Etiquette and Culture in India

Whenever asked, this is how I describe India… “India is energetic, busy, ancient, traditional.” I enjoyed my time spent in India. I relished the food, the people, the culture and its history. Knowing your culture and history is key to understanding its people. Over the millennia, people have created unique etiquette and customs and there is a lot to take in. I will help you with the information I gleaned while living there for over a year.

Common Indian Etiquette Rules

If you are living in India for extended periods and staying in one area, get to know the people who live around you and work with you; you will no doubt be invited over for a meal. You might be asking yourself, " What is the basic etiquette in India? Here is a step-by-step guide to help you navigate Indian social niceties, based on questions I have received:

• Even before you get to the person's house for a meal, many have asked, “Can a female tourist wear shorts in India?’ Even in modern cities such as Mumbai or Bangalore, it is always best to wear light pants and opt for a well-fitting top. Many parts of India are largely conservative and showing too much skin can be considered impolite in India. If a woman chooses to wear shorts or a short skirt, be ready to be ogled; unfortunately, that is the state of affairs right now. 
• “What behavior is unacceptable in India?” It is showing public displays of affection. You might say, “But I saw people being affectionate in a Bollywood movie!” But that is a fantasy. Although many aspire to that type of romanticism in their lives, it’s not played out in public, whether in modern or older cities.
• “What should you bring as a gift to your host's house?”  I have found with trial and error that anything from overseas is perfect, such as chocolates, sweets in generous packaging, tea in a tin, or find a dessert shop and load up with a cake or small sweet treats.
• “What is considered rude in India?” Shoes are not allowed inside homes. Not only has it got to do with bringing in the dirt from outside to the inside, it’s just taboo, this also goes for temples and some historical places. Upon removing your shoes and placing them by the door or on a shoe rack, you’ll step inside barefoot and be warmly welcomed by your host and their family.
• Greetings often include a friendly namaste, with hands pressed together, accompanied by introductions to those present. Generally, you will not touch as a greeting. No touching between men and women and women to men. Namaste with prayer hands is traditional and widely used and accepted. While some modern Indians may offer a hug, kiss, or offer a handshake, it’s best to mirror their approach if they don’t initiate such gestures. Your host will then guide you to take a seat on the sofa, making you feel right at home. 
• “How does one show respect to an Indian man?” Indian families follow the patrilineal rule of descent. What do I mean by this? The oldest male in the house is the “head,” so greeting the man before a woman is totally acceptable. However, if he is not there, then the eldest woman. If you want to show the highest form of respect, you would bow, touching the person’s feet, then touch your heart and repeat, usually that it is done in a family situation or perhaps meeting a VIP.
• “How do conversations normally begin in social settings? Are there rules?” The conversation typically begins with inquiries about your health and family, and it’s customary to reciprocate. A compliment about your host’s home, family and work is always a great way to keep the conversation flowing. Other icebreakers are asking and knowing about the latest Bollywood movies, actors and actresses and asking who’s your favourite or what is it about the film you like the most? I don’t want to scare you…But you must be very prepared for the next to come… to be asked questions that would be relegated to the ‘no-go-zone’ in western countries, such as, “How much is your rent?” “How much do you get teaching?” or “Why don’t you have children?”, “How much is your house worth?” and so on. Being prepared is key. Avoid at all costs speaking about religion and politics. These topics are very divisive and people's passions for the subject can rise to a boiling point.
• “What about religion?” Avoid at all costs speaking about religion and politics. These topics are very divisive and people’s passions for the subject can rise to boiling point. Religion plays a central role in daily life in India. Faith is practiced with devotion, and most Hindu households maintain a dedicated sacred space called a “ghar mandir.” Show respect by not touching this home temple. Festivals are all year round and these events are often marked by elaborate rituals, fasting, and community gatherings, so don’t be surprised if you are invited to a festival by your Indian friends.
• “Will I be offered food or drink in someone’s home?” As you take a seat, you’ll be offered water on a tray. It’s a kind gesture rooted in an ancient tradition of hospitality, meant to refresh guests after their journey and set a welcoming tone. It’s polite to accept and appreciate this thoughtful offering. Don't be surprised if the men break off on a different couch or in a room completely, leaving the women to talk or walk off to the kitchen together. This is a common social dynamic in many Indian cultures, where gender roles and expectations can influence social interactions.
• “Will my hosts be involved in traditional activities in the home prior to a meal?” During your visit, you’ll notice the host managing various household tasks. If they have a full-time domestic helper, you might observe them providing instructions, often related to meal preparation. If the host is preparing the meal themselves, expect them to move in and out of the kitchen, with the dining setup unfolding gradually rather than being prearranged.
• “Should I offer to help out with getting ready?” No. But before you sit down to eat with your host, please go and wash your hands. This should happen before and after your meal. You will find that in many Indian houses, there is no room for a separate toilet, it will be combined with the bathroom. Weirdly, I have been asked this question…, 
• “How often do Indian people shower?” and I can confirm once a day and even twice a day. Most Indians like to start their morning by having a shower and, at the end of the day, have a quick rinse down. Another question is…, 
• “What does India use instead of toilet paper?” It is water. Next to the toilet will be a hose called a bidet hose or hand-held bidet sprayer. I loved using this. I felt it was cleaner than toilet paper. Modern rich Indian homes will supply toilet paper, and the majority will have this hose. If there is no hose, a jug that looks like an elongated teapot will be next to a bucket of water. This is where the left-hand, right-hand debate sparks. In poorer areas, and I have seen it with my own eyes, people will take a bucket of water to the communal restrooms, use their left hand for “bottom business,” and that is why the left hand is considered unclean in India. For mealtime, Indian people use their right hands. An Indian will never use both hands to eat. The only time a left hand will be used at mealtime is for serving food. 
• Please note that unless you know your host well or you have very important work to do the next day, I mean, if you are meeting the Prime Minister of India, then your lunch and dinner meal will run very late and overtime. Have yourself a small snack before you enter an Uber or a rickshaw, which will fill the gnawing feeling in your stomach. A day after the event, it's nice to say thank you and follow up with a text of pleasantries.

When it’s time to eat, be prepared for a generous serving of food, including a mountain of rice accompanied by roti, papad, and an array of curries. To enjoy the meal gracefully without overwhelming yourself, use the roti or papad to eat with the curries, and reserve the rice for lighter dishes like dal. To politely manage the over-abundance of rice, take small portions and express your appreciation for the delicious meal, emphasizing its loving preparation while explaining that you have a small appetite. This approach shows gratitude while ensuring you don’t offend your host.

Indian Dining Etiquette

When it’s time to eat, be prepared for a generous serving of food, including a mountain of rice accompanied by roti, papad, and an array of curries. To enjoy the meal gracefully without overwhelming yourself, use the roti or papad to eat with the curries, and reserve the rice for lighter dishes like dal. To politely manage the over-abundance of rice, take small portions and express your appreciation for the delicious meal, emphasising its loving preparation while explaining that you have a small appetite. This approach shows gratitude while ensuring you don’t offend your host.

I didn’t mention this before, but you may be offered chai by your host after drinking water. Please don’t say “Yes, I’ll have chai tea, thank you.” Your host will give a wide smile and respond that “chai” means”tea” and then may chuckle. After your meal, you may be offered chai again. Just remember that chai is very sweet and, depending on your host, might flavor it with a choice of green cardamom, ginger — a winning combination, or even pepper, which is not so bad. 

Whilst you are back on the sofa sipping and talking, those from Maharashtra, I have found, when there is disapproval, affirmation or correction on a subject which you are talking about, they will click with their tongue to emphasize how they feel! It’s really an interesting thing that they do, and after a while, I started doing it when speaking in Hindi or English.

How To Eat With Your Hands

Bread, known as roti, naan, paratha, chapati, the list goes on, This is just a sampling of the diverse array of breads found in Indian cuisine, each with its unique texture, flavor, and cooking method. These breads are central to Indian cuisine, serving as the perfect accompaniment to curries that could contain lentils or chickpeas, and grilled meats. They are my favourite accompaniment to an Indian meal. I use two techniques. One is to tear the bread and pick up the “dry curry” with the bread. The second is to fold the bread into a cone shape to pick up the “wet curries.”

Another way to eat curry is with rice. Depending on what part of India you are in, rice will vary from basmati to laalchawal, laal meaning red. You will be given a large serving of rice with various curries surrounding it. Find a clean space on your thali plate to scoop up a small portion of rice and curry. Mix the curry with the rice using only your fingertips, not your whole hand. This is done so the curry is absorbed into the rice, ready for you to eat and enjoy. Gently picking up the mixed food with your fingers, shape the rice and curry into a small bite-sized portion. Push the bite of food into your mouth by sliding the food down your fingers levered by your thumb. Be careful not to let your fingers touch your lips.

I am hoping that I have dispelled some myths and confirmed other questions you wouldn’t ask an Indian person directly. If you love adventure and finding out new things, then India is for you.

For many years, Etiquipedia contributor, Elizabeth Soos, has had a keen interest in cultural customs. With her European background and extensive travel, Soos developed an interest in the many forms of respect and cultural expectations in the countries she has visited. With her 20 years’ experience in customer service within private international companies based in Australia, and her lifetime interest in manners and research, she decided to branch out into the field of etiquette and deportment. Through her self-directed studies and by completing the Train-The-Trainer’s course offered by Emma Dupont’s School of Etiquette in London and by Guillaume Rue de Bernadac at Academie de Bernadac based in Paris and Shanghai, she founded Auersmont School of Etiquette

🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia