Gilded Age Etiquette in Shops Abroad

I was somewhat humiliated to be told: “The English ist sehr gut-but ihr Deutsch-ach! Kann ich nicht versteen!” … “The English is very good-but her German-oh! I can't understand!” – Above, image of women buying perfumes in 1905, from Instagram 

The civility of the tradespeople seems to be genuine, and for that reason it comes with refreshing effect after the superficial polish of the Parisian and the brutal etiquette of the Cockney. 

When you enter a German shop you are expected to remove your hat and gloves and greet the shopkeeper politely; you do not replace your hat till you are ready to depart, and then you bid the shopkeeper adieu. These people are awfully in earnest. 

The wit of the Scotchman compared with the wit of the average German is as a cambric needle to a bung. Wishing to get my idea of how I wanted an overcoat made a tailor asked me: “Shall I mage ut like dot goat you haf on?” “Like this one? No, sir!” I cried in horror. “There’s no such thing as fit about this coat - why, it was shot on to me in London.” “Zhot on to you?” exclaimed the tailor in honest amazement. “So-o-o?”

In another shop I was somewhat humiliated to be told: "The English ist sehr gut-but ihr Deutsch-ach! Kann ich nicht verstehen!" -Eugene Field in Chicago News, 1891

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Gilded Age Leap Year Etiquette

Any lady insulting a gentleman will be put out of the hall at once, and all gentlemen will be protected from rudeness while in the hall regardless, of expense.” – The next opportunity for a Leap Year Party, will be in February of 2028

The Observances of Leap Year Parties

In answer to numerous inquiries as to the rules of etiquette to be observed at Leap Year parties, the unmarried local reporter on the Record-Union, who has been disappointed in love several times and is open to almost any kind of an engagement, suggests the following, which he thinks, if strictly adhered to, will answer all purposes:

• Every lady is expected to act like a perfect gentleman.
• Ladies will take gentlemen to and from the ballroom in carriages.
• No gentleman will dance unless asked by a lady. 
• No gentleman will walk across the floor unless leaning upon the arm of a lady.
• Any lady insulting a gentleman will be put out of the hall at once, and all gentlemen will be protected from rudeness while in the hall regardless, of expense.
• Gentlemen will dance on the right side of ladies, as a matter of course.
• Any ungentlemanly behavior on the part of a lady will he promptly checked by the floor committee, who shall have intimidating powers.
• Any gentleman showing a lady attention will be warned once and put out twice.
• Any gentleman attempting to put on his own overcoat will be shown the error of his ways in a decisive manner, and the overcoat will be given to the Board of County Commissioners,
• The orchestra will be composed exclusively of lady musicians.
• Any gentleman asked by a lady to dance can excuse himself by fibbing about his engagements if he chooses and all will be well.
• If a gentleman is not invited to go to supper by a lady, he is not to eat until a Democrat is elected President of the United States, then he will never eat again. – The Sacramento Daily Union, January, 1884

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Western News Slights Japan’s Etiquette

No one must look at Her Majesty without taking off his hat, neckcloth or turban, or whatever else he may be wearing on or about his head. Moreover, no one must be smoking while he or she is looking at Her Majesty, nor must anyone carry a stick or cane. Only women wearing foreign clothes will be permitted to retain their head covering.– Public domain image of Empress Shōken in her Western finery. This was a certain sign of those reforms taken under the Meiji era, from 1868- 1912

HONORING THE MIKADO

Quaint Etiquette of an Imperial Progress in Japan

CAUSE OF A NEWSPAPER WAR

The Emperor Never Bows to a Crowd

Wordy Warfare Over the Observance of  Very Ancient Custom

There is blood on the moon at Kyoto. Nay, the whole “orbed maiden with white fire laden” is decidedly “bluggy.” And it is all on account of the Mikado himself. His Majesty and the Empress went thither on April 5th for the first time in four years, and were received by the people with much enthusiasm and numerous fireworks. Thousands of men, women and children stood in the streets in a pouring rain for three or four hours, to see their Majesties pass by from the railroad station to the palace. There was not much fuss and feathers about the royal procession, however. 

On account of the severe storm the Emperor and Empress rode in close carriages, making it impossible for them to salute the crowds very impressively, even had Japanese etiquette allowed them to do so, which it did not; and they were attended by about thirty cavalrymen. The next day the Emperor visited the tomb of his father, and later in the week formally opened the Kyoto-Biwa canal. So much for the plain facts of the case. Now for the varnish - the Japanning. 

That rain-struck procession did not please the correspondent of the Kobe Herald who witnessed it. Perhaps his umbrella leaked and the rain got down the back of his neck. Perhaps, in conformity with Japanese etiquette, he folded his umbrella and stood bareheaded in the rain while the Emperor passed by. At any rate, his soul was grieved, and in bitterness of spirit he wrote that “the Emperor took not the slightest notice of the profound bows of his loyal subjects, and if their spirits were not depressed by the rain, I should think that they were by what I call the want of courtesy of the Emperor of Japan.” So, there! If that be treason, make the most of it; and make the punisment suit the crime. 

It doesn't really sound as bad as the Pall Mall Gazette's reference to the Prince of Wales as “the fat little man who cut such A sorry figure,” does it! And I think an American paper once described the President of the United States - not the present President- as looking like a “grumpy boiled owl,” or words to that effect.

This article the Japan Herald promptly characterized as “nearly a column of abuse mingled with falsehoods and hallelujahs of flunkeyism.” And the original sinner, the Kobe Herald, put in its word again, to this effect: “The remarks of our correspondent were made, we may mention, from the point of view of an Englishman, not from that of a flunkey in the employ of the Japanese Government, and were not only perfectly natural under the circumstances, but were fully justified by consideration of the change which has already been made, and is still in course of operation, in the Government, manners and customs of Japan. 

In the year in which a National Assembly, is to be inaugurated in the country the days are gone by when the Mikado was a semi-divinity upon whom no man was allowed to look, and upon whose appearance every one was expected to bow his head upon the ground. A new era has arrived, and if His Majesty chooses to appear in public to receive the loyal welcome of his subjects, he may very well be expected by a foreigner, who has not the honor to belong to the staff of His Majesty’s menials, to make some acknowledgment of the loyal expressions of his subjects. There at present the warfare rests.

 

But both parties to the conflict are reported to be preparing pens of uncommon sharpness and ink of surpassing redness; and when the next encounter occurs the everlasting heights of Fusiyama itself will tremble. How far the old customs still survive in this was strikingly land of marvelous progress was shown at Kyoto during His Majesty’s visit. In the old days it was not allowable that any one should occupy a higher place than the Emperor or Shogun when in the latter’s presence, and this rule was still adhered to in Kyoto, when the shutters of all upper stories were closed tight during the royal passage through the streets, no one being allowed to occupy any place higher than the ground. At one portion of the route a party of foreigners were observed looking through a chink or opening in the shutters, and they were at once requested by the police to come down.

The Empress is going on to do some more traveling about the country, and in the “Asahi Shimbun” of Osaka - imagine a New York newsboy crying the name of that paper - I find this notification of her route and the etiquette to be observed by the faithful:

“Her Majesty will visit Osaka about the 23d. She will stay at Nara two days, at Sakurai two days, at Taharamoto one day, and at Yoshino one day. The following regulations are proclaimed for the guidance of the people while Her Majesty is passing through the city of Osaka:
1. When Her Majesty shall pass along, no one must look at her from the frame built on houses for the drying of clothes, or through cracks in doors, or from any position in the upper portion of their houses. 

2. If anybody wishes to see Her Majesty, he or she must sit down at the side of the road by which Her Majesty will pass. All children must be taken particular care of, that they do not play in the road and so obstruct the passage of Her Majesty, through the streets. 

3. No one must look at Her Majesty without taking off his hat, neckcloth or turban, or whatever else he may be wearing on or about his head. Moreover, no one must be smoking while he or she is looking at Her Majesty, nor must anyone carry a stick or cane. Only women wearing foreign clothes will be permitted to retain their head covering.

4. Although it may rain, no person will be allowed to put up an umbrella while Her Majesty may be passing. Dogs must not be allowed to wander on to the road by which Her Majesty will pass. “Until the passage of Her Majesty the route by which she will come will be kept free from all carriages and jinricksha. The roads which she will take must be completely free of all traffic.

5. As Her Majesty passes no one must raise bis voice, nor must any sound be heard, nor must the crowd close in and follow her carriage, for no noise must be made. –From the Tokyo Correspondent of the N.Y. Tribune, 1890

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Egypt’s Rich Culture and Etiquette

Do not, under any circumstances, climb the pyramids. The stone used to build the pyramids is ancient, and climbing can wear down the surface. You will see when you are in close proximity that some sides of the pyramids are wearing down due to environmental factors. Recently a German tourist has been banned from Egypt for life for climbing the ancient structure.

I recently travelled to Egypt with a group of girlfriends. Despite the ongoing conflict between Israel and Palestine nearby, we felt secure, relying on safety in numbers as we explored a country steeped in history. Here’s what I can report: I had an absolutely wonderful time. It was incredible to walk through a place filled with history that I first learned about as a child in school.

Egypt, a land steeped in ancient history, has been known as Misr for millennia, up till today. Its civilization, one of the world's oldest, flourished along the Nile River over 5,000 years ago. The pharaohs, powerful rulers who constructed magnificent pyramids and temples, left asolid and enduring legacy that still astounds us today and I was ‘astounded’. Over the centuries, Egypt has witnessed the rise and fall of empires. From the Persians and Greeks to the Romans and Byzantines, foreign powers have sought to control. However, it was the Arab conquest of 641 CE that significantly shaped Egypt's future, introducing Islam and paving the way for its evolution into the Arab Republic of Egypt we know today.

Arrival and First Impressions

From the airport, we quickly made our way to Giza, where many accommodations offer rooftop restaurants. There, we enjoyed coffee with an unbeatable view of the pyramids—a truly awe-inspiring experience, I really did need to pinch myself.

French and British colonial influence is evident in Cairo. Grand buildings with marble staircases and wooden panelling, reminiscent of the colonial past. Many businesses still bear French-inspired names, such as “Banque de Caire.” This legacy can be traced back to Napoleon Bonaparte’s invasion of Egypt in 1798. Although French control was short-lived, it left an impact on Egyptian culture. In 1882, the British occupied Egypt and maintained control until 1954. But to this day, I was paying taxi drivers to food stall owners in Egyptian pounds.

We took a taxi to Alexandria, founded by Alexander the Great. It was once a cultural and intellectual hub of the ancient world. Renowned for its iconic lighthouse ‘great library’, it attracted scholars and thinkers from across the Mediterranean. It fell into disrepair over the centuries due to lack of funding, however, a new one has been erected in its place. I found that Alexandria had a distinctly old French Riviera vibe, with charming maison apartments on one side and a stunning sea view on the other, the sky tinted in soft hues of pink and purple at sundown.

The people of Egypt are warm and kind-hearted, always ready to help, especially if they speak English or their native tongue - Arabic. I travelled with friends born in India but raised in Australia, and they were a huge hit with the locals! Egyptians are passionate about Bollywood, and shouted out names like Shah Rukh Khan and Amitabh Bachchan. Both are recognised and beloved in Egypt.

The Warmth of Egyptian Hospitality

Egyptians are renowned for their warm and welcoming nature. They are expressive and animated people who often convey their emotions openly, whether it's joy, gratitude, or sorrow. Their conversations are often punctuated with humour, and they appreciate a good laugh. When meeting someone for the first time, Egyptians often initiate the interaction witha friendly and light-hearted tone while smiling.

Egyptians have a notable sense of style, dressing neatly and modestly. Women’s attire ranges from full Islamic coverings to business suits with uncovered heads, while men wear everything from jeans and sportswear to formal pants with jackets. Some men also wear the galabeya, a traditional full-length robe with a head wrap. Before traveling to the region, it’s a good idea to research cultural attire norms, as Western clothing might not be suitable in certain areas.

Thanks to advances in science and archaeological preservation, Egyptian authorities now maintain police guards around monuments like the pyramids and statues.

Visiting the Pyramids: Etiquette and Preservation

Thanks to advances in science and archaeological preservation, Egyptian authorities now maintain police guards around monuments like the pyramids and statues. Here are a few essential etiquette tips for these sacred sites:

Do not, under any circumstances, climb the pyramids. The stone used to build the pyramids is ancient, and climbing can wear down the surface. You will see when you are in close proximity that some sides of the pyramids are wearing down due to environmental factors. Recently a German tourist has been banned from Egypt for life for climbing the ancient structure.

Refrain from touching statues or ancient buildings. Even durable materials like marble can become discoloured over time from the oils and bacteria on our hands. Wikipedia.org states that ‘rubbing statues can have negative effects on them as it causes erosion’.

Avoid acting stupidly. When you arrive in places such as Giza, Abu Simbel, Luxor or Aswan, be mindful of the culture and preservation of ancient history. It’s so important to ‘keep within the lines’. The Ministry of Tourism and Antiquities understands that the longevity of preservation is important to serve many more generations. Keep your hands by your side and be simply an observer. Take in what for many is a once in a lifetime experience.

Another point of concern is the apparent disregard for cultural dress codes. It was disheartening for the Egyptians to witness women, particularly, wearing revealing clothing such as “boob-tube” tops, low-cut dresses, or short skirts with thigh-high boots, especially in sacred or culturally significant sites like the pyramids or near long-suffering camels, to capture that ‘influencer moment’. 

Such attire can be disrespectful to local customs and sensitivities. It is worth noting for these individuals can count themselves fortunate as there is a tussle outside these national monuments to get work as a guide. This creates a complex situation where cultural respect and economic realities intersect.

Navigating Haggling and Tipping Culture

In Egypt, haggling is part of the experience, from taxis to souvenirs. Before hopping into a local taxi, check Uber prices as a reference point to negotiate fairly with your driver. Tipping is customary and expected for a range of services—from restaurant staff to restroom attendants, and even in emergency situations, as one friend discovered after a dog bite when entering a hospital. A small tip shows appreciation and can make a difference in service and being pushed to the beginning of the line.

Use Translation Apps

There is a minority of people that are fluent in English in Egypt, so learning a few Arabic phrases goes a long way with locals. Arabic can be a complex language, so downloading Google Translate on your phone is invaluable for communicating effectively and asking those trickier questions or trying to haggle.

Smoking Culture

In Egypt, smoking rules are more relaxed than in many other countries. Smoking in public spaces, restaurants, hotels and even taxis is still common for men and woman. Men can often be seen smoking hookah outside cafés, chatting with friends, or scrolling through their phones. The only place where smoking is strictly off-limits is on airplanes.

I loved travelling through Egypt, it was an incredible adventure and an unforgettable journey. From meeting Exploring the pyramids, temples, and tombs was a truly humbling experience. Documentaries like “Secrets of the Saqqara Tomb” provided invaluable context, deepening my appreciation for Egypt's rich history and its etiquette and cultural perspectives.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette. Elizabeth is currently traveling throughout India and brushing up on her Hindi.

www.auersmont.com | +61 466 344 331 | auersmont@gmail.

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia © Etiquette Encyclopedia

Japanese Court Must be Facing Royals

It was necessary to change “the auxiliary seats from a position facing forward, as is usual in closed cars, to a position facing the rear seat, as Japanese etiquette requires that the Royal Court attendants and retinue should at all times face Royalty, and never turn their backs upon a Prince of the Blood.” – According to one source, Prince Fushimi married Tokugawa Tsuneko in 1896. She was the daughter of Prince Tokugawa Yoshinobu, Japan’s last Shōgun. They had six children together.

Japanese Prince has Car of Luxury Made in the U.S.A.

Locomobile 38, of 7-Passenger Berline Type, Fitted Out in Opulence

“An order of international interest has been placed for a closed car of more than ordinary distinction and individuality for his Imperial Highness, Prince Fushimi of the Royal family of Japan,” says J. Murray Page, resident manager of the Locomobile company.

“Messrs. Mitsui & Co., being entrusted with this commission, gave it extreme consideration. The car finally selected and approved by the Japanese Ambassador at Washington was a Locomobile 38 seven passenger Berline.

“This car contained several distinctive features. Among these were the exclusive upholstering and appointments of the car, including lighting fixtures, designed and executed by the Tiffany studios. Also the curtains, silk cords, laces and carpets, which were woven and dyed especially to harmonize with the decorative scheme of this particular car. The carpet is a full inch in thickness.

“This Locomobile Berline is also distinctive in the minor details of its appointment, such as containing two umbrella holders, one on each side of the car. Water dripping from a wet umbrella is caught at the bottom of the receptacle and drained off outside. Silver coat hooks which fold flat to the wall of the car when not in use are also a serviceable detail.

“One of the interesting incidents connected with this commission was the necessity for changing the auxiliary seats from a position facing forward, as is usual in closed cars, to a position facing the rear seat, as Japanese etiquette requires that the Royal Court attendants and retinue should at all times face Royalty, and never turn their backs upon a Prince of the blood.” – Los Angeles Herald, 1915

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette for Austrian Royalty

It was thought highly improper for royalty to carry an umbrella.“Empress Sisi” was someone who had chafed at the Royal Court etiquette of the Austrian Imperial family ever since she married the young Emperor Franz Josef.

Umbrellas… Contrary to Etiquette? 

When the Empress of Austria first married, it was thought highly improper for royalty to carry an umbrella. Consequently, whenever it threatened to rain she was unable to have her accustomed walk. She moped so much that her husband declared that henceforth umbrellas should not be contrary to etiquette. – The San Jose Herald, 1895

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette of Breakfast Service

What Have We Here? — A Shredded-Wheat dish made by George Jones & Sons in the 1930's. The dish features a blue and white scene of an Abby with a stonewall, large gateway and arched windows and garden landscape on a white background. It is approx. 7-1/4" long by 6-1/2" across by 1-1/2" deep. Marked on the bottom is “Shredded Wheat Dish Abbey, 1790, Geo. Jones & Sons, England” 

The Serving of Breakfast

Before the family assembles the water glasses are filled with fresh cold, or iced, water to within not more than an inch of the top. The finger bowls are half-filled with water of the temperature of the room. The butter is placed on the bread-and-butter plates; it should be the right consistency for spreading, not too hard nor too soft. The individual service of fruit is placed on the fruit plates, and if anyone drinks milk, a glass should be filled and put beside the water glass to the right.

After the fruit course is finished the fruit plate is removed, and at a formal breakfast the finger bowl is also removed, to be refilled with fresh water, and brought on again at the close of the meal. For the home and family breakfast there is no harm in allowing the finger bowl to remain on the table from its first use to its last.

A better look at a shredded wheat dish. The rectangular dish suits the rectangular breakfast cereal perfectly.

The cereal is next brought on in a covered dish, and is helped by either the master or the mistress of the house. Cream and sugar are passed, or there may be individual cream pitchers, or one between two persons. This multiplication of individual dishes is, however, not to be recommended, for it makes much unnecessary work.

Shredded wheat is not served from a large dish, being awkward to manage; it is served to each person in the individual cereal dish. This, and all the flaked and puffed grains, should be heated to crispness in the oven before being brought to the table, and served on slightly warmed dishes.

The individual cereal dish is a rather deep, saucer-shaped one, with a slightly flaring edge; or sometimes a small, shallow bowl is used. It is incorrect to serve the cereal on ordinary breakfast saucers; it is worse than incorrect, it is a decided mark of ignorance, to serve it in the small oval sauce or “side” dishes. These are no longer considered good form for any use - they belong to the days of the butter “chips” - but to serve the breakfast cereal in them has always been inexcusable.

The meat, fish, or other substantial dish is placed before the master of the house after the cereal course is removed, and is helped by him, with its accompanying vegetable (if there is one) on the individual breakfast plates. These may be passed by the waitress, or by those seated at the table. The simplest method is for the master of the house to place the first helping on the breakfast plate in front of him, which is then exchanged for that of the person first helped, and so on.

The warm rolls, biscuits, or muffins are piled on a round dish, or in a muffin dish. A folded napkin is laid under them at the bottom of the dish, and another laid over them, to keep them warm without having them ab- sorb their own steam and become soggy. This is hardly necessary when the family is small, but it is a dainty fashion. Dry toast is placed in a toast-rack; it is spoiled in a very short time if the slices are piled over one another; buttered toast, waffles, or pancakes are either piled in a covered dish or served fresh from the kitchen in individual portions.

Coffee is always poured by the mistress of the house, and when the family is small the cups and saucers, etc…, are arranged before her place when the table is set. Each cup should be in its own saucer, and the spoon should be placed in the saucer, parallel with the handle of the cup. This position of the spoon is one of the small points apt to be lost sight of. 

When the substantial course and the hot breads have been placed on the table, the coffeepot is brought in and put on a tile or stand within convenient reach of the mistress. Where many have to be served, the whole coffee service is brought in on a tray, and placed before the hostess at the right time. Needless to say that cups and saucers should not under any circumstances be piled one over the other.

Cream and sugar should be put into the cups, for those who use these additions to their coffee, before the coffee is poured. This, to a sensitive palate, makes quite a little difference in the flavor of the coffee.— Mary Davoren Chambers, Boston Cooking School Magazine, 1920

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette Violation Made One Unlucky

‘The King’s Touch’ could cure Tuberculosis? – “In England, three centuries ago, popular superstition credited the “Royal Touch” with curing scrofula. These superstitious practices have now become obsolete…”

THE WHY of SUPERSTITIONS…

OPENING AN UMBRELLA IN HOUSE UNLUCKY

THIS superstition dates back to the days when in the Orient the umbrella was the distinctive badge of Monarchs and great nobles. Even today the King of Siam bears as one of his titles "Lord of the Tent House and Umbrellas." In ancient times the Monarch, the Satrap, the Great Officer of State, gave judgment seated under an umbrella if in the open, and if in the palace under an umbrella or a canopy which represented it. 

Some even see in the Oriental dome, a representation of the umbrella in stone - a permanent umbrella, as it were – sacred to Royalty, great Lords and the tombs of Royalty and greatness.

Now for a suitor or a courtier to open an umbrella in the house of the mighty would appear like an assumption of Royal prerogative - a violation of etiquette which would surely get the offender into trouble in other words mighty "unlucky" for him. Once someone gives anything the name of being "unlucky" and there you are!

“Iram, Indeed, is gone with all his Rose, And Jamshyd's sev'n ring'd cup, where no one knows." – from “Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam”

But what was, for good reason, unlucky in the palace of Harun-al- Rashid is "unlucky" today in a New England cottage for no reason at all.

 

– By H. Irving King for McClure Newspaper Syndicate, 1931

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia