A bit of Finger Bowl Etiquette Humor

Load! Aim! Fire! 

The Deadly War on the Finger Bowl!!

Gen. T. Bone Riley Hurries to Defend Baby Bathtubs at Eat Counters

Led by T. Bone Riley and Sheriff Hammel, gastronomical Los Angeles is threatening revolution and secession from California.

Mr. Riley, who is known to "pork and beaners" throughout world and the said to be the innocent model for Van Loan fiction, claims the state is interfering with life and liberty and the pursuit of cleanliness.

Sheriff Hammel has doubled the guards at the county jail and declares his prisoners shall never be subjected to unnecessary torture.

THIS IS THE REASON

A demand has been made before the state board of health by State Sanitary Inspector Edward T. Ross that a regulation be adopted specifying that no finger bowl shall be used more than once.

Finger bowls of the ordinary type gather germs, the inspector says, and the only way to preserve the health of the human race is either to stop eating outside of your own kitchen or compel cafés to supply never-to-be-used-again finger bowls.

Finger bowls — for the benefit of those who do not know — are small tubs in which one may bathe publicly without fear of arrest. They are usually accompanied by an attendant who mops up the water if you tip the bowl and who is disappointed if you fail to tip.

Reports from Sacramento, where the protest has been made before the state board of health, fail to state the dread disease germ for which the finger bowl is the favorite vehicle, but the general belief among Los Angeles hotel and café proprietors is that appetite and hunger are closely associated diseases often to be found lurking in the vicinity of the fateful bowl.

'WIPE 'EM ON THE TABLE'

"This ain't the flowing bowl that's prohibited in the Bible," said T. Bone Riley today in an imaginary interview. "Nothing of the kind. They tell me the finger bowl is made of glass or copper, and that a waiter brings it to you after you eat and you dip your fingers in it and then wipe them on the table cloth. Sounds to me real sanitary and I think it ought to be encouraged. Even at home you have to wash before you eat. And it isn't asking too much for you to do the same thing when you get through — especially when you're out in company. The state board will have a hard time taking the finger bowls off of my pie counter."

Sheriff Hammel, whose boarders at the county jail are the most varied and steady in the city, is bitter in his stand against the antifinger bowl campaign. He said: 'OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!'

"Never use a finger bowl but once? Why, it's an outrage! That's what it is an outrage! If that law goes into effect it will cost the taxpayers of this county a lot of money. All the finger bowls in the county jail are stationary. They use the same ones all the time. If you took them out every time they are used the plumber's bills would bankrupt Rockefeller. Never-to-be-used-again finger bowls? Slush! Why, the next thing they'll be saying we must have never-to-be-used-again bathtubs."

Al Levy, who knows more about bowls than any other man in the southwest, says if the law passes every person will have to carry his or her own finger bowl.

"Women will wear them for bangles," said Mr. Levy today, "and men will have them fitted on the heads of their canes. In a short time, instead of buying your wife a wrist watch, you'll get her a wrist finger bowl. Or you'll see the bald-headed chap pull off his skull cap and the waiter pour it half full of water while the finger-rinsing process goes on."

Nat Goodwin, founder and for some time principal patron of the famous Nat Goodwin café, telegraphed the following comment from San Francisco, where he is reiterating "Never Say Die" in solo with Marjorie Moreland as an accompanist:

"I never cared for finger bowls. They are too small for a regular drink and hold too much for a chaser."

The only word of encouragement to the state board comes from Vernon Goodwin, manager of the Hotel Alexandria.

"It really makes no difference, anyway," he said. "Finger bowls are de trop. However, we have always served a separate finger bowl to each consumer and our waiters are instructed to use every effort to discourage large parties using the same finger or families’ bowl, even when dining in private rooms. Finger bowls are for single dips and should never be used either for plunge or shower." — Los Angeles Herald, 1914

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia