Sunday, December 27, 2015

Etiquette Advice for Lovelorn

"... there are so many faults about his table manners that I would have to criticise everything, it seems."

Etiquette Advice for the Lovelorn and Unmannerly

"I am going with a young man who is very good to me and has a very good character, but he is very self conscious and twists his hands in such a peculiar manner when he thinks anyone is watching him, and stands all humped over and awkward. It embarrasses me terribly when in company. He also has very bad table manners. 

He leaves his spoon in his cup when he drinks and stoops over his food instead of bringing the food up gracefully to mouth. These things are embarrassing to me and I get so provoked I don't know what to do. I have suggested that he take his spoon out of the cup when drinking and it hurt his feelings frightfully, I believe. But there are so many faults about his table manners that I would have to criticise everything, it seems. 

Won’t you kindly tell me what to do, because he is all right other ways and is more moral than the average boy.
 I  don't want to contend with his bad manners, as I myself have been taught table etiquette and notice details." —From "C. P."

"A man’s morals are of infinitely more importance to a woman than his table manners or the way he carries himself in company. For the sake of his good morals you should be willing to be patient and long suffering on the score of more trlviaf matters. No man likes to be nagged—and no woman ought to be willing to develop into a hen-pecking wife. 

I am firmly convinced that an attitude of unkind superiority and criticism over personalities, such as leaving a spoon in a cup or twisting hands from embarrassment breaks up many a home and wrecks many lives. If you feel your knowledge, of table etiquette is so fine that it will prevent a daily exercise of tact and kindness toward this man, you had better give him up. You will, however, be making a mistake. 

Try to forget your own good manners—they aren’t really good, you know, or you would not have criticized him. but would have influenced him by tact and indirect methods. Remember how finehe is in the things that really count, and leave to time, patience and affection, the smaller task of helping him to more polished manners." — by Beatrice Fairfax, in the Los Angeles Herald, 1917

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