Gilded Age Dinner Giving

In an age of questionable kitchen appliances it was often difficult to time meals, thus the best cooks and chefs were in high demand. — “It is very rude to keep other guests waiting for you, and to disturb the serenity of the hostess by delaying her dinner, thereby impairing the quality of the cooked viands.” 

In giving a dinner party it is very essential to know how many guests one is going to entertain. It is a serious inconvenience to have any doubt on the subject. Invitations are usually sent out in the following form:

The four capital letters constitute the initials of four French words, meaning "Answer if you please" (Respondez S'il vous plait). The person thus invited must not fail to reply at once, sending a messenger to the door with the note. It is considered impolite to send it by post, and then you are never certain that it will be received. 

If the person invited has any doubt about being able to attend the dinner at the time stated, he should decline the invitation at once. He should be positive one way or the other, not delaying sending the answer more than one day.

A prompt and decided answer declining, enables Mrs. Jones to supply the place with some other person, thereby preventing a vacant chair at the table. The same rule is applicable to a "German," as a well-bred hostess will not invite more than her house will comfort ably accommodate, and it is important for her to know at once if you intend to accept or decline her invitation.

On the appointed day of the dinner, the guest should arrive at the house ten or fifteen minutes before the appointed hour for dinner; avoid arriving too early, but never be too late. It is very rude to keep other guests waiting for you, and to disturb the serenity of the hostess by delaying her dinner, thereby impairing the quality of the cooked viands. 

She should not be expected to wait more than ten of fifteen minutes for any one. If an engagement makes a very early departure from a dinner party or other entertainment imperative, a guest should mention the fact to the hostess beforehand, and make his departure without leave taking, and unobserved. if possible, so as not to suggest the departure of others.

When the guests are assembled in the drawing room, the host or hostess can quietly intimate to each gentleman the lady he will take to the dining room, and how to find his place at the table. When the dinner is announced, the host should lead the way with the lady guest of honor, the hostess being the last to leave the drawing room.— From “Housekeeping and Dinner Giving in Kansas City,” Mrs. Willis, 1887

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