Etiquette and Ambitious Parvenus

A fancy wig does not a gentleman make.

The Hallmark of the Social Climber

Nothing so blatantly proclaims a woman climber as the repetition of prominent names, the owners of which she must have struggled to know. Otherwise, why so eagerly boast of the achievement? Nobody cares whom she knows--nobody that is, but a climber like herself. To those who were born and who live, no matter how quietly, in the security of a perfectly good ledge above and away from the social ladder's rungs, the evidence of one frantically climbing and trying to vaunt her exalted position is merely ludicrous.

All thoroughbred women, and men, are considerate of others less fortunately placed, especially of those in their employ. One of the tests by which to distinguish between the woman of breeding and the woman merely of wealth, is to notice the way she speaks to dependents. Queen Victoria's duchesses, those great ladies of grand manner, were the very ones who, on entering the house of a close friend, said "How do you do, Hawkins?" to a butler; and to a sister duchess's maid, "Good morning, Jenkins." 

A Maryland lady, still living on the estate granted to her family three generations before the Revolution, is quite as polite to her friends' servants as to her friends themselves. When you see a woman in silks and sables and diamonds speak to a little errand girl or a footman or a scullery maid as though they were the dirt under her feet, you may be sure of one thing; she hasn't come a very long way from the ground herself. — Emily Post, 1922

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Gilded Age Party Etiquette

And Etiquette for Today's Parties, As Well

Thank your hostess before you do anything else at a party! - Part of the Gilded Age 400 — The Vanderbilts at a Gilded Age, fancy dress, costume ball in the late 1800s. The Vanderbilts were one of the richest American families at the time.

When you enter a drawing-room where there is a party, you salute the lady of the house before speaking to any one else. Even your most intimate friends are enveloped in an opake (sic) atmosphere until you have made your bow to your entertainer. 

You then mix with the company, salute your acquaintances, and join in the conversation. You may converse freely with any person you meet on such an occasion, without the formality of an introduction.— From “The Laws of Etiquette,” by A Gentleman

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Letter Writing Etiquette

The calls for written expression are many, and unless the dame of fashion possesses an up to date scribe or social secretary, and the young girl will not, very likely, though the matron may, it is essential she should be well posted as to the etiquette of correspondence. 

The Etiquette of Correspondence

As the social season approaches and the young girl is just about to emerge into the world of society, a full fledged butterfly of fashion, many details in connection with the happy and auspicious event have to be considered, among them the polite art of correspondence. There is nothing which seems to reflect a general air of innate refinement and cultivation like that of being able to express one's self on all occasions with ease, elegance and fitness.

The calls for written expression are many, and unless the dame of fashion possesses an up to date scribe or social secretary, and the young girl will not, very likely, though the matron may, it is essential she should be well posted as to the etiquette of correspondence. Many hints might be dropped in regard to the manner in which to write a note or letter. For formal occasions there is always a prescribed usage, varying a little with the importance of the personage and the function and with the prevailing taste in such matters.

To illustrate my point, there are times and occasions when the stately "honor" is used in preference to the more familiar and cordial "pleasure," but the most important thing of all is to be able to compose informal notes and letters in an easy and colloquial style. The regular business letter, which women of affairs so frequently do write, should be brief and to the point, expressed clearly and concisely, at the right hours at most devoted to business is all too short for the rush and whirl of one tense and strenuous era. — Los Angeles Herald, 1908

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Etiquette, Entrées and “Extras”

Forks designed for a variety of courses —   Some say the word “entrée” came from the word “entremets.” An entremets (from the Old French, literally meaning “between servings”) is in modern French cuisine a small dish served between courses or simply a dessert. Originally, an elaborate form of entertainment dish, it was common among the nobility and upper middle class in Europe during the later Middle Ages. Entremets marked the end of a serving of courses.

Q . What is the meaning of entrée, and how is it pronounced?
A.  It is a dish served between the chief courses, or, in English usage, before the roast. Pronounced AHN-tra, first a as in ah, second a as in tray, accent first syllable. 

Q. My husband, some friends and I were discussing different courses of a dinner and their names. My husband and I agreed that we always thought of the entrée as being the appetizer, since logically you are ‘entering the meal.’ Our friends disagreed and said the entrée is a main course. The dictionary said the entrée is a side dish (which would make it seem my husband and I are right), yet while eating at one of the better restaurants we found the main course labeled ‘entrée.’ Please settle this question for us. If my husband and I are right, what is the correct name for the main course (other than what I called it)? In addition, please give us the correct names for all the courses.

A. The word entrée comes from the vocabulary of the great French chefs and from the days when formal dinners were elaborate affairs indeed. Originally it meant a dish served between the main courses of a banquet or, in the words of an English dictionary, “a made dish served between the fish and the joint.” Nowadays, of course, elaborate multicourse dinners are almost entirely a thing of the past, with the result that the meaning of “entrée” has gradually shifted until now it means any meat or fish course usually the main course of a meal. As to nomenclature of the courses, according to most etiquette authorities, even an elaborate formal dinner today should not have more than six, in this order:

• First the appetizer canapes, oysters or the like
• Second soup
• Third fish (this could be labeled “entrée” in the early sense of the word). 
• Fourth main or meat course (which today we would call the “entrée”)
• Fifth salad course
• Sixth dessert course

Q. When setting the table should a knife for the entrée be included? 
A. A knife for the entrée is seldom required, and is not used unless necessary.  

Q. Where do the salad fork and knife go in the table setting? 

A. The salad fork goes to the left of dinner plate, then come the meat fork and left of that the fork for fish or entrée. If a salad knife is used, it goes at right, next to the plate.

Q. We have no actual salad forks and nothing especially suitable for eating dessert. In fact, I have only very big knives and forks and the smaller ones which I had first before the newer big ones. 

A. It is too bad that you got big ones, because the medium sized ones are the essential ones. They are the only ones used for breakfast or lunch, and they are also used for fish, entrée,salad and dessert at dinner. Properly they are called small forks, but so many patterns made in the last few years have been absurdly tiny that I said medium instead. The small (medium) knife may very well be dispensed with by never serving fish with bones or skin, and never serving salads or cheeses impossible to eat with a fork alone. 

Q. I have been told that finger bowls are going out of fashion. Is this true?
A. Of course not. They are always put at the places either with or following the dessert plates. For that matter, they should also be proffered whenever fruit or broiled lobster or any other smeary food has been held in the fingers. 

Q. Are place cards used only at a formal dinner?
A. They are not used at dinners of less than, ten or at lunches or less than eight unless for some particular reason you want to put favors at the places for Christmas or an anniversary, for example.

 Sources— Syndicated articles by Emily Post, Roberta Lee, William Morris

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Fastidious Victorian Etiquette

“Never in any crisis of your life have I known you to have a handkerchief!”

“At a lecture, a special personal respect is due to the speaker. This is shown by a courteous attention and a general demeanor of interest and appreciation. If applause is merited, it should be given in a refined manner. The stamping of the feet is coarse, and the pounding of the floor with canes and umbrellas is as lazy as it is noisy. 

“The clapping of hands is a natural language of delight, and, when skillfully done, is an enthusiastic expression of approbation. Some effort is being made to substitute the waving of handkerchiefs as a symbol of approval or greeting to a favorite speaker, but it is quite probable that this silent signal will not take the place of the more active demonstration of clapping the hands, except on very quiet and intellectual occasions. 

“Scratching the head or ears, and picking the teeth, are operations that are properly attended to in one's own dressing-room. The conspicuous use of the handkerchief is in bad form. Blowing the nose is not a pleasant demonstration at any time, and at the table is simply unpardonable. A person of fastidious taste will take care of the nose in the quietest and most unobtrusive way, and refrain from disgusting other people of fastidious taste.”  —Agnes H. Morton 1892

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Etiquette for the Road

Every man in this country who drives a car knows that he has to look out for two cars—his own and the other fellow’s.

Motor Car Etiquette

A Georgia editor claims to he able to judge a man's character by the way he drives a motor car—or words to that effect. He says that when he sees a gentleman coming toward him in a motor car, he gives him half of the road; when he sees a fool coming he gives him all of it. And when he sees a darn fool coming, he takes to the woods or climbs a telephone pole.

Every man in this country who drives a car knows that he has to look out for two cars—his own and the other fellow’s. He is not afraid of an accident from his own driving; that is. He is not afraid of his own. It is the other fellow’s car that causes him the most anxiety. And here, as in Georgia, it is the fool and the darn fool that is most to be feared.—Columbus Dispatch, 1919

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Early Telephone Etiquette

"Telephone etiquette prescribes that the person making a telephone call should be the one to terminate the conversation."

People are gradually being educated up to the etiquette of the telephone. When the bicycle and the automobile first made their appearances, people did not know how to receive them. They did not know what rights of way to assign to them on the public streets. But as the public became accustomed to these modern improvements in locomotion, we learned the proper way to treat them. So it will be with the telephone.

The time will come when a patron will not think of making a poor telephone girl's life miserable because she happens to make a mistake in a switch. He will treat her as politely as he would a girl who serves him in a store. In Chicago we make 600,000 switches in a day and only about 500 mistakes are made. Considering the vast number of switches that are made I think that it is marvelous that so few mistakes are made. The record is about as near perfection as man can make it. – John Sabin, quoted in the San Francisco Call, 1901

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Etiquette, Dignity and Position

Queen Wilhelmina — Although she is a warm-hearted woman, she is mindful of the dignity of her position.

Holland’s Little Queen

Queen Wilhelmina of Holland never under any circumstances makes use of a closed carriage excepting at night. No matter whether it is cold or hot, whether it snows, rains or storms, she invariably drives about in an open equipage, in full view of her subjects, accustomed thereto from her infancy by her mother, who trained her in the most admirable manner for her mission as a constitutional sovereign.

She is usually accompanied by a lady-in-waiting as sole escort, and, although she is a warm-hearted woman, she is mindful of the dignity of her position. Thus the other day when she met an officer while out driving, who happened to be the brother of her lady-in-waiting, she returned his military salute with a most gracious smile and inclination of the head. But noticing that her companion had waved her hand in a familiar way to her brother, she frowned and exclaimed coldly: "I should be much obliged to you, my dear, if you would avoid these little family effusions when you have the honor to accompany me."

True, after she reached home, the Queen endeavored by every means in her power to atone for the chagrin to which she had subjected her attendant, and among other things, presented her with a handsome piece of jewelry. But the lady, while restored to favor, is not likely to forget the lesson which she has received or even to render herself again guilty of such a breach of etiquette. The Queen is jealous of her prerogatives, as she showed at the time of the trip to Europe of old President Kruger.

It was she alone to whom belonged the initiative of placing a Dutch man-of-war at his disposal for the journey, and when the Ministers, assembled in Cabinet council, ventured to question the policy of this move, pointing out to her that it might cause complications with foreign, powers notably with England, she exclaimed sharply: "The constitution invests me with the supreme command of the navy, as well as of the army, and, as far as they are concerned, my Ministers have no other duty than to insure the prompt execution of my orders." The Ministers looked at one another in dismay, offered no further objections and fulfilled her directions, with the result that the cruiser Gelderland was dispatched to Delagoa Bay to embark President Kruger and to bring him to Europe.

The young Queen, in addition to her private secretary's department, has organized a sort of private political chancellery, which is entrusted with the duty of making a brief explanatory report of every document submitted to her for signature. She absolutely declines to sign any paper unless she has a sort of "précis," containing the necessary information about the matter for which her sign manual is required. 

If the report appears to her to be inadequate, she asks for further data, and, if necessary, even summons Ministers or experts to her presence in order to obtain the fullest kind of explanation. Not only her Ministers, but likewise every official of the Dutch Government service knows this, and the result is that in the hope of avoiding all unnecessary detail every one endeavors to make the matter in question as clear and concise as possible. — The San Francisco Call, 1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia