Etiquette for House Guests

Putting feet upon furniture can be seen as highly offensive in general, it’s even worse in cultures and countries in which showing the soles of your feet is considered to be worse than just insulting.

Some Privileges are Reserved for Hosts

"Make yourself at home" is a pleasant little remark that can have unpleasant consequences. They arise when a guest interprets the remark too literally. In treating his host's diggings like his own, he breaches etiquette in a dozen ways. Few hosts, for example, appreciate having a guest prop his feet on furniture. Few hosts rest easy when guests sprawl on antiques, perch on table tops or lean back on chair legs.

Few hosts approve of a guest flicking ashes– even inadvertently – on the rug or tossing cigarette butts in the fireplace. Few hosts wax enthusiastic when a guest puts ashes in vases or flowerpots. Few enjoy seeing him snuff out a cigarette in a cup or saucer – a practice that both offends sensibilities and mars china.

Few cotton to mud tracks on the rug (because a guest didn't clean his shoes) or grease stains on the upholstery from a guest's oily hair. A host can do these things with impunity, if not from his wife, at least from other sources. Guests aren't so lucky.

HOSTS, of course, have other rights than property rights. Additionally they are or like to think they are lords and masters of their own household. It's wrong for a guest to usurp this role. He shouldn't, for instance, try to "fix" things in another's home. 

• If he spots a loose chair leg, he shouldn't call for a screw driver; it suggests the host is a slouch for not having fixed it himself.
• He shouldn't voluntarily wind clocks, straighten pictures or adjust thermostats. If he's warm, there are better ways to tell the host than throwing up a window.
• He shouldn't commandeer the telephone, invite friends over, or borrow the host's car without permission.He shouldn't reprove the host's children or order around his servants.He shouldn't monkey with the TV set or arbitrarily substitute Caruso for calypso on the hi-fi. He should reserve even the more subtle hostly rights – such as the right to strew the Sunday papers for the host. Guests, above all, should be tidy. 

Q&A ON P’S & Q'S 

(Q) "When visiting someone, I seldom use the guest towels. 

They're so white and pretty, it seems a pity to soil them. Instead I use the host's towel. Is this wrong?" Н. В. 

(A) It certainly is wrong. Guest towels are not just for show; they are there to be used. Most hosts vastly prefer your using them to wiping your hands on their personal towels. 

By Don Goodwin in “Male Polish,” 1957

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia