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| Ladies’ lunches Mrs. Wallace considers the least alluring form of social entertainment, although she owns that San Francisco society is composed almost entirely of ladies. The men she considers are to blame for this. |
Questions of Etiquette for Both Sexes
Brightly Considered
From a San Francisco Standpoint
San Francisco society is known in the Eastern States as peculiarly pleasant, but also as unique of its kind. Why is this? Eastern visitors remark upon the absence of rigid form and the free-and-easy plan of entertainment here as "delightful Californian hospitality." In California, they say, invitations hardly require an answer, nobody thinks of paying duty calls, nor is there any strict qualification required to obtain an entree to any particular circle. Above all, they declare, there seems to be no idea of reciprocity in entertainment.
These floating charges are of serious moment to San Francisco society, and “The Call” has collected some representative ideas regarding them. They would seem to be somewhat borne out by the prevalent local belief that the role of a San Francisco hostess is a difficult one to play. The question is still an open one, but at present the general indictment seems to lie against the San Francisco men. The men appear to largely leave their social duties to the ladies and to think that a mere appearance anywhere is a favor on their part. This, if true, is a heavy indictment, however pleasantly it may be touched upon by the ladies whose views are given below.
Mrs. Judge Wallace is of the opinion that social duties are, as a whole, extremely pleasant. Naturally some forms of entertainment are more enjoyable than others. In her opinion balls and at homes, with dancing, varied by music, yield the most entertainment to old and young alike. The young enjoy taking part and the old enjoy looking on; while the strain upon the hostess is very slight indeed.
Mrs. Judge Wallace is of the opinion that social duties are, as a whole, extremely pleasant. Naturally some forms of entertainment are more enjoyable than others. In her opinion balls and at homes, with dancing, varied by music, yield the most entertainment to old and young alike. The young enjoy taking part and the old enjoy looking on; while the strain upon the hostess is very slight indeed.
A dinner party is, in her estimation, a more serious affair. Given guests who are intellectual enough to enjoy conversation as a fine art in addition to the banquet, a dinner is the highest form of entertainment, but even then the duty of selecting and pairing off the right people is a serious one for the hostess.
Ladies’ lunches Mrs. Wallace considers the least alluring form of social entertainment, although she owns that San Francisco society is composed almost entirely of ladies. The men she considers are to blame for this.
What more pretty and informal than an afternoon tea? In London and New York, the male element is largely represented at this form of amusement. Mrs. Wallace considers it a pity that San Francisco men, when their day’s duties are over, instead of going to the clubs, do not take an occasional cup of tea with lady friends. In the same way she regrets, for the sake of society, that the married men do not help more to receive at home, or visit with their wives and daughters instead of leaving to the latter nearly all the social duties.
Another prominent society lady smiled at the idea of social duties in San Francisco being fatiguing. “A leader in society,” she observed, “means one who gives up her entire time and energies to social duties. She must take the initiative in balls, dinners and every form of entertainment that becomes the fashion.” In London or New York, this is pleasant, but very hard work. At present in San Francisco the post of a social leader is little more than a sinecure.
“Ten or twelve years ago,” she continued, “when Mrs. Gwin and Mrs. McMullin kept open house, we were much more gay, and, I believe, that eight or ten years hence, when San Francisco has grown more, we shall be gay again. One reason for our present repose is that we Californians are great travelers; we think nothing of going to London or New York for our social diversions. I consider dinners decidedly the pleasantest form of entertainment.” she said.
“It is a compliment to ask a guest to your table. A ball means a crowd, and a guest who accepts an invitation to a ball does me a favor in helping to make up my number. Teas are very enjoyable, and at our Saturday teas we San Francisco hostesses generally have a very fair number of gentlemen. The reason our men do not visit more is that they work harder here than in Europe and the East. They have longer hours and take fewer vacations.”
One of San Francisco’s leaders, who was busy issuing invitations to a large tea, found time to remark: “It seems to me that people are too ready to accept the pleasures and utterly neglect the duties of society. I mean they have no idea of reciprocity. A guest owes something to his hostess, if it is only a ‘duty’ dance with the girl she is chaperoning the next time he meets her at a ball. Here in California these duties, that elsewhere are considered imperative, are rather neglected.” – San Francisco Call, 1892
Ladies’ lunches Mrs. Wallace considers the least alluring form of social entertainment, although she owns that San Francisco society is composed almost entirely of ladies. The men she considers are to blame for this.
What more pretty and informal than an afternoon tea? In London and New York, the male element is largely represented at this form of amusement. Mrs. Wallace considers it a pity that San Francisco men, when their day’s duties are over, instead of going to the clubs, do not take an occasional cup of tea with lady friends. In the same way she regrets, for the sake of society, that the married men do not help more to receive at home, or visit with their wives and daughters instead of leaving to the latter nearly all the social duties.
Another prominent society lady smiled at the idea of social duties in San Francisco being fatiguing. “A leader in society,” she observed, “means one who gives up her entire time and energies to social duties. She must take the initiative in balls, dinners and every form of entertainment that becomes the fashion.” In London or New York, this is pleasant, but very hard work. At present in San Francisco the post of a social leader is little more than a sinecure.
“Ten or twelve years ago,” she continued, “when Mrs. Gwin and Mrs. McMullin kept open house, we were much more gay, and, I believe, that eight or ten years hence, when San Francisco has grown more, we shall be gay again. One reason for our present repose is that we Californians are great travelers; we think nothing of going to London or New York for our social diversions. I consider dinners decidedly the pleasantest form of entertainment.” she said.
“It is a compliment to ask a guest to your table. A ball means a crowd, and a guest who accepts an invitation to a ball does me a favor in helping to make up my number. Teas are very enjoyable, and at our Saturday teas we San Francisco hostesses generally have a very fair number of gentlemen. The reason our men do not visit more is that they work harder here than in Europe and the East. They have longer hours and take fewer vacations.”
One of San Francisco’s leaders, who was busy issuing invitations to a large tea, found time to remark: “It seems to me that people are too ready to accept the pleasures and utterly neglect the duties of society. I mean they have no idea of reciprocity. A guest owes something to his hostess, if it is only a ‘duty’ dance with the girl she is chaperoning the next time he meets her at a ball. Here in California these duties, that elsewhere are considered imperative, are rather neglected.” – San Francisco Call, 1892
🍽Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia
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