French Restaurant Terms

Though the inns’ hosts typically did not sit to eat with the diners, the French term “Table d’Hôte” began in public inns, where guests ate at a common table, called the “Host’s Table”. By the end of the 17th century, similar meals were hosted by other establishments and were first known as “inn’s tables” (tables d’auberge). This practice of serving a set meal at a collective table became a common way of dining in public in Paris, prior to the appearance of public restaurants as we know them now.

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Umbrella Etiquette for L.A.

Jonas Hanway, is said to have been the first Englishman to carry an umbrella. First seen as an oddity, it soon became indispensable to fellow Brits. Rarely used in Los Angeles for rain, umbrellas in Southern California are seen more often being used for sun protection.

It is not to be expected that people living in a climate that affords more than 300 sunshiny days in the 365 of the year will be thoroughly posted in umbrella etiquette. A cursory glance about the streets of Los Angeles during the inclemency of the past few days is sufficiently convincing that there is a lack of culture in our umbrella manners. 

For instance, in sections of the country where the ratio of rainy and sunny days is reversed, and the art of umbrella manipulation is at its highest development, it is not considered in good form, when a gentleman and lady are sharing the same silken canopy for the gentleman to monopolize three-fourths of the area of dryness while the gentle moisture trickles over the unprotected shoulders of his fair companion. Also, in passing down a crowded street upon a rainy day, the best authorities agree that the umbrella is not intended for use as a plow, to be lowered before one while he madly surges through the populace. It is true that this method effectively clears the path but there is always danger of injuring the umbrella. 

In passing under an awning it is well to drop the umbrella to an altitude which will prevent a collision with said awning. The lowering of the article is not construed on the line of lowering one's colors, even if it be a colored umbrella, and the additional ease and grace with which one is enabled thus to pass under the awning is a sufficient recompense for any apparent loss of dignity which may attend the lowering process in passing between two pedestrians whom you may chance to meet. If it is found necessary to tilt the umbrella to one side or the other, it is best to tip the rain protector in the direction of the lesser of the two individuals. This is a graceful acknowledgment of the superior muscular powers of the larger man, and makes the apologies for dumping a stream of cold water down the neck of the small man much more liable to be accepted. 

Between showers, the closed instrument may be carried under the arm, the ferrule protruding about three feat before you us a sort of advance guard to prod those who persist in crossing your orbit, or it may protrude in like manner behind us as protection against those who might otherwise approach too closely in that quarter. Again, it may be swung airily to and fro in a nonchalant manner to convey the impression that the owner is care-free and well satisfied with life; still none of these methods are considered in best form in cultured centers. Careful observation will suggest many little improvements in methods now in vogue, and the opportunities for practice are now ample. – Los Angeles Herald,1901

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette at Athen’s Baby Ball

Neither King or Queen took part in the dance, but the Princes and Princesses did and seemed to enjoy tbe Ball as much as any of the children. Of course they had to pay strict attention to the rules of etiquette in choosing their partners, only the members of distinguished families being eligible. – Pictured above, Queen Olga, or “Grand Duchess Olga Konstantinovna of Russia, Queen of the Hellenes” – Photo source, Pinterest

The Baby Ball at Athens, Part 2

Attended by Children Invited by the King and Queen – A Night at the Royal Palace – How the Ball is Conducted – 

Little Princes and Princesses

The King and Queen sat in chairs, covered with canopies. Presently the Master of Ceremonies, no other than one of the cabinet ministers, gave a signal and the Royal orchestra struck up the opening polka which is a favorite dance among the Greeks. Immediately there was a great clanking of spurs and swords as the officers came forward to ask the little ladies and there older sisters to dance. Many of these officers are present every year, some coming from the ships stationed near Athens, but most of them belonging to the standing army. You can imagine how proud the little girls are to be led out by one of these splendid men in uniforms, brilliant with silver bands and cordons. And now you see why I thought the little Greek boys did not have as good a time as their sisters! Although I had learned to dance very nicely in America, I had great trouble at this ball, not because the steps were difficult, they were just the same as ours, but because of the way they danced them. For instance, in the waltz they only turn one way, and never reverse, and they turn about three times as fast as we did. The result was I soon got very dizzy, and once or twice nearly fell to the floor. The little Greek girls, however, did not seem to mind a bit and whirled about perfectly happy. With them, dancing is a second nature and they seem to know the most difficult steps instinctively from babyhood. Besides that, they have private dancing masters to make them perfect in all the movements. 

A charming scene it was as all these black-haired, dark-eyed little gentlemen and ladies whirled about to the inspiring music, while King George, Queen Olga, and all the grand people of the Court looked on in smiling approval. There are very few fair haired girls in Athens, a child with golden curls being regarded almost as a curiosity. Many of the girls are pretty, and all of them are graceful, but tbey are sure to grow up stout like their mothers, and to fade while they are yet young. Most of them are clever linguists, speaking French and other languages fluently, but few of them, or even their parents, can read the ancient Greek, which is very different from that spoken today. While the children dance tbe King conversed with his Ministers or with guests of importance and the Queen sat in the midst of the ladies of the Court, often pausing in her talk to bestow a smile or a kind word upon some little child who would never forget this mark of favor. King George, being a German by birth, and consequently fair, does not look at all like a Greek. On this occasion, he wore his cavalry uniform, which was almost completely covered with stars and crosses.

Neither King or Queen took part in the dance, but the Princes and Princesses did and seemed to enjoy tbe Ball as much as any of the children. Of course they had to pay strict attention to the rules of etiquette in choosing their partners, only the members of distinguished families being eligible. Among all the Princesses, my favorite was the Princess Marie, who seemed always so good natured and unaffected. She was only a young girl at this time and as fond of romping about the gardens as any of us. One day a friend of mine chanced to be walking in the royal grounds when the Princess, knowing her by name, came running up, her face all aglow and said: “I want you to write your name in my birthday book. Mademoiselle; to-day is my fete, and I want to know when yours comes.” My friend glanced at the book, and saw that the signature of the Prince of Wales was in the line directly above where she would have to write. His birthday chanced to come on the same day as her own. Rather embarrassed, my friend hesitated to comply with the request. “But Princess,” she said, “I have no pencil.” “Never mind,” said Princess Marie, “I will get you one from papa's study.” With this, the Princess went running back into the palace and presently came flying down the steps again, her hair tossed and tumbled, the perfect picture of simplicity and kindliness. In her hand, she carried a long pencil which she held out to my friend, saying: “Here it is, now you can write your name.”

Brightest among all the dancers at the ball and most lovely, so it seemed to me, was the Princess Marie as she danced in the cotillion which began at one o'clock and ended the ball. It was led by the Crown Prince Constantin, who. being heir to the throne, has been brought up entirely among the Greeks, and belongs to the Greek church. Like his father he is quite stout, and resembles the Germans more than the people be will he called upon to rule. Among the other royal dancers in the cotillion was the Princess Alexandra,who, about a year later, made the first love match among the royal children when she was betrothed to the Grand Duke Paul of Russia. She, too, is a decided blonde. The cotillion lasted until two o’clock, and then all these proud little girls and boys kissed each other good night, and were bundled on home by their mamas and chaperons, very happy in the memory of a pleasure that marked an epoch in their lives. Mabel Moffett, Los Angeles Herald, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Greek Royal Children's Court Ball

The little girls are led out by the officers... – The invitations signed by the Prime Minister read as follows: “Their Majesties, the King and Queen of the Hellenes have requested the presence of at the palace on the day of this month.” 

The Baby Ball at Athens

Attended by Children Invited by the King and Queen.
A Night at the Royal Palace – How the Ball is Conducted – 

Little Princes and Princesses

The greatest event in the life of a little Greek girl is the Children’s Court Ball which takes place at the Royal Palace in Athens every year in the Autumn. Of course little boys also attend this Ball, but they do not have as good a time as the girls for reasons which I will presently explain. About three hundred children make their debut at this grand affair every year, the average age for their first appearance being ten years, although I have seen little girls there as young as eight. These newcomers, however, are not the only children present for those who have attended in previous years are allowed to go again until they become big girls and boys, in fact until they are quite grown up. So highly do they prize this privilege of dancing before the King and Queen that young ladies of twenty do not scorn to be seen on the floor with their little brothers and sisters. No little Athenian girl or boy may be present at this Ball except on an invitation addressed personally by the Prime Minister. And this honor is reserved for the children of distinguished families and those whose parents belong to the diplomatic circle.

Great is the excitement, therefore, among these ten year old young ladies and young gentlemen of Athens as the time approaches for the invitations to be sent out. Many are the eager faces at the doors and windows of Athenian homes watching for the mounted soldier in green and red uniform, whose mission it is to distribute the precious missives. These are engraved in French, on square cream-colored cards enclosed in envelopes bearing the large red government seal. The invitations signed by the Prime Minister read as follows: “Their Majesties, the King and Queen of the Hellenes have requested the presence of at the palace on the day of this month.” I shall never forget the day when my invitation came, and how my heart beat as the soldier drew up his big black horse in front of the American Consulate where I was living. I can still see him taking the paper from his knapsack —the paper that had my name inside, and I remember how imposing he looked with his chin held in the strap from his cap, and his long sword at his side. I was just eleven years old.

The etiquette of the court is very strict about dress, and the girls’ costumes are carefully prepared sometimes for weeks in advance. The frocks are of white silk or satin covered with lace, the skirt reaching to the knees. The waist is cut low with short sleeves, and with these are worn long silk mits to match the sash and stockings. The hair is usually worn flowing loosely down the back, or knotted with a bow of ribbon. All Greek children wear a tiny chain around the neck with some medal given them at their baptism. This, and a few bracelets are the only trinkets that may be worn at the Children’s Ball. All the girls wear little bronze dancing shoes strapped up over the ankles, just allowing the stockings to bs seen. An odd feature of the ball is that the children never carry flowers the costume for the boys is more easily disposed of as most of them attend either military or naval schools, and simply wear their full dress uniforms.

The Ball always takes place on a Sunday evening, this being a gala day in Athens, and by eight o'clock a long line of carriages fillet with children and their mothers or chaperons is drawn up in front of the King's palace. The palace stands in the heart of the city, and is a large white marble building not very imposing, but placed in the midst of beautiful gardens. At the door, a gorgeous flunky receives the children and escorts them into an ante-room, where two of the Queen‘s Maids of Honor inspect the little Debutantes. This is merely a matter of form, for it rarely happens that any one of the little girls receives anything more severe than a smile of encouragement.

I was a little frightened as we entered the palace and was surprised to see the self-possession shown by most of the Greek children. I suppose they were more accustomed than I to the idea of being ushered in before a genuine King and Queen. The large Ballroom used on this occasion is in the interior of the palace. It is an immense room with a ceiling like the dome of a cathedral. The walls are beautifully frescoed, and long gallery runs the entire length of the sides. At one end is a raised platform on which, as we came in, were seated the Royal family, conversing with various ambassadors in full dress... to be continued – Mabel Moffett for Los Angeles Herald, 1895

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Mid-20th C. Wedding Etiquette

Statistics show you’re more likely to be bride, groom or wedding guest in June... the “month of marriages” than at any other time in the year. But how much do you know about wedding manners? 

Test your knowledge on the wedding etiquette questions below...

1. You arrive at the church after the mother of the bride has been seated. You should 

• a) slip silently into the nearest pew. 
• b) wait in the church vestibule until after the ceremony. 
• c) take any free seat. 

2. As the usher escorts you to your seat, it is proper for you to 

• a) maintain a dignified silence.
• b) talk in a normal voice about anything that occurs to you.
• c) exchange polite remarks with the usher in a low voice.

3. On the receiving line you pass by the bride. If you do not know her personally, you 

• a) mumble “How do you do?” and move along quickly. 
• b) wish her good luck and tell her she made a lovely bride. 
• c) congratulate her. 

4. The two most popular pieces of music for weddings were originally 

• a) a bridal chorus for a medieval knight and a wedding march for a fairy queen.
• b) a church hymn and a march for an emperor’s procession. 
• c) tunes composed especially for church weddings. 

5. Right after marriage, the bride is faced with a stack of thank-you notes to write. The proper thing is to 

• a) write out each note, mentioning the gift and commenting on it. 
• b) have thank-you notes engraved and simply mail them out. 
• c) thank the giver in person or by phone. 

6. A family relative plans to photograph the ceremony. He should 

• a) consult the bride's mother. 
• b) go ahead on his own. 
• c) ask the clergyman's permission. 

7. Your husband is an usher at the wedding, but you're not invited to sit at the bride's table. You should 

• a) graciously be seated at a guest's table.
• b) insist on sitting with your husband.
• c) stalk out. 

8. The father of the bride feels he will look silly in a cutaway and refuses to join the groom in wearing one. The bride must 

• a) humor Daddy, who, after all, pays for the wedding.
• b) get him to compromise on a dark gray suit.
• c) persuade him at all costs to wear the cutaway. 

9. The bride's parents must 

• a) pay for both the bridesmaids’ and the maid of honor’s dresses.
• b) pay only for the maid of honor's dress. 
• c) let bridesmaids and maid of honor buy their own. 

10. Aunt Alice is invited to the wedding reception but will be unable to attend. She is 

• a) obliged to send a gift. 
• b) allowed to send one, but not obligated.
• c) definitely not supposed to send one.

Answers

1. b). No one should be seated after the bride’s mother has begun to walk down the aisle. This would detract from her entrance, at the moment when she should be the focus of all attention. 

2. c). Although it looks stiff and unnatural to walk down the aisle like a statue, it is not seemly to begin a lively conversation in church. Your wisest course is to talk quietly about a general subject until you are seated. 

3. b). Even though you don't know the bride, you must say something more than “How do you do?” to her. But never congratulate her, since this implies that she has managed to win her husband when it should be the other way around. Etiquette says that only the groom may be congratulated. It's proper to wish the bride happiness. 

4. a). The traditional “Here Comes the Bride” originally was a bridal chorus in Wagner's opera, Lohengrin. The wedding march customarily used as a recessional is the “Fairy Queen's Wedding March” from Mendelssohn's A Midsummer Night's Dream.

5. a). It is considered impolite to send out engraved thank-you notes, and downright rude not to send any at all. People who go to the trouble of selecting a gift deserve to know that the bride has noticed it. 

6. c). Although the wishes of the bride and her mother should be respected, the clergyman’s wishes are “the court of last resort.” 

7. a). The bridal table is officially only for the bridal party and does not even include the parents of bride and groom. 

8. c). When the groom is dressed formally, the fathers of both bride and groom must follow suit. Daddy would look much sillier wearing any other suit than he will in his cutaway. 

9. c). If the bride’s parents are well-fixed, she may elect to pay for her attendants’ gowns but she is under no obligation to do so in any case. 

10. b). A guest who has been invited to the reception is expected to send a gift if he accepts the invitation. If he does not accept, he may send one or not, as he chooses. A guest who has been asked only to the church ceremony also may send a gift or not, at his own discretion. 

Scoring:

Eight or more right answers means that, so far as etiquette is concerned, you're well briefed for anybody's wedding even your own. 

Five to seven is just getting by. 

Less than five means you'd better hold back on wedding bells until you've consulted a good book of etiquette. 

– Parade Magazine, June 8, 1958

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and 1980’s “Polite Society”

A 1983 ‘Polite Room’ in warm tones from House Beautiful Magazine – “Warm colors compliment guests; sunny shades make people happy. Peaches, pinks and reds are the nicest colors for flattering guests. A yellow room always picks up the spirits...” 

All of a sudden it’s nice to be nice. After a long spell of putting “No. 1” first, thinking of others seems to have a novel attraction. What’s the tipoff? Everyone’s emerging interest in etiquette. 

All across the country, ex-“me generation” mothers are sending their toddlers to manners classes. Harvard Business School students are attending seminars on gracious entertaining. Updated etiquette books are selling like crazy. And, in the White House, propriety is politic. Welcome the polite society.

Sociologists say it’s a reaction to the “take me as I am” 196o’s and the “me-ism” of the 1970s. But, whatever the cause, the aim is definitely to please. The same gracious mood is guiding a new trend in home decorating. Friendly rooms which extend polite welcomes are replacing the self-centered environs of the high-tech age. 

“Warm colors, a relaxed mix of furnishings, intimate scale and lots of cushy, comfortable upholstery are the hallmarks of the new decorating etiquette,” says one interior design consultant. “These polite rooms are the essence of all-American graciousness. And, unlike the so-called civilized rooms of yesteryear, these ‘polite rooms’ put people at ease, engage their interest and emanate warmth.” 

Although decorating dogmas went out with engraved calling cards, today’s new courteous decors do share a standard code of behavior. Here are just some of the dictates: 

• An intimate scale creates a relaxed atmosphere. 
• An 8-by-10-foot area is a good size for conversation groupings. 
• In a larger room, designing a small library of music nook to create a cozy ambiance is recommended. 
• Warm colors compliment guests; sunny shades make people happy. Peaches, pinks and reds are the nicest colors for flattering guests. A yellow room always picks up the spirits. 
• Interesting accessories break the ice. Aside from making a room truly personal, handmade accessories, collections, flowers, books and art give people something to talk about. They are the niceties of decorating... the ‘white gloves and pearls.’ 
• A mix of styles and patterns sets a friendly tone. There’s nothing stiff about these polite rooms. 
• On the contrary, a warm blend of old and new and an artful combination of patterns and prints helps keep rooms from being too rigid, too formal, too cold. – The Sun, 1983

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Bridal and Pearl Etiquette

Gifting the Same – The bridesmaids’ gifts shoud be all the same. Among appropriate gifts: a bracelet of cultured pearls. If bracelets are the choice, a triple strand for the maid of honor and single strands for the bridesmaids are suggested by etiquette advisers.– UPI, 1958

The Pearl Tradition 

Bridal dresses today are so attractively designed, that they need very little in the way of jewelry to set them off. However, for many decades, simple strand of pearls, pendant or earrings, has been a natural accompaniment. One reason for this is the lovely legend that has grown up around pearls. Besides being the birthstone for June, the month in which most weddings occur, pearls symbolize modesty and purity.

Ancient legends from the Orient indicated that pearls fashioned binding ties and cemented love and friendship. Pearls were not only used on women’s garments, but also on ceremonial robes worn by priests, and embroidered on lavish tapestries hung on palace walls. According to etiquette, pearls, plus the marriage diamonds, are the only proper jewels on this great occasion. 

In past cultures, gifts of fine jewelry were first given to a young girl by her parents. Even today, a mother or father will present a beloved daughter with a fine strand of cultured pearls at the time she reaches her sixteenth birthday, graduates from school, or marries. Pearls are also traditional as the gift from the groom, although this is often in the form of a pin or earrings, since the bride, in many cases, already possesses her pearl strand.– The Herald-Journal, 1968

Etiquette Enthusiast,Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Etiquette and Pinning Sweethearts

Some of the “unwritten laws of etiquette,” like those for the “pinning” or “lavaliering” of college sweethearts, are passed on generationally in fraternities and sororities. –“Ever since society allowed young people to see one another in a romantic setting, dating formalities have existed from gentlemen callers to today’s less formal art of ‘hooking up.’ Somewhere in between lie two levels of commitment familiar only to Greeks – lavaliering and pinning. Lavaliering is a Greek tradition born out of various dating rituals going back to a pre-Penn State era. An actual lavaliere is a necklace with the fraternity's letters on it. The level of commitment varies from fraternity to fraternity and school to school. Some fraternities don't recognize lavaliering, and others don't allow members to pin the women they date. But if a fraternity allows members to lavaliere their partners, it adds a more concrete commitment to the relationship than what existed in the past...” – Pictured above, a Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity pin- Quote from The Daily Collegian, 1992

“Pinning” is Social Security for College Students

Sometimes a mother is upset by the news that her daughter has accepted the fraternity pin of a college beau. But there are several reasons why this campus custom can mean much to the future happiness of the boy and girl involved. Pinning is a kind of social security in the years before marriage. Less binding and more private than an engagement, it is an attempt to find someone to depend on. 

For hundreds of years a woman could only be single, engaged, married, widowed, or divorced; pinning has created a new social status. You won't find the rules of pinning in the etiquette books, many parents have never heard of it; society doesn't recognize it; but those most concerned honor and understand it. – San Bernardino Sun, 1953

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Empress Eugénie

 No suitable riding habit could be found for her in which to show herself on horseback to the troops and the populace... Empress Eugénie was the younger daughter of the Count of Montijo. She married Napoleon III in January 1853 and was Regent in the summer of 1870 when the Emperor was engaged in the Franco-Prussian war. After the battle of Sedan, when Napoleon III was captured along with his whole army, she fled to England with her son. –Image of Empress Eugénie from Pinterest

A Question of Etiquette in Paris 

It has repeatedly been asked as to why the Empress, after the news of Sedan was made public, did not present herself to the guards and the people of Paris, and call upon them to rally around her and her son, and to maintain for the latter the Imperial throne. The cause of this singular abstention has been made public. It was because no suitable riding habit could be found for her in which to show herself on horseback to the troops and the populace. 

There was only one to be found at the Tuileries in the hurry and confusion of that terrible crisis. It was one made for the hunting parties at Compeigne, and was in the Louis XV style, composed of green velvet embroidered with gold, and necessitating a cocked hat for completion of the costume. It was too theatrical. It would not do, and so the gallant appeal to the public was given up, and with it the last hope for the preservation of the Empire.—Paris Correspondence6 Philadelphia Telegraph, 1891

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Etiquette and Unsolicited Advisors

“Oooh! I didn’t know we’d be playing this game tonight! This might be fun, even though we don’t know one another all that well. After you tell me how you feel about my personal affairs, I’ll tell you how I feel about yours.”

Some Wise Advise from Miss Manners

Dear Miss Manners: A business associate in my office has recently found enlightenment through some EST-like encounter group. He is so enthusiastic about his new passion that he is telling everybody friends, colleagues, even clients. He has already told me that he “senses” that I would really benefit from taking this “training.” Since I have to work with this man, I have always been polite and cordial, but I have absolutely no desire to have any kind of personal relationship with him. I am quite close to his ex-wife, and know too much about his personal life from her perspective. Now this man is repeatedly asking me (and others in the office) to lunch, and I'm sure he wants to proselytize. How can I refuse and continue to maintain a pleasant working relationship with him and continue to lunch with other associates? Can I accept on condition he not discuss his new religion? Can I refuse to discuss certain topics at lunch? Can you come up with a more creative option? I don't think I could keep lunch down if I had to listen to his spiel. 

Gentle reader: Unsolicited therapy is one of the curses of our age. People who kindly offer to help one, often suggesting solutions for problems one didn't know one had, are a menace. If you don't learn to defend yourself, you will be at the mercy of everyone who has discovered a new diet, exercise program, astrologist or saint-upon-earth. One must always be polite, but one needn’t therefore suffer the effects of other people’s rudeness. And it is rude, as well as arrogant, to presume to prescribe for others. By declaring that you would benefit from whatever form of help he offers, the proselytizer is making it clear that he finds you unsatisfactory as is. The best way to deal with bores is to avoid them. A good working relationship does not require socializing. You can already declare a lunch date when he asks you, or, failing one, announce your intention to eat alone because you want to think. Should you get stuck, the polite way to say, “Shut up, you're boring me senseless” is, “Yes, so you've already told me,” accompanied by a vacant smile and followed by a change of subject. The polite way to say, “You have your nerve telling me how I should run my life” is, “You’re very kind to take an interest in my personal affairs, considering how little you know about me, but it really isn’t necessary, thank you.” In this case, you are in a position to add, “You know I’ve always put aside any personal information I happen to have heard about you from your ex-wife, because we have such a nice professional relationship. Let's keep it that way.” That is the polite method of blackmail. United Feature Syndicate, 1985

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

The Etiquette of Picnic Baskets

There was a good old time when people didn't lose much sleep over the nature of the receptacle for their lunch. The main idea was that there should be plenty of it, and the plenty didn't signify, by the way, all sorts and conditions of delicacies and tempting bits, but just the very plainest kind of food.     

... and the Evolution of the Dinner Pail 

Society has taken to picnicking. Like plain ordinary folks they suddenly found that a day spent in the woods was worth two in the house and with one accord are straightway contending with one another to see who can give the simplest, yet most elaborate luncheon. Strange as it may seem in this particular case, sweet simplicity and studied elaborations go hand in hand and for once make a mighty fine team. For the new dinner pail is a thing to rejoice exceedingly over, that is, this newest and this latest that has been especially concocted for those who are blessed with long pocketbooks, for verily they are brim full when entirely empty. There was a good old time when people didn't lose much sleep over the nature of the receptacle for their lunch. The main idea was that there should be plenty of it, and the plenty didn't signify, by the way, all sorts and conditions of delicacies and tempting bits, but just the very plainest kind of food.

But when the smart set took to spending days in the woods it meant that something was doing in the lunch line. And when automobile parties were made up right and left, there was felt the distinct need of a basket that could be tucked away out of sight and that would dispense with the thousand and one nuisances that have always been deemed necessary. When Mrs. Burton Harrison (nee Crocker) came out here on a jaunt, the very first thing she did was to send notes to her friends asking them to meet her in the morning and when the dozen or more arrived one at a time and in twos and threes, she promptly packed them into traps and invaded one of the pretty spots that are so numerous about Del Monte. For a whole day she had them to herself and they visited to their hearts’ content, every now and then stopping to refresh the mortal man. For while picnics are all right in their way it is what goes with them that has made them so terribly popular. However, as it happens, Mrs. Harrison didn't have to drop in here from Newport to start this round of outings.

Mrs. Will Tevis invited some London friends to visit Yosemite with her and in looking about for the necessary camping outfit, her eye fell upon what is termed the “automobile” lunch basket, and in an instant she grasped its possibilities. The largest, and the one she carried throughout the day, is a perfect basket. To all outward appearances it is an ordinary hamper, looking more like a steamer trunk than anything else, but just wait until that fastened cover is raised— a Jack-in-the-box couldn't or wouldn't surprise one more. All neatly folded and packed away are the requisites of a meal. On top is an oblong wooden piece that develops at presto! change! and a simple twist of the wrist into a table quite large enough for four. It stands in its braced legs that fold under it and is perfectly firm and substantial. That in itself seems to make everything comparatively simple; at least, there is a definite place to put things.

Just under it, the white and red tablecloths with the napkins are folded, and then the impromptu board is quite ready for active business. As the cover swings back on its hinges, leather straps keep it trom upsetting plates, cups and saucers, knives, forks and spoons, that fit and are strapped securely to their respective places. Inside the basket is divided into various compartments. For instance, one end contains a spirit stove over which swings and sways a brass kettle, the finest kind of a coffee brewer and the alcohol flask is near at hand, always ready to replenish. A heavy white jar labeled “butter” and another with “jam” on its cover match the tea, coffee, salt and pepper boxes to see that they don’t get into mischief, and the tin biscuit box is quite near enough to hear all the latest gossip about milady’s and milord’s table manners.

Education makes all the difference in the world, you know, and long before this high tone basket left the factory, it had lorded it over the lesser and plainer ones and given them lessons in all kinds of etiquette. Fancy the modest little 15-cent tin pail sitting meekly In the shadow of an “automobile” that brings half a hundred. My! What an opportunity to flaunt and frill and to put on airs gradually, yet when it comes right down to it the tin pail should have right of way; undeniably it was here first. The workingman probably needed a full pail first, and more than any one else, and he needed quantity and not quality. Nine times out of ten, a newspaper with four or five immense slices of bread, some boiled meat and a flask of cold tea was plenty good enough for him and he prided himself on getting out of carrying anything but the flask home. 

Next the school children, who rode several country miles to school, clamored for lunches and they demanded something that could be fastened on so they could go flapping along their way, running races and rejoicing generally. Necessity is the mother of invention, so Mrs. Rancher promptly converted the smallest lard pail that came into her hands into the needed article. If the pail weighed ten pounds, she wasn’t in the least daunted, and by the time she had cut it down, dressed it up with a new handle, it didn't know itself. The color didn't make any difference and the flaming red advertisement was allowed to stay where it was. but the other side was duly decorated with its owner's name and many a free fight averted in this way. 

But when one has an automobile to glide about in and nothing on earth to do but seek pleasure, it alters the case decidedly. Now, don't it? One of the first girls in town who had a basket fitted to her nifty runabout was Miss Alice Hager, who, by the way, always has everything that is worth a bean. She sees it, longs for it a moment and it is hers. Of course, there are baskets and baskets. That is, all sizes and fitted up in various wares and ways, but there is just one that boasts of a table. For a jolly spin of just two— one of those little impromptu affairs where a chaperon is distinctly and decidedly in the way— nothing could be more convenient than a small  ‘automobile,” yet sufficiently commodious to suffice - for two hungry campers. The lid carries two spoons— although one has been known to do— two knives, two forks and a matchbox. In the very center of the basket there is a spirit stove and kettle and just behind it a white tray, two plates and two saucers. 

An 1875 patent for a picnic hamper or picnic basket 

In one corner there is a fair sized bottle for milk or wine, a flask of alcohol and a couple of cups. Just opposite are three tin compartments, one for bread or biscuits, another for fried chicken, while the other serves admirably for potato chips or any of the little nothings that go such a long way toward the making of a dainty luncheon. For people like the Crockers, the Schwerins and the Martins, who spend most of their time at Blingum, the basket for four is much more used, and its filling has been reduced to a science. “Hello. Private Exchange 1, This is the Hobarts’ place. Fill that ‘automobile’ for four and send it on the five train. Yes, a regular lunch. Make it a good one. Good-bye.” And that’s the art of picnic concocting. San Rafael isn't far enough away to have been left out, and there are a multitude of haunts that must have been made for this precise reason. 

Of all her enthusiastic devotees, Mrs. Charles K. Harley probably holds the palm, for there is scarcely a week that Miss Julia de Laveaga and Miss Ruth Gedney fail to trip over, bound for the woods. In runabouts and on sturdy cobs, the cavalcade journeys to the allotted spot and a lazy peaceful day is before them. In less than two and a half minutes a feast fit to set before the king is yours for the asking, so is it any wonder that outings are distinctly the order of the day.  The only wonder is that folks were so slow in finding out how much fun they were missing, but just now to be executing the proper caper, you and your friends really must make up for lost time. – San Francisco Call, 1903

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Family Calling Card Trends 1903

The pink and blue tinted cards were not socially accepted in 1903,  but what about the sizes and styles of for the and punctuation? – Not every young lady or gentleman who enters this world is presented with an engraved plate and cards upon arrival, but the babies of fashion are. The tiny card engraved with the new name and date of birth is tied by a little ribbon to the parents’ card... The fad that once existed for turning down the corner of a card intended for more than one person, is of the past. A card for each person called upon must be left. Fashion recognizes no petty economies. – San Francisco Call, 1903

Not every young lady or gentleman who enters this world is presented with an engraved plate and cards upon arrival, but the babies of fashion are. The tiny card engraved with the new name and date of birth Is tied by a little ribbon to the parents' card, thus, “Dr. and. Mrs. James Alexander Black.” and attached to it. “James Ream Black, born December 23, 1900.” It would be a mean trick to play on a girl, wouldn’t it, engraving and spreading broadcast such record of her age? A few years later the young person has another card engraved without the prefix, as “Dorothy Helen Jardine.” and thus it must remain until the debut permits “Miss.”

One item worth noting is that many of the newest plates have no period after the name. This is true of Mrs. Murphy’s, Mrs. Hobart’s, Mrs. Will Crocker’s, Miss Toy’s and others. It is a custom gradually creeping into America, this omitting of the period when it is unnecessary. It is omitted after book titles and the like. Two by three has been the conventional size for the young lady’s card, but some of the new ones art larger and it is said that they will soon be the same size as a married lady’s. Miss Bertie Bruce has a large card. Another large one is that of Miss Mary Crocker. The same rules for address and day at home are observed for the girls’ cards, as for mamma’s. The eldest unmarried daughter omits her Christian name, as “Miss Hager.” Younger daughters write the name in full, as “Miss Genevieve Carolan.” Sometimes sisters use one card and have it engraved thus; “Misses Borel.” 

Mother and daughter may do the same, as “Mrs. C.N. Ellinwood. Miss Ellinwood." the former name above the latter. Where the mother’s name appears, the card is as large as her own. Another combination card is that of husband and wife. This is used when they call together or sometimes when the lady pays “duty calls” alone. Leaving this card means “My husband sends his regards” and it usually means also “he does hate to make calls.” This is the longest card of all in some cases. Mr. and Mrs. Henry Crocker and Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Whipple Spear use cards almost four inches long by two wide. The pasteboard used now is very thin and in some cases it has a dull surface like that of kid-finished paper. It must be either dead white or cream to conform to good style. The pink and blue tints are not approved. 

A man’s card, like his hat, is much smaller than a woman’s. It is a domino shaped affair, seldom more than three by one and a half. The address does not often appear, unless, he uses his card in much traveling. In such a case, the city name appears in the right corner and the club’s, if he has one, in the left as, “Mr. Peter D. Martin, Pacific Union Club, San Francisco.” Charles “Rollo” Peters has his San Francisco address in one corner, his Monterey address in the other. Judges, professors, and the like leave off their signs of honor and become “Mr. Carroll Cook” or “Mr. Benjamin Ide Wheeler.” Army and navy men, on the contrary, display all the rank to which they are entitled and appear, as “Major General Young,” “Captain Frederic Johnston” or “Arthur MacArthur Junior. Lieutenant United States Army.” Doctors, too, use “Dr.” before their names.

When a death occurs and many messages of condolence are sent a card of acknowledgment is often issued in this form. “The family of General W. H. L. Barnes gratefully acknowledges your kind expression of sympathy and condolence. San Francisco.” The card is large and black-bordered. Cards issued for special reception days are exactly like any calling card, the day in the left corner. Thus Mrs. McNear has one reading, “Friday, the ninth of January.” The matter of type is just now so unsettled that hardly any style can be wrong. Not long since script was the only possible form of engraving. Lately, Old English and Roman types have come into fashion, but many still hold to script. Stationers say, however, that Old English is soon to be universal. Those who have had script usually have their new plates in one of the recent styles: thus. “Miss Crockett” in script, became “Mrs. Lawrence Irving Scott” in Roman letters.

The fad that once existed for turning down the corner of a card intended for more than one person, is of the past. A card for each person called upon must be left. Fashion recognizes no petty economies. – San Francisco Call, 1903

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Calling Card Etiquette Trends 1903

The hostess who sits down in the hush following the 7 o’clock diminishing clatter of good-byes at the end of her tea, can read a good deal of social law as she runs over the contents of the silver tray that has been heaping since 4 o'clock in the butler’s hand. There is the married woman’s card. It is always a trifle over three inches long and a trifle over two inches wide. Some are larger. Mrs. Hobart uses a card three and a half by almost two and a half. Mrs. Henry Crocker does also.

THE bit of pasteboard is a trifle, perhaps, but it is one of the most significant trifles in this complex world, where the knot of a tie or the size of a pompadour may testify to the wearer’s social status. The calling card may seem even less than either of these, but it tells far more. Wouldn’t our ancestors back in the days of primeval man have thought us a strange race, if they could have known that we were to be judged by a two-by-three-inch scrap of pasteboard, on which only a name— perhaps an address—sometimes a day, is engraved? And yet, after all, how simple a diploma that two-by-three card is, certifying to our knowledge of the forms correct.

The hostess who sits down in the hush following the 7 o’clock diminishing clatter of good-byes at the end of her tea, can read a good deal of social law as she runs over the contents of the silver tray that has been heaping since 4 o'clock in the butler’s hand. There is the married woman’s card. It is always a trifle over three inches long and a trifle over two inches wide. Some are larger. Mrs. Hobart uses a card three and a half by almost two and a half. Mrs. Henry Crocker does also. 

Mrs. Hugh Tevis has a card that is only three by two, no larger than an unmarried woman’s. It is fashionable to engrave the married name in full, as “Mrs. Josephine Sadoc Tobin” and “Mrs. Henry Edwards Huntington.” This, however, depends somewhat on a husband’s choice, and if he has always been in the habit of writing his name with initials he usually prefers that his wife should follow suit. Both initials are sometimes written, as “Mrs. S. G. Murphy,” or the middle initial, as “Mrs William H. Crocker.” Mrs Crocker, by the way, has no period after the abbreviation “Mrs.” This is modern and smart.

The head of a family often uses only the surname, as “Mrs. Hobart.” but this is not advisable unless the name is uncommon. When the address is engraved on the card it appears in the lower right-hand corner; the day at home in the left. A card may have either, both or neither. Mrs. Henry T. Scott has a card giving her Burlingame address in the right, her San Francisco address in the left corner. If one lives on a street corner it is smarter to write out that statement as, “Laguna and Washington streets, northwest corner” instead of the simple house number. If the card is. to be used while you are away from home it is good form to engrave merely “San Francisco” for the address. A card used in making farewell calls has “P. P. C.” in the left corner. This is an abbreviation of the French form– “Pour prendre congé ” or “To take leave.” 

A widow’s card shows her own Christian name instead of her husband’s. Thus, “Mrs. Jane Stanford” would be according to custom, although Mrs. Stanford is in the habit of signing herself “Mrs. Leland Stanford.” The width of the mourning border is a matter of personal taste. Sometimes it is almost a third of an inch wide; sometimes hardly more than a black line. – San Francisco Call, 1903

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia 

Eliza Leslie and “Etiquette of Old”

Fashions from Godey’s in December of 1876... “And of wine? ‘On no consideration let any lady take two glasses of champagne. It is more than the head of the American female can bear.’ The head of the American female of Eliza Leslie's day, must have been a very light affair, if it really led her into all the misbehavements Miss Leslie deplored.”– From “The Smart Set”, 1911

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 Author Eliza Leslie was a student of the 18th century’s Elizabeth Baker Goodfellow, the popular Philadelphia pastry cook, confectioner, and operator of the first finishing school in the United States. Leslie later made a name for herself, publishing Mrs. Goodfellow’s most popular recipes, along with her own books on etiquette.

 

Old people are fond of saying, “Things were very different I when I was young,” usually referring to manners. So they were. But old people mean manners were more what manners should be, in their day. Possibly. But if among archaic books in some library, one ever finds a manual of past manners, one is impelled to doubt their superiority. Without criticising the vapors or other vain artificialities, they did very queer things in polite society 60 years ago. The books prove it. 

Eliza Leslie of Philadelphia was an authority when our grandmothers were girls. She wrote about etiquette in “Godey’s Lady’s Book,” and in 1853 published “The Behavior Book,” which announced “instruction to ladies as regards their conversation, conduct in the street, shopping, introductions, entree to society, complexion, hands, the hair” and further, “a few habitual misbehavements noted during a long course of observation on a very diversified field.” And the things she observed! 

“We have seen," she writes, “a young gentleman lift his plate of soup in both hands, hold it to his mouth and drink, or rather lap it up. This was at no other place than Niagara.” Somewhere on a diversified field, she also saw pie eaten with a fork, for she says, “It is an affectation of ultra fashion to eat pie with a fork, and has a very awkward and inconvenient look. Cut it up with your knife and fork, and then proceed to eat it, holding the fork in the right hand.” 

Sweet potatoes were harpooned! “It is customary in eating sweet potatoes of size to break them in two and, taking a piece in your hand, to pierce down to the bottom with your fork and then mix in some butter, continuing to hold it thus while eating it.” And of wine? “On no consideration let any lady take two glasses of champagne. It is more than the head of the American female can bear.” The head of the American female of Eliza Leslie's day, must have been a very light affair, if it really led her into all the misbehavements Miss Leslie deplored. 

From “Deportment at Hotels” one infers she wore party gowns at breakfast, because Miss Leslie says: “It is ungenteel to go to the breakfast table in a costume approaching to full dress,” and definitely states that, “the fashion of wearing black silk mitts at breakfast is now obsolete.” And the way she arrayed herself for journeys! “Dress plainly when traveling, stage roads being very dusty. Showy silks and dress bonnets are preposterous. So are jewelry ornaments, which if real, you run a risk of losing, and, if false, are very ungenteel. Above all, do not travel in white kid gloves. Respectable women never do.” – The Smart Set, San Francisco Call, 1911

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia