Amy Vanderbilt on 1955 Teen Etiquette

Barbershop poster featuring the latest in haircuts for teen-aged boys and young men from the mid-1950’s– Q. I am a girl almost 14. My parents have reason (they think) to believe that I am turning bad. I like boys, but what girl doesn't? At what age is it proper for girls to go in cars with good boys? At what age is it permissible to smoke?

Teen-Age Topics

Many parents find it difficult to answer their children when they ask about sex either because their own knowledge is faulty or because their own questions to their parents were sloughed off with embarrassed evasions. The best advisers say that children should be told the answers to the specific questions they ask, but should not be given long scientific explanations before they are ready for them. Many of you are writing to me because you have had difficulty discussing this matter with your parents. Here are some of your letters:

Q. I am a 12-year-old girl. I have asked Mother about sex, but she says she will tell me when I am older. I have talked about it with a girl friend, but what she told me just puzzles me. I think if I'm old enough to know the stork didn't bring me I should have an explanation, don't you? S.H., La Junta, Colo.  

A. Girls and boys ask these questions at different ages; perhaps your mother does not remember being interested in the subject so early. Educators know, however, that some children begin to ask such questions as early as the third or fourth year and feel that they should be told what they are able to understand. 

Some time ago I mentioned a booklet put out by the Child Study Association of America. As a result, the Association received many requests for it from readers of this column. It is called When Children Ask About Sex. Call your mother's attention to the booklet; it may help her discuss the subject with you comfortably. 

Q. I am a girl almost 14. My parents have reason (they think) to believe that I am turning bad. I like boys, but what girl doesn't? At what age is it proper for girls to go in cars with good boys? At what age is it permissible to smoke? R.C., Fairfield, Conn.  

A. A child that does not have his parents' complete confidence is often unhappy and defiant. I know that some parents are excessively anxious over their daughters' reputations; however, it is a very difficult age for parents because it is hard indeed to protect children against the very real evils in every community. 

If the relationship between child and parent is such that discussion of problems seems very difficult or embarrassing, the child should have an opportunity to talk to the family doctor, a teacher or other adviser about the things that puzzle him. Parents are usually the best judges of just who is bad company for a child. Let them meet the boys with whom you wish to go in cars, and abide by their rules concerning your returning home. I do not like to see teenagers smoke at all. You must work this out with your parents. 

Q. I am a girl 12 years of age and many people take me for 15 or 16. I don't look a bit my age, except that I don't wear make-up. My parents take me for a baby; I can't wear even a dash of lipstick. S.C., Valley Stream, N.Y.  

A. I think your parents are very sensible. Most girls of 12 like to pretend that they look at least 16. Although in some communities girls of your age wear a little light lipstick, at least to parties, I don't like to see it even then. You have plenty of time in which to grow up. 

Q. You are insulting juveniles' dignity and self-respect by persisting in your column that we let our parents have the final word as to whom we should date, when we should be back home and other matters of etiquette. I know that state laws give our parents the right to control our lives, and no one should be encouraged to try to violate the law, but you could use your influence to correct those laws. Or are you one of those Victorians who believe we are too stupid to run our lives and so should stand helplessly by while our parents ruin them for us? B.L., Salem, Va.  

A. I believe in the protection of minors. The parentless “wild children” of wartime and postwar Europe are pathetic examples of what happens when children must fend for themselves.– Amy Vanderbilt in “Parade Magazine,” 1955

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