Chinese Etiquette at Home, 1901

“What is considered vulgar in England is considered polite in China, for during the meal the guest must smack her lips to show the meal is appreciated… The older she is the more admirable will she appear in the eyes of her hostess, for youth in China does not gain much respect.” –Photo of a Chinese Dragon at a 4th of July Parade in Marysville, California, 1910 – Image source Etiquipedia private library

VISITING IN CHINA:

CEREMONIALS THAT ARE PROPER ON SUCH OCCASIONS

The Duties of Hostess and Guests Are Intricate, and the Etiquette Smacks of Hypocrisy-The Houses and Their Furnishings

All Chinese houses are hidden from passersby in the street by high, blank walls, while on each side of the entrance are the stables and the apartments set apart for the gatekeeper and other servants. In China, the mule takes the place of the horse, and near the door of the courtyard a well groomed, well fed mule will generally be found hitched to an iron ring in the wall, this being the animal which the master either rides or harnesses to his cart. 

When a visitor is expected after accepting an invitation, if the hostess and her daughter-in-law are not in waiting to receive the guests, there are sure to be half a dozen women servants, while the family will be in waiting in the court beyond. They will be dressed in their finest apparel, rich silks, magnificently embroidered, with the hair elaborately dressed and adorned with jewels, and bearing rich silver and gilt fans, also much decked with jewels. 

On entering, the guest addresses the mother-in-law first and afterward the other ladies. The visitor, if a woman, is welcomed in the Chinese fashion - by placing one closed hand upon the other and moving it up and down. If the children have been brought out for inspection, as is very generally the case, they will be drawn up in line and will greet the visitor with a pretty and graceful courtesy.

As a rule, Chinese children will be found extremely pleasing and attractive, their quaint and fascinating little dresses, jackets and trousers, which suit their dark skins and bright eyes so admirably, lending much to the general, happy effect. A Chinese household is a community in which the parents are the head, over which the mother rules with a rod of iron. 

Each son must bring his wife to his mother's house on his marriage, and he must there remain with his growing family. Until she is fortunate enough to give birth to a son the position of the daughter-in-law is very much like that of an upper servant, her life being frequently one of the greatest misery. 

The best rooms of the houses face the south, and these are occupied by the mother-in-law, she having usually a suite of apartments, with reception, dining and bed rooms, which are separated by handsomely carved screens. The flooring is of brick or stone and uncovered, this being even the case in the Emperor's palaces. What is more, it is seldom clean and is made the repository for all sorts of rubbish, being carefully swept, however, when a visitor is expected.

In the reception room of a well to do Chinese house a handsome table is usually found placed against the wall opposite the door, with a chair on each side, while around are cabinets filled with bronze and porcelain. In the bedroom a k'aug, or “oven bed”, occupies more than half the space, and on this bed the Chinese woman spends more than half her existence, sewing, eating and gossiping thereon, and at each end of this bedstead are carved wardrobes. 

The dining room is separated from the reception room by a solid wall and not by screens, as in the other apartments, while it must be reached by going out of doors, although it is under the same roof. The furniture consists of a high. square table, with two or more polished and none too comfortable looking chairs, side tables for the serving of the many dishes which go to form the meal, and upon the wall inscriptions in Chinese characters.

On the threshold the hostess steps on one side and entreats her guest to enter, which the latter, to be polite, must strenuously refuse, requesting her hostess to precede her. This little bit of Chinese etiquette can be prolonged for some time, when of course the guest enters first, as was originally intended. She is then conducted to the place of honor, this being the chair at the right of the table, which she must at first refuse, repeating the previous meaningless performance, ending by occupying the place. 

Pipes are then brought in, but if the visitor is a foreigner and does not smoke, the hostess foregoes her accustomed puff. Presently tea is brought in, clear as amber, flavored with flowers and served without sugar or cream. With it are served delicate small cakes, sweetmeats, candied fruits, red fruit marmalade pressed into small squares and walnuts browned in hot oil and dipped in sirup. 

What is considered vulgar in England is considered polite in China, for during the meal the guest must smack her lips to show the meal is appreciated. Very few are educated, the great majority being able to neither write nor read. Probably first of all the guest will be asked her age, for the Chinese ask the most pointed and personal questions. The older she is the more admirable will she appear in the eyes of her hostess, for youth in China does not gain much respect. 

The hostess will then want to know if her parents are living, how many brothers and sisters she has, and from these inquiries will pass on to dress, any peculiarities in the visitor's toilet being carefully noted, and the jewelry, lace and ribbons are religiously examined and admired, all that the visitor possesses being extravagantly praised and the belongings of the hostess correspondingly depreciated. 

At the close of the visit the latter will insist upon accompanying her visitor to the outer court, which of course she must be implored not to do, but which she does in the end, all the same, finally shaking hands Chinese fashion, after which the visitor enters her cart and drives away. – London Household Words, 1901

  

 🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia