Gilded Age Excess and Etiquette

Cutting up a $2,100 cake at a birthday party attended by several score of young men and fair girls just entering society has hardly created more than a ripple in New York society, so common are the extravagant whims of millionaires. Yet such a cake was one of the features of the recent birthday given by Mrs. Alva Vanderbilt on the occasion of the social debut of her daughter, Consuelo.

A Vanderbilt Cake

Cut at Miss Consuelo Vandebilt's Birthday Party

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Valuable Diamond Rings Inside

The Brilliant Prizes Went to the Lady and Gentleman who Drew the Slices Containing Them

Cutting up a $2,100 cake at a birthday party attended by several score of young men and fair girls just entering society has hardly created more than a ripple in New York society, so common are the extravagant whims of millionaires. Yet such a cake was one of the features of the recent birthday given by Mrs. Alva Vanderbilt on the occasion of the social debut of her daughter, Consuelo.

Strictly speaking, the cake did not cost $2,100. It cost $100, and that is a pretty good price for a cake, even if it was three feet in diameter and was carried by two men with difficulty. The value of $2,100 was due to the presence beneath its frosted and beautifully ornamented crust of two diamond rings, one for the fortunate young lady whose pearly teeth found it nestling in the depths of the wedge which was cut off with a silver knife for her delectation, the other for some equally fortunate young man.

The rings cost $1,000 each. Both were clusters and were especially designed. An inscription was engraved upon the inner surface of the golden bands. The cake was not in itself an especially ornate affair. The baking company which furnished it has made many others and cakes more costly. This cake was 36 inches in diameter and 14 inches in height. It was made of layers of poundcake and marmalade, the whole saturated with French cordials. The surface decorations were of roses in sugar, and the sides of the cake were further decorated by delicate sugar tracery. A dividing line in red was drawn across the snowy surface of the cake.

In one of the halves thus made a tiny blue silk flag bore the letter “G.” In the other field an orange banner displayed the letter “L.” Within these sections were hidden the rings destined for the lucky lady and gentleman. At the close of the elaborate collation, over which the proud mother of the young debutante presided, Miss Consuelo in person undertook the task of cutting up the cake. There was as near an approach to a scramble as good breeding would permit. The cake had been less than half distributed before the prizes had been discovered, and the rest of the guests accepted their pieces as a polite duty. 

In the meanwhile, a cake containing two rings valued at $100 each was being cut in the servants’ hall. “There was nothing remarkable about this prize cake,” said Manager Jansen, of the company which furnished it, “except that the value of the rings given was greater than usual.” The custom of secreting valuable jewels in cakes made for birthday parties and cotillions is common among society people of wealth, and an order for something of this nature is received every day or two. I do not recall an instance of rings being used as valuable as these, but a list of the names of parties who have expended from $200 to $500 in this line would be quite long and embrace most of the names made familiar in society news columns. 

“At a wedding celebrated last October, a bride’s cake contained a handsome solitaire diamond for each of the bridesmaids. If asked to say off-hand how many orders of this kind we have filled in a single year, I would say more than a hundred. On last St. Valentine's Day we put on the market a fancy heart-shaped cake, elaborately ornamented and satin incased, which cost $3 each. In no less than fifty instances, the parties who ordered them – men of course– brought valuable rings to be placed in them.” –Hanford Journal, April 23, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Giving of a Formal Dinner

The decoration of the table is a good deal a matter of taste; but a tablecloth of damask, embroidered linen or lace is considered better form than table mats. There is no limit to the type of centerpiece that may be used. It may be a lovely urn, a flat silver platter of fruit, a pair of brilliant china birds, or a silver basket or bowl of flowers. Tall candles in silver candlesticks, preferably of a design that matches the service, are a very important part of the dinner table decoration, and the present vogue is to have them unshaded.— From the book Etiquette, Entertaining and Good Sense by Eileen Cumming

The most awe-inspiring ordeal to the unaccustomed hostess is the giving of a formal dinner. It may be a gathering of more or less distinguished people, or be in honor of some important member husband's firm or some visitor from out of town. Whatever the size, however, formal entertaining augurs a certain ritual and the service must be subject to certain conventions.

If the hostess is well equipped with silver and china, entertaining is not so difficult as it appears. In the house of limited servants, where formal service has often to be dispensed with for ordinary occasions, it is well to rehearse the maid thoroughly in any changes. In some cases it might be found convenient to hire a waitress for the evening rather than suddenly to try to change the manner in which your cook-waitress has been accustomed to serve you. By giving her minute written instructions and rehearsing the service, however, she can often be trained to manage without outside help.

The decoration of the table is a good deal a matter of taste; but a tablecloth of damask, embroidered linen or lace is considered better form than table mats. There is no limit to the type of centerpiece that may be used. It may be a lovely urn, a flat silver platter of fruit, a pair of brilliant china birds, or a silver basket or bowl of flowers. Tall candles in silver candlesticks, preferably of a design that matches the service, are a very important part of the dinner table decoration, and the present vogue is to have them unshaded. Four silver compotes holding candy may be placed at the corners. There should be a set of peppers and salts to every two persons and small dishes for salted nuts are placed at each place.

A proper equipment of flat silver-knives, forks, spoons, and other pieces-is absolutely essential to the proper service of a dinner. While it is now recognized as good form to simplify the number of knives, forks, and spoons that are placed upon the table, it is necessary to have available all of the silverware required in serving each of the courses, so that the proper articles may be brought in without delay. The menu for a formal dinner should never be less than:

Grapefruit or Hors d'oeuvres 

Soup             Salad 

Fish          Meat

Dessert        Coffee

Except in rare instances, it is customary to place on the table but three pieces of silverware on either side of the plate. In setting the table, the salad fork is placed on the left of the plate, the meat (dinner) fork is next, and then the fish fork. A dessert size fork is ordinarily used for the fish course. The salad fork, which is usually the third used, is thus laid nearest the plate. If there is an entrée, the fork for this course is placed between the fish fork and that for the meat, and the salad fork is left to be brought in later. On the right of the plate, and nearest to it, is put the steel blade dinner knife, then the soup spoon, and then the oyster fork or grapefruit spoon. The fork or spoon for the dessert is brought in on the dessert plate.

To start from the beginning of the service, the grapefruit or hors d'oeuvres is arranged in the pantry beforehand on small plates and is placed directly on the service plates. When the small plate is removed, the soup plate will also be placed on the service plate. The service plate and soup plate should be removed at the same time, and replaced by a very hot plate for the fish. Supposing the meat course consists of chicken or turkey, this should be carved in the kitchen, the seasoning placed on the plate, and the whole covered with a giblet gravy, which does away with the passing of the sauce boat. If the gravy is served, it should be passed after the meat in a gravy boat on its own tray. At least two vegetables are necessary, and they should be passed in a silver vegetable or entrée dish. It is permissible to have two vegetables in a two-compartment dish, but two dishes should not be passed at once.

Next comes the salad. After the salad a silver crumb remover and platter should be used by the waitress to remove the crumbs. The dessert plates should be already prepared on a side table, the necessary spoons or forks being placed on them. Where there is but one waitress it is quite possible to have a finger bowl and doily on this plate to save a second passing. If this is not done, the finger bowls are passed immediately after the dessert plates are removed and the fruit and candies passed. The actual serving of the dinner is now ended. — From “Etiquette, Entertaining and Good Sense,” 1923

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Etiquette… the Hostess’s Bugbear

The idea that failure to do either one thing or the other marks one as unversed in the ways of society, is ridiculous. Ease of manner is the real mark of good breeding. If one is afraid to do the natural thing, ease of manner is impossible.

ETIQUETTE has become the bugbear of the hostess. It has been written about and talked about so much that it overshadows the delight of ordinary social intercourse. “Shall I do this?” “Shall I do that?” are the constant queries of people who have hitherto been entirely happy and correct in doing the natural thing. Of course, there are certain customs of good society that we all want to be conversant with; but etiquette is another word for usage, and usage is built up on good sense and good manners.

“Should I pick up a spoon that falls from the dinner table?” asks one harassed inquirer. “Why not?” is the answer. If there are servants at hand who can do it for you, or the spoon is not perfectly clean, or it has rolled to such a position that it would cause a diversion to grope for it, one's good sense bids it lie. But if it is within easy reach and the impulse is to pick it up, then do it. The idea that failure to do either one thing or the other marks one as unversed in the ways of society, is ridiculous. Ease of manner is the real mark of good breeding. If one is afraid to do the natural thing, ease of manner is impossible.

Entertaining, of course, offers its own special problems, but the hostess' greatest asset is a sense of hospitality and enjoyment of her guests. To be surrounded with things that are beautiful and charming is the desire of most people. If our surroundings are right and we endeavor to be as natural as possible, entertaining becomes a comparatively simple matter. It is essential, however, that the surroundings be right, and a hostess’ real necessity for perfect entertaining is correct service that is, charming linen, good china, and the best and most complete silverware equipment she can afford.

It is not always possible for the girl starting housekeeping to have all the silverware she would like, neither is it always wise for her to try. There is a danger that she will be tempted to buy inferior ware and make up in quantity what she lacks in quality. Each year, however, the service should be added to; for while the world may look leniently on the shortcomings in the service of the bride, it expects the hostess of standing to entertain with dignity and distinction.— From “ Etiquette, Entertaining and Good Sense,” 1923

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Etiquette for When in Rome, c.1882

“Everyone is ashamed not to seem to know French: no one is ashamed to confess his or her utter ignorance of Italian. Indeed such ignorance is considered rather something to boast of than otherwise. It is amusing to witness the indignation of English people when they discover that Italians, as a nation, do not understand French.” —circa 1882 

The “Grand Tour,”  popular from the 17th to early 19th-century, was a custom of a traditional trip through Europe, with Italy as one of the major destinations. Generally, these “Grand Tours” were  undertaken by the upper-class young European men of rank and wealth, when they came of age at around the age of 21

. Typically, the young man was chaperoned by a tutor or elder family member. Though the Grand Tour was primarily associated with the British nobility and wealthy landed gentry, similar trips were also made by wealthy young men, and occasionally young women, of other Protestant Northern European nations.

Expectations of Englishmen Who Know French

Among the crowds of our fellow-country men that are to be met every Winter in Rome, and more or less in more out-of-the-way parts of Italy, it is surprising to find how few make even a pretense of speaking Italian. Everyone is ashamed not to seem to know French: no one is ashamed to confess his or her utter ignorance of Italian. Indeed such ignorance is considered rather something to boast of than otherwise. It is amusing to witness the indignation of English people when they discover that Italians as a nation do not understand French. 

They seem to think that, if they address the natives of any Continental country in some Continental tongue, no matter what it may be, those same natives are bound to know what they mean. Now, as a matter of fact, Italians are quite indifferent to all foreign languages, and have hitherto made no effort to acquire any knowledge either of French or English: so that a traveler in the country who knows no language but his own is quite cut off from holding any direct communication with the natives, dare not leave the beaten tourist-track, and even on it is totally at the mercy of commissioners and hotel-keepers.— The London Saturday Review, 1882

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Gilded Age Card Engraving Etiquette

A gent’s calling card tray features a playful pup, playing with the daily newspaper, dated May 4, 1891

If the surname is short, the full name may be en graved. If the names are long, and the space does not admit of their full extension, the initials of given names may be used. The former style is preferred, when practicable. 

In the absence of any special title properly accom panying the name-as “Rev.,” “Dr.,” “Col.,” etc., —“Mr.” is always prefixed. Good form requires this on an engraved card. If in any emergency a man writes his own name on a card he does not prefix “Mr.”

What titles may properly be used on a man's visiting-card? The distinctions made in the use of titles seem arbitrary unless some reason can be discovered.

The rule should be, to omit from visiting-cards all titles that signify transient offices, or occupations not related to social life; using such titles only as indicate a rank or profession that is for life; and which has become a part of the man's identity, or which is distinctly allied to his social conditions.

To illustrate— The rank of an officer in the army or the navy should be indicated by title on his card, his connection with the service being for life, and a part of his identity. His personal card is engraved thus “General Schofield”— the title in full when only the surname is used; or, “Gen. Winfield Scott,” “Gen. W. S. Hancock” — the title abbreviated when the given names, or their initials, are used. 

The first style is appropriate to the Commander-in-chief, or the senior officer; or in any case where no other officer of the same name and rank is on the roster.

Officers on the retired list, and veteran officers of the late war who rose from the volunteer ranks, retain their titles by courtesy. And very appropriately so, since the war record of many a gallant soldier is inseparable from the man himself, in the minds of his fellow-citizens. 

He may have retired to private life again, but his distinguished services have outlived the brief hour of action; and his hero-worshiping countrymen will always recognize him in his most salient character, “every inch a soldier.” It is quite impossible to call him “Mr.,” or at once to know who is meant if his card reads—for instance— “Mr. Lucius Fairchild.” Nothing but the title of his well earned rank gives an adequate idea of the man.

The official cards of political officers and ambassadors, which bear the title and office of the man —with or without his name— should be used only on official or State occasions, and during the term of office. When the incumbent “steps down and out,” this card is also “relegated.” His friends may continue to greet him as “Governor,” but he no longer uses the title himself. In strictly social life, the personal card of the ex-Governor is like that of any other private citizen, subject to the same rules.

Similarly, professional or business cards that bear ever so slight an advertisement of occupations are not allowable for social purposes.

The three “learned” professions, theology, medicine, and law, are equally “for life.” But the occupation of the lawyer is distinctly related to business matters, and not at all to social affairs. His title, or sub-title, Esquire, is properly ignored on his visiting card, and socially he is simply “Mr. John Living stone.” 

On the other hand, the callings of the clergyman and the physician respectively, are closely allied to the social side of life, closely identified with the man himself. Therefore “Rev.,” or “Dr.” may with propriety be considered as forming an inseparable compound with the name. The title is an important identifying mark, and its omission, by the clergyman, at least, is not strictly dignified. “Office hours” are not announced on a physician’s social card.

It is not good form to use merely honorary titles on visiting-cards. In most cases, a man should lay aside all pretension to special office or rank, and appear in society simply as “Mr. John Brown,” to take his chances in the social world strictly on his own merits; assured that if he has any merit, other people will discover it without an ostentatious reminder of it in the shape of a pompous visiting-card. 

Of course, this suggestion of democratic simplicity refers to the engraving of one's own card; other people address the man properly by his official or honorary title, with all due respect for the worth which the world recognizes even though the wearer of such honors ignores his own claim to high distinction. 

“Blow your own trumpet, if you would hear it sound,” is a sharply sarcastic bit of advice, since only hopeless mediocrity could ever profit by the injunction. Real merit needs no trumpeter. Mrs. Grant could afford to call her husband “Mr.” Grant, as was her modest custom; because all the world knew that he was the General of our armies, and the President of the republic. 

It is some “Mayor Puff,” of Boomtown, who can hardly be persuaded by the engraver from giving himself the satisfaction of incidentally announcing on his visiting-cards the result of the last borough election.

A man's address may be engraved beneath his name at the lower right corner, the street and number only if in a city, or the name of a country-seat if out of town; as, “The Leasowes.” Bachelors who belong to a club may add the club address in the lower left corner; or, if they live altogether at the club, this address occupies the lower right corner.— Agnes H. Morton, 1899

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Duke Experiences Royal Cut Direct

A portrait of probably the most famous Duke and Duchess of Marlborough, with their children and their Blenheim spaniels. – Consuelo Spencer-Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, was a member of the prominent American Vanderbilt family. Her marriage to Charles Spencer-Churchill, 9th Duke of Marlborough became an international symbol of the socially advantageous, but loveless, “Dollar Princess” marriages, which were so common during the Gilded Age.

Queen Snubs Marlborough

Duke Gets Cut Direct from Alexandra

Appears in Society While His American Wife Enjoys Herself on the Riviera 

Queen Is Friend of the Duchess Now

LONDON, Feb. 23.-While the Duchess is enjoying herself with her kin on the Riviera, the Duke of Marlborough is showing himself conspicuously here, and society is talking volubly of Queen Alexandra's manifestations of sympathy with the Duchess and of her Majesty's evidence of disapproval of the Duke.

He was at the opening of parliament. Some close observers say that when the Queen ascended the throne she bowed pointedly to the Duke of Argyle on the one side and Lord Londonderry on the other, while she ignored the Duke of Marlborough. The Duke’s aunt and a member of the Queen's household bore a most sympathetic letter from her Majesty to the Duchess before her departure from London for Paris. The Queen wrote that she hoped for a complete reconciliation between the Duchess and her husband, expressed affectionate interest in the future of their two sons and asked for a new photograph of them in which their mother should appear.

The photograph was taken, and with the signatures of mother and boys was sent to the Queen. In this connection it is interesting to note that a very short time ago King Edward took it upon himself to punish the Duchess of Marlborough in a like manner, snubbing her in an unmistakable way. — Special Cable to The Herald, 1907

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Alva Vanderbilt’s Triumph

That Mrs. Alva Smith Vanderbilt knows how to exert power has been abundantly proved times without number. It was her genius in this particular regard which directed the famous Vanderbilt fancy-dress ball some thirteen years ago. More money was expended upon that festival of wealth than on any private function in the social history of the land, and it secured for the Vanderbilts an entrance to the smart set which the Astors had long opposed. Mrs. Vanderbilt earned undying fame by that achievement, but it will be pushed far into the shade by the extravagant grandeur of the wedding which will make of her daughter a Duchess. — A newspaper artist’s rendering of Alva Vanderbilt’s New York residence.

Such Magnificence Puts Old Aladdin in the Shade

Mrs. Vanderbilt Will Dazzle Swelldom by the Lavish Display of Wealth She Will Exhibit in Her Mansion

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Young Duchess of Marlborough and Her Jewels

The New York Home Will Be a Wondrous Sight on the Day Miss Consuelo Becomes a Duchess

👑Some of the Art Treasures👑

The Rank She Will Take Among the English Nobility on State Occasions

At the corner of Seventy-Second Street and Madison Avenue there is a plain ordinary looking house of buff brick, with nothing particular about it to attract the attention of the passer-by. To those who know anything abont architecture it would be possible by a violent stretch of their knowledge to perceive a misty resemblance to the Renaissance in its style. There are a thousand other finer homes in the city, but the fact that this particular structure is the New York home of the future Duchess of Marlborough lends a tinge of romance to an otherwise most prosaic place. Plain and almost ugly from the street side, it is rapidly being converted into a veritable fairy palace within. The fin-de siecle synonym of Alladin's lamp is boundless and limitless wealth, and not only one good genie is commanded by it, but scores of the happy fellows.

That Mrs. Alva Smith Vanderbilt knows how to exert this power has been abundantly proved times without number. It was her genius in this particular regard which directed the famous Vanderbilt fancy-dress ball some thirteen years ago. More money was expended upon that festival of wealth than on any private function in the social history of the land, and it secured for the Vanderbilts an entrance to the smart set which the Astors had long opposed. Mrs. Vanderbilt earned undying fame by that achievement, but it will be pushed far into the shade by the extravagant grandeur of the wedding which will make of her daughter a Duchess.

It is too early to go into details, as all the arrangements are still in an embryonic condition, but it is possible to give some idea of the way the house will look when the guests bidden to the wedding reception are enjoying the festivities. The feature of the large drawing rooms on the second floor of the house, forty feet in length and sixty in depth, is the magnificent fresco work on the walls and ceiling. Mrs. Vanderbilt has always been fond of a great deal of color in the ornamentation of her numerous homes, and the mass of richness to be found in those apartments is almost oppressive. But the fact that the ceilings are very high tone which is always formal, the Duke and Duchess of Marlborough come very near to the person of the Queen in processions and at dinners. — Los Angeles Herald, 1895

To be continued…

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Old World Cereal Etiquette

A British made, transfer ware shredded wheat bowl in blue and white. It’s in the George Jones Abbey 1790 pattern, circa 1920’s to 1930’s.

One of the old-world ways to eat the cereal or porridge was to serve with it individual bowls of creamy milk. A small portion of the hot porridge was then taken up on the cereal spoon, this was dipped into the milk bowl, and the two eaten together. The portion of porridge was taken up on the side of the spoon nearest the person, and the milk was dipped up from the farther side.

The dainty eater did not allow the side of the spoon that touched the lips to go into the milk. This method of eating the break fast porridge is used in Canada, in Great Britain, and here and there by individual families in the United States. But the general fashion in this country is to pour the milk or cream over the cereal in its own dish.

No food, liquid or solid, should be sipped or eaten from the point of a spoon, whether teaspoon or dessert spoon. Everything is eaten from the side of the spoon only.

The spoon should never be left in the coffee cup, or in a scooped-out melon, but should be removed and placed on the saucer or the fruit plate. The spoon may be left in the cereal dish. — Mary D. Chambers, 1923

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Agony Aunt Chastises Young Men

“O, men why are you so thoughtless? Don't you know how much scrimping and saving it requires for us to be able to purchase a silken gown? One in which you are proud to have your sweetheart, sister or wife appear? And remember that in order to win a girl’s heart you must show appreciation and admiration when she spends all her money and three hours of her time to be admired by you.”

I am in receipt of a letter from one Dame Durden, spinster, who is anxious to be allowed some little space in the Sunday issue of this paper, in which to express her sentiments as regards the treatment of her “pets.” Be it known that Dame Durden is the “Friend of Woman.” Some of her “girls” have been confiding their woes to her of late and have prevailed upon her to publicly express her views. It is with great pleasure that I allow Dame Durden space in my particular column.– The Society Editor

NOTE– Men, don't tell the young ladies who told you, but Dame Durden is, to my certain knowledge, as fond of and as ready to uphold you as she is the said young ladies, and should they, during this their year, in any way mistreat you, I will just as willingly donate my column in your behalf as theirs. – The Society Editor

SAN BERNARDINO, Feb. 5. I am passé. The saddest moment of my life was the one in which this fact came home to me. But this does not prevent my having some of the dearest friends one could wish for, and among the most cherished are some of this season’s “buds.” The young ladies all come to Dame Durden for consolation and advice. And no one takes more pleasure in their pleasures than I. 

About 11 o'clock last Saturday morning I went over to G’s house to learn all about the ball given the evening before. I found my dear little friend in tears. On asking the cause of all this sorrow, she led the way, silently, to her own room, and there on the bed lay her newest evening gown– ruined. She held up the once dainty waist, and could some of the beaux of that ball have heard the tirade (uttered be tween sobs) against them, they would, I am sure, have pitied poor little G.

“O, how I hate them! (Sobs) Every last one, although I'm not sure just which one did do it!" (More sobs) And she showed me the once gauze-covered sleeve with the gauze hanging in strings, and amid more and more of those sobs told me how she had gone there after three hours’ primping and how all the neighbors who came in to see her ready for the “fray,” as it afterward proved, told her she looked “like a dream.” “But you should have seen me when I got home!” And she went on to tell how one man in particular took hold of her as tho’ for protection more than anything else, and tugged away at her dainty sleeve until– well, you could only realize it all by a look at that sleeve.

And the back of that beloved gown was next displayed– I know there must have been an hundred handprints there. O, men why are you so thoughtless? Don't you know how much scrimping and saving it requires for us to be able to purchase a silken gown? One in which you are proud to have your sweetheart, sister or wife appear? And remember that in order to win a girl’s heart you must show appreciation and admiration when she spends all her money and three hours of her time to be admired by you.– “Dame Durden,” The Weekly Sun, 1896

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Nut and Fruit Dessert Etiquette

We have well established, both in New York and London, large vegetarian societies, many with separate branches of “fruit and nut eaters.” Personally, I have tried the experiment, and find it most satisfactory. The difficulty is, one must always eat at home. The untrained cook does not understand “delicate feasting.” Nuts must be carefully prepared, and fruits correctly chilled and daintily served.

The word “nut” is used to express fruits of trees, enclosed in hard, woody covers, which remain closed even after the fruit is ripe. In some, the fruit is drupaceous. Of the almond, for instance, a drupe, we eat the stone kernel, and reject the pulpy covering; of the peach, a drupe of the same family, we eat the fleshy covering, and cast away the seed or stone with its kernel; the one we call a nut, and the other a fruit.

Nuts and fruits furnish the principal food for the inhabitants of many countries, and were, no doubt, the food of primitive peoples. To the vegetarian they are indispensable; they furnish his meat, milk and butter. They are palatable, nutritious, and, if well prepared, easy of digestion. Being of vegetable origin, they are free from the danger of disease germs. Their food value is frequently overlooked by Americans, as they are generally served as a dessert. Under such circumstances, they naturally disagree, as one is adding concentrated, highly nutritious food to a heavy dinner. Then, too, Americans eat rapidly and masticate imperfectly. Nuts of all foods require most thorough mastication; in fact, grinding is to be preferred.

From the general awakening in regard to healthful diet, societies have sprung up all over the world, recommending the use of vegetable foods, especially fruits and nuts. We have well established, both in New York and London, large vegetarian societies, many with separate branches of “fruit and nut eaters.” Personally, I have tried the experiment, and find it most satisfactory. The difficulty is, one must always eat at home. The untrained cook does not understand “delicate feasting.” Nuts must be carefully prepared, and fruits correctly chilled and daintily served.— Sarah Tyson Rorer, 1898

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The Etiquette of Gilded Age Salads

Due to the diversity of salads available in Western or European dining, salad forks were rather late to the table as a proper implement for dining. The first known “salad” fork was created in 1885. Prior to that time, salads were eaten with regular table forks, which had very little differentiation of tines. Lettuce knives or “salad knives” arrived on dining tables after 1926.
Above— Three different sterling salad forks, with distinctly different tines, all designed to pick up several different sizes, shapes and textures comprising a salad. The Towle Empire pattern salad fork has gilded tines, making it even more beautiful and more functional.

The term salad is applied to certain cold dishes composed either of meats, fish or vegetables. For generations, these have been served with a mixture of oil and vinegar, or oil, egg and vinegar. The oil furnishes the fatty matter for the meal, and being purely vegetable is more wholesome than the ordinary animal fats. 

Butter and cream are wholesome if taken unheated, but to make salad dressing, the butter is usually melted; hence its digestibility is destroyed, and under such circumstances a salad is robbed of its mission.

In these latter days many American cooks make a mixture of fruit, sugar and alcohol, and serve them as “salads.” These are not salads; are heavy, rather unwholesome, and will never take the place of a salad. I much prefer to call them fruit cocktails, and serve them as first course at luncheon or a twelve o'clock breakfast; or a dessert, and serve them with the ices at the close of the meal. 

Fruits mixed with mayonnaise dressing, and served as a salad are unsightly, unpalatable and a little nauseating. One cannot think of anything more out of keeping than white grapes in a thick mayonnaise. The simple so called French dressing is delicate and most worthy of recommendation. Over lettuce, cress or celery it certainly makes a palatable and wholesome dinner salad, and one in which children can be freely indulged. Such fruits as apples, pears, cherries, and pineapples, mixed with celery or lettuce, with French dressing, make an agreeable dinner salad.

A salad, simple in its construction, should be seen on every well regulated table three hundred and sixty-five times a year. Persons living in the country or on the outskirts of towns can, without cost, always pick sorrel, long dock, dandelions, and lambs’ quarters. In the city, one can, for a few pennies, buy sufficient greens for a dainty salad. 

If you cannot afford salad and dessert, choose the former by all means. The happiest closing to a real good dinner is a crisp salad well dressed, served with a bit of cheese and bread and butter or toasted cracker.

Left-over green vegetables, as beans, peas, carrots, turnips, may be used separately or mixed, dressed with French dressing, and served as a dinner salad. When you are cooking vegetables to-day for dinner, cook double the quantity, saving a portion to serve cold for to-morrow’s salad. Asparagus is much better cold than hot. Cold boiled cauliflower, carefully cooked spinach, leeks, beets, may all take their place in this delightful dish.

The Romans and Greeks used salads at the beginning of their dinner to create an appetite. In later days, however, salads are served at the end of the heavy portion of the dinner, or with the game, to bring back or sharpen the flagging appetite to the greater enjoyment of the final sweet.

The green vegetables contain the salts necessary to the well being of our blood, and oil is an important and essential food. The garlic and vinegar aid in the digestion and assimilation of other foods. In the use of garlic we must be most temperate. Rub the bottom of the bowl, or the bowl of the salad spoon. 

Bits of garlic throughout the salad are most unpleasant. Better use decided flavorings, in the form of flavored or scented vinegars. Put a few cloves of garlic into your vinegar cruet; into another, a little celery seed, or chervil; a mixture of these vinegars, or alternate use, will give variety and agreeable flavor. 

Tarragon vinegar is commonly used with mayonnaise dressing, sauce tartare, sauce Bearnaise and rich dressings of this character. Any small, fine greens that are in season, such as chives, mint, or chervil, may be finely minced and sprinkled over the dinner lettuce.

Standing at the very head of salad vegetables is the cos, or Romaine lettuce, and the ordinary delicate head lettuce, and corn salad, endive, chicory, sorrel, celery, garden and water cress, tomatoes and cucumbers. In the early spring the young tender dandelion leaves mixed with lettuce and a little carefully cooked beet root make a delightful dinner salad. Radishes, tomatoes and turnips are frequently used chopped fine, sprinkled over lettuce. 

Cauliflower, string beans, delicate shelled beans and peas, all add to the dinner salad. In the winter, cabbage and celery furnish us our daily salads. Nothing can be more delicate and delightful than the crisp, carefully cut, hard portion of a well bleached head of cabbage.

A spherical wire basket, known as a salad shaker, or drainer, is used to dry the salad materials after they have been thoroughly washed. The leaves of very curly lettuce frequently hold the water, even after shaking. Dry them with a soft piece of cheesecloth. If not dry, the dressing will not be evenly distributed.

Salads are digested largely in the small intestine. The oil contributes to the heat of the body; the small amount of vinegar aids in the digestion of other materials. —Sarah Tyson Rorer, 1898

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Politely Passing Plates for Seconds

“I should say when those fork-and-knife stands, which, as a rule, ought to be used, are on the table, it is certainly improper for the individual to leave his knife and fork upon the plate when passed. 

If these stands are not used, then etiquette demands that the knife and fork be placed on one side of the plate, so as not to soil the table linen.” — Superb British made, Victorian Silver Plated Dining Table Knife Rest or Cutlery Stand, by W. Howe & Co, circa 1860 

— Photo source, Etiquipedia private library

THE KNIFE AND FORK QUESTION

“Twere better for trencherman to wipe his wittel on a manchet of bread than on his doublet; ‘twere more tidy and comely. Goodly breeding belongeth to a gentleman. ‘Tis more like Flamand boor than aught else to sully napkin with grease of knife. Bethink ye of manners, my Lord.” This, from an old play of about 1615, shows that the knife and fork question must have agitated the world at an early date. “They behaved strangely and in an indecorous manner,” writes a French chronicler, describing the habits of the Russians, at Versailles, half a century later. “Their knives they wiped on their beards, and it was most distasteful; they were not gens de bonne compagnie. Their garments were greasy, and they smelt ill-flavored.” 

Of course, nobody nowadays would think of cleaning his knife in the primitive manner, though at a hotel or restaurant it might be perfectly legitimate to give a dingy spoon, knife, or fork a little friction on the napkin, and, in fact, there are certain Italian restaurants in this City where it has passed as a custom with the clientèle to aid the waiters in this way. Needless to say that anything of this character akin to furbishing the steel or silverware at a private house would be one of the rudest of things to do. We are not conscious of having ever remarked want of care in the cleaning of knives or forks at a private dinner, but still when the minor equipage of a house is scanty, and when fish is served, and the same small wares have to do second duty, and the cook or waiter is not careful, and a flavor of fish awakens the suspicion of the guest, the effect is disagreeable. 

Now, if the mistress of the house only knew that a grain of carbonate of soda in the water in which pastry plates or knives, forks, or spoons to be washed, would carry were away all the ichthyous odors, then some very unpleasant ideas occurring to the minds of the guests might be obviated. We slowly approach, then, that absorbing topic, how the knife and fork are to be used, or what is to be done with them when the plate is passed to be replenished. 

We think the question divides itself into two distinct phases. If there is a servant, the knife and fork may be left on the plate. It is then the duty of the attendant who carries the plate to the place of replenishment to take care of the knife and fork, putting them on one side of the plate, so as to be out of the way of the new supply of food. But this leaving of the knife and fork is quite optional. To cross, however, the knife with the fork, is to give extra trouble. If, however, there is no one in attendance, it is wisest to retain the knife and fork. 

Volunteer assistants at a table, those other guests who pass along the plate, may not be accustomed to this duty, and accidents detrimental to their neighbors’ dresses or coats, by the fall of the knife and fork, may occur. There are several positions which the person who retains his own knife and fork can assume. He might hold the knife in one hand and the fork in the other, and apply the butts of each of them on the table, grounding arms, in fact, and thus assume a most awkward and stupid position. It is a perfectly easy thing to hold the knife and fork in the right hand on the table, or even to place them there, though if they be dripping from the food, which rarely occurs, the table cloth would be soiled. If there be stands on the table, of course, the knife and fork can be stacked on them; but such stands are rarely in use to-day, save for the carver. 

The bother about this matter is slight after all, because in a well-regulated service plates, knives, and forks are changed at every course, and besides it is exceptional when guests ask for a second helping of the same dish. It might as well be said here of the marked improvement generally as to the use of the knife, it is not now as universally sheathed in a man’s or a woman’s mouth, as if they were sword swallowers. Thirty years ago, in France, the use of the knife at dinner was almost tabooed. The custom was to divide the food with the fork, rather an awkward custom, as forks have generally no cutting edge, and to aid the act of conveying food to the mouth on the fork, by means of a bit of bread. Long habit makes people amazingly clever about this kind of thing, and to see a well-cultured Charleston or Savannah woman loading her fork with grains of rice, without spilling a kernel, is the acme of intelligent manipulation. 

The older one grows and the better he becomes acquainted with the world and its habits, the less fastidious one be comes in regard to the little conventionalities of life. The pretty Japanese girl, with the clean hands, who takes the boiled rice with extended fingers out of the well-scrubbed pail, and puts it in your lacquer saucer, does it so well and gracefully that you do not call for a spoon. Muchfeedi Pasha, who has sedulously washed his rather coarse fingers before he tears off for me the thigh of the pitlaued chicken, acts according to the rules of étiquette in his own country, and it is an ill-mannered man who finds fault with it. 

Certainly, the Turk would have a right to feel horrified if, at the conclusion of a European repast, he should see the convives gurgling their mouths in a most foul and disgusting way. Baron von Kalbfleisch, attached to the Prussian Legation, does hold his knife in a most distressing way, and the position of his cutting-instrument is so awkward that he rarely does succeed even in dismembering a sweet bread. But, then, this gentleman, though he has been in France, (with the army at Gravelotte he played a distinguished part,) has never acquired the manners of that country. Still, Miss Bwoun showed her bad breeding and ignorance to us (when he dined last with her at her father’s table) in having commented on his German ways. Different men, different manners.

Now, Miss Bwoun did try, in a very silly way, some years ago. to foster that absurd fashion of eating with her gloves on. If she had not been laughed out of it she would have worn her Marquise ring outside of her glove. To eat with gloves on is female snobbery. Young women who go out to parties may be lavish of gloves, and may be indifferent to smearing them with lobster salad, or to have the first finger and thumb darkened where the spoon touches them. But nothing is prettier than the freshness of a woman’s hand, and the best fitting glove is, after all, but an awkward thing. Gloved hands that feed, to keep up the whole dignity of the thing, should find mouths which were hidden behind veils.— The New York Times, July 18, 1880

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

The Only 400 According to McAllister

“It is incomplete and does injustice, you understand, to many eligible millionaires. Think of leaving out such names (from the official 400 list), don’t you know, as … Mr. and Mrs. Luther Kountze… and many others! Don't you understand, it is absurd, senseless.” According to Ward McAllister. Yet he himself did, when Mr. and Mrs. Luther Kountze were left off of his own list. 
Public domain image of Gilded age banker, Luther Kountze

THE ONLY FOUR HUNDRED

Ward Mc Allister Gives Out the Official List

 Here are the Names, Don’t You Know, on the Authority of Their Great Leader, You Understand, and Therefore Genuine, You See.

“The so-called Four Hundred has not been cut down or dwindled to 150 names,” said Ward McAllister yesterday. “The nonsense, don't you know, printed to that effect in the World and some other papers, has made a very had impression that will reflect badly against them, you understand. That list of names, you understand, printed on Sunday, did not come from me, don't you see. It is unauthorized, don't you know. But it is accurate as far as it goes, you understand.

“It is incomplete and does injustice, you understand, to many eligible millionaires. Think of leaving out such names, don't you know, as Chauncey M. Depew, Gen. Alexander S. Webb, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cooper, Mr. and Mrs. Luther Kountze, Mr. and Mrs. Robert Goelet, Mrs. and Miss Wilson, Miss Greene, and many others! Don't you understand, it is absurd, senseless.

“Let me explain, don't you know. There are three dinner dances, don't you know, during the season, and the invitations, don't you see, are issued to different ladies and gentle men each time, do you understand? So at each dinner dance, you know, are only 150 people of the highest set, don't you know. So. during the season, you see, 400 different invitations are issued.

“Wait a moment and I will give you a correct list, don't you know, of the people who form what is known as the Four Hundred. Do you understand it will be authorized, reliable, and, don't you know, the only correct list.” The society leader then gave the following list of names, which, he declared, constitutes the beau monde of New York to-day:

1. Mr. and Mrs. F. R. Appleton
2. Fred H. Allen
3. Mr. and Mrs. Ástor
4. Mr. and Mrs. J. J. Astor 
5. Mr. and Mrs. George H. Bend
6. Miss Amy Bend
7. Miss Beatrice Bend, 
8. Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd Bryce
9. Mrs. Cavendish Bentinok 
10. Mr. and Mrs. F. Bronson
11. Heber Bishop
12. Miss Bishop
13. William Harold Brown
14. Mr. and Mrs. Edmund N. Baylies
15. Mr. Temple Bowdoin 
16. Mr. and Mrs. J. Townsend Burden
17. Miss Burden
18. Mrs. Barbey
19. Miss Barbey
20. Harold Brown
21. Edward Bulkley
22. Mr. and Mrs. James L. Barclay
23. C. C. Baldwin
24. Miss Baldwin 
25. C. C. Baldwin, Jr.
26. Gen. and Mrs. Henry L. Burnett
27. Mr. Thomas Cushing
28. Miss Edith Cashing
29. Mr. F. Bayard Cutting
30. Miss Coster
31. Mr. Harry Coster
32. Mr. and Mrs. Charles Carroll
33. Mr. and Mrs. Clarence Cary 
34. Mr. and Mrs. Winthrop Chandler
35. Mrs Brockholst Cutting. 
36. Mr. and Mrs. Harry Cannon
37. Robert L. Cutting, Jr. 
38. Col. J. Schuyler Crosby
39. Miss Crosby
40. Mr. and Mrs. W. Bayard Cutting,
41. Mr. and Mrs. S. V. R. Cruger
42. Rawlings Cottenet
43. F. Brockholst Cutting
44. W. Cutting, Jr.
45. Sir Roderick Cameron
46. Duncan Cameron
47. The Misses Cameron
48. Mr. and Mrs. James Cross
49. Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cooper
50. The Misses Chanler
51. William P. Coster
52. Mr. and Mrs. Elisha Dyer, II
53. Mr and Mrs. Duncan Elliott
54. Mr. and Mrs George B. De Forest
55. Mr. and Mrs. Chauncey M. Depew
56. Mr. and Mrs. Frederic de Peyster
57. Dr. and Mrs. Francis Delafield
58. Miss Delafield
59. Mr. and Mrs. Paul Dana
60. H. De Courcy Forbes
61. Mr. and Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish
62. Mr. and Mrs. C. G. Francklyn
63. J. C. Furman, 
64. Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton Fish, Jr.
65. Theodore Frelinghuysen
66. Augustus C. Gurnee 
67. Mr. and Mrs. Ogden Goelet
68. Mr. Frank G. Griswold
69. Miss Greene
70. McAllister Greene
71. Miss Grant 
72. Robert F. Hawkers 
73. Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Howard
74. Mr. and Mrs. Carly Havemeyer
75. Meredith Howland
76. Mr. and Mrs. Valentine
77. G. Hall
78. Miss Hall
79. Joha A. Hadden, Jr. 
80. Mr. and Mrs. Columbus Iselin
81. Isaac Iselin
82. Mrs. William Jaffray
83. Miss Jaffray
84. Mrs. F. R. Jones
85. Miss Beatrix Jones
86. Shipley Jones
87. Mr. and Mrs. De Lancey Kane
88. Nicholson Kane
89. Miss Knowlton
90. Miss Sybel Kane
91. Mr. and Mrs. J. P. Kernochan
92. Col and Mrs. Kip
93. Miss Kipp
94. Mr. and Mrs. Frederick Kernochan
95. Clement March
96. Mr. and Mrs. O. Mills
97. Mr. and Mrs. B. Martin
98. F. T. Martin 
99. Peter Mario
100. Mr. and Mrs. H. W. McVickar
101. Mr. and Mrs. A.N. Morris
102. Miss Morris
103. Mr. and Mrs. R. Mortimer
104. Miss Morgan
105. Mr. and Mrs. T. Newbold
106. Mrs. Frederick Nelson
107. S. H. Olin
108. Mr. and Mrs. O. Oelrichs
109. James Otis
110. Miss Otis
111. Edward Post
112. Richard Peters 
113. Mr. and Mrs. B. C. Porter
114. Mr. and Mrs. Frank Pendleton
115. Julian Potter
116. L.V. Packer
117. Mr. and Mrs. H.N. Potter
118. Gen. and Mrs. Pierson
119. Miss Pierson
120. Mr. and Mrs. George B. Post
121. Mrs. William H. Perry
122. Miss Perry 
123. Gould H. Redmond
124. Mrs. Rogers
125. Miss Rogers
126. J. Ritchie
127. T. J. Oakley Rhinelander
128. Miss Cora Randolph
129. Mrs. Burke Roche
130. Mr. and Mrs. S. O. Ripley
131. D. T. L. Robinson
132. R. K. Richards
133. Mr. and Mrs. Douglas Robinson 
134. Jr. Mr. and Mrs. H. Robins
135. Miss Sands
136. Mr. and Mrs. Willlam D.Sloane
137. Mr. and Mrs. Philip Schuyler
138. Mr. and Mrs. Byam K. Stevens
139. Lispenard Stewart 
140. Mr. and Mrs. W. W. Sherman
141. Miss Adele Sloane
142. Mr. and Mrs. Anson Phelps Stokes
143. Miss Stokes,
144. Mr. and Mrs. Walter L. Suydam
145. Mr. and Mrs. F. K. Sturgis
146. Miss Elizabeth Stevens
147. G. Mead Tooker
148. Miss Tooker 
149. E. N. Tailer
150. Mr. and Mrs. H. McKay Twombly
151. Miss Taller
152. Marquise de Talleyrand
153. Miss Mable Van Rensselaer
154. Miss Alice Van Rensselaer
155. Mr. and Mrs. Cornelius Vanderbilt 
156. George W. Vanderbilt
157. Mrs. A. Van Rensselaer
158. James Varnum
159. Mr. Worthinglon Whitehouse
160. Mr. and Mrs. W. Seward Webb
161. Barton Willing 
162. Miss Willing
163. Gov. and Mrs.Wetmore
164. Miss Wetmore
165. Egerton Winthrop
166. Thomas C. Winthrop
167. F. B. Winthrop
168. Mr. and Mrs. Buchanan Winthrop.
169. Miss Winthrop
170. Mr. and Mrs. Ben. Wells
171. Mr. and Mrs. W. C. Whitney
172. Miss Georgiana L. Wilinerding
173. Mrs. C. A. Whittier
174. Mr. and Mrs. Wysong
175. M.A. Wilkes
176. Mr. and Mrs. W. Storrs Wells 
177. Gen. and Mrs. Alexander S. Webb
178. Miss Carrie Webb
179. Alexander S. Webb
180. Miss Luck
181. Arthur Leary
182. Mrs. Maturin Livingston
183. Mr. and Mrs. James Lanier
184. Mr. and Mrs. Henry B. Livingston
185. Edward Livingston
186. Miss Clarissa Livingston
187. Edward De Peyster Livingston
188. Mr. and Mrs. Clement C. Moore
189. Ward McAllister
190. Mr. and Mrs. Charles N. Marshall

“Now,” concluded Mr. McAllister, “that is all, don’t you know. Good morning.” — The New York Times, February 16,1892

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia