Saturday, July 31, 2021

Emily Post on Hats

The general rule is if you wear an afternoon dress (meaning a dress not suitable for general wear on the street) in the evening, then you should go without a hat, but if you are wearing a street dress, then you should wear a hat.– Emily Post on CBS Radio


Shall I Wear a Hat With Afternoon Dress?

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Dear Mrs. Post: We seldom wear formal clothes in our simple community, which fact I contend is no reason why the ladies here may not go to evening parties wearing afternoon dresses and no hats. Don’t you agree with me? There are several new residents who have been turning up on such occasions with hats on. 

Answer: The general rule is if you wear an afternoon dress (meaning a dress not suitable for general wear on the street) in the evening, then you should go without a hat, but if you are wearing a street dress, then you should wear a hat. But whether the hats you describe are bad form or not, depends entirely upon their type. In other words, if they are an indoor type of hat, they are quite as suitable to wear with afternoon dresses as to go without. In fact, they are decidedly a fashion of the moment. 

Seek Local Custom 

Dear Mrs. Post: Should the ladies pouring at a formal tea wear hats? Common sense seems to be the basis of your etiquette, and in my humble judgment hats at this time do not sound sensible. 

Answer: This question is best decided by the arbitrary custom of each community. In New York, for example, a deputy hostess always wears a hat unless she is a house visitor, and even in this case she is likely as not to wear one. Neither dress or hat for a deputy hostess should be too tailored.– By the World's Foremost Authority on Etiquette © Emily Post, 1937


 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, July 30, 2021

16th Century Table Manners


“At the beginning of the meal everybody should wash his hands in the presence of others in order that those who are going to put their hands in the same dish together may have no doubt about the cleanliness of the others hands.”



CORVALLIS. Ore.. Dec. 14. (United Press)—Throwing bones, gristle and uneaten parts of vegetables and meats on the floor behind one was considered proper table manners in the 16th century, according to an old handbook of etiquette uncovered here by students in home economics of Oregon State College. According to instructions in the book, printed several hundred years ago, ceremonies at the table should begin us follows: 
“At the beginning of the meal everybody should wash his hands in the presence of others in order that those who are going to put their hands in the same dish together may have no doubt about the cleanliness of the others hands.”
Among other rules of etiquette, which apparently were prevalent in the days in which the booklet was published, were those frowning on scratching at the table. “It isn’t proper,” the book says, “to scratch yourself at the table, and one should abstain as much as possible from spitting on the floor, but if one has to, do it genteelly.” –December, 1929



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, July 29, 2021

What Have We Here? The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...


What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...


I have spoken about writing this book for the last few years, and finally the book is now here, available on Amazon. It was a labor of love and I enjoyed every moment of photographing the items I carefully chose to write about, many of which are on the front cover. 

There is a lot of information on Gilded Age etiquette (in anticipation of the upcoming Julian Fellowes’ program now filming for HBO in New York 😉) along with Georgian Era and Regency Era etiquette, etc… The crazy thing is that it took me several weeks to receive my author copies, but during my wait, people around the world were posting the most wonderful reviews on Instagram! Especially in Italy, where I have made several new friends.  

Of course there are plenty of utensils in the book. Favorites are Edwardian era cayenne pepper spoons, like this sterling one example below, from 1905.
Gilded Age chocolate spoons with a chocolate muddler, demitasse-sized trembleuse and pots de creme cups.
Many other items which are not utensils, but were part of everyday lives, are shown coming from the 1700’s through the early 1900’s. And, of course, there is a lot of etiquette included throughout, including place settings and proper use of glasses and dishes.
The Graber Olive House and beautiful late Spring weather offered a perfect backdrop for much of my photography.
Etiquette for gloves and glove stretchers like this Bailey, Banks and Biddle, sterling silver glove stretcher in the form of a duck, is one of my favorite items. Gloves and glove etiquette figure prominently in the book. And the section on napkins and gloves in the Gilded Age with the appropriately named, “napkin burrito,” is a must read and see!
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I want to thank all of the readers who have already purchased the book. Your incredible reviews online and Instagram have meant more than you know and make what I do all the more worthwhile.













Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Place Settings and Butler Stick Etiquette

 Butler Stick

What Have We Here? A 19th Century butler’s measuring stick. — The “24-inch rule” is one of the first rules of formal place settings. These 2 feet refer to the ideal amount of space from the centre of one plate to the cen- tre of the next plate, allowing the place settings to have numerous pieces of flatware and stemware for the dinner, along with plenty of elbow room or body space for each guest. Butlers’ measuring sticks were necessary in the Gilded Age and Edwardian Era, for measuring settings for multi course dinners. Everything had to be aligned properly. The best rulers were those like this, which could fold up very small and fit into the butler’s or footman’s pocket.

A footman in the movie Gosford Park (shown to the left of the setting) using a similar folding measuring stick for setting the long dining table in preparation for a formal dinner.




The flatware for any vertical utensils (the salad fork, dinner fork, knife, and soup spoon, cocktail fork, etc...) should be spaced a half an inch or so away from each other, and the bottoms of each utensil should be aligned with the bottom of the service plate, place plate or charger. The flatware placed horizontally above the plate for dessert can be a bit closer or farther from one another, unless it encroaches on stemware or anything in the center of the table. Note: The soup spoon is upside down in the French fashion of placing spoons and forks upside down on the table. French flatware is monogrammed on the reverse side, whereas American monograms are usually found on the front of flatware handles.




From the new book, “What Have We Here?”: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond... by Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia Site Editor, Maura Graber

Wednesday, July 28, 2021

French Etiquette and Gloved Hands

French etiquette does not require gloves to be removed in shaking hands, but American etiquette does, and the French must bow to American custom… A Great War French Poilu greets an American Doughboy in this propaganda poster.
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Image source, Pinterest


There is said to be a dreadful controversy raging in Paris over a statue in honor of American soldier who fought in the World War. The statue represents an American soldier, in the likeness of Alan Seeger, the poet, clasping hands with a French soldier. When the monument was exhibited in the Salon of French Artists, preparatory to being set up in the Place des États-Unis (United States Square), sticklers discovered to their horror that both soldiers wore gloves. 

So Major Mercadier, secretary of the committee, demanded at once that the sculptor remove the gloves. French etiquette, he admitted, does not require gloves to be removed in shaking hands, but American etiquette does, and the French must bow to American custom. It is awful, isn’t it? But there may be a fairly simple way out of the difficulty. Just have the sculptor affix a little brass plate to the statue, representing the doughboy as saying, “Excuse my glove!” – Stockton Independent, 1923


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, July 27, 2021

Etiquette and Women’s Hands




Your hands speak for you. Unless you’re going to walk around the rest of your life in a knee length poncho, you just can’t hide ragged cuticles, split nails, chipped polish, chewed stubs, and nicotine stains.

Think about what you do with your hands – the gestures (gentle, restrained, non-distracting), the movements (holding a champagne glass, pouring a cup of soothing Earl Grey tea), the loving touches.

Hands are to be silky soft, groomed, and move with feminine grace. You need a good hand cream or body moisturizer applied daily. Wear rubber gloves when doing dishes or washing his car. – From “The Cosmo Girl’s Guide to the New Etiquette,” 1971



Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, July 26, 2021

Edwardian London Club Etiquette

The most famous American Duchess of them all, Consuelo Spencer-Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, was a member of the prominent American Vanderbilt family. Her marriage to Charles Spencer-Churchill, 9th Duke of Marlborough became an international symbol of the socially advantageous, but loveless, “Dollar Princess” marriages, which were so common during the Gilded Age.



The American Duchess, followed by her motor, led Miss Cochon of Chicago out St. James Street. “Oh, there’s the Duke!” cried Miss Cochon of Chicago as they passed Brooks club, but the Duchess said hurriedly: “Don't look at him, my dear, or he will cut you. Don’t you understand club etiquette?” “No; not if it differs from other etiquette.” “Well,” said the Duchess, “it differs altogether. The club, you see, originated in London. The club has been defined as the weapon wherewith the savage keeps the white woman at a distance. In club etiquette, women are ignored. As you pass White's or the Carlton, the Junior Carlton or Brooks, you will see your best friends, top hat pushed back and hands folded on stick, glaring solemnly at you from this window or from that, but your best friends won't speak to you. It isn't club etiquette. And if you spoke to them it would be a worse faux pas than if you appeared at court under the influence of liquor.”—Cincinnati Enquirer, 1911


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, July 25, 2021

When Misses Became Ms.’s


Tricia Nixon, daughter of late- U.S. President, Richard M. Nixon, married Harvard Law student Edward Cox in a White House Rose Garden wedding ceremony on June 12, 1971. She has lived a very private life in the suburbs of New York. She serves on the boards of many medical research institutions, as well as the Richard Nixon Foundation at the Nixon Library in California. Tricia Nixon circa 1972- Public domain photo

Never Amiss Again
Etiquette evolves. Styles of life change. And here is one style caught mid-evolution… definitely worth encouraging. The new way to address women: Ms. replacing Mrs. and Miss. Under the old rules, a married woman was addressed: Julie Eisenhower or Mrs. David Eisenhower. 
Under the new convention she is Ms. Julie Eisenhower. And Tricia get similar billing, Miss Tricia Nixon. Although the rule is still not widely used, it is logical and proper, and you might want to start using it in business letters immediately.–The Cosmo Girl’s Guide to the New Etiquette, 1971


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia  

Saturday, July 24, 2021

1970’s Cosmo’s Etiquette Do’s/Don’ts

You may borrow from… Money (you always pay that promptly) and furs or costume jewelry, unless you know she has a phobia about loaning. Never take anything irreplaceable.


The Use and Abuse of Friends


A friend is someone who likes you. Sexual love is cosmic, visceral, sensual… Love for a friend is emotion fed by the intellect, it is like raised to the highest degree. Your need to like and be liked is as basic as your need to be loved. And friendship requires care and feeding and exercise. Friends are to be used. Use is not a dirty word. Abuse as a dirty word. Here’s a chart of what one thoughtful friend can expect from another… And some demands that strain the bonds.


DO, DO, DO

A friend is someone…
  • Who likes you and makes you know it. 
  • You like you make sure she knows it. 
  • To do nutty things with… And not even question what the hell are we doing? 
  • You may borrow from… Money (you always pay that promptly) and furs or costume jewelry, unless you know she has a phobia about loaning. Never take anything irreplaceable. 
  • You can spill everything to —your secrets and wildest fantasies. Who confides in you. Intimacy must go both ways.
  • Who understands… even when she couldn’t possibly agree or do the same thing. With real empathy. 
  • Who listens. 
  • You can tease… But carefully; just a layer of love softens the hostility in a tease.
  • Warm.

DON’T, DON’T, DON’T

A friend is someone… 
  • You never gossip about behind your back, except if it’s flattering. 
  • You never put on airs for… It’s not necessary. 
  • You never borrow a fragile dress from. Of course, she would offer to clean it, each dress has just so many trips to the cleaners built into its lifespan. 
  • You don’t engage in a hostile competition. 
  • You are not trying to remake. Help, yes, but reform, no.
  • Whose confidence you will not betray for love or money or publicity… Except your husband, but she knows that.
  • You would not make choose between her man and you.
  • You are not always breaking dates with because something better came along — a man. Sometimes, but not always.
  • Whose boyfriend you do not feel compelled to seduce.
  • Whose husband’s advances you tease off and do not report.–From “The Cosmo Girl’s Guide to the New Etiquette,” 1971


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, July 23, 2021

Rationalizing Elevator Etiquette

“In hotels where there is a general observance of social forms, I think that if, as already said, there be no draught in the elevator, the hat should be removed in the presence of ladies, and my experience is that it is a variable custom for men to do so in such places. I may add, however, that it is a custom which obtains only in America. In England and on the continent, no gentleman thinks of doing such a thing.” – Photo source, Pinterest


The matter of elevator etiquette, having struggled to the top again, the views of one man upon the subject may be interesting. “In the first place,” said a man to whom the question was submitted, “I would say that under no circumstances should ladies expect a man to remove their hats if there be the slightest suspicion of a draught in the elevator, and my only experience has been that they are seldom without it. 

“To say nothing of the lesser and simply annoying ailments, some of the most serious maladies are traced by physicians to no more serious cause than a brief chilling draught. In the second place, the question would be where the elevator is situated. If it’s in a business building where people are supposed to go only for business purposes and where the observation of social forms and ceremonial etiquette is not important, and perhaps not even sensible, I would say that men should not be asked to remove their hats, and I do not think that they are disposed to do so. 

“When we come to a hotel elevator the question grows finer. There are hotels where it would be a little pretentious and almost out of place to indulge in such a ceremony. In the smaller country hotels, for instance, and in hotels generally where there is little pretension to social style, the removal of hats in elevators would hardly seem to be necessary. In some places, I think it would be even impolite, on the principle observed by the German Prince who, when his rustic guest poured out his coffee in a saucer, did the same thing himself that the untutored fellow may not suffer from his blunder. 

“On the other hand, in hotels where there is a general observance of social forms, I think that if, as already said, there be no draught in the elevator, the hat should be removed in the presence of ladies, and my experience is that it is a variable custom for men to do so in such places. I may add, however, that it is a custom which obtains only in America. In England and on the continent, no gentleman thinks of doing such a thing.” — The New York Times, 1890




Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, July 22, 2021

Etiquette for Gilded Age Calls

“Etiquette should wait upon custom in those little villages where the circle of native gentlewomen is invaded by the Summer wanderer or transient resident. Here is where real tact tells, and to follow it may seem primitive, even awkward, ways, is often an evidence of the best breeding.”


The new arrival in any country place receives the first call. If she is a visitor at a friend’s home, her hostess will ensure her cordial reception in the village circle, by giving a tea or “afternoon” within a day or two after her arrival. Most calling in country places is done from 11 in the morning to 1 in the afternoon and from 5 to 8 in the evening, when the visit becomes a piazza function.

All visits should be returned within a week and, except among intimates, no calls should exceed a half hour in length. Etiquette, however, should wait upon custom in those little villages where the circle of native gentlewomen is invaded by the Summer wanderer or transient resident. Here is where real tact tells, and to follow it may seem primitive, even awkward, ways, is often an evidence of the best breeding.– The New York Times, 1895


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, July 21, 2021

Etiquette and English Maids in America

The English maid’s cap has ceased to be sine qua non of the English maid which it is regarded on this side of the water.
 
– Photo Source Pinterest

The maid’s cap has got into the English courts. A servant sued her employer for wages after dismissal, because she would not wear caps. They learned Q.C. admitted that the subject was a very delicate one, and seemed to be ever a cause of complaint between mistresses and maids. It was finally decided that the refusal to wear caps per se was not sufficient ground to discharge a servant out of time. The particular case in question took on some other phases, but this part of the decision implies, by inference, that the cap has ceased to be sine qua non of the English maid which it is regarded on this side of the water.

It is certain, as many housekeepers will testify, that the English maid, supposedly admirably trained and accustomed to service, gives more trouble on American soil than servants of other nationalities. She exaggerates the freedom of America, and takes not only liberty but license without restraint. Such of them as serve in the houses of our very rich countrymen are not open to this criticism; they are clever enough to show a deference to the wealth about them, if they do not feel it, but those English maids that drift into the average American household are, for the most part, intolerable in speech and manner. —The New York Times, 1895


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Proper Edwardian Bathing Etiquette

Lather well with a pure soap, rinse with freshwater and if you want the full affect of the bath, stay quietly in the tub in lukewarm water for about 10 minutes. 

  • Don’t dash into a tub when you are very exhausted. Wait until you have rested a bit. 
  • Don’t take a very hot bath in the morning unless you sponge off with cold water. There is less danger of cold. 
  • Do not think that hopping into a tub and out again with a hurried dab with a sponge is bathing. A flesh brush is needed. 
  • Lather well with a pure soap, rinse with freshwater and if you want the full affect of the bath, stay quietly in the tub in lukewarm water for about 10 minutes. 
  • If possible, finish with a cold spray. 
  • If but one hot bath a day is taken, it is better to have it before dressing for dinner at night, if it all feasible. Not only is the dust of the day washed off, but new life is given for the evening. 
  • If bathing before dinner is out of the question, take the hot bath just before retiring and a cold sponge in the morning.
  • Sea salt dissolved in the hot bath has a wonderfully tonic affect. It should be melted in a cup or pitcher rather than poured into the bath when ready for use. 
  • If much begrimed with dust, rub it off with a good cold cream or olive oil before getting in the tub. This opens the pores and is much more cleansing. — The New York Times, 1909

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, July 19, 2021

A Gilded Age Critic of New York Customs

 

A trio of antique toothpicks– “Three 18th to 19th century toothpicks, including a late-Georgian or early Regency era toothpick, that retracts back into itself― A toothpick is something that should NEVER be seen at a beautifully set table, yet worldwide, toothpicks are more commonplace on dining tables than one might believe. Culturally, they are accepted in some areas as long as one covers his or her mouth while picking the teeth. But this only leads someone to imagine what’s going on behind that hand. We’re all for good dental hygiene, but please... not at the dining table.” And may we add, not in the jewelry shop?!? – Image and text from the book, What Have We Here?: The Etiquette and Essentials of Lives Once Lived, from the Georgian Era through the Gilded Age and Beyond...
by Etiquipedia Site Editor, Maura J. Graber


Miss Palfrey Observes and Criticizes New York Customs

A friend of mine went into a well-known jeweler's shop on Union Square and asked to see some salt-cellars. The sales gentleman was using his toothpick vigorously, and asked her if she meant the kind that “you stick your knife into.” “No,” she answered, “I want the kind with which a spoon is used.” The man had the grace to appear embarrassed, and laid aside his toothpick. Those are first-class shops, and such things should never occur in them. Unfortunately, the toothpick has become, among a certain class, as much a part of the dress as the necktie, the watch or the collar and cuffs. 

Apropos of jewelers, a leading watch dealer tells me that watches for ladies are no longer made with second hands. Ladies say they have no occasion for timing races, nor for counting seconds, and they do not care for the second hand. I think the objection is in the name: a “second-hand watch” does not sound attractive. For my part, I want the second hand, for I like to see it go round.– Sacramento Daily Union, 1891


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, July 18, 2021

Early 20th C. Teen Mourning Attire

 At most, a girl of thirteen should wear dark gray or white dresses with black hair ribbons, shoes and stockings and other accessories.


What Readers Ask: 
Q. “What is the correct mourning for a girl of thirteen who has recently lost her mother?”
A. In this country, sensible persons do not permit girls in their early teens to wear black, even for a parent. It is positively bad taste to let a 13-year-old girl wear all black or crepe. Even though the elder members of the family wear black, children need make no change in their dress whatever. At most, a girl of thirteen should wear dark gray or white dresses with black hair ribbons, shoes and stockings and other accessories. – Morning Union, 1917


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, July 17, 2021

White Mourning Wear Etiquette

A mere 11 years after the passing of Queen Victoria, the black mourning attire that she had made famous for decades, was being pushed aside and white mourning attire was being promoted. – ‘Only of late years has this spotless garb been taken up for mourning wear; but all white mourning is now considered as correct and as “good form’’ for the deepest mourning as all black —provided the white is of that dull, dead, unglistening sort known as “mourning white.”’

TO the woman to whom all black is hopelessly unbecoming white mourning is a veritable boon. Only of late years has this spotless garb been taken up for mourning wear; but all white mourning is now considered as correct and as “good form’’ for the deepest mourning as all black —provided the white is of that dull, dead, unglistening sort known as “mourning white.” This dull white may be obtained in certain serges, silks, and worsted weaves, in silk and wool fabrics, in mohair and wool fabrics and in dull-finished linens. It may not be obtained in satin, in velvet or in broadcloth, these materials being barred to the woman who desires to dress in conformity with the rules of sartorial etiquette. 

All white mourning must, however, be absolutely “all white.” One bit of black jewelry; one morsel of black ribbon—even a black boot will render it immediately half-mourning, or second mourning, rather than first or deep mourning as it is intended to be. This picturesque and agreeable white mourning may be worn anywhere in summer time, and indoors in winter time. It goes without saying that the conventional woman would not make a bizarre spectacle of herself by walking down a city street in mid-winter clad from head to foot in snowy white; nor would she enter a restaurant so clad when all the women about her were garmented in dark tailored costumes and furs. In the evening, the white costume would not be as conspicuous—but then the woman in deep mourning is not apt to frequent the restaurants during the gay evening hours. 

In the house, however, white mourning is charming and is not only more becoming and dainty than the somber and depressing black, worn for the sake of fitness in the street; but it has a better effect on the nerves and spirits of its wearer and on those of children in the home. The white mourning costume illustrated might be worn with propriety by a very young woman for luncheon or afternoon tea, the white frock being covered with a long white coat for the journey in limousine or taxicab. The frock is of dull white peau de sois with trimmings of white crepe and hand scalloping. The hat of dull white silk is trimmed with white lilacs and white leaves and the white mesh veil with three dull white silk bands is draped in the mourning, fashion. Buttoned boots of white buckskin complete the dainty costume. 

Evening gowns of white chiffon, made with many tucks but no other trimming, are ideally graceful and lovely for the wearer of mourning and a string of pearls will add just the right touch of elegance to such a frock. White net and white point d’esprit are also considered correct for morning wear and a young girl in deep mourning may dress in the evening at home in little frocks of tucked or ruffled net, with soft sashes of dull white silk. Such frocks should be modestly cut at the neck and should have long shirred sleeves of the net to the wrist; for upon one thing does convention insist —in the mourning gown– and that is the sleeve to the wrist. An elbow sleeve immediately cheapens a mourning costume and detracts from its dignity and distinction. 

White footing is a correct mourning trimming which makes up in its delicate grace for the lace which is barred. Evening gowns of dull white peau de soie trimmed with frills and shirred insertions of white footing are exceedingly dainty, and in summer, dimity and batiste gowns may be as elaborately trimmed with this footing as one desires. Tucks and buttons are two other trimmings allowed to the wearer of mourning and a great deal is made of these trimmings by the clever dressmaker. Huge buttons, covered with the dress material are used with big loops of dull silk, or rows of small crepe covered buttons are effectively placed. Chiffon and crepe de chine frocks and blouses are elaborately tucked, pin-tucks being generously used on the waist and wide horizontal tucks on the skirt; and corded seams and armholes afford another effective trimming to relieve the monotony of the dead white or black. 

White serge in a particular dead white weave which comes from mourning use is liked for fall and winter frocks, made along the simple trotteur lines now in favor. Such a frock may have big buttons and loops of dull silk, or buttonholes bound with the silk. The armholes will be corded and if desired, a white leather belt with a pearl buckle may finish the waistline. A huge collar of white crepe with cuffs to match will add much smartness —if crepe is worn. And this white crepe is so beautiful and makes such a rich and effective trimming that it does seem a pity not to make use of it because of a sentiment against the use of crepe in mourning. As a matter of fact, crepe is no more suggestive of gloom than any other mourning fabric and just now it is generously used in all fashionable mourning. A silky weave of mohair with worsted is much liked by the French couturiers for mourning gowns for indoors. This material is trimmed with dull silk or with crepe, and it lends itself most gracefully to the long, clinging lines now favored. 

A white gown recently made in New York for a young widow, has a straight, narrow skirt trimmed with two deep ungathered flounces of white crepe, the upper flounce being set on at the hip and the lower one at the knee. The surpliced bodice crosses over a deep vest of the white crepe, crepe buttons and loops outlining the surplice front, and at the back falls a very deep, rounded collar of the white crepe which reaches almost to the waistline. The long, close-fitting sleeves have a line of crepe buttons up the side, almost to the elbow while the gown drags slightly on the floor all around and with it are worn white kid boots with French heels and small white pearl buttons. White Colonial pumps of kid or might be worn with white silk stockings if desired, but the stockings should be plain, and not too thin, with embroidered clocks at the side if desired. 

Dull white pongee makes a charming mourning gown for informal home wear and some women like breakfast frocks of dull white linen, made very simply with skirts short enough to show the white buckskin pump or buttoned boot. Crepe is not used on these simple gowns, but a big collar of fine batiste or handkerchief lawn would be in good taste.– Sacramento Daily Union, 1912


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Friday, July 16, 2021

Stocking Clocks Approved for Mourning


As hemlines rose in the coming decades, clocks remained a decorative, if not functional feature of women’s stockings.


A Texas man was married while dying, and the fashion journals, after a lengthy discussion, have decided that although his widow must wear full mourning for thirteen days, etiquette, under the circumstances, will permit her to have clocks on her stockings. — Indianapolis Journal, 1882

 

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Thursday, July 15, 2021

Revolving Door Etiquette

Some think the man should precede the woman furnishing the motive power, while she follows idly in the next compartment. Others hold that the rule “Ladies first” can have no exception…
The following chapter is from the book is entitled “Concerning Revolving Doors.” Listen to a bit of it: 
There has been some discussion of late as to the etiquette of the revolving door. When a man accompanied by a woman is about to be revolved in it, which should go first? Some think the man should precede the woman furnishing the motive power, while she follows idly in the next compartment. Others hold that the rule “Ladies first” can have no exception, therefore the man must stand aside and let the female of his species do the rough work of starting the door’s revolution, while the man, coming after, keeps it going and stops it at the right moment.

 “Starting something” is perhaps of all pastimes in the world, the most popular with the sex we are accustomed to call the gentle sex; one might almost say that “Starting something” is woman’s prerogative; on the other hand there is nothing on earth so abhorrent to that same gentle sex as the thing called Consistency; and though she may be perfectly charmed to start a revolution in South America, or in silk pajamas, or suffrage, or the rearing of children, it does not follow that she will take kindly to the idea of starting the revolution of a revolving door. – La Jolla Light, 1923


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Etiquette and Being Fashionably Late

Being “fashionably late” is not good manners, as when it is considered fashionable to annoy others, is when fashion and etiquette are at odds! – “Sticklers on social etiquette class being late to a dinner engagement, as one of the unpardonable social errors.”

There are several kinds of lateness to indulge in which is ranked as a positive social error. Sticklers on social etiquette class being late to a dinner engagement, as one of the unpardonable social errors. Being late at the opera or theater is still something that people permit themselves, although it does sometimes seriously disturb those of the audience who wish to be present when the curtain rises. But to be late to a dinner engagement is another matter entirely. –By Mrs. Mary Morton, 1924


 Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Good Etiquette and Surface Veneer

I beg of you—don't mistake condescension for tolerance! Learn to like the butcher because he is a person—and, by the way, a person that knows something that you don’t. Respect him because he has learned a trade that may not be very savoury—but it is important. 



I was having an argument the other day as to the correct definition of the word “etiquette.” My opponent insisted that it meant merely the surface veneer of manners that people in the higher walks of life have acquired —that it is something that is not vitally necessary to the average person. I claim that “etiquette,” to me at least, is much larger than is any set of manners alone. It gees deeper than the surface of conformity to conventions, and relies on the basis of tradition that our many forefathers have given us. 

I think it was Emerson who said: “There is always a best way of doing everything . . . Manners form a rich varnish with which the routine of life is washed and its details adorned. If they are superficial, so are the dewdrops that give such a depth to the morning meadows.” I have never known anyone, no matter how great a person he was, who could “get away” with just a superficial veneer. Manners, although important, are truly of secondary importance—it is one's manner that is most important. Once the few basic rules are learned, you can forget the details and build up the biggest thing – your personality. 

You can’t possibly leave a feeling of graciousness and calmness with your fellow beings when you are worried by doubts and a feeling of uncertainty. I think the basis of all manners lies in that old proverb— “Politeness is to do and say the kindest thing in the kindest way.” I don't know who first said that, but I can remember it being dinned into me from the age of dependence until I was old enough not to need it. Make a habit of courteousness always and everywhere. Manners that are brought out only on state occasions usually fit as poorly as clothes that are worn only occasionally. If you feel kindly and act kindly toward everyone—even toward the person you most dislike—before long you will have developed an unconscious courtesy. 

After you have developed this kindliness of manner, there is another thing to learn—a true sense of people’s worth. Never estimate men for what they possess, but for what they are. The truly well-bred man or woman has simple tastes and makes no glorification of money. A display of wealth is as vulgar as a contempt for those who do not have it. Never treat anyone with contempt – remember that there is at least one fine quality in every person. A sense of values will give you a good-humored tolerance of others. When I was a young girl I was an awful snob—and I can see now that I must have been a rather odious person. I had utterly no reason to consider myself better than anyone else—yet I did because my sister and I had a nursery-governess and went away to a private school when all the other youngsters in our funny little town went to the local grammar school, and no doubt had a much better time than I did! 

Since I have been out of school and have lived more or less intimately with the Nobility of Europe, with rough American engineers in South America, and with Mexican peons in ranches along the border—I have learned that tolerance is one of the greatest assets that can be obtained. But—I beg of you—don't mistake condescension for tolerance! Learn to like the butcher because he is a person—and, by the way, a person that knows something that you don’t. Respect him because he has learned a trade that may not be very savoury—but it is important. – By Deborah Ames, 1936


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Monday, July 12, 2021

Etiquette and the Restive King

“He loves horses, and every moment that he can contrive to escape from the confining duties of his position as King he spends on the race track, or in the company of jockeys, bookmakers and the general run of race-goers. Then, he is like a boy, free from the straint of home or school, a man among men, a good fellow…” Alphonso “would hie him with his family to some South American republic, to raise horses and forget Madrid. He would flee from his Queen mother, a strict follower of the Royal Code of the House of Hapsburg and a stickler for the letter of the rule and every word of tradition in regard to court functions.” 



Uneasy rests the head that wears the crown of Spain. Alfonso, harassed by politics and bored by the formalities and limitations of Court etiquette, longs to doff the glittering symbol of authority and become a private gentleman. He could be a horse breeder and trainer. He loves horses, and every moment that he can contrive to escape from the confining duties of his position as King he spends on the race track, or in the company of jockeys, bookmakers and the general run of race-goers. Then, he is like a boy, free from the straint of home or school, a man among men, a good fellow. 

He knows whereof he speaks when horses form the subject of his discourse, whereas, alas, even the wisest wearer of the purple cannot always be sure that he knows what he is talking about when he gives oracular utterance to his decisions upon affairs of state. So he would hie him with his family to some South American republic, to raise horses and forget Madrid. He would flee from his Queen mother, a strict follower of the Royal Code of the House of Hapsburg and a stickler for the letter of the rule and every word of tradition in regard to court functions. 

But the addition of a real Spanish King to a South American republic is something not to be contemplated lightly. No place in South America that we know of could be trusted to maintain its republican equilibrium a day after he had taken up his abode there. A Monarchist party would be formed on the night of his arrival, and a revolution would be afoot the following morning. The United States, in the interest of peace, would have to ship poor, weary Alfonso back to Spain and its surfeit of pomp and ceremony. – Chico Record, 1920




Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Sunday, July 11, 2021

Etiquette of Foreign Ministers at D.C.

A failure to seat a member of the corps or his wife in the precise seat belonging to his or her rank at the table would probably destroy the pleasure of the occasion. Not one inch farther from the host or hostess than belonged to the country they represent, would be tolerated.– Public domain image of a map of South America from 1892


Foreign Ministers demand the most scrupulous observance of the stereotyped rules of etiquette, and watch with scrutiny every attention and inattention to them. A failure to seat a member of the corps or his wife in the precise seat belonging to his or her rank at the table would probably destroy the pleasure of the occasion. Not one inch farther from the host or hostess than belonged to the country they represent, would be tolerated. The placing of the diplomats in line to be presented on occasions of ceremony must be done in strict observance of rank and importance of each. 

Hence, persons dining or entertaining these dignitaries must first post themselves accurately on the status of every Kingdom, province and principality, if they expect to give their guests pleasure and to avoid a scene, such as has characterized occasions where “second-class South America” has occupied positions a few paces above “first-class Europe,” or where little European provinces have been given more conspicuous places than greater Kingdoms. — American Magazine, 1888


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Saturday, July 10, 2021

Etiquette and Unsolicited Advice

 

Vintage etiquette advice from Miss Manners in the 1990’s, that still holds true today.


Judith Martin, who writes the syndicated “Miss Manners” column, said: “The first rule of giving advice is you only give it when it's sought. It's rude to go around giving advice to people who haven't asked for it. And it's futile, too, because they won't take it. It's more than a rule of etiquette. It's a rule of practicality.”– Santa Cruz Sentinel, 1992


Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia