Tourist's Etiquette for Italy

The sea is not a dust bin. Do not drop cigarette butts and ice-cream wrappers in the sand.

In 2007, Ansa News reported that an Italian consumer group had launched an Italian drive for beach etiquette.  The campaign hoped to stop boorish behaviour on the nation's beaches spoiling summer vacations. "Many people behave on the beach as if the whole shoreline belonged to them and other people did not exist," Codacons said in a statement. "In this way they ruin the holidays of the people sitting under the beach umbrellas near them". 
    
The consumer association released a 10-point etiquette code that it hoped would reduce the number of complaints it received each year from disappointed holiday-makers. Codacons admitted that the rules in the code were common sense, but said they had to be spelled out because "no one respects them". 
    
Topping the list of beach irritants were mobile-phone ringtones, which were guilty of waking sunbathers from their afternoon naps. Codacons suggested people put their phones on vibrate mode or leave them at home all together if they were taking to the sands. 
    
Another big problem, Codacons said, are screaming parents. It said many mums and dads couldn't be bothered to move to tell their children to stop fighting, come back for lunch, put on sun-cream etc... so they shout at them from the comfort of their sun beds instead. In doing so they were making a major contribution to beach noise pollution. 
    
"If you want to scold your children or tell them to get out of the sea, get up and walk, don't shout from a distance," the code read. 
    
People were also invited not to get into loud discussions while haggling with beach vendors. 
    
Children were targeted too.  The code told youngsters it was all right to build sandcastles, but not to "take up half of the beach forcing other bathers to do somersaults" to avoid their creations. 
    
It read that soccer, Frisbee and beach games should be limited to areas away from other holiday-makers because "people are not happy to be hit by balls in the head or the stomach".     
    
The code pointed out that the "sea is not a dust bin" and instructed people not to drop cigarette butts and ice-cream wrappers in the sand. 
    
It also read that people should not use shampoo when having a shower on the beach as this pollutes marine waters. 
    
The other rules in the code were: 

• Do not invade other people's beach space. 
• Do not splash other bathers when diving into the water. 
• Move slowly, carefully and quietly when approaching the shore in a speedboat or jet-ski. 
• Keep dogs on a lead and restrict them to beaches they are allowed on.     

The code was to be put on display at beach establishments and bars all over Italy that summer.

In April of 2013, Venice launched a campaign called 'Venice Yours Too, Respect It', which consists of 10 guidelines for tourists to respect the city printed in seven languages: Italian, English, Spanish, Japanese, French, Russian and German.The campaign was also using a mascot, a cartoon winged lion, the symbol of the city.

By May of 2013, the 'manners police' or 'decorum monitors' were out to keep Venice's tourists in line, with 'manners police squads' to crack down on feeding pigeons, swimsuits in St Mark's Square.  It was one of a number of other etiquette initiatives instituted in Italy over the past several years. 

The 'decorum monitors' were deployed in Venice's St Mark's Square to keep summer tourists in line with local customs and manners. Known as the San Marco Guardians, the civilian etiquette squad is marked by its orange uniforms and works alongside police asking visitors not to feed pigeons, not to wear swimsuits away from the beach, and to avoid sitting on the ground in front of busy landmarks. 

The effort was sponsored by Costa Crociere, a major Italian cruise company responsible for bringing on large numbers of tourists to the lagoon city who often outnumber Venetians on peak days. The cruise industry has been under fire since the Costa Concordia crashed off the coast of Tuscany, killing 32 people. Many locals in Venice fear that cruise ships pose a risk to to both the lagoon ecosystem, the surrounding architecture and citizens, and that the influx of tourists aboard those ships are threatening local customs and decorum.  

By some estimates Venice attracts 20 million tourists each year, making the day average in summer up to 90,000, dwarfing the dwindling local population of under 60,000.

 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette, Manners and Morality

“Why do you fellows make such a lot of fuss over the little bit of grub they give you to eat?” The Frenchman replied: “Well, we are making war for civilization, are we not? Very well, we are. Therefore, we eat in a civilized way.”

"Many who scoff at a book of etiquette would be shocked to hear the least expression of levity touching the Ten Commandments. But the Commandments do not always prevent such virtuous scoffers from dealings with their neighbor of which no gentleman could be capable and retain his claim to the title. Though it may require ingenuity to reconcile their actions with the Decalogue--the ingenuity is always forthcoming. There is no intention in this remark to intimate that there is any higher rule of life than the Ten Commandments; only it is illuminating as showing the relationship between manners and morals, which is too often overlooked. 

The polished gentleman of sentimental fiction has so long served as the type of smooth and conscienceless depravity that urbanity of demeanor inspires distrust in ruder minds. On the other hand, the blunt, unpolished hero of melodrama and romantic fiction has lifted brusqueness and pushfulness to a pedestal not wholly merited. Consequently, the kinship between conduct that keeps us within the law and conduct that makes civilized life worthy to be called such, deserves to be noted with emphasis. 

The Chinese sage, Confucius, could not tolerate the suggestion that virtue is in itself enough without politeness, for he viewed them as inseparable and "saw courtesies as coming from the heart," maintaining that "when they are practised with all the heart, a moral elevation ensues."

People who ridicule etiquette as a mass of trivial and arbitrary conventions, "extremely troublesome to those who practise them and insupportable to everybody else," seem to forget the long, slow progress of social intercourse in the upward climb of man from the primeval state. Conventions were established from the first to regulate the rights of the individual and the tribe. They were and are the rules of the game of life and must be followed if we would "play the game." Ages before man felt the need of indigestion remedies, he ate his food solitary and furtive in some corner, hoping he would not be espied by any stronger and hungrier fellow. 

It was a long, long time before the habit of eating in common was acquired; and it is obvious that the practise could not have been taken up with safety until the individuals of the race knew enough about one another and about the food resources to be sure that there was food sufficient for all. When eating in common became the vogue, table manners made their appearance and they have been waging an uphill struggle ever since. 

The custom of raising the hat when meeting an acquaintance derives from the old rule that friendly knights in accosting each other should raise the visor for mutual recognition in amity. In the knightly years, it must be remembered, it was important to know whether one was meeting friend or foe. Meeting a foe meant fighting on the spot. Thus, it is evident that the conventions of courtesy not only tend to make the wheels of life run more smoothly, but also act as safeguards in human relationship. Imagine the Paris Peace Conference, or any of the later conferences in Europe, without the protective armor of diplomatic etiquette! 

Nevertheless, to some the very word etiquette is an irritant. It implies a great pother about trifles, these conscientious objectors assure us, and trifles are unimportant. Trifles are unimportant, it is true, but then life is made up of trifles. To those who dislike the word, it suggests all that is finical and superfluous. It means a garish embroidery on the big scheme of life; a clog on the forward march of a strong and courageous nation. To such as these, the words etiquette and politeness connote weakness and timidity. 

Their notion of a really polite man is a dancing master or a man milliner. They were always willing to admit that the French were the politest nation in Europe and equally ready to assert that the French were the weakest and least valorous, until the war opened their eyes in amazement. Yet, that manners and fighting can go hand in hand appears in the following anecdote: 

In the midst of the war, some French soldiers and some non-French of the Allied forces were receiving their rations in a village back of the lines. The non-French fighters belonged to an Army that supplied rations plentifully. They grabbed their allotments and stood about while hastily eating, uninterrupted by conversation or other concern. The French soldiers took their very meager portions of food, improvised a kind of table on the top of a flat rock, and having laid out the rations, including the small quantity of wine that formed part of the repast, sat down in comfort and began their meal amid a chatter of talk. One of the non-French soldiers, all of whom had finished their large supply of food before the French had begun eating, asked sardonically: “Why do you fellows make such a lot of fuss over the little bit of grub they give you to eat?” The Frenchman replied: “Well, we are making war for civilization, are we not? Very well, we are. Therefore, we eat in a civilized way.”

To the French we owe the word etiquette, and it is amusing to discover its origin in the commonplace familiar warning--"Keep off the grass." It happened in the reign of Louis XIV, when the gardens of Versailles were being laid out, that the master gardener, an old Scotsman, was sorely tried because his newly seeded lawns were being continually trampled upon. To keep trespassers off, he put up warning signs or tickets— etiquettes—on which was indicated the path along which to pass. But the courtiers paid no attention to these directions and so the determined Scot complained to the King in such convincing manner that His Majesty issued an edict commanding everyone at Court to “keep within the etiquettes.” 

Gradually the term came to cover all the rules for correct demeanor and deportment in court circles; and thus through the centuries it has grown into use to describe the conventions sanctioned for the purpose of smoothing personal contacts and developing tact and good manners in social intercourse. With the decline of feudal courts and the rise of empires of industry, much of the ceremony of life was discarded for plain and less formal dealing.

Trousers and coats supplanted doublets and hose, and the change in costume was not more extreme than the change in social ideas. The court ceased to be the arbiter of manners, though the aristocracy of the land remained the high exemplar of good breeding. — From “Manners and Morals” Richard Duffy's introduction to Emily Post's “Etiquette,” 1922 

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Asperger Syndrome

Claire Danes in the role of a young, Temple Grandin, and co-star David Strathairn, from the critically acclaimed HBO movie 

From "Asperger's Syndrome: Secret to Success," Scientist and autism activist Temple Grandin, PhD, reflects on life with Asperger's syndrome

Is there anything that was better in the 1950s than today when it comes to helping children with autism spectrum disorder?

Yes. In the 1950s, manners were taught to everybody. I just got an email from a teacher of a kid with Asperger's. She wrote that this child thinks it's funny to pull his pants down in class. I would have gotten in a lot of trouble for doing that. That's naughty behavior and Asperger's is no excuse. All children need to be taught manners and turn-taking. I was expected to sit at granny's formal Sunday dinner table for 20 minutes and I did.

Do you think that the prevalence of Asperger's is increasing today?

No. It's not increasing. It has always been here. We were just called nerds before. The autistic spectrum is a big spectrum from severely autistic kids that stay non-verbal to the brilliant child with Asperger's. There is a link between autism and genius.

Above, the real Temple Grandin ~ While autism spectrum disorder appears on many radar screens today, this wasn't the case when Temple Grandin was growing up in the 1950s. Grandin, now in her 60s, didn't utter a word until she was 3 1/2 years old. As a result, she was labeled "autistic," and her parents were told she should be institutionalized. Fortunately, Grandin's story does not end there. With the help of early education and a caring nanny, Grandin eventually learned to speak and flourish despite Asperger's syndrome, a developmental disorder marked by severe difficulties in understanding how to interact socially. Today she holds a PhD in animal science, is a professor of animal sciences at Colorado State University in Fort Collins, Colo., and the author of several books including Emergence: Labeled Autistic and Thinking In Pictures. Grandin is also one of the few livestock-handling equipment designers in the world and has designed the facilities in which half the cattle are handled in the United States.

How are adults with Asperger's faring today?

I am finding that people with mild Asperger's are all employed today. One of the reasons they are employed is because they have learned you can't pick your nose in public or make rude comments to customers. I learned when I was 6 not to pick my nose in public. Learning a skill that other people value such as computer programming also helps.

Temple Grandin with Claire Danes, the actress who portrayed her younger self ~ "'The thing about being autistic is that you gradually get less and less autistic,' she says, 'because you keep learning, you keep learning how to behave. It's like being in a play; I'm always in a play.' Her rehearsal began early and in earnest. Born in 1947, she did not speak until the age of four. All of the doctors recommended permanent institutionalization; her father agreed. But her mother refused and hired a speech therapist and a nanny who spent many hours a week taking turns playing games with her daughter. She insisted that Temple practice proper etiquette, go to church, interact with adults at parties. 'I'd be in an institution if it wasn't for her,' Ms. Grandin says." From WSJ.com

         

"We were just called nerds before." Temple Grandin ~ The first documented appearance of the word "nerd" is as the name of a creature in Dr. Seuss's 1950 book, "If I Ran the Zoo." In 2012, campaigners in Sweden were trying to force a dictionary to change its definition of "nerd," but have "nerd" - and its sister word "geek" - now completely lost its derogatory connotations, after two decades of "reappropriation"?  In the 1984 film "Revenge of the Nerds" the rousing final speech of one of the protagonists begins with the statement: "I'm a nerd." Its plot may be cartoonish, but the film reveals a certain cultural backdrop - to be a nerd was to be socially awkward, even socially inferior. Today when people think of "geeks" and "nerds" they might very well name the likes of Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg - people whose imagination and grasp of the technical made them billions. Historic geeks are celebrated, with Alan Turing and Nikola Tesla's legacies provoking great passions. New York Times blogger and geeky statistician Nate Silver has been hailed as an unexpected star of the US presidential election after correctly predicting the outcome. "Memo to wannabe presidents: hire geeks, not pundits," advised New Scientist magazine. Even sportsmen unabashedly refer to themselves as "nerds". Chris Kluwe of the Minnesota Vikings, who had just been voted "sexiest man of the year", said of the honour: "It's a little weird because I'm a nerd video game player." From BBC News

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette's 21st Century Evolution

“An early need for friendliness: In a world peopled with strange creatures of fancy and haunted by terrifying beasts, primitive man soon found a certain comfort in association with his own kind. The lone huntsman: became a clansman, and in the clan were formulated the first laws of primitive society.” - Lillian Eichler

By the 21st Century, we see that the vulgar, face a rude awakening...

The hand gets thrown up in front of the face, palm flicked outwards in a display of defiant aggression. It's a sign most of us are familiar with these days, thanks to American "talk" shows. Indeed you don't even need to hear the words - "talk to the hand, cause the face ain't listening ..." - to know just what is meant, and to know how rude it is. The baying audiences may whoop with joy, but in real life it's no laughing matter - especially if it comes from one of your children.

“Talk to the hand, cause the face ain't listening ...”

Neither are the sight of women singing with their mouths full of KFC - the most complained about TV ad this year - or those moments when you're standing in a checkout queue waiting to be served but the cashier can't get on with her job because the person in front is chatting on a mobile while trying to pay for a fiver's worth of goods with a credit card.

And spare us from sharing the bedtime secrets of those people who wait until they're on a crowded train or bus to start up mobile phone conversations about their sex lives.

Sing with my mouth full of KFC? I dare say, you would not find me doing such a thing!

These may all sound like the moans of the middle-aged, yet it does seem that a desire to have a more well-mannered society is beginning to take root.  Those who complained about the KFC ad were mostly young parents trying to teach their children table manners. Tony Blair talks of reintroducing "respect" to the populace, and a host of books are hitting the shops exploring the minefield of modern manners and setting out new standards.

From Blaikie's Guide to Modern Manners, Lynne Truss's Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of Everyday Life, Simon Fanshawe's The Done Thing: Negotiating The Minefield of Modern Manners, and Manners from Heaven: The Easier Way To Better Behaviour For All The Family, it seems that authors are tapping into the impoliteness zeitgeist in the hope of sparking change.

So are we all ill-mannered louts or is it just the pace of life and technology which is to blame for a lack of airs and graces? Psychologist Cynthia McVey believes a loss of manners is, in some cases, more about changes in society than deliberate rudeness.

Fewer men ask a woman's father for her hand in marriage.

"Some of the traditional things which would have been considered good manners have gone. Gender stereotypes have changed. Perhaps the biggest change is that couples live together instead of getting married, so a man won't ask a woman's father for her hand in marriage, which suggested the father had power over his daughter.

"Men also used to walk on the road side of the pavement to protect women from splashes, and open doors for them. Now women have gained independence and equality. Some women are offended now if a man opens a door for them, which I think is ridiculous. "The class difference has also been eliminated so you don't get anyone doffing their cap at the master now. Automatic respect for our 'betters' has also gone."

She does say, though, that children's manners, especially table manners, have been affected by changes where now it is more common for youngsters to eat TV dinners than to sit around the table with their parents. "They are also exposed to different cultural practices, for example, people eating with their fingers or using chopsticks, which changes their perception of what is acceptable behaviour," she says. "But I think parents still try to teach their kids about the importance of please and thank-you."
  

"Why learn how to set a table, for example, when you never sit at one?" Sean Davoren.  

Author and head butler at London's Lanesborough Hotel, Sean Davoren, says that after three years of listening to children talking about their lives in etiquette workshops which he ran before writing his guide, he began to understand why their manners were so bad.

"Quite simply, they had never been taught them," he says. "In some instances, their lives don't require them. Why learn how to set a table, for example, when you never sit at one? Why say thank-you to a waiter if your parents never bother to? Why learn to eat with your mouth shut if the only thing looking at you is the TV?"

Thomas Blaikie, like McVey, believes it's a more a flexible approach to life which has brought about politeness pitfalls. He says: "Until recently, social conduct (as it was known) was illogical but at least there were rules: stand up when a lady enters the room; leave your knife and fork at six o'clock/four o'clock/nine o'clock, with the prongs of the fork turned down. Scarcely a trace remains of this labyrinthine world of manners. But the age of e-mails and metrosexuality has thrown up a new set of social dilemmas and our free-and-easy ways have left us in a vacuum of uncertainty and embarrassment."

In his book, Blaikie explains some of the problems and sets out some new rules. Of mobile phones in public, he says: "On buses, on trains, in shops, everywhere, mobile phones are a nuisance, aren't they? It isn't just the ring tones - why are all of them silly? - it's the sword clash of different conversations conducted at full volume: while one person is blaring away about last night's sex, another is having a huge set-to with their insurance company about a minor car accident, and a third is nit-picking their way through the discounts on offer from Thomas Cook."

The solutions, he says, are easy: "You don't need to shout. When phones were first invented, people thought they had to shout into them, since the people they were talking to were far away. But, after almost 130 years, we ought to know better."

He adds: "It really is impolite to be on the phone while paying for things in shops. Make your call quietly in a corner, then pay. If the phone rings while you are paying, ignore it. You are dealing with the person on the till."

Blaikie also has this advice on the increasing practice of erecting shrines to victims of accidents and crimes. "If you are laying flowers in a public place, remove the plastic wrapping. Return to take away the dead flowers. Permanent shrines are hard on the living, especially if beside roads or near houses. After six months they should be removed."

"People used to greet each other on the street primarily to reassure each other that there was no threat," he says. "People don't do that now here. But in Texas, where everyone carries guns, you'll find that they are all incredibly polite to one another." Edinburgh psychologist Ben Williams, who believes manners are about self-preservation. 

According to author Simon Fanshawe, though, "manners are not necessarily worse than they were, just different". "We have achieved a vast amount of personal freedom since the Second World War," he says. "But in the process, we have become selfish. And too often we have kept quiet about what constitutes good social behaviour, for fear of appearing judgmental. Which of us will challenge the litterbug, the 4x4 driver hogging the road, the commuter screeching into their mobile phone?

"We may have thrown over the old authorities but it seems we do want a new social authority that allows us to live at ease with one other. Manners provide one way of doing that. They are the discipline of an easy life."

Whatever the reason for the poor state of modern manners, Matthew Perren, store manager at Ottakar's bookshop in George Street, says there's a great demand for books on the subject. "I think a generation missed out on being taught about these things. People have got to a stage now where they realise that they don't know what the etiquette is in this or that situation and they want to know."

The final word on good manners goes to Edinburgh psychologist Ben Williams, who believes they are about self-preservation. "People used to greet each other on the street primarily to reassure each other that there was no threat," he says. "People don't do that now here. But in Texas, where everyone carries guns, you'll find that they are all incredibly polite to one another."

Main article from The Scotsman, 2005



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Geisha Watching in Japan

According to JapanVisitor.com, "camera-wielding tourists" have become much more aggressive in stalking Kyoto's geisha.

Sadly, a stigma has been placed on Japan's geisha since World War II. Some believe geisha are simply glorified prostitutes. They are not. Geisha’s are artists and were originally men. The women are entertainers who train vigorously in art, music and dancing. Translated into English, "geisha" means "artist."


Geisha (or geiko in Kyoto dialect) are truly professional entertainers who attend to guests and put them at ease during meals, banquets, or other occasions. They are trained in various traditional Japanese arts, such as dance and music, as well as in the art of communication. Their role is to make guests feel welcome with conversation, drinking games and dance performances.

World War II brought a tremendous decline in geisha arts as most women had to go to factories or other places to work for Japan. The geisha name lost some status during this time also, due to prostitute referring to themselves as "geisha girls" to American military men after the war.

Geisha can be found in several cities across Japan, including Tokyo and Kanazawa, but the former capital of Kyoto remains the best and most prestigious place to experience geisha, who are known there in the local dialect as geiko.

Five major geiko districts (hanamachi) remain in Kyoto. Four of them, Gion Kobu, Gion Higashi, Miyagawacho and Pontocho, are located in or around the Gion district in central Kyoto, while the fifth, Kamishichiken, is located near Kitano Tenmangu Shrine.

A geisha is a traditional entertainer trained in classical arts such as dance, tea ceremony, and music. In the modern era geisha are understood to be female, but historically there were male geisha as well. In 1913, an Englishwoman applied for a license to become a geisha. There were already many "half-caste" girls who were geisha in Japan, however "Lena" would be the first white woman to hold such a license.  The application was at first thought to be from someone who had to be "deranged," so it was ignored by Yokohama officials. A second application was sent in and she was granted the license on the 26th of December, 1913.

To combat the pushy foreigners who wish to get photos and meet geisha when visiting Kyoto, Japan, patrols have been created. They are to protect them and escort geisha from tea house to tea house. Some common sense, respect and restraint, on the part of tourists can easily solve this growing problem.

When visiting any of the areas where one will find Geisha, try to keep the following etiquette in mind:

1. Geisha are not costumed characters like at Disneyland, and the tea houses where they work are not theme parks. 
2. The geisha are working. They are not there to pose with you for photos. They are most likely on their way to appointments. They are on a schedule. Stay out of their way.
3. Never touch the geisha. It takes many hours for her to get dressed and prepare for an evening.
4. Do not follow geisha. They are not prey to be stalked.
5. Do not enter a tea house or private residence unless you are expected there.
6. Respect body space. Do not push your camera inches from a geisha's body or face.
7. If you have a brief opportunity, take a photo or video and then move on.

From several sources, including ImmortalGeisha.com and JapanVistitor.com

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor  for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Cellfishness Eradication

Eliminate cellfishness with these tips below. Why? More and more workplace and school cell phone bans are being instituted with over a third of companies contacted saying they've already put in place policies to address the issue. The biggest reason for the limits include the noise and distraction, along with a loss in productivity. Many companies are complaining that some people seem to require surgical removal of cell phones in order to put them down. 

Like it or not, the world is not your personal phone booth. No one wants to hear about your colonoscopy. We don't care about how much you hate your job. And we certainly don't want to hear you dish out every last detail of your sex life or lack thereof. According to one survey, more than half of employees said they get impatient or angry when a coworker stops a conversation because of an incoming wireless call. 

You can't walk down the hallway in some offices, without hearing things you don't want to be hearing.  People are fed up with the constant interruptions of cell phone calls throughout the day, that have nothing to do with them.  It's pretty appalling, the subjects of conversations that people, especially teens and millennials, are having on the cell phones in public. When they get on the phone, it's apparent they think the rest of the world becomes invisible. Or maybe, it actually does for them.  But it is time for a reality check.  Talking about whatever you feel like over your phone in public, is an invasion of everyone's space and it's also a form of air pollution. It is ear pollution.

More than half of employees surveyed said they get impatient or angry when a coworker stops a conversation because of an incoming wireless call. Stop the ear pollution!

Are you being 'cellfish' with your cell or mobile phone? You can stop being cellfish by using these 12 tips:

1. Wait until lunch or a break to have personal conversations on your cell or mobile at work. 
2. Don't talk on the cell or mobile when others are trapped into hearing your conversation, such as in lines or elevators. 
3. Take calls from those who might have unpleasant or upsetting news in a place where you'll have privacy. We all have that one person that baits us into arguments. Save your calls with that person, for when you are away from others.
4. Don't give out personal information such as credit card numbers when others can hear. This can cause undo paranoia and suspicion in you, when it is your own fault. 
5. Use the phone for essential purposes when in public, but be brief and to the point. 
6. Lower your voice. No cell yell in the supermarket. 
7. Use your phone discreetly. It is not supposed to be an extra appendage.
8. Don't take, or worse yet make, a personal call during a business meeting. 
9. Maintain a 10-foot zone of body space, from anyone who has to listen in, while you're chatting. 
10. When you're in earshot of others, keep it short. 
11. Treat people in the same manner you would want to be treated. It's called the "Golden Rule" for a reason.
12. Let those around you know if you have to make a call, then excuse yourself to a more private area. 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early 1920's Table Etiquette for Children

           

1922 School Picture Day

Table Manners and the Meaning of 'Goop'

 

You probably thought "goop" was just a term for some sort of glop or sticky substance. The term not only means those things, but in 1922 it also meant a rude and ill-mannered boorish person. It was coined by Gelett Burgess, an American humorist, in the early 1900's:

Table Manners  

"The Goops they lick their fingers, 

And the Goops they lick their knives; 

They spill their broth on the tablecloth — 

Oh, they lead disgusting lives! 

The Goops they talk while eating, 

And loud and fast they chew; 

And that is why I'm glad that I 

Am not a Goop — are you?" 

Don't be a Goop! 

Which of your friends have good manners at the table? What pleases you most in their manners? Is it the way in which they handle their food? Their positions at the table? Their conversation at the table? 

Eating is not a very attractive process, but in these busy days, meal time affords one of the few opportunities we have for meeting and greeting our friends. For that reason, the unattractive part of eating should be made as inconspicuous as possible, so that the social part of the meal can be emphasized. If you handle your silver and consume your food just as your neighbors do, your manner of eating is unnoticed, and you can dine without embarrassment and be welcome at any table. 

If, however, your table manners are unusual and peculiar, you at once become conspicuous; you embarrass your hostess; and your peculiarities may be so revolting as to take away the appetite and upset the conversation of others at the table. This being the case, you find yourself unwelcome, perhaps ignored and laughed at, because of your clumsy and unpleasant maneuvers. Consequently, it is necessary to know and to follow the customs that have been accepted by those who have learned best how to be agreeable to, and considerate of, their fellow men. 

First of all, be prompt at your meals. It is very trying to the person who planned the meal to have people come in late. If there are guests, allow them to enter first, and in any case, if those partaking of the meal come from the same room, the men and boys stand aside for the women to pass first, except when arrangement has been made for people to enter with partners. At the table, remain standing until all have arrived, or until the mother, or the hostess, or whoever is at the head of the table, gives the signal for sitting. It is a pleasant courtesy for a man to pull back the chair of the woman next to him, and then push it in toward the table for her as she sits down. 

Do not begin to eat until all have been served. The silver at your place is usually arranged in the order in which you will use it—beginning at the outside. If soup is served, fill your spoon away from you, always, not toward you. If this rule is observed, there is less danger of letting drops fall on the tablecloth or on your clothes. Soup should always be eaten from the side of the spoon, never from the front.

If you notice people while they eat, you can see how much less awkward it is to eat from the side than to push your spoon straight into your mouth, as though you meant to swallow it. See that you put the soup into your mouth quietly. Never suck it from the spoon with a noise; a noisy soup eater is most distressing to his neighbors. When you put down your spoon, if soup plates are used, leave the spoon in the plate. If bouillon cups are used instead, never leave the spoon in the cup, but put it in the saucer.

When fish is served, it is eaten by means of the fork only, except in those rather rare cases where a fish knife is provided. Fish bones may be removed from the mouth by means of the fork, or by the fingers. Often the latter method is a safer way of getting the bones to your plate. You should, as far as possible, avoid taking the bones into your mouth; and, when removing any, should shield your mouth with your napkin.

When the main course is served, you may be asked your preference in regard to the cuts of meat. If so, and if you have a preference, express it. If you are not asked, take what is served to you without comment. If the vegetables are placed on the table, help to pass them. If the table is set correctly, you will always find a tablespoon beside the vegetable dish, and it is your part in picking up the dish, to put the spoon into it, and pass the dish to your neighbor. In case your neighbor is occupied, it may be more convenient and less conspicuous to help yourself first. 

Never reach across the table or in front of a person for anything you desire, but ask the person nearest to pass the article. Try to anticipate the needs of your guests, so as to offer them what they need before they are obliged to ask. Always take bread with your fingers, never with your fork. The same is true of olives or radishes, or any food which is not provided with its own spoon or fork. Such dishes are ordinarily those that contain food which you eat from your fingers. Always use the butter knife provided to help yourself to butter. It is exceedingly bad form to help yourself from any dish with your own individual silver.

“At one time it was considered good form to leave a little food on the plate. Our lessons in thrift during the war, however, taught us that it is better to take no more than we want...”

In cutting your meat, be careful not to hold your knife and fork as weapons. The knife should be held easily in the right hand, with the forefinger running along the back of the blade near the handle. The fork, in the left hand, should be held with the prongs down, and the forefinger extended along the handle. Keep your arms close to your sides — never with the elbows out. The latter position produces an awkward appearance and frequently causes real annoyance and inconvenience to your neighbors. Never cut more than one mouthful of meat at a time. It is decidedly out of place to cut up all of your meat at once.

When you have cut off a small piece, the general rule is to rest your knife across your plate, transfer your fork to your right hand, with the prongs up, and so pick up and eat with your fork what has been cut. (It is permissible, however, to keep the fork in the left hand, prongs down, and so eat your meat. This method prevails in England.)
Vegetables should be eaten with the fork whenever possible. If a vegetable is served in liquid or nearly liquid form, it may be eaten with a spoon. When not in use, the spoon should be allowed to rest in the dish with which it belongs. It should never be put back on the tablecloth. 

Just so, with the knife and fork; after they have been picked up, they should never rest anywhere but on the plate. They should not be put back on the tablecloth, or allowed to lean against the plate. For one thing, they are no longer perfectly clean, and it is unsanitary to spread the germs from your hands and mouth to the tablecloth. Moreover, leaning them against your plate puts them in your way, and is likely to cause accidents. 

In passing your plate for a second helping, leave your knife and fork side by side on your plate — do not remove them. When you have finished, put your knife and fork in this same position. 

Never spread a whole piece of bread at one time at the table. Break the piece in halves, and if one half is more than two or three small mouthfuls, break it again, and spread just one little piece at a time. If a bread and butter plate is provided, your bread, of course, belongs there. If none is provided, rest your bread on your dinner plate, if possible. If that is too crowded, all but the piece you have buttered may rest on the tablecloth. The buttered piece must rest on your plate.

At one time it was considered good form to leave a little food on the plate. Our lessons in thrift during the war, however, taught us that it is better to take no more than we want, and then to eat what is set before us, simply avoiding any impression of scraping the plate. A hostess is more flattered by a normally good appetite than by one which is too dainty. The latter makes her feel that you do not like her food.

– From "Everyday Manners for American Boys and Girls" , By the Faculty of South Philadelphia High School for Girls, 1922

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Early 20th C. Etiquette for Elevators or Lifts

Art deco design of the Empire State Building elevator door.

"When a man passes a lady on a staircase, in the corridor of a hotel, in the elevator of a private apartment house, or in the public rooms of a hotel, he lifts his hat although she may be a stranger. This rule does not prevail on the staircases and in the corridors of office buildings, with the exception, perhaps, of banks and such offices as people of wealth frequent; for a new fineness of courtesy has made men feel that, as women are winning an equality of position in the business field, a delicate way of recognizing that equality is by giving them a comradely deference rather than paying them the social attentions." From Edith Ordwy's "Etiquette of To-Day" 1918

"A new fineness of courtesy has made men feel that, as women are winning an equality of position in the business field, a delicate way of recognizing that equality is by giving them a comradely deference rather than paying them the social attentions." Dr. Meredith Grey is lost in the hospital.

"Authorities are divided on the subject of elevator etiquette, some denouncing in round terms the man who is so rude as to keep his hat on in an elevator where there are ladies; arguing that the elevator is a "little room," an "interior," not a thoroughfare. Others are equally emphatic in asserting that the elevator is a thoroughfare, merely; and that hats are not to be removed, except under the same conditions that would call for their removal in the street – as the greeting of acquaintances, or the exchange of civilities. 

The good sense of this view is apparent. A hat held in the hand in a crowded elevator is sure to be in the way, and liable to be crushed. A gentleman who wishes to compromise between stolid ignoring of the ladies who are strangers, and superfluous recognition of their presence, may lift his hat and replace it immediately, when a lady enters the elevator, or when he enters an elevator where ladies already are. Such a courtesy differs from a greeting in this: a stranger offering this elevator civility does not look at the lady, nor does he bend his head; and his lifted hat is an impersonal tribute to the sex. 

A lady makes no response to such a courtesy; yet there is in her general bearing a subtle something, hard to describe, but which every gentleman will readily recognize, that shows whether or not she observes and appreciates his little act of deference. The atmosphere of good manners may be as invisible as the air about us; but we know when we are breathing it." From "Etiquette" by Agnes H. Morton, 1919

"A gentleman takes off his hat and holds it in his hand when a lady enters the elevator in which he is a passenger, but he puts it on again in the corridor. A public corridor is like the street, but an elevator is suggestive of a room, and a gentleman does not keep his hat on in the presence of ladies in a house. This is the rule in elevators in hotels, clubs and apartments. In office buildings and stores the elevator is considered as public a place as the corridor. What is more, the elevators in such business structures are usually so crowded that the only room for a man's hat is on his head. But even under these conditions a gentleman can reveal his innate respect for women by not permitting himself to be crowded too near to them." From "Etiquette" Emily Post, 1922

Original lift door from Selfridge's in London.

"In one of the oldest banks in New York each boy who enters is given a few days' intensive training by a gentleman chosen for the purpose. The instructor stresses the fundamentals of character and, above all things, going in front of a person when there is room to go around him, not pushing into an elevator ahead of every common sense. Courtesy is rarely discussed as a separate quality but simple instructions are given about not one else, not speaking to a man at a desk until he has signified that he is ready, and about sustaining quiet and orderly behavior everywhere. The atmosphere in the bank is the kind that encourages gentlemanly conduct and the new boys either fall in with it or else get out and go somewhere else." From The Book of Business Etiquette 1922, Author Unknown

Is he expecting a dollar or a quarter?

On Tipping the "Elevator Starter"
"A long-time guest in a hotel usually tips the elevator starter fifty cents or more on leaving if he has been helpful and another quarter or more to elevator men who have served him. A resident in a hotel tips the elevator men regularly serving him a dollar a month approximately and remembers the starter, too, at regular intervals." From 1957's "Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette"

 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia