1920’s Capital Etiquette of Washington

When there’s love at home: “Illustrating Etiquette in the Home.”

A FEW GENERAL RULES

Nothing so plainly shows a lack of breeding as to converse while some one is entertaining the company with music or recitation. It also is proof of extreme selfishness on the part of those guilty of this breach of etiquette.

Ladies, bear in mind that "Familiarity breeds contempt."

Gentlemen should always rise from their seats when being presented to members of either sex; with ladies this is not necessary.

When playing cards or any other game, carefully avoid any public demonstration of annoyance at a run of bad luck.

Gentlemen do not give expensive presents to ladies unless a degree of unusual intimacy exists. Candy and flowers are always proper gifts.

Gentlemen will always raise their hat when a lady acknowledges some act of courtesy as a response to such acknowledgment; likewise after assisting her into a carriage or automobile.

It is unpardonable to cut a person deliberately on the street unless for some extremely good reason, and the reasons are extremely few. If a person has been so unfortunate as to have disgraced himself, the true gentleman or lady will go out of their way to speak kindly to their erring friend or acquaintance. It is very easy to show an undesirable person that you are not willing to be on any but the most formal terms with him by coldly bowing or other means.

Gentlemen should never offer to shake hands with a lady, particularly if the acquaintance is slight; this is the lady's prerogative, and she may use her own judgment as to when it is proper to extend her hand in greeting. Except in exceptional cases, the lady should not offer to shake hands on the street.

Avoid talking about your personal affairs and petty troubles; you will soon gain the reputation of being a bore; never, urder any circumstances, air your family grievances in public; nothing shows poorer taste.

Do not be too inquisitive; no matter how curious do not try to pry into the affairs of your friends and acquaintances. You will be spoken of as a busybody and shunned by everyone if you do.

Avoid gossip, particularly avoid speaking unkindly of any friend or acquaintance who is absent. This is one of the most common breaches of etiquette, and many things said at random, with no intention of actual harm, have wrought havoc in the lives and reputations of others.

Should a lady's shoe become unlaced, a gentleman may, with perfect propriety, offer to fasten same.

Do not whistle or hum to yourself when on the street. Avoid onions or tobacco when you contemplate making a social call on ladies.

Above all things, do not pick your teeth, clean your finger nails or scratch your head in public.

Ladies are not expected to take a gentleman's arm when promenading in the day time.

Individuals so fortunate as to be able to entertain by reciting, singing, playing or in other ways should respond gracefully when asked, unless for some really plausible reason. Only a very inexperienced person waits to be urged. Be careful not to occupy the limelight and show off for too long a period as to have your efforts become monotonous. It is far more tactful and satisfactory to stop before the company has heard quite enough than to go to the other extreme.

Gentlemen should not smoke at any time in the presence of ladies without requesting and obtaining their permission in advance. If the permission is given with apparent reluctance, the perfect gentleman will have sufficient diplomacy not to take advantage of the privilege. Under no circumstances should a gentleman smoke when walking with a lady on the street; the fact that this is done frequently does not alter the fact that it is a breach of etiquette.

Gentlemen should be careful to extend all possible little courtesies, such as picking up a glove or handkerchief, fetching a chair, assisting her in and out of street cars; nothing so endears a man to the feminine mind as the strict observance of these small but important matters.

Avoid affectation; be simple and natural. If the company in which you are spending an evening is a little lower than your own social plane, do not adopt superior airs.

Do not read personal letters or papers in company unless absolutely necessary; at such a time, request permission to do so and apologize for the necessity.

If visiting a sick friend, above all things be cheerful; do not insist upon relating how many of your friends have been likewise afflicted, and how much worse they were; avoid talks of friends who have been seized with the same malady and fatally attacked.

Do not force your opinion and insist upon being heard when your superiors are talking.

Avoid speaking of melancholy and doleful matters at the table or at social gatherings.

If a person appears in public with bruised countenance or other blemish, do not gaze at the unfortunate individual fixedly, nor inquire as to how it happened. It is generally bad enough without having to add unpleasant explanations.

In case of argument, remember there are always two sides, and do not treat your opponent with scorn and strive to give the impression that he is of unsound intellect; possibly the company are entertaining the same sentiments towards yourself. Be ever courteous to every one, no matter what his rank and station in life may be.

Never speak in a frivolous manner of sacred things.

Do not permit yourself to become annoyed or disturbed at trifles.— From Edward S. Green’s, “The National Capital Code of Etiquette,” 1920

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia

Early Black-American Etiquette

“George wonders who Harry’s charming companion may be. Illustrating correct manners of saluting on the street.” - From “The National Capital Code of Etiquette,” 1920

Before Emily Post

Many etiquette books were written over the centuries, but everyone references Emily Post’s wildly successful early 20th century book, “Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home.” It was so successful, it became one of the most recognized etiquette books in America. But what fascinated me was discovering the African-American communities were already producing etiquette manuals before Emily Post became nationally known.

Growing up I had never heard about books such as, “The Colored Girl Beautiful” from 1916 and “The National Capital Code of Etiquette” from 1920. They focused on presentation, conduct, dress, conversation, and social mobility within Black society.

 While mainstream etiquette books of the Gilded Age and post-Gilded Age often centered wealthy white society—the Astors, Vanderbilts, debutante culture, and formal entertaining—Black Americans were simultaneously cultivating their own systems of refinement, often under entirely different social conditions.

The difference was not refinement itself, but access and visibility. For white upper-class society, etiquette was often associated with status, leisure, and social ranking. For many African-Americans in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, etiquette and presentation could also function as dignity, protection, education, and advancement in a society still shaped by segregation and exclusion.

By 1900, Black literacy had risen to over 50%, helping fuel the growth of social organizations, etiquette education, churches, debutante traditions, and formal community gatherings (U.S. Census Bureau, 1900).Refinement was not absent from Black communities—it was simply less documented and less centered in mainstream historical narratives.

And honestly? That changes the conversation.

Refinement was never exclusive. It was always there.

📖 Who Said It First?

Before Emily Post’s famous etiquette book was published and she became a household name, African-American communities already had their own etiquette and refinement guides in circulation.

Hackley’s 1916 book and Green’s 1920 etiquette code both predate Emily Post’s first edition, which was first published in July 1922.

African-American Etiquette Texts

“The Colored Girl Beautiful,” from 1916, and “Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics” from 1020, focused on presentation, conduct, grooming, and dignity within Black society. The National Capital Code of Etiquette (1920) emphasized manners, Conversation, and the Home. It was in 1922 that Emily Post standardized many of these social expectations, introductions, and social presentation by way of another American book on social etiquette for mainstream society. 

Research and historical references sourced from:

• The National Capital Code of Etiquette (1920) by

Edward S. Green

• The Colored Girl Beautiful (1916) by E. Azalia Hackley

• Emily Post, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics,

and at Home (1922)

• Internet Archive

• Project Gutenberg

• Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture

                                                      

Meet our newest contributor, Eileen Copeland. Eileen is the founder of Southern California Etiquette™, a modern etiquette and social refinement platform which explores dining culture, hosting, presentation, and contemporary social behavior. A native Southern Californian, Eileen’s background includes executive and personal 

assisting, real estate, wellness, modeling, beauty, and luxury client services. Married for over 15 years, Eileen is a mother of two and grandmother of two, whose broad experiences, including living internationally for nearly a decade, helped shape her appreciation for culture, hospitality, and refined living. She shares life with her husband, her mini Goldendoodle, Teddy, and Luna, her sphynx cat, while continuing her etiquette studies under mentor Maura Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette. You can reach her at Southern California Etiquette.

🍽️Etiquette Enthusiast, Maura J. Graber of The RSVP Institute of Etiquette, is the Site Editor of the Etiquipedia© Etiquette Encyclopedia