Ill-Bred American Children of 1914

Ella Wheeler Wilcox was an American poet and journalist. Several of her articles on parenting and home life are featured on the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia

Children's Behavior

There Is a Vast Difference Between Liberty and License

American Youth Are Most Lawless and Ill-bred of Any on Earth, a Fact for Which Parents, Mothers Especially, Are Responsible

AMERICA is old enough now to know that the word liberty does not mean license; that freedom does not mean lawlessness. American mothers have a large duty confronting them; the duty of teaching their children the fine distinctions which lie between these words.

Ask any man or woman who has seen many lands and many people, and you will be told that American children are the most lawless and ill-bred of all the children on earth. On any ship or in any hotel the children who make themselves obnoxious by their loud voices, their impertinent manners and their failure to show courtesy to their elders are invariably American children.

It is not an unusual sight to see American children walk or stand before strangers, staring at them rudely and whispering or tittering as they move away. Two young girls made themselves so obnoxious on one of the large ocean liners by their impertinent manners to passengers in the dining saloon that it became necessary to ask the chief steward to reprove them.

These children were daughters of a New York banker. Their mother was on board with a retinue of attendants, but she had never taken time to teach her children refinement or even common decency of deportment.

When Rich Are Ill-Bred No Wonder the Poor Are

When such examples of ill- breeding can be found among the rich, one cannot wonder that the poorer classes have not reached a standard where they understand the importance of including good. manners in the curriculum, of education.

A lady who employs boys of all work at her country home was surprised to discover that children of Americans who came to her for work were nearly always lacking in the little polite habits which it would seem every mother would teach her boys and girls as soon as they were able to talk.

For instance, boys of sixteen came into her presence without removing their caps, and often when reporting to her for directions they bolted into her private apartments without knocking or in any way making their presence known. It became necessary for her to teach her employees good manners before she taught them their other duties.

Every mother should train her children to show good taste and delicacy in their treatment of herself. Then it would follow, as a matter of course, that they would treat others with courtesy. From the time a boy is able to walk he should be taught to rap before entering a room and girls should be taught the same act of courtesy.

There is too much freedom in most American homes. It does not indicate affection, or mutual understanding, or good comradeship when people bolt into the presence of another member of the family with no word or sound to prepare the way.

It merely indicates lack of thoughtful consideration. The refinements of life do much to keep the affections alive. A delicate code of manners observed between husband and wife helps to keep them out of the divorce court.

A gentle tap on a door, even if the door is open, and a word indicating who is coming, makes the advent of a loved one no less welcome.

Neglectful Mother Is Serving Ends of Discourtesy 

The mother who does not train her son to show to her the little courtesies like this is sowing seeds of annoyance for others who will be irritated by this lack of thoughtfulness.

No matter what position a man occupies in the world, whether he employs or is employed, whether he is waited upon, or waits upon others, good manners and courtesy and politeness will be of incalculable value to him.

A lady had occasion to call at the office of a prominent lawyer in a city of colleges. The lawyer was absent, but his secretary was present, a well educated young man, of good American family.

The lady who called was one for whom he unquestionably felt respect, yet he permitted her to stand for five minutes in his presence while she told her errand; and he lounged comfortably in his chair, with a cap on his head which he never thought to remove.

He seemed most anxious to be of service and in every way tried to help her; no doubt he would be greatly astonished and deeply pained if he knew she thought him discourteous. Such conduct is not at all uncommon in America;, it is to be met with every day; and it is always the fault of the mother.

Father Not Blameless but Chief Duty Is With Mother

The father, too, comes in for his share of blame; but it is the mother who has the child near her hour in and hour out, during these early years when habits are formed; and it is to the mother a child should look for right training in deportment.

Little girls, as well as boys need careful coaching. They should never be allowed to enter rooms without previous announcement; they should not be permitted to break into conversation without apology; and they should not lounge or sit while their elders stand.

Teach your children these little refinements, good mothers. It is better than leaving them a legacy of hard-earned money. – By Ella Wheeler Wilcox, July 1914

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