internet forums, where some think it is open season on being unnecessarily rude and disrespectful to people whose opinions they take disagree with.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Spitters, swearers, armrest hoggers and interrupters be warned: there is a growing gang of radicals coming after you.

Taking aim at what he sees as the demise of good manners, demographer Bernard Salt and his increasing army of followers want to eradicate rudeness.

Affronted by bad manners at business functions Mr. Salt recently formed a Facebook group called the Society for Normal People as a place where people "who feel aggrieved by the bad manners of others can publicly, but ever so politely express displeasure".

He has attracted over 2000 people mad about manners.

"We are a group of normal people and we intend taking over the world with our radical ideas of manners and respect for everyone," Mr Salt said.

"This all flowed from an article I wrote maybe two months ago, where I said I was sick of ... people not returning phone calls, not returning emails, people who hog the armrest on a plane.

"People who go to functions and they talk to each other in tight little circles, so that if you don't know anyone you're effectively excluded.

"Have you ever felt that when you come away from an event like that and you think: 'Am I the only normal person in the world that sees that rudeness?"'

Among the group's pet peeves are people who swear, spit, interrupt others or push their shopping trolleys straight down the middle of a supermarket aisle, he said.

Mr. Salt said he blamed bad manners on people being brought up to think only of themselves.

"I think we are now a society of individuals - we all think we're special, we're all unique.

"We're being told we're special and unique by parents, by teachers, by employers and all of a sudden it's all about us, it's all about me."

Perhaps nowhere is more prone to the evidence of gross bad manners than on internet forums, where some think it is open season on being unnecessarily rude and disrespectful to people whose opinions they take disagree with.

Etiquette queen June Dally-Watkins said it is websites like Facebook and Twitter that are contributing to a demise in manners.

"I think people spend too much time on Facebook and their mobile phones, just pressing buttons," Ms Dally-Watkins said.

"They're losing touch with human beings and they're losing their personality and their charm.

"The greatest part of good manners is being kind and respectful to other human beings."

"Good manners and correct etiquette are all about being courteous and thoughtful and considerate to other people."

Her tips for improving manners included saying "thank you", moving aside to let others through and being aware of other people's feelings.

Ms Dally-Watkins also felt strongly about people who wear sunglasses during conversations.

"When you speak to people you look them in the eye. Don't talk with sunglasses on because our eyes are the window to the soul."

Sydney University's Associate Professor Penny Russell, the author of Savage or Civilised? Manners in Colonial Australia, said manners were once very elaborate rules that helped people define what class they belonged to.

In the 19th century etiquette was something you could read up on, but navigating manners is a little more complex in modern society.

"We do live in so much more of a multicultural society today and also we travel so much more, we belong in a global culture, which means ... being aware of the fact that there are enormous differences across ethnic and social groups about what constitutes good manners.

"So I think we're all aware we can all break rules that we don't even know about in the eyes of other people.

"In the 19th century there was a particular type of rudeness that was 'you should all behave as I do'.

"Now we're required to have a different level of courtesy that is ... how to be respectful of difference rather than to judge people by our own rules."

Etiquette books in the 19th century used to speak of the importance of both good form and good feeling in social settings and the same principle applies today, she said.

"I think it's the most important thing.

"When people launch into tirades about other people's bad manners, when they get personal about it, I think probably the rudest thing that you can do is to point out somebody's else's faults in a way that is designed to expose them as, in some way, inferior or inadequate or as coming from the wrong class." — Sydney Morning Herald, 2011

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia