Gilded Age Ball-Room Customs

Sometimes it is more convenient to entertain in a public hall, instead of at home, especially where there is no room for dancing in the house, and there are a large number to be entertained. In that case the invitations are issued as shown above.

A DANCING party assumes the proportions of a ball when several hundred invitations are issued, and the affair takes place in the ball-room of a club or hotel. Few private homes are equipped with sufficient space to give a large ball with comfort. Subscription dances always take place in a public ball-room, the invitations bearing the names of the patronesses.

At private dancing parties the word ‘ball’ is not used, but “Cotillon,” or “Dancing after ten,” or just simply the word “Dancing,” at the bottom of a reception card, indicates the nature of the entertainment.

An awning is usually spread from the house to the street, with a canvas or carpet to protect dainty gowns and slippers, especially if the weather is inclement.

A polished hardwood floor is fine for dancing, with paraffin, wax, or even a slight sprinkling of corn meal to make it delight fully smooth. This will be a welcome hint to those who are fond of after-dinner drawing-room dancing, with an accommodating member of the family at the piano and even father participating in the pretty figures which young people love.

There should be a row of small chairs around a ball-room for chaperons and dancers. Camp chairs are best, as they may be easily moved. Decorations of flowers and palms add to the effect, but ostentatious trimming of the room is not necessary.

At a full-fledged ball, a stringed orchestra furnishes the music; at dancing parties of an informal nature, two or three pieces are sufficient. There must be dance programmes furnished. They are placed in the dressing-rooms or handed to the guests by a servant as they enter the ball-room. At small parties programmes are not necessary; there should then be a master of ceremonies, who will attend to the music.

When the guests number more than a hundred, there should be checks in the dressing-rooms, and for the carriages, these details being in charge of a servant. At such affairs, a buffet supper is served and no attempt made to seat all the guests at once. There must be a punch or frappé bowl in charge of a servant who must keep a large supply of clean glasses constantly on hand. A caterer is usually employed for these large functions, and he supplies everything, from extra servants to smallest items, such as spoons, napkins, etc.

A mother is assisted in receiving by her daughters, and by as many others as she wishes to honor. Her husband assists also, and carefully watches to see that every one dances; that the chaperons receive attention; in fact, he must be a general utility man.

A young man, at a ball, must put aside all his personal preferences and dance with any strangers in the community who may not know many people. For the time being he must consider himself the obedient servant of his hostess, and assist her in every possible way. This is put thus strongly because often our dancing men absorb the attention of one or two especially popular girls to the exclusion of other maids who are not so attractive, or perhaps not such good dancers. A hostess feels dreadfully if there are “wall-flowers,” and every man should see to it that there are none.

Introductions are essential at a ball, and the daughters of the house are equally responsible with their mother in seeing that presentations are made.

For the “German,” or as it is more generally called, the “Cotillon,” there should be an equal number of men and women. It is the hostess who chooses the man to lead, and she asks him if he wishes a partner to assist or if he wishes to lead alone. His decision must be unquestioned.

She consults him as to the favors, and he selects all the figures to suit himself. Any friend who does not dance may be asked to preside at the favor table, and the hostess may do so if she is not dancing, or one of the chaperons may thus assist.

A son of the hostess must see that all guests are provided with partners, and assumes an equal responsibility with his mother and father. It is poor taste for men to congregate in the cloak rooms and smoke during more than one dance. They were invited to make themselves generally agreeable, and a man who wishes to lounge and smoke should not accept the invitation. In entering a ball-room, a woman precedes a man whether husband, father, or brother; an elderly woman precedes the younger in making her greeting to the hostess.

If a young woman is not asked immediately to dance, she remains seated by her chaperon. Unless her programme is entirely full, a dance with the son of the hostess may not be refused, nor may she refuse a dance with one man and immediately after give it to some one else. She must sit out that dance.

A woman may not be excused from a promised engagement unless too ill to dance. If she refuses, that finishes her dancing for the evening. The young man she refuses may look for another partner, after seeing that she is made comfortable by returning her to her chaperon.

Unless engaged to a man, a girl should not make herself conspicuous by dancing with the same person too often, nor is it proper to disappear into secluded corners and sit out dances with a man.

The writer is often asked by young girls just entering society what to say when asked to dance. A woman merely hands the man her programme, and says “I am not engaged for that dance, and will give it to you with pleasure.” there are no programmes, she says “You may have the dance (or that number); I'll be very glad to dance it with you.” There really can be no set phrases, for what would sound natural from one person would sound affected from another, and the main thing is to be just one's natural self.

When the dance is over a man may say “Thank you,” and the girl respond with, “It certainly was delightful, the music is excellent,” or words to that effect. A man, if late to keep his dance engagement, should be profuse in his apologies.

A man must always give the first dance to the woman he escorts, or if he is unattached, his first duties are to the daughters of the hostess or guests in the house; after that he may seek his own pleasure, keeping a watchful eye open to see when he may assist his hostess. It is a woman's privilege to make the move to go home, and adieus need not be said unless occasion offers when the hostess is disengaged.

If a man is suddenly called away from a ball it is his duty to personally explain his absence to everyone with whom he may have a dance engaged, and if possible provide partners for them; this may be difficult, and he may be pardoned if not successful.

A man may send flowers to the young lady whom he is to escort to a ball, but it is not obligatory. If he is engaged, it is a thoughtful attention to send his fiancée a bunch of violets, for there is no girl who does not love and appreciate them. —From Ellye Howell Glover’s Dame Curtsey’s Book of Etiquette, 1916

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