Graceful Dinner Seating Etiquette

Formal Table Seating For Groups Divisible By Four, without Host and Hostess at opposite ends of the table— 
Images courtesy Bernadette Petrotta 

“In seating one's self at table a comfortable posture is not incompatible with a dignified attitude. The shoulders should not be thrown back too far, nor should they drop forward. It is the latter pose which produces the inclination of the arms suggestive of the 'all elbows' idea which some people give of themselves.”

– Eliza M. Lavin, 1888

A 2020 query from Happy Soul —How do you take a seat the dining table i.e from the left of the chair or right of the chair or either way is correct? Then how do you leave the chair ie from left or right or either way is fine?

Reply from Maura J. Graber, Etiquipedia Site Editor: It is dependent on several factors, so common sense and some quick thought comes into play, just as it does with most other etiquette. Is it a formal dinner party in someone’s home? How many others are seating themselves at the same time? How is the table set up? Will seating yourself from the left side of the chair interfere with someone serving food? 

In the U.S., food and drinks are served on different sides — food from the left, drinks from the right. In Europe, everything is served from the right — food and drinks. Silently, ask the same question to yourself as you are walking toward the table on the right side. If one is in a restaurant, is everyone being seated at the same time? Are you joining a party already seated. Does someone have a walker, cane or other aid, sitting next to their chair that will impede your seating yourself? 

As a rule, I personally tend to “enter“ the seat from the left and “exit” from the seat on my right. However, I always take a look around me before making those choices, and ask myself it it will work effortlessly, or if I will be causing discomfort or a challenge for anyone near me. Either way is fine, as long as no one else will be put out by the choice made.

Traditional Formal Table Seating For Six, Ten, Fourteen, Or Eighteen People, with Host and Hostess at Opposite Ends

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia