Etiquette and Gifts from Fiancés

A young woman can’t properly accept either a radio or a piano from a fiancé, because both are classed as house furnishings. Ornaments she may accept, but if they are very valuable, they must be returned if the engagement is broken. When in doubt, think of house furnishings and apparel and if the proffered gift can be classed as either, people of taste and dignity do not accept. 

When in doubt, consult the etiquette books. Every library has two or three. If you have no time to run into the library, you can get the advice from the Etiquette reference department by phone. And nobody should be ashamed to inquire, when in doubt as to what is socially acceptable. 

This morning a sweet and charming girl, Adrian, came to the desk and asked about the propriety of accepting from a young man admirer, the material for a much needed coat. Of course, it isn’t done even when, as in this case, the new coat might help her get a better job. The trouble is that men buy clothes for their wives, never for their girl friends. Any girl who accepts wearing apparel from a man admirer, puts herself in a position to have her morals questioned even if the question is indicated by mere lifting of the eyebrows. Even an engaged girl does not accept from her fiancé anything that can by any interpretation, be classed as wearing apparel. She or her parents buy her own clothes, supply her transportation and furnish anything she may need for her room. 

She should never accept railroad tickets or under any circumstances an automobile, granting, of course, that her intended is rich enough to supply such a luxury. But she can, of course, drive his car, if he offers her the use of it. She can’t properly accept either a radio or a piano from him, because both are classed as house furnishings. Ornaments she may accept, but if they are very valuable, they must be returned if the engagement is broken. 

When in doubt, think of house furnishings and apparel and if the proffered gift can be classed as either, people of taste and dignity do not accept. There is plenty of time for a man to give a girl clothing after she is his wife. While a girl is single, the obligation of clothing her rests on herself and her family, even if she must dress very simply. I hope, Adrian, my dear, that this helps you as well as other girls who wish to keep within the bounds of good taste when accepting presents. -By Estelle Lawton Lindsey, 1940

Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J Graber, is the Site Editor for the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia