Etiquette and “Road Rude”

You really can’t judge a book by its cover! — I was given this book back in 2012 or 2013 by the late-Demita Usher, a very dear friend. I never really opened it up until a few weeks ago, due to the fact that Whoopi Goldberg is pictured on the cover, sitting on a toilet. Though it does have some profanity in it, overall, I have been pleasantly surprised. It’s filled with common sense, good daily manners, along with some wise words on life choices. I have a few young adults I’m planning on loaning it to soon.

I don't want anyone killing me with their car. Is that too much to ask? No, it's not. Then why are so many people trying to send me to my early reward with their vehicles? Truly. I can't believe some of the stunts I see pulled out there on the road. I have to say the worst behavior you see from people is when they get a steering wheel in their hands. To the point that I believe that your car is like a brain scan of your personality.

If you are a polite person or just a normal, considerate, going along-and-along-in-life person, that's pretty evident. You get a smile and a nod from me at the next stoplight.

If you are easily distracted, clumsy, or kind of off in the ozone, we're going to see that too. Please try to keep it off the sidewalk.

And if you are a jackass? Well, trust me, we know. We all know. And the way you carry on, we get plenty of opportunities to confirm that.

Do you think that when you get inside your car and close the door you become magically invisible? You do not. Not even with those tinted windows you think look so cool. We can see you. And it ain't pretty.

Some folks will surprise you when you see what they pull on the highway. These are the people who may not show signs of aggression or rudeness or risky behavior sitting in the break room with you at work, or selling you a nice pair of shoes at the department store. But don't be fooled. It doesn't mean that it's not part of their personality. Like that famous cartoon folks saw in driver's ed. It's where good ol' Goofy gets behind the wheel and suddenly becomes Satan. That's what happens to some people. Folks turn on that ignition, and suddenly, Satan rules.

What makes that happen? Maybe somebody chewed them out just before they left the factory, or they learned in the parking lot that some dude from the marketing department got the promotion they wanted. Or their girlfriend cheated on them. Or their boyfriend refuses to ask his best bud from college to find a motel for the weekend so they can have some alone time.

Or. Or. Or.

Does it matter what reason people have to be misbehaving behind the wheel? Hell, no. Screw the reason, all I care about is how they drive. And if you are a person who acts out with bad behavior behind the wheel, I have a message for you.

If you speed through a school zone, I have a message for you.

If you park in handicapped spaces, I have a message for you.

If you weave through cars on the interstate like it was your personal slalom, I have a message for you.

If you zip into a parking spot that somebody else has been patiently waiting for, I have a message for you. If you run lights, or bust a crosswalk with people in it, I have a message for you.

If other, more reasonable people obey the law and common sense and pull to the right to let a fire truck or an ambulance pass, and you use that opportunity to pass them all because you think you're so special that doesn't apply to you, I have a message for you.

If you tailgate, practice road rage, live on your horn, pollute with your smoky tailpipe, blind people with your high beams, dent somebody's fender and drive off, throw litter out the car window, drink, text, or watch videos on your cell phone while you should be driving, I have a message for you.

You're looking at it. — From “Is It Just Me? Or is it nuts out there?” by Whoopi Goldberg, 2010

🚘Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia