Gilded Age and “Good Form”

Depiction of a Gilded Age Dinner Party 

Good Form: How it Differs 

from That of the Past 

in Various Important Respects

In a little book entitled “Good Form,” the etiquette of some few years ago is amusingly contrasted with that of today, when every thing is more succinct and expeditious than it used to be. When the ladies of John Leech’s time went to dinner parties they were shown into bedrooms and allowed some minutes to adjust their ringlets. Now they hand their cloak to a servant, and walk straight from their carriage or cab to the presence of their hostess.

At weddings in “the Forties” each bridesmaid had a groomsman to look after her and see that she had what she liked at the elaborate breakfasts of the matrimonial function of that day. Now there is only a “best man,” though how he comes by the superlative adjective when he is sole groomsman it is difficult to say. Among other changes of custom is that concerned with the bridesmaids’ dresses, which used to be given by the bride, And our authoress might have added that it is no dry-eyed. Crying has “gone out.” It was the very height of the fashion in the year 1827.

When Sir Edward Bulwer-Lytton married Miss Rosina Wheeler, an eye witness of the ceremony describes both bride and bridegroom as being overcome with “sensibility,” pale, tottering and tearful. No one totters to the altar now. It would not be “good form.” But the bride must not, on the other hand, romp up the aisle in the exultation of her heart. The correct pace perhaps, is best described as resembling that of a policeman on his beat. It is slow and stately.

Another marked change in social customs is mentioned in connection with the etiquette of “small and early” parties. No longer does a hostess ask her guests to sing or play. This ordeal, so dreaded by the girl of a couple of decades ago, is no longer to be feared. “I hope you have brought some music, Miss Smith,” was frequently the prelude to a distracting performance that gave pleasure to no one, least of all to the player. And, strange to say, now that music is always professional, and generally worth listening to, it is difficult to persuade people to remain silent while it is going on; whereas when amateurs were singing it would have been considered a shocking piece of rudeness for any one to have talked till the lady had finished describing how she wore a wreath of roses, or the gentleman had finished dilating upon his homeless, ragged and tanned condition.

At the dinner table it was considered the duty of the host and bostess to urge their guests to eat. This custom in our own day is entirely abandoned, partly owing to the now universal style of having all dishes handed round. The board no longer groans as once it did, the weight of the viands being transferred to that chapel of ease, the sideboard, where, in seclusion, a hireling carves the joint and skillfully dissects the bird whose anatomy used to prove such an intricate problem to the bothered amateur at the end of the table. Skill in carving is not now one of the polite accomplishments wherewith it is necessary to equip a youth for his social career. Till now, etiquette books have been only unintentionally amusing, but the present writer treats her subject with a sense of humor that makes it easy reading.—London Daily News, 1889

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia