Tuesday, June 10, 2025

Etiquette, Doors and Privacy

In an old etiquette book, written some 200 years ago, attention is called to the fact that when seeking admission at chamber doors one should give “not above one knock” and “At the door of the chamber of a great person it would be rude to knock; we are only to scratch.”
Always Remember To Knock
“A good custom is better than law.”-Euripides

One thing in which English family etiquette is better than our own is in the little custom, of knocking. Generally speaking in English families there is more respect for personal privacy than in our own land, and children of British parents are early taught to knock on their parent’s doors before entering. In like manner, a well bred English woman would show more consideration than to enter one of her own children’s rooms without the preliminary request for admission in the guise of a knock. Having knocked, the well bred English person waits for the welcoming, “Come in,” whereas between members of the same family in this land of ours, if we stop to knock at all, we often forget to wait for the word of welcome.

Recently many a new house in this country has been provided with little brass knockers placed on each bedroom door and these perhaps rerve to revive the gentle courtesy of knocking. Needless to say the custom of knocking for admission is a very ancient one and, before the days of doorbells and even before the days of iron or brass door knockers, people knocked for admission to other people’s houses and cottages by means of a vigorous knocking with the knuckle. Just as now we consider it rude to ring repeatedly or more than once without waiting to give someone inside an opportunity to respond to the first ring, so it was considered rude to continue with a series of knocks. 

In an old etiquette book, written some 200 years ago, attention is called to the fact that when seeking admission at chamber doors one should give “not above one knock” and “At the door of the chamber of a great person it would be rude to knock; we are only to scratch.” Probably the idea was that the knock might disturb the great man and that a servant was sure to be near the door to hear the merest scratch. However, scratching as a substitute for knocking is no longer in vogue.– By Mary Marshall Duffee, 1918


🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

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