Etiquette and Body Space

“The amygdala is activated when you invade people's personal space. This probably reflects the strong emotional response when somebody gets too close to us...” – Ralph Adolphs, professor of psychology and neuroscience at the California Institute of Technology

Don’t Stand so Close to Me

Imagine one of these situations:

• Somebody once comes close to you and you step back unconsciously.
• Or you get close to someone and see that he/she steps back and tries to get far from you.
• A strange person stands so close to you that you feel bad/uncomfortable and not secure.
• You meet someone for the first time and he/she kisses you on the cheek or puts his/her hand around your shoulders and you step back unconsciously, or you feel badly and kiss back him/her unwillingly.

Have you ever experienced above situations? All of us have been in situations like this and these feelings and reactions are because someone is disregarding other people's personal space.

What is personal space?

In 1966, anthropologist Edward T. Hall introduced the concept that, similar to the way animals mark their territory using urine and physical posturing, humans use personal space and concrete objects. The theory is known as Proxemics 1, a form of non-verbal communication through our perception and use of space. It concludes that in our space, we keep four types of distances (intimate, personal, social and public) according to the type of relationship. Personal space is a distance in which we feel safe, secure and comfortable. This space is one of the four invisible and mentally spaces around each person which are like bubbles around us. If we want others feel comfort and safe we should consider the importance of personal space.

What are different types of personal spaces in social interactions?

As Edward T. Hall said in social interactions there are generally 4 spaces for each person:

1. Public space: It's between 3.70 m and 7.60 m and includes strangers. We like for strangers to stand this distance from us.
2. Social space: It's between 1.20 m and 3.70 m. The distance is for talking with others. If others get closer to us for talking, we don't feel comfortable and if they get farther away, we feel awkward and rude.
3. Personal space: It's between 45 cm and 1.20 m and we dedicate it just for ourselves. If others pass through it, for the first meeting, they give us an aggressive feeling which certainly won't show intimacy. Acquaintances and people who meet each other for the first time should consider keeping this distance and not trying to get closer.
4. Intimate and private space: up to 45 cm which is dedicated to family members, couples and close friends. If someone is to enter this area without our willingness, we feel an intense insecurity and discomfort.

But how do these ‘personal bubbles’ arise?

In research published in the journal “Nature” in 2009, Ralph Adolphs and his colleagues determined that the bubbles are constructed and monitored by the amygdala, the brain region involved in fear. “The amygdala is activated when you invade people's personal space. This probably reflects the strong emotional response when somebody gets too close to us. We confirmed this in a rare patient with lesions to this brain structure: she felt entirely comfortable no matter how close somebody got to her, and had no apparent personal space.” Furthermore, he said, “Abnormal development of the amygdala may also explain why people with autism have difficulties maintaining a normal social distance to other people.”


Is personal space the same for all persons?

No. The distance between the person and his invisible shield is different from one person to another and its size depends on various factors like:

 Familiarity and type of relationship with a person

(For example, the comfort space between you and a person you know him well is probably smaller than a strange person.)

 The amount of trust you have to that person

 Society type. (People who live in crowded societies have smaller personal space than people who live in less crowded ones. In other words, these people have to use others personal space because of large population so their personal spaces are reduced. 

(We can see this difference between Asian, American and European countries.)

 Age can affect on this space too. The size of personal space will increase between 3-21, for this reason children like to stand close to other people and feel more comfort and safe in this way.

 Personality is also effective on this subject. For example, somebody who is anxious seems to have a larger personal space than a person who is calmer and easygoing. Introverted persons have a larger personal space than extroverted persons.

 Culture and beliefs.

We should consider signs of personal space for different persons, like handshaking type, greeting type, eye contact length, size of their eyes' enlarged, their mood and etc. to know whether he/she feels safe and comfort with our distance or not? And why don’t some people respect this personal space?

Maybe because they are not aware of the space and its signals. Otherwise they can be young persons who are from larger societies, or they are anxious, or an introvert that has a need for a larger personal space size.

Is this so strict it won't change? No, it will change. Some researchers believe that these spaces aren't effective in all interactions.

Sometimes we are in a situation in which strangers stand or sit in our personal or even private space, like a crowded bus or metro and there is no space for sitting, or in movie theaters and conferences -which you should sit beside strangers, or in elevators.


In these situations how we can respect others’ personal space?

Eye contact is the most important factor. If one's arm pushes ours in this situation, it doesn't matter for us. But if his/her face is in front of ours and looks directly in our eyes, we feel stressed. Therefore, this is eye contact which plays the main role in creating a sense of stress or intimacy for us.

Now I want to provide you some general rules for personal space but remember that these rules are different on the basis of culture and situation. And these are more serious in first meetings and when you don’t know each other yet:

1. Never touch a person you don’t know.
2. Stand at least 120 cm away from others unless you know them well.
3. Don’t touch others’ kids. No matter what your intention. (And you should ask your kids to inform you whenever someone attempts to touch them inappropriately.)
4. Observe other people’s body language. When someone leans away from you it means you are probably standing in his/her personal space and you disturbed his safety and comfort. So take a step back.
5. If you enter a theater or movie that is not crowded, leave an extra seat between you and the next person. However, sitting next to others is acceptable if the room is crowded.
6. Never lean over a person’s shoulder to read something unless he/she invites you to read a text in his/her hand (This point is true for others’ PC monitors too, regardless of whether it’s your co-worker or family member)
7. Never search through the belongings of others which they are holding or carrying. A person’s belongings are part of their personal space. (These include electronic tools like a cellphone and laptop, or book and documents or clothes and etc.)
8. Respect the personal space of others on road too. It means that when you are driving, don’t get so close to others’ cars. (Safety distance is not just important for driving laws but also for mental safety of persons too and we should respect them)
9. Don’t put your arm around someone’s shoulder or slap his/her back unless you know him/her very well.
10. Don’t enter others’ room or office without knocking first.
11. Don’t mess up the queue and don’t cut in front of people in line. (Respect your turn and that of others’.)

Now if someone invades your personal space or doesn’t respect it, what should we do?

When someone get so close to you which you feel discomfort, maybe he/she doesn’t know its signs or he/she is from a larger society, or you have an anxious personality and you have a larger personal space than him. In this case, you have several options to choose. But remember that saying it bluntly may cause bad feelings and make others embarrassed, so before you react to this situation think with yourself: Does it worth to react like that or no?

What are the ways for dealing with this situation?

1. Accept it (no bad reaction)
2. Make a distance between your body and the other person (body sign). Hoping he/she will take your sign and take a step back.
3. Say it frankly, it doesn’t make you feel good and comfort when somebody stand so close to you.
4. Explain why you need more personal space. For example, if you are a left-handed person and
5. He/she is so close to your left side, you can say you need more space for easier writing and your arm doesn’t touch his/hers. 
6. If he didn’t notice you can carrying something, like a cup of coffee or tea or something like a book or a file. It makes a barrier between you.

References

1) Communication Studies, Proxemics, Copyright 2015 by Communication Studies

2) Weithers, Dora: Rights and Responsibilities in Our Personal Space, Copyright 2018

3) Mayne, Debby: Etiquette Rules of Defining Personal Space, Copyright 2019

                                                        

Meet our newest contributor, Sima Sadat Doshmanfana Yazdi. She is an Etiquette Teacher and Coach (Business Etiquette) in Iran. She has her BA of English Translation and MA of Tourism Management and now she is a University Lecturer and English to Persian Translator too. She started Etiquette teaching in Iran since late 2016 with the name of (Persian) Miss Etiquette and launched Etiquetteland.com one year later. She is the author of 2 Books and 2 eBooks in Etiquette area (in Farsi):

2 Books:

- Etiquette dar kasbo kar (Etiquette in business)

- Moshtari Robayie: Etiquette-e-moshtarimadari (Customer attracting:Customer Service Etiquette) 

2 eBooks:

- Etiquette-e-kasb-o-kar-e-beynolmelal dar - Rusiyeh (International Business Etiquette In Russia)

- Obour az Sadd-e-Mosahebeh (Passing Over Job Interviewarrier)

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Teaching Respect and Courtesy

Children should be helped to discover that loveliness toward others gets for them what they want. In other words they get what they give. They make the discovery that more pleasures and satisfactions accrue to them if they give pleasure and satisfaction to others. We may cultivate in the hearts of our children this feeling or desire, this urge to please others. It is a spiritual asset, caught as well as taught. 

Tuning in with Our Children

YESTERDAY – I had no desire to preach a sermon on the desirability of parents practicing courtesy toward each other because of the effect on their children. It isn’t necessary to sermonize because everyone appreciates the charm and beauty and desirability of such behavior. Courtesy and respect for each other reflect a fine sweet spirit; they are the product of harmony and love. How to produce this inner harmony is the problem for parents and teachers. That inner desire, that feeling of harmony and love and desire to be courteous to the other fellow is a product of stimulation. The discovery that courtesy pays big dividends stimulates one to feel that way.

CHILDREN PAID IN KIND – Children should be helped to discover that loveliness toward others gets for them what they want. In other words they get what they give. They make the discovery that more pleasures and satisfactions accrue to them if they give pleasure and satisfaction to others. We may cultivate in the hearts of our children this feeling or desire, this urge to please others. It is a spiritual asset, caught as well as taught. 

RESERVE OF LOVELINESS – Our children may catch loveliness by exposure to others who practice it. And they build up a great reserve of loveliness by continually practicing thoughtfulness for others. Every parent and teacher should know that it is not enough merely to create a desire in the heart of a child to practice courtesy. Many a child finds it extremely difficult to act the way he should act, or the way he would like to act. The child tries and fails. Becomes discouraged. Our turn is to stand-by and see that his efforts to practice courtesy are crowned with success.

UNDERSTANDING NEEDED – We must help the child to a definite understanding of his problem. He must be aware of the habit he wishes to break and the new habit he wishes to form. We must help the child define these habits in terms of specific behavior situations. We must help him to determine exactly what to do and what not to do. And keep the following admonitions in mind at all times: Treat the child with the same courtesy and respect that you desire from him.

PRAISE FOR COURTESY – When the child does an especially courteous act, remember to make him happy about it. Give him a thrill. Make the good popular; give it a good reputation. In other words advertise goodness in an attractive way. – By James Samuel Lacy, 1933

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Of Courtesy, Cops and Drivers

Not a citation, but a marriage certificate – Imagine the surprise of this couple, George W. Williams and Mrs. Ellen Jones, when a traffic officer appeared in response to their call for a minister to marry them. Traffic cop, William Norton of the Seattle police force, happens to be a regularly ordained minister, so Mrs. Jones became Mrs. Williams in jig time after Officer Norton parked his motorcycle outside and entered with his Bible.

Courtesy Drives Success in Life

• No matter what kind of machine you drive, courtesy will get you farther at the end of the day than anything else. 
• Courtesy does more to smooth out the bad bumps in the road than balloon tires and shock absorbers. 
• Courtesy saves you money in police court. 
• Courtesy is a substitute for almost everything a man can have except brains, and it can even be used as a substitute for brains. 
• If motor-cops and other traffic officers set a better example in courtesy than some of them do, the average motorist would profit by that example.
• Safe motor driving is not promoted by the traffic officer whose ideas and conversation, lumped to consists of  “Hey there, whadya think you’re doin’?” The average man responds a lot faster to kindness than to abuse.
• Traffic officers will find that the habit of courtesy will do more to make them successful in their jobs than any other one factor. 
• Courtesy is not only the most important rule of the road for drivers and policemen. It opens the best way through life for us all—afoot or on horseback. 

“Life is not so short but that there is always time enough for courtesy,” said Emerson. 

“A moral, sensible, and well-bred man will not affront me and no other can.” So wrote the poet Cowper. Therein he told the whole story. Fear is the great foe of life. Courtesy disarms even fear. 

James T. Fields wrote beautifully of courtesy. He said:  

“How sweet and gracious, even in common speech is that fine sense which men call Courtesy! Wholesome as air and genial as the light, welcome in every clime as breath of flowers. It transmutes aliens into trusting friends. And gives its owner passport round the globe.” 

                              – John Carlyle for San Pedro News, 1927 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Jekyll and Hyde Manners

Please, no crooked or extended pinky fingers! – One mark of the unpolished man is his obvious eagerness to appear polished. Never is it more noticeable than at a formal dinner. Hoisting a teacup, he crooks his little finger. Instead of wiping his mouth with a napkin, he purses his lips and “pat-pats” them.

  Exposing the Unpolished Man

One mark of the polished man is that he doesn’t knock himself out being polished. He may have committed a dozen etiquette books to memory but doesn’t flaunt the fact. He’s casual and unaffected. His good manners seem to flow spontaneously from innate good taste, breeding and a flair for the appropriate. He doesn't wear his savoir-faire on his sleeve. 

One mark of the unpolished man is his obvious eagerness to appear polished. Never is it more noticeable than at a formal dinner. Hoisting a teacup, he crooks his little finger. Instead of wiping his mouth with a napkin, he purses his lips and “pat-pats” them. He makes a big fuss over which fork to use and finally, when told to copy his hostess, bugs this lady by scrutinizing her every move. Determined to please, he dislpleases his hostess. Before embarrassing his hostess by reporting a smudge on his spoon, he –charitably and conspicuously – cleans it with his napkin. He makes a great to-do about transferring his fork from left to right hand after cutting his meat, unaware that Europeans have been eating with their left hands for centuries and disdain the American's clumsy crisscross method. 

The unpolished man frequently has two sets of table manners – dowdy ones for home, and “Sunday-go-to-meeting ones” for company. This is doubly unfortunate. First, schizophrenic table manners fool no one. Secondly, the owner slights his taste buds. Frequently, he is practicing an etiquette that went out years ago, if it ever existed. He will risk ptomaine, for example, rather than remove suspect food from his mouth. He will eat cold filet rather than begin eating before all 40 guests are served. And finally, before reaching a few inches for a vegetable, he will inconvenience his neighbor to pass it or forego a second serving. 

But endeavoring to be Mr. Hyde at one’s own table and Dr. Jekyll at everyone else’s, may have even cruder consequences. They involve a man’s family. His wife, seeing him in both roles, silently, or perhaps not so silently, deplores the hypocrisy of it all. And his children, rarely privileged to see his good company manners, have no alternative but to copy his bad at-home ones.

Q and A on P’s and Q’s 
(Q) "Is it wrong to cut salad with a knife?" N.R. 
(A) It used to be, but expediency and the advent of the head-lettuce salad have made a fossil of this particular taboo. If you don't need a knife, naturally don't use one. But if you need one and a salad knife isn't provided, don't hesitate to use your table knife. – By Don Goodwin, 1963

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Holiday Card Etiquette

When you're addressing a Christmas card to a business acquaintance, it’s best if you send the card to the office. When there is also a social relationship, the card can go to the home. 

Who’s Name Where?

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (UPI) When a Christmas card is from the entire family, father's name should come first, then mother’s, and finally the children, listed in order of their age, according to an authority from Hallmark Cards. When you're addressing a Christmas card to a business acquaintance, it’s best if you send the card to the office. When there is also a social relationship, the card can go to the home. – LaHabra Star News, 1964

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Dining with British Royalty

A typical 19th century “game plate.” – The “game course” was once a staple of fine dining and expensive sets of “game plates” were purchased by fastidious hosts and hostesses, to serve the game on to each of their dinner guests. In Gilded Age dining, after the roast course, the game course was next in order (if it was included, as it generally was in an elaborate dinner). Celery was the appropriate accompaniment of the game course. The salad was sometimes served with the game; otherwise it followed as a course by itself. According to gunsonpegs.com, the Pheasant Shooting season runs from the 1st October – 1st February in Great Britain, however in Northern Ireland the Pheasant Shooting season runs from the 1st October – 31st January.

The Ever-Present Pheasant

There can be no doubt about pheasant being the favorite game dish of the Queen and Prince Philip, and when in season it appears repeatedly on the Royal menu. For this reason there is always a large number of pheasants stored in the giant deep-freeze, which the Queen had installed in the palace kitchens some years ago. Previous to this, selected game and fish were sent to several deep-freeze stores in London for the palace kitchens to draw upon when required. 

In addition to pheasant, the Queen's chefs keep a healthy supply of game deep-frozen in readiness, as seen from this typical palace list:

• 55 pheasants 

• 33 partridges 

• 21 woodcock 

• 20 grouse 

• 3 snipe 

• sand grouse 

• venison

• 33 salmon 

• 4 lb prawns 

• 2 lobsters

At Balmoral and Sandringham the success of the hunting and shooting on the moors and fields always has a direct bearing on the main course for dinner which is why grouse, venison, pheasant and partridge appear in a variety of forms with great regularity. After the Court returned to London from Balmoral, the Royal family would also hold regular shooting parties in Windsor Great Park. 

An individual “bird knife and fork” in the Chantilly sterling pattern. The game course could consist of partridge, pheasant, duck, woodcock, snipe or other popular birds eaten in the 1800's. The steel-bladed bird knife was the forerunner of the stainless steel, steak knife we know today, after a serrated edge was added.

In the days of Edward VII there were lavish supplies of hot food for the Royal shooting parties, even though it was relatively simple by his standards. A typical picnic lunch might consist of mulligatawny soup and Scotch broth, stewed mutton, hashed venison, Irish stew and game pies. For dessert there would be plum pudding and apple tart. – From the book, “Dinner at Buckingham Palace”

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Basic Holiday Party Manners

Always try to be a happy conversationalist. (If you're not good at small talk, be an enthusiastic listener!) - Photo source, Pinterest

Q. This is my first big holiday season and the list of parties is almost endless. I am terrified that I may commit some social error and not even know it. Are there any definite party going rules one could learn for insurance ?  

A. There probably are as many rules as there are parties, but here are three tips which provide a general rule of thumb: 

• Always try to be helpful, cooperative about any special party plans, and a happy conversationalist. (If you're not good at small talk, be an enthusiastic listener!)  
• Be as thoughtful about the family and their home as you would want people to be about your own. 
• Express your thanks for a good time and leave promptly when the party is over. These guideposts should make you the most popular guest of the season. – Junior Miss Etiquette Advice by Miss Deb, November 1964

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Cocktails and Being Well Bred

The guests consumed a great deal more liquor than the hostess expected. After the last guest left, she found three cigarette holes in the carpeting and one bad burn the length of a cigar on the fireplace mantel. – On a side note, the gloved woman to the far right should not be gloved while drinking. That is simply “tacky.” – photo source Pinterest

Agony Aunt, Ann Landers, Gives Her Thoughts on Being “Well Bred” vs Being Polite

Dear Ann: I know your column does not deal with problems of etiquette, but this falls in the category of human relations. Please suggest what I should do. We gave a party last evening for fifty friends. It was a cocktail affair with an informal buffet. Everyone seemed to be having a fine time, although I must say they consumed a great deal more liquor than we expected. After the last guest left, I found three cigarette holes in the carpeting and one bad burn the length of a cigar on the fireplace mantel.  

Only one man could have burned the mantel and I know very well who he is. I have a hunch about the holes in the rug, too. Shall I phone these people and suggest they do something about “making, this right”? Bear in mind, our friends are all people of means who have had good upbringings. In fact, they are considered very well bred. –Upset Hostess

Ann’s Answer: Don’t call your friends and suggest that they pay for damages done during a party. This is just further proof that even the “well-bred” have a tendency to get crumby when they drink too much. When you invite guests to your home, you naturally assume they will not devalue the property. When “well-bred’’ people do damage, they offer to pay for it. Why don’t you review your guest list for next time. – Ann Landers, 1958

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Edwardian Fan Fads and Etiquette

In sharp contrast to the minute painted and spangled fans, are the immense ostrich plume und marabou feather fans, also having mother of pearl or curved ivory sticks. In black, especially, are these fans effective, but with a red or a white gown, red ostrich plumes are quite gorgeous.

Edwardian Fashion Decreed the Use of Richly Ornamented Fans of Lace, Ivory and Spangles

Once more does the fan form a most important part of the evening costume. Long ago it was almost a breach of etiquette to hold a fan which was not in some way a work of art, either because of its material, its history, or more generally because on its side was inscribed the labor of some famous artist. Then for a while the fan became simply on article of convenience or of comfort — pretty, perhaps, and well made, but not remarkable in any way for beauty or originality. And so on down to the present day — at one time an article of great cost, and again simply carried because in the ballroom it is found pleasant to have one on hand.

Now, again, there is no limit to the price of a handsome fan, and so exquisite are many in design and detail that one examines them in the same way as one would a wonderful picture. Newest of all in popularity are the hand-painted fans, painted on finest silk, Set on slabs of carved und painted ivory and studded with glittering gold and silver paillettes. Strange to say, it is upon the tiniest fan that the finest workmanship is expended, although large fans have begun lately to return to popular favor. 

At first glance one is astonished at the prices asked for these small bits of silk and ivory, wondering of what use so small a fan could be, but on examination it is discovered that the miniature painted, or the landscape scene depicted in the work of one noted artist, and that the rhinestones and spangles are of the most expensive kind, while the mother of pearl or ivory handles are also almost priceless. 

Slowly it dawns that these are fans for ornament; not use, and yet with every evening gown there is now included a fan to match. If the color of the gown cannot be matched and no good contrast can be found, then the fan must need be made to order, and there are today many artists who would be only too glad to have a chance to show their skill in this miniature work.

In sharp contrast to the minute painted and spangled fans, are the immense ostrich plume und marabou feather fans, also having mother of pearl or curved ivory sticks. In black, especially, are these fans effective, but with a red or a white gown, red ostrich plumes are quite gorgeous. In the pale shades also, pink, blue, green, lavender, etc, feather fans are very handsome, and for the opera box, show up better than the smaller fans, although naturally not so beautiful.

The more spangles there are on fans, the better. This certainly holds good with a spangled costume, where all must be sparkle and brilliance. With lace and chiffon gowns, as well as with the spangled costumes, an elaborately spangled fan will frequently give just the one note necessary to the effect. The spangles are simply placed en masse, or some design is worked out—butterflies, flowers, the center of which are clusters of sparkling paillettes, or various ribbon bow-knot and garland patterns.

Then there are the lace fans, the lace being generally made to order to match the trimming of some gown and of a certain unusual shape. The lace piece then placed either on sticks of tortoise shell on which are set in gold the initials of the purchaser, or, again, jewel-studded ivory sticks are used. The most effective lace fans are in black, set on tortoise shell, the gold letters being the only note of color. 

White lace is also very handsome, set either upon shell or mother of pearl. Not only upon the main part of the fan, but upon the ornamentation of the sticks, does the responsibility for the beauty of the article rest, Not satisfied with carving, hand-painting or rhinestone jewels are now placed in fascinating display upon the delicate sticks. Turquoise and matrix are both effective, the rich blue always showing up well, but even rubies, sapphires and pearls are now set almost at random, to carry out the new design upon the sticks.– Los Angeles Herald, 1905

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Obeisance

Lord Carisbrooke – The “Marquess of Carisbrooke“ was a title created in 1917 for Prince Alexander of Battenberg, the eldest son of Princess Beatrice of the United Kingdom (the youngest daughter of Queen Victoria) and Prince Henry of Battenberg. He was also made Viscount Launceston, in the County of Cornwall, and Earl of Berkhamsted at the same time, all in the Peerage of the United Kingdom. At this time, along with other German-surnamed relations of the British Royal family, Alexander changed his surname to Mountbatten. Confused yet??? Sadly, all of these titles became extinct upon his death in 1960, as he had no sons.- Photo Public Domain

It was hard for Gotham Society to know the right amount of deference and respect to show when they were unknowingly dealing with a “Minor Royal”

Gotham Society– with a very large, capital S– is considerably exercised over the proper amount of obeisance due Lord Carisbrooke, its at present most distinguished guest. Because he is a grandson of Queen Victoria and brother of the Queen of Spain, his hosts and fellow guests started in by giving him regular court curtsies and presenting women to him as rapidly as all the rest of what they deemed his due. Then along came carping critic and laughted them to scorn. 

“He’s not a Prince of the Blood” he told them. ‘‘He must he getting a lot of fine laughs out of you. Etiquette doesn’t let you treat him any different from any other gentleman.” The most embarrassed person among the mis-steppers is one who is credited with ambitions to be made ambassador to the Court of St. James and now he’s given it away that he doesn’t even know court etiquette!– Press Democrat, 1921

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

1940’s Etiquette and Equal Rights

Hats may be hats, but etiquette still differentiates between the customs of men and women. In other words, it is never necessary for women to tip their hats, while it is often the rule for a gentleman. 

Why must the men take off their hats And wave them shoulder-high, While the women smugly keep theirs on when the flag is passing by. Why, in these days of “equal rights,” Should this fact be always true? Men’s hats come off when they meet the girls, why don’t girls doff theirs, too! The reason is that hats may be hats, but etiquette still differentiates between the customs of men and women. In other words, it is never necessary for women to tip their hats, while it is often the rule for a gentleman. 

The controversy arises as to whether the hat should be raised when a patriotic song, ether than the national anthem, is played. No, it is not necessary. The hat should be lifted only when thq flag is passing or when “The Star Spangled Banner” is played. Custom has changed the etiquette of tipping your hat to every lady you chance to meet. This is impractical, as you would soon wear your hat out. Nevertheless, the hat should be tipped when you meet a lady of your acquaintance, and should be taken off when in the theater, lobby of a hotel, church or an elevator. 

When you tip your hat to a lady, it need not be taken completely off, merely raised slightly. When the flag goes by, the hat should be taken off and held over the heart. Of course, in public buildings, as the theater, it is a matter of convenience to take it off and hold it in your hand. This bit of etiquette may seem very elementary to collegiates, but due to the fact hats are seldom worn on the campus, it is a good idea to check up on what to do when you do wear a hat. 

Ladies need never remove their hats in public places, but it is a good idea to let the people in the show behind you see some of the picture instead of your New York creation. So if you wear a reproduction of the leaning tower of Pisa or a similar style, remember we are all behind you! - Sally’s Social Slants in The Oak Leaf, 1940

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette for Champagne Stemware

Know your champagne and sparkling wine glasses. 

– Photo source Pinterest, from Wine Folly

Properly Holding Stemware with Champagne and Other Cold or Chilled Beverages 

Champagne and other chilled beverages are more easily kept cold when served in stemware. Held properly, by the glass’s stem as shown below, the beverage doesn't need to be diluted with melting ice, as the body's heat won't transfer to the drink through the stem. The beverage appears more elegant, as does the person drinking the beverage out of the stemware, as opposed to drinking from a glass tumbler. 

At informal parties when cold beverages or chilled champagne are served in trendy, stemless glasses, guests should be able to keep their hands dry, especially as their drinks are slowly warming. The host or hostess should provide plenty of cocktail napkins for condensation that accumulates on the outside of the glass.

No napkin is required (though it is always best to offer one to each guest, especially for catching drips, etc...) when glasses with stems are being used, unless one is eating, as well.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Modern University Elevator Etiquette

When riding the elevator, there is nothing more irritating than stopping one short level away from the end of an interminable ride.

There is nothing pleasant about being jammed into the elevator with a group of strangers. You may never have been bothered by claustrophobia before coming to UCSF, but after riding our elevators for a while, you may notice you are developing symptoms. We’ve all experienced the horrors of the morning elevator ride, packed like sardines and watching as the elevator stops at each and every level. The door slides open to reveal a person who always seems nonplussed that the elevator is so full! Or maybe they act nonplussed because everyone inside the elevator is glaring at them for interrupting the ride. At such moments, we have all had the thought “there's got to be a better way” while crawling slowly upward. Here are some ideas to make the ride a little easier for all of us: 

• Don't take the elevator if you're only going one floor! (Important note: this does not apply to anyone with disabilities). When riding the elevator, there is nothing more irritating than stopping one short level away from the end of an interminable ride.

• Watch those backpacks. Most students boarding the elevator are toting a large backpack. Have a care when boarding the elevator, particularly when you swing around to face the front. Any poor person standing too closely behind (and in UCSF elevators, we’re all standing too closely behind), can take the full brunt of your swinging backpack. It's not a fun way to start the morning. 

• Don’t lean against the control panel.  The observant among us have noticed that there is a second control panel located on the side of the elevator, provided for those with disabilities. The unobservant among us do not notice this panel, and lean against the wall on which it is located, and then the fun begins. The wide-bodied can light up as many as four buttons at a time. The time it takes for the elevator to stop at levels D, E, F and G gives others in the elevator plenty of time to reflect on just how self-aware the inadvertent button pusher isn’t. 

• Please let us suffer in silence. The elevator ride is bad enough; don't make it worse by squeezing in and making some lame joke. No one feels like laughing, especially in the morning. And after you've been here for a few months, you've heard all the jokes there are about squeezing into a crowded elevator. Take a vow of silence for the duration of the ride. 

Elevators, like life, have their ups and downs. Here's hoping all your rides are smooth ones. – From an article by T. Neagle, for The Synapse, 2003

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Learning American Etiquette

“Their first lecture drilled them in the rules of social intercourse —how to tip one’s hat “American fashion,” how to greet friends, followed by an explanation of the chaperone idea.”   Japanese immigrants in Hawaii, circa 1918
(Photo source http://www.misveteranshawaii.com/)

Japanese Boys in Hawaii Study American Etiquette 

(A.P.) Honolulu, Territory of Hawaii, Aug. 12.—After the study of social conventions and American etiquette, a number of Japanese youths of Honolulu have formed classes under the direction of the Y. W. C. A. Their first lecture drilled them in the rules of social intercourse —how to tip one’s hat “American fashion,” how to greet friends, followed by an explanation of the chaperone idea. 

Other lectures will deal with table etiquette, business etiquette, social calls, writing of notes, home life and other topics. Classes in etiquette were originated a year ago by the Y. W. C. A., for Japanese girls who expressed a desire to become fully Americanized. – San Diego Union and Daily Bee, 1918

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia Etiquette Encyclopedia