Monday, June 30, 2025

A Bejeweled Gilded Age Fad

A couture Worth gown as depicted on the cover of Harper’s Bazar magazine, in 1894. According to the Telegraph, Charles Frederick Worth was the “the Lincolnshire lad who became Queen Victoria's favourite couturier.” His fashions at his Paris, “House of Worth,” were favored by the wealthy heiresses, Duchesses and Princesses from around the world in the gilded age. Worth had died 3 years before this fad of dresses with jewel-encrusted, live tortoises chained to them was reported. One has to wonder what he would have made of the trend!

 

Living tortoises with their backs covered with jewels, attached by a gold chain to ladies dresses, are the rage in Paris. They cost about 16 pounds ($80). The society for the protection of animals is agitating the matter. —From the Morning Press, January 1898


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, June 29, 2025

Moroccan Imperial Dinner Etiquette

A Moorish dinner excels the tea. If you can imagine all the cosmetics, pomades, jujube pastes, hair oil, tamar indien and cocoanut fiber patties being rolled into one, you can fancy the first dinner dish of a Moorish Prince. I am grateful that I survive to record this feature of an Imperial Morocco menu. May I never live to witness or taste another. What followed the first dish my mind wavers to remember. An easy chair in the open air is the last I recollect.
A Meal in Morocco
Table Etiquette at an Imperial Dinner Party

Witchcraft prevails in Morocco, and a sewing machine man dare not appear in the empire, writes a correspondent of the Baltimore Sun. As a horseshoe is an agent of good omen in England, so a wooden or painted hand is put over every door in Morocco to keep away evil. You will see a Moor of aristocratic mien sedately and stately arise from cross-legged pose, look up at this hand, and then return to his tea and toast. 

This tea and toast, or Moorish "kettledrum," is interesting. The four o'clock salon is carpeted richly. The doors are done in arabesque designs. The tray is of polished and inlaid metal. The teapot is of superb proportions and capacity. The tea is of that bright green color, and full flavor before being boiled. It is flavored with a compound like molasses, and is served up like a decoction of honey flavored with tea. This is a pioneer cup. A second cup (and, by the way, the china cups are all glass saucers, to speak Hibernianly) is made of tea and a peculiar herb which gives the taste of a boiled mint julep.  Then you smoke a tiny cigar made of a tobacco that resembles the perique of Louisiana, only not so pure. Then comes another cup of tea and composed this time of the green, pure herb itself with a mixture of Tonquin beans and lemon verbena, or a little prepared snuff. More smoke follows, then another cup of tea; and this time you have nux vomica, ambergris and wormwood mixed in the cup that cheers not but is likely to inebriate. 

In deference to our princely hosts, we had to do all these teasing things. I never before so well realized Mr. Samuel Weller senior's description of the old lady of the Brick-Lane-Grand-Junction-Ebenezer Teetotal association of Brick Lane, who was a wissibly a ‘swellin’ of tea. More smoke. Yet it is mere puffs, as the Moor is not given strongly to the solace of man. A Moorish dinner excels the tea. If you can imagine all the cosmetics, pomades, jujube pastes, hair oil, tamar indien and cocoanut fiber patties being rolled into one, you can fancy the first dinner dish of a Moorish Prince. I am grateful that I survive to record this feature of an Imperial Morocco menu. May I never live to witness or taste another. What followed the first dish my mind wavers to remember. An easy chair in the open air is the last I recollect. 

I recall the opening scene as the tall Prince lifted his hands heavenward, and turned his large, black eyes and said: “In the name of God and his prophet,” that being the entire grace. He dares not add, “make us grateful, etc.,” after the repast, for that would be sheer satire, at least from my point of view and feeling. A six-foot high stranger sitting cross-legged on a bilious-colored carpet at such a dinner is a terrible sight, and beggars description. Then behold him trying to feed himself, a la mode, by grabbing the aforesaid pomatum out of the big dish in the center of the carpet, and making force balls of the Imperial hash, and then deftly pitching them down his throat as invalid experts swallow pills without water. I admired the dexterity of the Princes, but spoiled my $15 vest. 

I hailed the relays of napkins and wash-bowls. I washed my face and hands seven times during dinner, and, though the room was reeking with the odors of incense, to this day I carry the fumes of that repast with my best clothes. The pale green and blue complextion I presented before half the banquet was over would have delighted James Whistler for a sweet little study of nocturne or symphony done in oleomargarine. And all this time the ladies of the Prince’s harem were invisibly looking on at my spasms. – San Jose Herald, November, 1884

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, June 28, 2025

Washington D.C.’s Royal Command

     “Invitations issued by Mrs. McKinley take precedence over all other invitations” –The 25th President of the United States, William McKinley and his wife, Ida Saxton McKinley
 
Invitations to the McKinley White House Akin to Royal Command 

The newspapers ridicule the new rules of etiquette at the White House, saying that President McKinley’s protocol will soon rival President Faures, who has long been taunted with adopting monarchial airs.

Vanity Fair, quoting the rule be ginning “Invitations issued by Mrs. McKinley take precedence over all other invitations” says: “Such rules prove that under the stars and stripes it is quite possible to be plus royaliste que le roi (more royalist than the King). We wonder what Lincoln would have said to any officious under-strapper suggesting such rules?” – Morning Union, 1898


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, June 27, 2025

Gilded Age Fork Etiquette and Fashions

Four of the rarest forks you may see, these 4 “patty forks’ were only made for a brief period in the Gilded Age. Like mango forks, many collectors do not even realize these types of were created. Towle Silversmith’s did create a “Patty Server” but only Gorham made “patty forks.”
⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️
These are in the 1888 Versailles pattern by Gorham. These are fully gilded, which is unusual. To Etiquipedia’s knowledge, patty forks were only made in 3 patterns, though there may be more. We have only seen them listed in the Chantilly, Luxembourg and Versailles patterns from the 1890’s to very early 1900’s.

A 2nd debut article from 2016

Eating olives with proper etiquette was a particular form of art—it was rumored that one imposter nobleman in France in the 1800s was recognized as a fraud by the way he ate his olives. The accused barbarian dared to eat his olives with a regular fork, instead of locating a proper olive fork—one which was designed with tiny, appropriately-sized tines.

Forks come in all shapes and sizes. Specialized designs for flatware exploded in number during the Victorian Era. In a panic to keep up with the latest serveware, aspiring couples accumulated a ridiculous number of pieces of cutlery. It was all a reflection of the culture at the time, which equated abstruse formal dining rules and etiquette with civilized society.

This was especially the case in America, where status wasn't as set in stone as in Europe. In the younger nation, social standing for the upwardly mobile was far more dependent on displays of wealth and class through, among other things, hosting and attending formal dinner parties. 

As formal dining evolved, so did the demand for increasingly nuanced (and perhaps absurd) silverware, resulting in giant horizontal tongs for asparagus, tiny yard-rake-like implements for spearing whole sardines, and a hybrid knife-fork for convenience in slicing and eating pie.
A gilded age variation on the original pie forks.

The pie fork, unlike some other Victorian cutlery, can be praised for its usefulness. The left side of the fork features a thick, sharp-edged tine for slicing into pie or tarts, but blunt ends for using the fork to eat the pie as you would a normal fork. – Saveur Magazine, 2016

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia


Thursday, June 26, 2025

Pre-Depression Era High Tea Etiquette


In 1922 Emily Post wrote of the tea foods that were popularly trending: “Selection of afternoon tea food is entirely a matter of whim, and new food-fads sweep through communities. For a few months at a time, everyone, whether in a private house or a country club, will eat nothing but English muffins and jam, then suddenly they like only toasted cheese crackers, or Sally Lunn, or chocolate cake with whipped cream on top. The present fad of a certain group in New York is bacon and toast sandwiches and fresh hot gingerbread. Let it be hoped for the sake of the small household that it will die out rather than become epidemic, since the gingerbread must be baked every afternoon, and the toast and bacon are two other items that come from a range.” – Above, tea with toast.

   The American “High Tea” of the 1920’s

“‘Tis not the food, but the content That makes the table’s merriment.”

HIGH tea is a more formal affair, partaking of the nature of a reception. The hour is usually from five to seven, and the refreshments are in the nature of a substantial supper. Both men and women are invited to high tea, and invitations may be formal or not, depending on the people you are to ask whether they are friends and old acquaintances, or less intimate. 

Where written invitations are sent it is quite customary and proper to word them informally. If, however, you are going to make your invitations and your affair quite informal, then it is better to ask your friends to come to supper. A supper and a high tea may, in reality, amount to pretty nearly the same thing, depending upon the kind of invitations sent and the number invited. 

High tea may serve as the beginning of an early evening party, or as the close of an afternoon card party. It is an elastic affair to be used in many pleasant ways.

The Invitation

Pen written invitations are quite permissible for all except the most formal affairs, and the engraved card  with blanks left to be filled in for the occasion is used by many who follow the best customs. This saves a considerable expense, since one plate will do for all occasions.

If written invitations to a high tea are to be used, they should be sent at least a week or ten days before the affair. Where men and women are both to be invited, as is proper upon such an occasion, the host's name as well as that of the hostess should appear. A rather heavy card of fine quality should be used, and the invitation reads:

Mr. and Mrs. Willis Ames

at home

Thursday afternoon, March seventh from five until seven o’clock 

Seventy-six, Holbrook Avenue

If the tea, or reception, which is what it really amounts to when a large number is invited, is given in honor of some person, or to introduce a man and his wife who have come into the neighborhood, or to do honor in any such way, then the invitations should be so worded as to make this known. In the lower left-hand corner of the invitations are written the words, "To meet Mr. and Mrs. Atkinson."

Menu for HIgh Tea

The menu for a high tea or afternoon reception and the serving, will depend largely upon the number invited. If only sixteen or even twenty are asked, it is better to  use small tables if there is room. It is not necessary to use tables large enough to seat four, although it is pleasant to do so where possible. Little "end-tables"- the small odd-shaped tables used at the end of a sofa or at the side of a chair, small stands, tabourettes - anything that will hold a plate or two may be used, and the informality of these add to the pleasure of the party. If, however, you want to keep the note of the entertainment a still more formal one, then card or folding tables should be placed where they will be used. 

These are spread with the prettiest cloths possible, and places laid for four at each table. Silver according to the need, but usually consisting of a fork, a butter spreader, a bouillon spoon and silver for the dessert, a glass for water, and a napkin are placed on the table. The menu is then served as it would be at any meal.

Buffet Serving

A formal tea, or reception, may also be served from the diningroom, to the guests standing. Rather large plates are used, and on each when handed are salad, cold meat, a cup of coffee or tea, and a buttered roll. Forks and spoons are passed from a basket or tray.

These plates are then taken, and a dessert plate with ice-cream substituted. Cakes are passed. A large bowl of punch with many glasses stands on a serving table.

Where the menu is served in this way the refreshments are placed on a large table in the center of the dining-room, and the guests invited to surround the table, or, after being served, may take their plates to another room, the porch, or wherever they please. They can help themselves and each other from the table to second servings and to the punch or other beverages. 

The coffee urn and tea pot are placed at either end of the table and the tea and coffee poured by friends of the hostess.

The Background

If a hostess wants to add a special touch of brilliancy to her tea she may arrange for music, but it should be secondary and unobtrusive, an orchestra playing softly at a distance, or some good records on the phonograph. Never singing, however, or solo work. The performer would only be put out of humor by the lack of attention. 

People like to move about at tea parties and receptions, to talk and laugh. They are not invited to this kind of an entertainment to see someone else perform, but to perform themselves. Each can play his own part, dramatize himself. He has come looking his best and in a humor to be agreeable, and he doesn't care to be asked to stand still and watch another play the part of star.

At a small afternoon tea party it is quite permissible to ask some one to sing or play. The stage is set for a quieter performance, and one is willing to sit still and be amused. The stimulus and confusion of a small tea is not so great as that of a larger one.

Provide Background

In order to give your guests the greatest pleasure at high tea, make your rooms beautiful that you may give an artistic background for their pretty clothes and well groomed figures, provide attractive and inviting food, and let them alone, except for seeing that there are no strangers left lonely, no shy ones standing at one side. Keep a vigilant eye to see that faces are happily relaxed, not strained; that people are moving, talking, laughing; that your rooms are neither too hot nor too cold, and that everybody seems to be having a happy time, and your affair will be a success.—By Della Thompson Lutes, 1923


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, June 25, 2025

Gilded Age Domestic Titles

     

Well-bred persons simply say, the ‘nurse,’ the ‘cook,’ the ‘chamber-maid,’ etc... and what is still better, they designate their domestics by their Christian names.

Of Propriety of Conduct in Relation to Domestic Duties

It is only among the badly educated people of the small towns that they say, the ‘maid,’ the ‘boy,’ the ‘domestic,’ the ‘servant;’ and among the proud, ill-bred fashionables, who ape grandeur; the ‘lackey,’ the ‘valet,’ ‘my people;’ well-bred persons simply say, the ‘nurse,’ the ‘cook,’ the ‘chamber-maid,’ etc... and what is still better, they designate their domestics by their Christian names. — By Elisabeth Celnart, in The Gentleman and Lady's Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment, 1883 

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, June 24, 2025

Hindu Tea Wisdom

A novel tea pot design patented in 1892. —Tea etymology: Many sources claim that “tea” got its name from what was printed on the crate which held the dried leaves which arrived from Portugal to England when Catherine of Braganza was to wed King Charles II. On the crate read the letters  T.E.A. These stood for Transportation of Aromatic Herbs. The name stuck with the dried leaves which produced the now popular beverage.  

TEA IS CALLED ONE MAINSTAY

Chandra Ghose, Hindu tea planter and a delegate to the recent Imperial Economic Conference at Ottawa, on a visit to this country, pointed out that tea has been a "mainstay" in the lives of the Hindus and the Orientals for centuries.

"The Hindu is famous the world over for his calm and his patience," Chandra Ghose said. "A Hindu can sit down with a cup of tea and quietly and calmly meditate upon his problems or his affairs without ending up with a nervous breakdown or a family fight."

"The American housewife," Miss Louise Lane adds, "can learn a profitable lesson from this Indian custom. At the start of the day, a good cup of tea will go a long way toward giving her a pleasant beginning, and as the day wears on wit its distractions and its labors, an occasional pause, a quiet moment spent with a cup of tea, will do wonders for her peace of mind. 

The American housewife can learn another lesson from her sisters of India and see that tea is on the menu for the male members of the family. Its gentle stimulus will work a welcome change after a hard day's work, and it is even suggested that right in the middle of that next family squabble over the budget or who's going to have the car, everybody pause and have a cup of tea. Such a custom would smooth out a lot of domestic squabbles. — San Luis Obispo Daily Telegram, 1932


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, June 23, 2025

“Etiquette and Manners” at Program

Dr. Aydelott spoke of the different kinds of “Men of the Hour” throughout all ages. In the early age he was a cave man. From that time on until the present each age claimed a type to be copied by the general populace. But now the man of the hour must be a gentleman, a real gentleman, not the mamby pamby sort that often pose as such. He had no use for the invertebrate ass who promenaded the street with his monocle and cigarette, a pattern of etiquette, but with no moral fiber in him. 

CHAUTAUQUA IS AUSPICIOUSLY LAUNCHED

Program of Varied Nature at Chautauqua Tent Last Night Wins Rounds of Applause; Expectations Exceeded

One of the many subjects spoken on was, “The Man of the Hour.” : 

This was the subject a Dr. Aydelott used. He began by mentioning the different kinds of “Men of the Hour” throughout all ages. In the early age he was a cave man. From that time on until the present each age claimed a type to be copied by the general populace. But now the man of the hour must be a gentleman, a real gentleman, not the mamby pamby sort that often pose as such. He had no use for the invertebrate ass who promenaded the street with his monocle and cigarette, a pattern of etiquette, but with no moral fiber in him. 

Dr. Aydelotte’s lecture had the strain of truth and sincerity throughout. He drew many clever and humorous comparisons during the course of his talk. He had the utmost contempt for “the measly old mises, whose wizeneo, dried up soul could be put into a peanut shell and then rattle about like a grain of Kansas mustard seed. Still he bad the utmost regard for the hale and hearty fat people. He thoroughly believed in the “survival of the fattest.” 

“There is a big difference,” he said, “between etiquette and good manners. Parents should learn the distinction and dedicate their home to good manners.  The Man of the Hour must have a heart as well as a brain." Dr. Aydelotte then spoke of the “Big Brotherhood Movement” in New York. This organization has taken hold of over by 3000 boys, out of which 97 per cent have made good. When one man goes down he always takes others with him, and when he rises up he generally helps someone else up. 

Mr. Aydelotte mentioned the fact that he would rather have a boy grasp his hand and say, “You made me what I am.” than to own all of John D. Rockefeller's millions. The language of the human heart is as old as toe beginning of the world, and that is what helps young men to rise. With startling abruptness Dr. Aydelott asked several questions of the audience, based on a brief personal observation of San Luis Obispo. He wanted to know if the schools were adequate. Several in the audience answered “no,” and he replied he thought no. 

He also wanted to know if the city had any place for boys to spend their evenings besides saloons and pool parlors. Another suggestion was that something should be done to preserve the old Mission, as it is a historical landmark that should be cared for. He didn’t want to criticise, he said, but merely warned to help. Speaking of Chautauqua, he reminded the audience that the total cost was only about as much as the price of a good automobile. There are always people willing to discourage home movements, but every successful town is built on something besides wealth. 

He next told of a sick boy in a hospital who had admired Walter Johnson, the baseball star. Mr. Johnson heard of the boy’s illness and sent him a baseball he had used that day, together with a personal note. From that time on the boy continued to improve. It was a lesson that some boy or girl is always watching us and waiting to copy, whether it be for good or bad. Dr. Aydelott closed by saying that storms make men. When a man does his task and does it well, that man is great. After the lecture nearly half the audience waited to shake hands with Dr. Aydelott. – San Luis Obispo Daily Telegram, 1916


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, June 22, 2025

Etiquette for Bon-Bons at Dinner

According to cooking expert, Miss Louise Lane, Candy is just as important in the formal dinner as the appetizers or dessert.”

IMPORTANT AT DINNER TABLE

Small Bon Bon Dishes of Fresh Sweets Always Are Welcomed by Guests

Candy is just as important in the formal dinner as the appetizers or dessert…

That candy has a definite place in the menu is borne out by Miss Louise Lane, cooking expert, who declares that it adds not only to the taste appeal of the balanced meal, but, if properly selected, to the appearance of the table as well.

1932 advertisement for “Martha Washington Candies”

Many women are puzzled as to the right moment to put the candy on the table. This is mere a matter of choice, authorities on table etiquette disagreeing on this point. Some say that candy has a place on the table right from the beginning of the meal and that a small bon-bon dish at either end of the table may be considered a correct part of the table setting. Others insist that the candy dishes make their entrance after the table has been cleared of the main course and the dessert is being served.

Miss Lane has chosen Martha Washington candies for her demonstration during the “Kitchen Chautauqua” this week. She says: “Few persons recognize the importance of the word FRESH in regard to candy. For 35 years the Martha Washington Candies Company, has pursued the policy of treating candy as a perishable article, demanding pure butter, fresh cream and eggs and other ingredients, and no preservatives. This company's slogan has been, “The Candy that's made to eat, not to keep.” Because of its freshness I have selected it for my “Happy Kitchen.” – Oakland Tribune, 1932


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, June 21, 2025

The Cat Fight Over “Eticat”

       

CAT FIGHT: Jere Hathaway Wright holds puppets Eticat, left, and Mt. Jewl, after testifying in court Wednesday in Fairfax, Va. – January 1998
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
 The judge ultimately ruled against Johnson in the lawsuit: 
Today's etiquette lesson: Sharing with a friend is a nice idea, but better get a trademark first. A Fairfax County judge ruled yesterday that an area woman who created a purple sock puppet named Eticat to teach manners to children cannot successfully sue a former friend who borrowed the idea.– Washington Post, February, 1998


Etiquette Mavens Doff Gloves for Cat Puppet 


FAIRFAX, Va.– The white gloves have come off as two Washington-area manners mavens fight each other in a most uncivil lawsuit over the rights to Eticat, a feline puppet used to teach children etiquette. Dorothea Johnson accuses a former employee, Jere Hathaway Wright, of swiping the puppet idea and starting a competing operation schooling children in the finer points of polite society. 

“All I can say is I believe I was there first,” Wright said in a huff as she clutched the purple-and-black puppet outside a Fairfax County courtroom Wednesday. Johnson is seeking to bar Wright from using the Eticat name. She also wants up to $10,000 in damages. 

A judge who heard two days of testimony is expected to rule in February. “She was a friend, and I feel betrayed,” Johnson said. Wright was broke and looking for work five years ago when Johnson hired her as a consultant for The Protocol School of Washington, Johnson said. “Never did I suspect that she would take my materials and use them in the way that she did,” Johnson testified. 

Johnson, with 40 years of experience, is perhaps the best known of the etiquette tutors who abound in society conscious Washington, where the social graces can help one avoid an international incident. Johnson also works as a consultant to the American diplomatic corps. She claims she was working on an idea to use a cat puppet in her childrens etiquette classes when Wright came on board in 1993. The project was called Eticat and was outlined in confidential documents. 

Although her lawyer calls it theft, Johnson puts her allegation more politely: “Miss Wright misappropriated my idea. The unpleasantness began early on,” Johnson said, when she overheard Wright make some rather indecorous remarks about Johnson’s table manners.– The Associated Press, 1998



🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, June 20, 2025

Tipping Etiquette History

Regardless of how cute or funny a restaurant tries to make it, a command to “tip the waiter” will still annoy many patrons.
The Pernicious Habit of Tipping

New Orleans has rebelled against lagniappe and declared for its abolition. A practice which probably began in the simple courtesy of giving a stick of candy or some delicacy to a customer’s child with time grew into a heavy tax upon trade. By becoming virtually compulsory it lost its first sentimental purpose of personal kindness and good will and took on the character of a fixed exaction, just as tipping has done here.

The abuse common to many domestic servants and commercial buyers who have levied commissions upon dealers of all sorts for giving preference to their goods led to the passage of the Saxe anti-tipping law. It promises to interfere with the private profits of purchasing agents, as well as of stewards and grooms and gardeners.

In Great Britain the prevention of corruption bill, which went into effect Jan. 1st, shuts off similar favors corruptly given to influence an agent in the discharge of his principal’s business. While it is not expected to affect open tipping, strictly enforced it may undermine that flourishing British institution, the Christmas box, which had almost ceased to be a gratuity and become a vested right. 

British tradesmen desired to protect their trade by distributing Christmas bonuses, but to all practical purposes they had lost the privilege of choice. The Spectator suggests the adoption of the rule followed by several firms in Geneva which, in place of their usual indiscriminate gifts of cigars, chocolate and so on, hand over a sum of money to the public authorities for charitable distribution.

The Petit Parisien, in discussing the question of New Year’s presents and “pourboires,” uncovered an interesting state of opinion in certain trades. The Barbers’ Trades Union in Paris, for instance, in its constitution, which dates from 1887, prescribes the suppression of tipping. It takes the logical position that the laborer, being worthy of his hire, should not depend for pay upon the caprice or generosity of the customers. 

As an employee the barber, like any other worker, is entitled to fixed, adequate wages. The circumstance that tips are so frequently bestowed tends to reduce wages unfairly and to lower the standing of the worker. The dignity of labor, in a personal and material way, is made on the basis of the barbers’ protest against the long-unaccepted tip. was regarded as the mark of a foreigner to stretch the grateful hand to the tipper. 

The average American worker would have regarded the offer of money as an insult. In many occupations the practice is now as firmly established as abroad, but the American rule requires a liberality unknown in Europe. It would be refreshing to have a barbers’ or waiters’ union in New York make formal protest against the degrading and humiliating influence of tipping. – New York World, 1907


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, June 19, 2025

Etiquette of the Elevator in 1907

If men should remove their hats in the presence of women in the elevators of business and public buildings they should by analogy take them off in Pullman cars and cabins of ferry-boats, in street and railroad cars and coaches, in closed carriages and omnibuses, in the stores; go uncovered in the corridors of the capitol; the congressional library, the national museum, the corridors of the government office buildings, railroad stations, and, in short, in all places under roof in which the two sexes publicly mingle. – Above, a beautifully designed, art deco era elevator door. 
"There is no one to pass authoritatively upon the etiquette of the elevator," said a critical citizen to a Star reporter, "but it strikes me that the line should be drawn, and a little study of the question has resulted in this conclusion:

"I think the line should be drawn between the business elevators, those in office buildings, stores and public buildings generally and those in hotels. In the latter a man should remove his hat and uncover in the presence of women passengers, and in the former he should not, and there should be no deviation from the rule.

"The differentiation in the established courtesy shown by men as a great class to women may easily be made clear, though there are some of our fair sisters who would keep a man on his knees all the time and never give him a chance to stretch as others would have him uncover in the street cars, which are inclosed compartments frequented by both sexes, and give him a perpetual cold in the head.

"If men should remove their hats in the presence of women in the elevators of business and public buildings they should by analogy take them off in Pullman cars and cabins of ferry-boats, in street and railroad cars and coaches, in closed carriages and omnibuses, in the stores; go uncovered in the corridors of the capitol; the congressional library, the national museum, the corridors of the government office buildings, railroad stations, and, in short, in all places under roof in which the two sexes publicly mingle.

"Certain it is if a woman expects a man to uncover in a public elevator, her sense of discrimination which the cynics of both sexes unite in declaring is not accentuated, except as regards female apparel, it is the height of absurdity for her not to be indignant if a man rides with her with his hat on in a closed carriage; yet not one of our sweet cousins would think for a moment that a man should do this, though he is closer to her in one compartment than in a public elevator, and he is either slightly or well acquainted with her in the bargain.

"In the elevator of a hotel, however, it is another matter. Here the two sexes meet upon more personal terms, as it were, and the relationship between the sexes is more of that in private houses. There is an atmosphere entirely different from that in the elevator of a business or public building, and it is one which demands of a man more courtesy toward the opposite sex than in the latter place

"I have always thought, therefore, when I see men uncover in store and public building elevators that they lacked a discriminating knowledge of gentlemanly instincts rather than, as they evidently suppose, showing such to woman shoppers and visitors to the departments." – Washington Star, 1907


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, June 18, 2025

A Review of 1886 Etiquette in 1948

“When tripping over the pavement, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above the ankle. With the right hand, she should hold together the folds of her gown, and draw them towards the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can only be tolerated for a moment, when the mud is very deep.” – Above, what the fashionable women of 1886 would be wearing while following the etiquette of the day.
Can You Imagine Following 
Gilded Age Etiquette 
in 1948?
According to an etiquette book published in 1886, there are things that a lady, or gentleman, doesn't do. Can't you just see some Tamites abiding by these rules?
“A lady ought to adopt a modest and measured gait; too great hurry injures the grace which ought to characterize her.” (what if you only have five minutes between classes?) “She should not present herself alone in a library or museum, unless she goes there to study or work as an artist.
“After twilight, a young lady would not be conducting herself in a becoming manner, by walking alone, If the host wishes to accompany you himself, you must excuse yourself politely for giving him so much trouble, but finish, however, by accepting.
“When tripping over the pavement, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above the ankle. With the right hand, she should hold together the folds of her gown, and draw them towards the right side. To raise the dress on both sides, and with both hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can only be tolerated for a moment, when the mud is very deep.” – Tamalpais News, 1948

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, June 17, 2025

Etiquette: “How To” in China



The Japanese, conscientious to the extreme about courtesy and etiquette, recently published a book of instructions of how to behave in China. 

Some tips:
  • (1) Moderate your drinking habits. Please try not to be a nuisance to other people, the book urges. In the past there has been trouble because of sake (rice wine) drinking. In Japan, the excuse “under the influence of sake” is acceptable, but this is not so in China.
  • (2) Treat Chinese women as equals, the book warns Japanese men - So do not hurt women's feelings by teasing them or making improper jokes. Avoid undue familiarity and do not touch their persons with your hands, which is a most impolite thing to do.
  • (3) Do not talk to Chinese people with a cigarette in your mouth.
  • (4) Do not walk around your hotel wearing only underwear or pajamas and slippers, the book advises. Treat hotel employees not as servants but in a friendly manner, as equals.
  • (5) When you take a photograph, always ask permission of bystanders. When photographing public monuments, be careful to frame the entire subject. The Chinese will inspect your film before leaving the country, and do not look kindly on headless or legless photos of their leaders.
  • (6) Never speak of “Red China” or “Communist China.” The proper appellation is “The People's Republic of China.”– San Bernardino Sun, 1972

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, June 16, 2025

Artillery Etiquette in 1904

Being armed was a necessity for many at the turn of the 19th to 20th centuries. Women, and personal protection for them, were the subjects of numerous advertising campaigns, especially in areas where one’s safety was in question. Above is one such advertisement by Smith and Wesson.

GUN ETIQUETTE IN COLORADO

Curator of State Museum Gives His Opinion of the Matter

After twenty-five years of residence In Colorado, State Curator W. C. Ferril is raising a nice point in what he calls “artillery” etiquette. Mr. Ferril regards himself as no tenderfoot, and says that since Friday night the only reason he has not at least one dead man to his credit is that he was not armed.

It appears that on Friday night between 10 and 11 o'clock, Mr. Ferril was wending his way toward his home on Downing avenue. He had occasion to cross a vacant lot between Eighteenth and Nineteenth avenues, near Washington, and on stepping out upon Nineteenth avenue he discovered that he had in the darkness come up immediately behind a man and a woman who were standing on the corner. Mr. Ferril's movements had perhaps been more than ordinarily quiet, and the couple took immediate alarm. At least the man threw one hand to his hip pocket in what Mr. Ferril terms a well-defined “gun play.”

Noticing the action on the part of the man, Ferril, who was only about ten feet away, threw up his hands. “My hands are up,” he shouted. “Don't come up behind me with your hands in your pocket,” said the unknown, with his hand still at his hip pocket, although he drew no gun. “I don't know what to make of the occurrence,” said Mr. Ferril in discussing the matter yesterday. “I don't know whether the fellow had a gun or not. We were still standing there, my hands in the air and he with one hand at his hip, when another couple came along and asked which way to reach the Brown Hotel. I answered them and by that time my unknown friend and his companion had left the scene.

“It was the most absurd thing that ever happened to me since I came to Colorado, particularly as I don't believe the fellow had a gun on his person. He undoubtedly made a gun play, however, and if I had been properly armed I would no doubt have taken a shot at him. By properly armed I mean with a gun in my coat pocket, where such a weapon ought to be carried. Nobody should carry a gun, if he expects to use it, in his hip pocket.

“The proposition resolves itself down to this point, as I understand artillery etiquette,” concluded Mr. Ferril. “When I saw his movement and threw up my hands that was immediate recognition of his ‘drop’ on me if he had one. If he had a drop on me and intended me any harm, it was up to him to proceed with his plans whatever they were. But when he failed to take his hand away from his pocket - then it was my turn to act. If I had had a gun I would undoubtedly have drawn upon him and fired. That, I take it, would be my privileges while he maintained a threatening attitude.” -Denver Republican, 1904


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, June 15, 2025

Etiquette and Rank Among Actors

The star bears exactly the same relation to the subjects as a Queen does to the ladies of the Court, and the subjects the same relation to the coryphées as, say, the ladies of the bedchamber to the dressers of her Majesty. The quadrille is a mob of novices having no rank to speak of. – Print of the famed, 1874 painting by Edgar Degas, “The Rehearsal of the Ballet Onstage”

Fine Distinctions of Etiquette Observed in the Green-Room

There is no place under heaven in which hierarchical grades are so rigidly established as in the dancers’ green-room at the European opera-houses. The star, says the Chicago News, bears exactly the same relation to the subjects as a Queen does to the ladies of the Court, and the subjects the same relation to the coryphées as, say, the ladies of the bedchamber to the dressers of her Majesty. The quadrille is a mob of novices having no rank to speak of.

Were a subscriber to pit or box tier, who has his entree to the green-room, engaged in a conversation in the wings with a member of the quadrille, and a coryphée to come up, the former would have to go away. The same etiquette would be observed by a coryphée if a subject came up; and if the star deigned to speak to the gentleman the subject would be expected to fall back in an attitude which would express the deep sense she felt of the honor done her by the star in deigning to address the admirer of the subject.

A star would think herself called upon to resent being invited to dine with an inferior member of the corps de ballet unless her leave were first asked. The etiquette would be to ask her what members it might be agreeable for her to meet, and whether, if she did not desire to make a choice herself, it might be agreeable for Mademoiselle Such-a-One to be invited? Nor would it be thought rude if she made a choice excluding the danseuse so named. Subjects stand in a relative position toward coryphées. But young ladies of the quadrille should be only asked to meet each other. – Banning Herald, 1891


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, June 14, 2025

Mid-20th C. Women’s Glove Etiquette

   

Social successories – Women’s long silk gloves, along with a pair of vintage leather gloves, antique glove stretchers and button hooks.

Glove Etiquette

There was a time when gloves played an important role in society, and a lady was rarely seen in public without them. Today, especially in Southern California where the dressing habits are so casual, the emphasis placed on this accessory is perhaps not stressed enough. When a young woman is trying to look her best, gloves tend to give her a more poised and pleasing appearance. The college girl should always wear gloves to such events as semi-formal and formal dances, receptions, concerts, formal dinners, interviews, weddings, etc…

In choosing a length for your gloves, you should consider the type of sleeve you will be wearing. The lengths of gloves range from one-button (one inch above the base of the thumb) to 20 buttons (20 inches above the base of the thumb). For short-sleeved dresses, any length along the lower forearm is appropriate. Sleeveless cocktail dresses and semi-formals are effectively accessorized with elbow-length gloves. On very formal occasions where long, bare-armed gowns are prevalent, only opera and shoulder lengths are permissible. The popular shorty gloves are the most versatile of all and can be worn with almost anything.

Gloves have acquired an etiquette of their own, and the manner in which they are handled is important. Once inside a building or house, you may remove them at any time except at formal dances, dinners, and receptions. When eating, both gloves should be removed and kept on the lap under the dinner napkin, never on top of the table. A lady should always keep her gloves on while shaking hands.

Fine store glove departments have a complete selection of the finest gloves in the most fashionable styles, colors, and materials. There you can find chic gloves designed in imported kid, pigskin, or the new stretch leather that conforms to the shape of the hand beautifully. To make it easy for you to coordinate an outfit, the fabric gloves of easy care cotton or nylon come in a host of shades. For evening, luxurious metallic fabrics and satins have been used to give more importance and elegance to the hands. 

To add an extra touch of completeness to an outfit, matching purses have been combined with gloves that fit every hand size (they make perfect gifts, too!). At Harris' glove counter, individual attention is given to helping you select the right style and insuring a perfect fit. Remember, properly gloved hands can make the difference between good and bad grooming. – By Mary Kay and Pam Louden for the Highlander, 1964


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, June 13, 2025

Etiquette for Men’s Attire at Weddings

The best man and ushers are dressed about as the groom is, although they may vary the color of cravat, gloves and spats. The boutonnieres of the groom and best man are always white.

Question: How are the bridegroom, best man and ushers dressed for a morning, or an afternoon or an evening wedding?

Answer: Clothes to be worn at a formal wedding, either in the morning or the afternoon, would be the same. A black morning coat, (cut-away), dark grey-striped trousers, white shirt, gray cravat or ascot, or else, black and white, or gray and white bow tie, black socks, black patent leather shoes, with or without spats, gray gloves and a top hat.

The best man and ushers are dressed about as the groom is, although they may vary the color of cravat, gloves and spats. The boutonnieres of the groom and best man are always white.

If the wedding is a country one. the clothes may be less formal, and if it is to be an outdoor one, flannel trousers may be worn with dark coats, but in this event, the bride and her attendants must be appropriately dressed. An evening wedding requires evening dress, not dinner jackets. – Imperial Valley Press, 1931


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, June 12, 2025

Etiquette for 2025, from 1938

“What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences? It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.”  – This applies equally to vain and conceited young women, as well!
Modern Etiquette

Q. Is it good manners for a guest to comment on the food served in a friend’s home?
A. Yes, provided she can say how delicious it is, or praise some particular dish that she knows her hostess takes pride in. It is of course very rude for a guest to say, “I have never cared for salads,” or, “I do not like lemon pie.”

Q. What does it indicate when a young man talks continuously about himself, his accomplishments, his business success, and his experiences?
A. It indicates that he is very vain and conceited. This type of young man is soon considered a bore, and seldom has but few friends, if any.

Q. How does a caller dispose of wraps?
A. A woman retains her wrap, hat and gloves: a man leaves his overcoat, hat and gloves in the hall.

– By Roberta Lee, Calexico Chronicle, 1938


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, June 11, 2025

One King’s White Glove Etiquette

Alfonso of Spain has a peculiar aversion to gloves, and he refuses to wear them, even on great state occasions In the beginning the strict etiquette of the court of Spain was shocked, but now the young King’s independence is taken as a matter of course. –
Above, an engagement card featuring Alfonso in uniform with his helmet and sword and his fiancé, Victoria Eugenie, wearing a fashionable, squared necked, evening dress.

KING ALFONSO HATES GLOVES

 MAYOR'S TRICK IS UNVEILED

Not Knowing King’s Distaste, Mayor has His Picture Wrong


NEW YORK, June 14 - Alfonso of Spain has a peculiar aversion to gloves, and he refuses to wear them, even on great state occasions In the beginning the strict etiquette of the court of Spain was shocked, but now the young King’s independence is taken as a matter of course.

Alfonso had also a keen and quick eye, and he relates this story of an incident in the Pyrenees. Passing through a little village the royal automobile misbehaved, and the royal traveler alighted to direct the royal chauffeurs in making repairs. The mayor of the village struggled into a white collar and his best clothes and came forward to offer assistance. The King asked him to show him around the village, and the two men left the car in the road and walked through the town.

In the office of the mayor was a picture of Alfonso, but wearing white gloves This caused the King to approach and examine the print closely. “Never have I worn white gloves.” muttered Alfonso. Then the mayor came forward, covered with confusion, and explained. The picture was originally of Alfonso XII, the King's father. When son followed father to the throne the thrifty mayor decapitated Alfonso XII and had the head of Alfonso XIII painted on the original canvas. He had not, however, known about the gloves. – By the Associated Press, 1913


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, June 10, 2025

Etiquette, Doors and Privacy

In an old etiquette book, written some 200 years ago, attention is called to the fact that when seeking admission at chamber doors one should give “not above one knock” and “At the door of the chamber of a great person it would be rude to knock; we are only to scratch.”
Always Remember To Knock
“A good custom is better than law.”-Euripides

One thing in which English family etiquette is better than our own is in the little custom, of knocking. Generally speaking in English families there is more respect for personal privacy than in our own land, and children of British parents are early taught to knock on their parent’s doors before entering. In like manner, a well bred English woman would show more consideration than to enter one of her own children’s rooms without the preliminary request for admission in the guise of a knock. Having knocked, the well bred English person waits for the welcoming, “Come in,” whereas between members of the same family in this land of ours, if we stop to knock at all, we often forget to wait for the word of welcome.

Recently many a new house in this country has been provided with little brass knockers placed on each bedroom door and these perhaps rerve to revive the gentle courtesy of knocking. Needless to say the custom of knocking for admission is a very ancient one and, before the days of doorbells and even before the days of iron or brass door knockers, people knocked for admission to other people’s houses and cottages by means of a vigorous knocking with the knuckle. Just as now we consider it rude to ring repeatedly or more than once without waiting to give someone inside an opportunity to respond to the first ring, so it was considered rude to continue with a series of knocks. 

In an old etiquette book, written some 200 years ago, attention is called to the fact that when seeking admission at chamber doors one should give “not above one knock” and “At the door of the chamber of a great person it would be rude to knock; we are only to scratch.” Probably the idea was that the knock might disturb the great man and that a servant was sure to be near the door to hear the merest scratch. However, scratching as a substitute for knocking is no longer in vogue.– By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1918


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, June 9, 2025

Gilded Age Noon Weddings

“should wear a dark morning coat, light or white waistcoat, light trousers and light gloves, preferably pearl gray…” – Image of men’s gloves, Pinterest
A. E. City.–  An authority on etiquette on the subject of noon weddings says: “The dress of the bridegroom should be on no account too gay: he should wear a dark morning coat, light or white waistcoat, light trousers and light gloves, preferably pearl gray, and a flower in his buttonhole.” – San Francisco Call, 1900


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia