Rules for Perfect Guests

Author of “In the Royal Manner,” Paul Burrell is a former footman to the late-Queen Elizabeth II and butler to the late-Princess Diana. Though Diana died over a quarter century ago, her enduring popularity has been a constant. It has fueled worldwide interest and exhibits of her personal belongings and wardrobe, which had been auctioned off for numerous charities. Due to her beauty, charm and service to her country, throughout her time as a member of the British royal family, like the late-Queen Elizabeth II, Diana remains an international icon.– Image from an exhibit of Diana’s items, Diana collectibles and framed news’ accounts from Etiquipedia’s personal library and the Etiquette Sleuth blog

MIND YOUR MANNERS, PLEASE

 OR, 

THE ART OF BEING THE PERFECT GUEST

Imagine now that you are going to a party. I have compiled this guide around common etiquette dos and don'ts. Some are more obvious, but others I'm sure will surprise you.

It is advisable to be punctual at an engagement, although it is acceptable to be 10 minutes late, but no more. Traffic and taxis can delay and hamper anyone's arrival though. If you want to take someone with you to the event, it is common courtesy to check with your host beforehand. (If you are hosting a party, and one of your guests brings a friend, there is nothing you can do about it other than to greet them warmly, then address the situation with your inconsiderate guest at a later date.) 

It is polite to take along a small gift for the host or hostess such as flowers, after dinner chocolates, wine or champagne. I have often found a perfumed candle to be a guaranteed success.

There are a few basic rules which should be observed at any dining table.

• Unfold your napkin once you are seated and place it on your lap, and use it to wipe your mouth and fingers during the meal. At the end of the meal it is polite to leave the napkin tidily on the place setting - not scrunched up on the floor!
• The host will always give you a clear indication of when to start the meal. They may begin with a few words of welcome, or Grace, and traditionally the lady sitting on the right of the host is served first, then the rest of the table in a clockwise direction. 
• A knife and fork should be held with the handles in the palm of the hand, forefinger on top, and thumb underneath. Forks should not be turned over unless tackling peas, rice, sweetcorn kernels, or suchlike, in which case transfer the fork to the right hand. 
• At an informal meal, buffet or barbecue, it is of course perfectly acceptable to eat with just a fork.
• It is unwise to use your bread to mop up sauces, although this is customary in other parts of Europe.
• A sweet can be eaten with a spoon and fork, or just a fork if it is of cake-like consistency.
• Rest your knife and fork in between mouthfuls by leaning the knife and fork on the edge of the plate. Only when you have finished should you place them side by side in the centre of the plate.

Should your host present a completely inedible dish, I would suggest that the best course of action is to at least make some attempt at disguising your disgust. Cut it up and move it around your plate a little - perhaps no one will notice. More obviously slurping, burping, picking teeth and licking fingers are particularly unattractive, although it is acceptable to pick up meat on the bone such as chicken legs and spare ribs. It is the only way to eat them. Have a napkin and finger bowl on standby for messy fingers.

Remember that you haven't been invited to dinner just to eat, the evening would be more enjoyable if you made polite conversation, however small, to those sitting on your right and left, and make sure you give both sides equal attention. Don't talk with your mouth full, or sit with your elbows on the table. – From “In the Royal Manner,” by Paul Burrell, 1999 

 🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia