Etiquette for When Done Eating

 

If you must have your plate cleared and wish to silently signal the waiter, these images of signals are probably the most easily and readily recognized as correct. —When done eating, one is not supposed to inform the waiter. Technically, the waiter or the waitress is not supposed to remove any plate until everyone at the table is done eating. How comfortable would you feel if you were still eating while everyone else was done and rushing to have the table cleared? 
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When You’re Done Eating, How Do You Notify The Waiter?

Maura Graber, who has been teaching manners to children and adults since 1990 and is the director of The R.S.V.P. Institute of Etiquette, says, “First of all, when done eating, one is not supposed to inform the waiter. Technically, the waiter or the waitress is not supposed to remove any plate until everyone at the table is done eating. How comfortable would you feel if you were still eating while everyone else was done and rushing to have the table cleared?

“I realize many people do not agree with this, and when I do staff training for restaurants or the service industry, this subject comes up often. Waiters and waitresses do not want to offend, yet they also do not want their tips compromised. It is a difficult situation to be put in. If I am out to eat with clients I try to pace my meal with theirs, and make sure they are well taken care of by the wait staff. If the clients want their plates removed early I step in and explain one should wait until everyone is finished. Sitting with an empty plate in front of you for another five or ten minutes should not be looked upon as a chore, but as an opportunity to enjoy the company one is with.”

She further explains, “Dining in the U.S. should be enjoyed more leisurely and more thoughtfully. Meals are very ceremonial things. One is supposed to be concentrating on the companionship with others, not necessarily rushing through the food. Anything humans do of any importance in our lives has food connected to it. For example, birthdays have a birthday cake, weddings have a wedding cake. If someone is sick, we send over a casserole. Even our religious rituals have food involved. If you are at a business lunch or business dinner or even at a social lunch or dinner, you are supposed to sit down and enjoy it with the company at hand. Company is an old Latin root word for the word companionship; the word literally means ‘to break bread with another person.’

“If the table does need to be cleared for some reason, such as not enough ‘elbow room’ (which is technically a contradictory term when it comes to proper etiquette —you should never put your elbows on the table) or the server has not come back after the main course to whisk away the empty dishes and offer you desert, it is best to not let your irritation get the best of you. Never whistle, comment loudly or shake the ice in your empty beverage glass to get the attention of your server. Quietly ask the nearest restaurant or catering employee to ask for your server to come to the table, if he or she is not anywhere nearby. It’s helpful to know your server’s name.

“Speaking from personal experience, not ‘checking back’ in a timely matter is usually due to circumstances beyond the waiter’s or waitress’s control. There could be a disaster in the kitchen. It could be an unusually busy night and/or the establishment is short on staff. Even if it is a lack of foresight on the server's part, he or she is rarely, if ever, purposely performing ‘bad service.’ Some tend to forget that people in the ‘public service’ business are human too; the best waiters and waitresses have ‘off’ nights just like the rest of us. Remember, almost all servers count on their tips for their own ‘bread and butter’ so to speak. Therefore, it doesn't make a lot of sense that they would mess with yours.”— By Maura Graber for Expert Village, 2001

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia