Etiquette and “Dirty Words”

Remember the old “I'll wash your mouth out with soap” routine? The double standard should be eliminated in families.

Unfortunately, there’s double standard in the use of dirty words. Men can freely use words which are considered improper for women. Some parents use “dirty words” in front of their children, then spank the kids when they use the same words themselves. Remember the old “I'll wash your mouth out with soap” routine? The double standard should be eliminated in families. If a word is O.K. for dad to use, then it should be O.K. for mom and the kids, too.

The use of dirty words when outsiders are present is a trickier etiquette problem. What if a certain word is permitted in your house, but a neighbor finds it repulsive? It’s a basic question of rights: your freedom to use certain words conflicts with the neighbor’s right not to be offended by words he or she doesn't like. My instinct is to let the neighbor have his peace and not use your swear words in front of him. Children might be instructed that families have different standards regarding language just as they have different standards regarding religion. Just as it's not polite to force one’s religion down someone’s throat, it's not polite to stuff offensive words in someone’s ear trumpet.

Special problems occur in big groups, where some people find the language disturbing and others don’t. Solutions for the host or hostess include changing the subject and drawing the person aside to mention that the talk is bothering somebody. You might take note of Carl Reiner’s formula for obscenity. If you say something and one person walks out, what you said is not vulgar. But “if the whole party walks out, that's vulgar.” — The New Etiquette, Maureen Elena Reardon, San Bernardino Sun, 1974

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia